High Voltage

„Meg, where the hell’s my VU shirt?” Brian ran down the stairs. Did I mention he was being late for some kind of meating with Schecter representatives?

„How the hell should I know where’s your shirt,” I mused, fixing my eyes back on the tv and getting back to watching Toddlers and Tiara’s. One of the most stupid tv shows I’ve ever stumbled over, but hell, I won’t deny it’s entertaining as hell... And so is covering apple slices with Nutella. Normally I’d go with oranges, but since Brian forgot to get me my fucking oranges when he went grocery hunting, I had to make do with what I had. I even dipped cucumber in Nutella, which wasn’t actually that bad. Trust me. And no these eating habbits aren’t because I’m pregnant, I’ve always found dipping all kinds of fruit in chocolate to be a really good idea. Really fucking tasty. And I dare you to prove me wrong.

Just as I was about to throw that apple piece in my mouth, Brian walked up to me and pulled something out from under my ass. And he had that disapproving look on his face. So that was the shirt he’s been looking for? Well sorry, it’s kinda hard to see what I sit on since I’m fat like a cow.

Quickly he threw the shirt on and leaned in to lick the nutella away my lips with a light kiss, „I’ll be back in a couple of hours,”

„I have the birthing class in two hours,” I looked up at him as he gathered all his stuff from the coffee table, „You’ll be back in time for it, right?”

„I don’t know. Depends on how it goes with Schecter,” He shrugged, before snatching the slice of apple from my fingers and throwing in his mouth.

„Matt’s going. Why can’t you push the meeting back a bit and come too?” I pouted. I really didn’t want to go there alone.

„I didn’t say I won’t come, babe. I’ll try my best to be on time.”

„I’m not going if you’re not there,”

„Come on, you already missed two of them, you can’t not go.”

„Have you seen those girls? I swear they put me and Alex in a group with knocked up teens, one way to hell drunks and junkeys. It’s more of an AA meeting, than a birthing class...” I huffed.

„Take Chris. You both could be an inspiration to those girls since you both are sober and clean for quite some time,” He smirked.

„So not funny.”

„Okay, babe, I gotta run.” He said and almost was out of the door, when he turned around, with his hand still on the door knob, „Oh, before I forget, we’re invited to the Golden Gods. How are you feeling about it?”

I looked at him, „I’ll think about it. Now go, you’re distracting me from my show.” I knew he rolled his eyes. I didn’t even need to look at him to know what he was doing. But without another word – he left.

Golden Gods? With all the shit that’s going on down there? My eyes landed over my bump which served basically as a food stand for me. Sure for the past seven months I’ve been to some social events with Brian and it’s not like it was a secret we’re expecting a new edition to the family – I just don’t know how the true metal heads would look upon Raven McQueen appearing at the award show with a fucking baby bump. It was all just peachy when I went as Megan Hills... Shit... Haner. Megan Haner – Brian’s wife. Perfectly acceptable – I’m his wife, we’re gonna have a kid, but the sad truth was nobody expected for Raven McQueen to be pregnant also. A bit ridiculous, but the honest fact – McQueen and Hills – Haner is not the same person. The only thing we share is the body and that’s where the real shit starts. Raven McQueen could not have a baby bump. For a good amount of time I tried to play it off as just being fat, but nobody bought that bull so at one point we went official with it and since then I can’t get enough of the paparazzi’s. That’s why I leave the fucking house so rarely.

Right now I just wanted to be done with this pregnancy crap and get that human being out of my goddamn body. And I wasn’t even kidding, this is a one time thing I’m doing so if Haner wants another child, he has my approval to go and shag one of his groupies and knock one of them... or several... up with a kid, ‘cause I can promise I’m not doing this ever again. My back was killing me and my ankles... jesus fucking christ... Why would people even say this is a beautiful thing to go through? Uhmm, hello, have you seen me? Google a picture of a pregnant cow and boom – that’s me. Maybe it was because I was short and well... used to be thin, but it seemed I was expecting quadruplets. Not even Alex with her twins was this gigantic! But then again, maybe it was the sweets diet to blame, since basically what I ate was junk food and a bit more of junk food. Tho, I couldn’t imagine what Alexis was going through if I’m whining my days away with only one little beast sleeping what it feels on my bladder and kicking my kidney from time to time.

Okay, enough with the depressing shit, let’s check what’s happening on internet. Maybe even open that youtube video of the short interview Chris did for Revolver and check that shit out. Okay, just... get this motherfucking laptop... Oh man, this fatness is really messing with my fucking life. Not even the laptop sits on my lap anymore. Fine, I’ll take the iPad. I had to love Brian for his concern and providing me with every possible thing I may or may not need through the day. Like the laptop, iPad, tv, even tho I could’ve managed only with my phone.

Back to the interview.

„So, man, you have some plans for the summer? Some tours? Some festivals in mind?”

„Nah, sorry to break it to you guys, but we’re taking a little bit of time off. Someone’s may or may not be having a child, but I’m not supposed to talk about it,” Oh that fucker... Oh I’m gonna kill him... and that smirk! Chris had never been able to keep his fucking mouth shut. So what if everyone knew I was pregnant, but he didn’t have to announce it so openly!

The front door opened without as such a simple thing as a knock. Lady’s head instantly shot up to the intruder, who happened to be Alex and her huge as baby bump. „I’m not going there alone, Matt, so get your shit together and get here right now!” She yelled in to the phone, before angrily hanging up.

„Don’t tell me you drove here yourself,” I blinked a couple of times, imagining her pregnant self behind the wheel. I tried it once, a couple weeks ago, when I was still relatively small, and boy, could I tell you that’s not happening again. I strongly believed handling heavy machinery was easier than driving when you’re pregnant. And I won’t even start on the assholes who pissed me off and had no clue what to do on the road.

„What else am I supposed to do?” She huffed, flunking her behind on the couch next to me. Wrong move, honey, now we both won’t get up.

„Uh-oh... Tell me everything,” I frowned, pushing myself up a bit as I looked over her and saw her brushing her hands over her face.

„I’m starting to really regret coming here,” She tilted her head back, seemingly fighting the urge to cry her days away. Shit, this was bad...

„Talk,” I urged, reaching for the nuttella and my pre-cut bowl of apple slices. „I’m all ears, ‘lex.”

„It’s Matt...” She finally sighed, „He’s not over Bailey and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Bailey? I held out the bowl to her. Bailey wanted nothing to do with Matt as far as I was concerned. Since the wedding I’ve seen her a couple of times, but right now she was head over heels in some new project where she was collaborating with some new artists. Have you heard that Yelawolf song – Push ‘em? Bailey laid some sick beat to that shit. I’m really proud of her, knowing she started playing drums only when she was fifteen or so. Since Jimmy I haven’t seen anyone lay down such solid over-kicks.

„You know Bailey doesn’t want him,” I said softly, opening the nutella jar and holding out for her. „She’s the lone wolf... always has been.”

„Yea, but that doesn’t mean he’s not chasing after her,” She snorted. „Does he actually think I wanted to get pregnant? I didn’t fucking plan this to happen!” She pointed to her stomach.

„But he does take care of you... doesn’t he?” I threw the apple in my mouth, intently gazing over her.

„Of course he does,” She stated sadly, before a heavy sigh escaped her, „doesn’t mean he want to, tho. I’m just this unneeded extra responsibility for him.”

„Come on, you know those are those fucking hormones talking,” I waved her off, not willing to hear anymore of that nonsense. With a really big will power I pushed myself up from the couch, „Tea?”

„Irish coffee,” She smirked, brushing a tear away.

„Funny,” I scoffed, seeing the front door fling open for the second time in the last fifteen minutes. What is it with these people? Can they ever learn to knock or use the fucking door bell?

„Good news, Twinks! We’re nominated for the Golden Gods!” Chris barged in, enthusiasm overflowing. He stopped midtrack, noticing Alexis’ wet cheeks. „Whoa, what happened? Why is my favorite girl crying?”

„It’s nothing,” She waved him off as I managed my way to the kitchen.

„Doesn’t look like nothing,” He stated and sat down in my previous place, „What happened?”

„It’s really nothing, Chris...” Alex said and Chris’s head shot to look at me over his shoulder in an instant. Oh stop with the questioning frown, you’re still getting nada out of me if Alex herself isn’t talking.

„Hormones,” I lied with a small shrug. And before he starts asking those stupid questions of why I’m not crying, well, I can tell you - I was. When the morning sickness kicked in and I was puking rainbows all day everyday. Why on earth was it called morning sickness if you felt like a complete and utter piece of shit whatever the time of the day was. „Oh and by the way, Christopher,” I smirked knowing he hated when I used his full name and I was right, he was shooting daggers at me.

„What?”

„You’re going to the birthing class with us,” I said with a devious smirk engraved in my face as I put on the teapot.

„I’m... doing what?!” He raged. Yeah, believe me, I wanted to go almost as much as he did.

„Yea, sweetheart. That’s for telling that interviewer dude I’m pregnant,” I stated simply, taking three mugs out of the cupboard.

„What?” He jumped to his feet, „Like it’s not fucking obvious, Hills!” He pointed to my belly. „You’re like a fucking ship! I could tie you both together,” he pointed out to me and Alex, „and earn money by conveying illegal immigrants over the sea... or ocean... or whatever.”

„You didn’t just say that,” I looked at him agape, the tea spoon I just picked up, crashing back on the kitchen island.

„What? That’s a fucking great plan!”

„You know what Chris?” I boosted my hands on the island, „You can go fuck yourself!”

„Language, Hills!” Why was this all so amusing for him?

„I tell you what,” I started, readjusting the scrunchy in the messy bun on top of my head, „If we win any kind of award at the Gods, I’ll push it so deep up your ass that you’ll be forced to go in labor and then I’ll be the one fucking laughing!” I raged, the water in the pot starting to boil, escorted by the loud and annoying whistle, „And you can forget you’re getting coffee in this house!”

„Oh come on,” Now he was in front of me and on his knees. Ha, so that’s what gets him on his knees. Threatening to cut the dosage of his coffee off, „You’re the only one who knows how to make coffee the way I like it...” His hands snaked around my thigh as his puppy eyes and that stretched out lip looked up at me. I shook my head with an obvious eyeroll. „Please, please, please...”

„Chris, let the fuck go...” Like it wasn’t hard enough standing on both feet, now I have to balance all this weight only on one as I try to shake him off?

„Meg, please...”

„I’m serious, dickwad, let go of my fucking leg or you’re really gonna be left without coffee!”

„Okay, okay, I’m up!” He jumped to his feet, his hands up in the air in a surrendering gesture. That’s more like it. „Jeez, you’re like a fucking hormone hurricane.”

„These are not hormones,” I said reaching for Chris’s favorite coffee, „It’s me just being pissed off.”

„And who ruined your day?” He questioned almost uninterested when he opened the fridge and pulled out the yesterday’s leftovers of Chili Con Carne which was supposed to serve as Brian’s supper... Not anymore, clearly.

„Haner with his meetings all the goddamn time, I swear if I wouldn’t know better, I’d say he’s cheating on me,” I dropped the tea bags of some tropical tea in the mugs and poured the hot water over them, shooting a short glance towards Alexis who now was devouring those apples while watching the Hoarders on tv.

„You know, not to sound like a dick or anything, but why are you so sure he’s not doing precisely that?” Chris questioned, placing the tray with the meal in the microwave oven.

„Because he knows I’d leave in a heartbeat. Along with his kid and he’d never see neither me nor the kid ever again. Maybe only on the tv.” I shrugged. And that was true. If I’d find out he’s pulling those old Synyster Gates stunts, I’d up and leave, not thinking twice about it.

„Good point,” Chris nodded.

„Meg, your phone!” Alexis shouted, holding out the black iPhone who was mamboing in her fingers.

„Chris, can you—„

„On it.” And with that he flew towards the couch and within a second returned with the phone. I took it to see Brian’s picture on the screen. What the hell did he want now?

With a sigh, I raised the phone to my ear, „Yeah?”

„I’m done with the meeting, will be home in fifteen. You need anything from the grocery store?”

„Hell yes! Bring me Nutella, lots and lots and lots of Nutella. Oh and this time don’t forget the oranges.” I heard him laugh.

„What else?”

„Probably some chocolate,” I shrugged, checking the junk drawer. It was kinda full so there was no need for panic.

„No, I meant – what else besides your junk?”

„How the hell should I know?” My eyes laid upon Chris, who was devouring the Chili Con Carne in the mean time checking out what’s new in the Hoarders universe.

„Can you check the fridge, please?” I could already imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed. Can I... of course not! Okay, let’s pretend I’m walking somewhere, how much time would it take? Fifteen, twenty seconds?

„Nah, we don’t need anything. We’re good,” I replied, looking over my red nail polish.

„Somehow I have the feeling you’re lying to me,”

„Okay, fine!” I let out and exasperated sigh as I walked over to the fridge to see what we’re missing, „okay we need milk, ketchup, you’re out of your ham,” I raised the practically empty pack, and what’s that? We actually had pudding? Jesus christ, why didn’t I know of it? Probably is ancient. And I want orange juice.”

„Mhm, okay... So I get that the fridge is practically empty.” He sighed. „be home in half an hour.”

„Oh, and fetch me some grapes. I feel like eating grapes tod—„ Did he just hang up on me? A deep wrinkle formed between my eyebrows. Oh he’s so gonna get it when he gets home! Nobody hangs up on me!

„So I get Gates gonna be back in time for that thing,” Chris started,

„You’re going, Chris.” Since Alex needs someone beside her and I have no fucking idea what’s going on with Matt. Probably should talk to Brian about it. God, what’s fucking taking him? Why did he have to go shopping when I need to talk to him? Men...

Notes