I Wish I Could be the One

Well my chemistry class with Brian got so much more interesting. For the past week we had been skipping and going to his room he shared with my brother. Nothing ever happened happened. The farthest we had gone was making out...except yesterday. We were watching mean girls because it was Wednesday and for some reason it was Brian's favorite. And as we we were sitting there against the wall on his bed he suddenly looked at me and smirked.
"What?" I said
"Kat" Brian said with the same smirk on his face
"What Brian?" I said as he just stared at me
"You're beautiful Kat" he said is such a sincere and genuine tone that I had never heard him use in a conversation with me before. But then again most of our conversations were one sided and sarcastic as if he never actually wanted to talk to me, nothing like Johnny and I. Johnny always wanted to talk to me, even now that my cold shoulder streak had surpassed a week.
I let out a small giggle and looked away wondering where this was going to lead.
"Wha..what?" I said slightly nervous
"Girl! You're beautiful. I don't know why I never tell you that" Brian said
"Well thanks Bry..why are you telling me this now?"
"I don't know...I just looked at you right now..and I realized you've been right in front of me. And you're so fucking beautiful, I don't understand how I never noticed just how much until now" he said calmly

Brian has never explicitly called me beautiful...Zacky would sometimes
say the guys thought I was attractive or whatever, and Brian would occasionally give the "oh snap girl look at you all done up" if I was ever actually with make up on and a dress of some sort. But other than uniform I was sweatpants leggings jeans and hoodie girl. I didn't care that much about makeup or curling my hair...

"Well thank you..." I said still nervous
"Kit Kat..."
Brian stared directly into my eyes and leaned in. We started making out which wasn't the first time...but for some reason this was different it wasn't the fun goofy time we had had before. He was different. Was he feeling what I have been conflicted about for the past I don't even know how long?!
I was enjoying my self and before I knew it was just in my t shirt and undies. Brian was shirtless like he already had been. He stopped kissing me for a second and just looked into my eyes and in that moment something changed...he knew it I knew it. The heat between us and the feelings between us almost seem to make sense for him in that moment..but for me aside from
The bliss it was utter confusion because no matter how mad I still was, I still had feelings for Johnny and I knew this would hurt him. He stared at me a few seconds longer before I could feel his hand move from the back of my hair and trickle down my arm and stop at my hip. I didn't take my eyes away from him, and he locked back into mine, he softly slid his hands into my undies. I gently grabbed his face with my hands and he started kissing me again. It wasn't longer after that I felt his finger in me. And then two. He managed to use his thumb to rub me and I couldn't help but let my back arch in reaction to the pleasure. He was so gentle and I tried not to but I let out a subtle moan.
"I want to make you feel good Kat" he said as I could feel my self getting so wet.
"You are Brian." "Please keep going" I said between slight moans. I was almost there. And he knew he started fingering me faster and I started to squirm with delight I could hear his ancient bed creaking as his tongue hugged mine. I didn't realize how heavy my breathing had become until I let one last moan of pleasure and he slid his fingers out of me. My eyelids had become heavy in ecstasy and he gave me one last peck on the forehead before he said "Kat, your beautiful"

*****
I decided to stop skipping with Brian this morning. After last night I started feeling extremely guilty. I was being unfair not only myself which was selfish of me to think, but to Johnny and Brian. Brian wasn't as big of a priority to me as Johnny was, and maybe that was selfish of me too. But my relationship with Johnny was special and I know if he knew what Brian and I had done he would be devasted and feel betrayed even though we didn't actually have sex. Johnny was as far as I had gone and that's all Johnny knew. And I don't even know if Brian knows I'm still a virgin. Or if he would care the way Johnny does...
I walked into Chem and immediately felt my decision was justified and completely awful as well. I couldn't help but think "God hates us all" because the person I saw as my new lab partner was going to make everything the more complicated.

"Hello again" I said as smoothly as possible
"Hey lab partner" Matt said as I mentally thought about how Brian and Johnny were going to love this.
"So did my brother welcome you into the band alright?" I said brushing away my thoughts
"Yeah...but everyone's pretty cool but it seems like there's some tension in there...care to enlighten me?"
Brian was texting me, asking me why I wasn't at our usual spot that we met up at before heading to the room.
I scuffed and lied "I don't try to figure out what goes on between them"
"Really? Mm interesting" he said unconvinced
"What?"
"Well it just seems like you're a big part of the "band" if you want to call it that" he said using air quotes
"Why do you say that?" I said
"No reason" he said
Awkward silence
"So are you dating anyone?" He said finally and completely calm
"Excuse me?" I said offended who the hell did this guy think he was?
"Are you dating anyone in the band I guess" he said unbothered at how taken back I was.
"Well you're extremely forward" I said flustered
"I'd rather go forward than backward" Matt said leaning against the desk closer to me.
Who the hell did this guy think he was!? Maybe I wasn't attracted to him at all, all he seemed to be to me was a decent singer who just happened to be attractive...and a douche.

Notes