High Voltage

The funny thing about wedding – it is bound to be filled with disasters. Here’s an easy analogy for everyone, the more you’ll stress out about everything being perfect and whether it’s going according to a plan, the more the chance it will go deadly wrong. That’s why I wasn’t even interested in what was the plan. Every time either Zack or Brian wanted to talk details over with me, I put my ear buds in getting lost in some heavy riffs. I didn’t want to know anything about the wedding. The only thing I helped them out with was standing still while I was measured for the wedding dress. Did I know what’s it gonna look like? A princess or a mermaid type of dress? No. Didn’t give two shits about it. My idea of having a wedding is very different from my fiance’s. I could live without it, I made this commitment just because I knew it meant the world to him. And I was against changing my last name. Which he got very pissed over. In the end we settled for me going by Hills – Haner.

Over the time when Zack and Brian spent sleepless nights in our living room, I had talked Haner into allowing me to do a couple of shows since I was barely showing. I promised him I’ll take it easy and so I did, I was hydrated, wore decent clothes and took good care of myself and every member of our crew checked if I was okay after every two songs. After the last show I was allowed to do in the next year, I wanted to run away. Run in the woods and never come back, get that growing human being out of my body and just hide away from the world. Yea, I had a depression. Pregnancies and me? We didn’t go together that well since I had been around that same time when I lost the previous child.

But anyhow, here I was, pregnant, fighting with a depression and wearing Matt’s shirt on my wedding day as dad guided me down the isle. But since I was on a course of some drugs to keep me from going out of my head with very suicidal thoughts and constant sadness, I felt kinda okay now. Sure, maybe the drugs weren’t that good for the kid, but do you honestly believe I’d take part in support groups or go to a shrink? Fuck that. The depression grew bigger once I figured I really don’t wanna get married to Haner. Plot twist, right? But take a chill pill and relax. I didn’t want to do anything that called for any kind of effort. And saying ‘I do’ is not effortless, since I’m not too psyched about the whole being and idea of marriage, plus I have a depression and I need to pee really badly. What the hell was that kid doing in there? Sleeping on my bladder? I just went to the fucking toilet!

But enough about me, have you seen Alexis? Speaking about being fat... sorry, but that’s the truth! What the hell were they even thinking? Sure it was kinda my idea to get them together, but never in my wildest dreams had I imagined for Matt to knock her up with a kid. Or two. She had her business back in Bismark, for Christ sake! They didn’t even know one another, it wasn’t like me and Haner where we’ve been in and out of our relationship, which to think about it... seemed even more fucking worse!

My grip strengthened around dad’s arm as I saw what was awaiting for me at the end of the isle.

I can’t do this...

I can’t fucking do this.

I shook my head. NO! I have to do this. Yea, who would’ve thought I was the one to have cold feet. But I didn’t have anywhere to run to, I was already pregnant, if I wasn’t carrying a little Haner junior under my heart, I’d be long gone.

„Are you okay?” I heard my dad whisper as he smiled to the guests. Never been better. Oh look at that, is gran rolling a joint? Pass a puff, you old hag! My heart was racing inside my chest as we quickly enclosed on the make-shift altar. I still had the time to run, so why wasn’t I running? Why was I torturing myself with these ridanculous, yes precisely, ridanculous not ridiculous pump heels and showing my ass to the world? Because I loved the guy, with all his flaws.

I nodded, stepping up to stop in front of my almost husband. Such a funny thing... such a funny feeling... having a husband. Who was eyeing me disapprovingly, before he raised the veil, which had been attached to a black fedora I stole from Leroy. By now he had to get used to my shenanigans and for a second I thought he even was mad not only disapproved of the way I looked, but once he pushed the veil over my hat all doubt vanished. There was something in those browns I couldn’t describe, the way he looked at me. You know what is a teasing love? No? Let me explain. There’re a lot of ways to love a person, it can be between your parents and you, or your pet, it can be unconditional, it can be hateful, you know the one where you want to smack the living shit out of your significant other, but still you love him/her. See, a teasing love is the one where every single nerve in your body tingles just by the look your partner sends you. I didn’t love Brian to the point where I couldn’t eat, breathe and think because I was thinking of him. No. I believed I never would. I liked, snatch that, loved yelling at him and fighting him in overall. He pissed me off dearly and he was aware of that, but so did I. We weren’t perfect and we didn’t try to be. He was a lazy piece of shit and I was an ignorant bitch. But still, I loved him. To a point I didn’t care what the pastor was saying because I was too taken aback by that side smirk.

I just know at one point I said ‘I do’ and we exchanged rings, before I lost my head completely once his lips brushed against mine. Maybe those were the drugs talking, maybe I was insane, but I was ready to jump him in front of our best friends and relatives. „What the fuck are you wearing,” He whispered in my ear, shortly after pulling away from me with a smirk on his lips, „miss Haner?”

„I decided to alter the wedding dress a bit,” I smirked, eyeing the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, by the way. „You know, so it would fit my character.”

He smirked back and that was all I needed. The understanding of one another without words.

Somewhere along our journey and right after our first official dance together, I spotted someone who I hadn’t waited to see. Sure, I invited her, but I thought she was too pissed at the whole world and wouldn’t even attempt to come. I stood up from the table, seeing Bailey getting through the crowd, looking somewhat different. Yea, she was still the same leather jacket rocking, skinny jeans wearing classy broad, but there was something different about her. Was she smiling?

„What’s going on, Meg?” I heard Brian say somewhere behind me as I managed my way to my fucking best friend and tackled her with a hug.

„Hey, easy there momma,” She giggled, nevertheless wrapping her arms around me. Oh god, it felt like years since the last time I saw her. Even the last shows we did, we had a different drummer each time to step in and try to fill her shoes, since she was in rehab.

„I didn’t think you’ll show up,” I whispered, tightening the embrace.

„You’re fucking nuts, if you really thought that,” She chuckled, pulling back and eyeing me from head to toe, „What the hell are you wearing,” She shook her head still the playful smirk tugging at her lips.

„You like it?” I spoon around with a wide grin on my face.

„Absolutely fucking not,” She laughed, before passing me an envelope of sort, „Here, that’s your wedding gift.”

A small frown took over my face as I opened it to see two tickets to Hawaii. „Are you serious?”

„Sorry, it was that or tickets to Black Veil Brides.” She shrugged. „I’m not very creative when it comes to gifts.”

„Look at that, Bailey Harris at a wedding,” Brian spoke, coming up to us with a glass of champagne in his hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. „Tickle me surprised.” I should probably slip you all with a small secret – he wasn’t sober, he alone had drank five bottles of champagne, wanting to look all classy and what not, but the good thing in all of it – no one was sober around here. Not even my sweet old grandma. She didn’t drink, but boy was that old hag high. I believed she even did some blow with Paul.

„Look at that, you’re still a drunk fuck,” Bailey snapped, still smiling. „I guess some things never change.”

„I’ll take that as a compliment,” Brian replied with a smile, emptying his glass in one.

„So what are the options of entertainment for tonight?” She asked, looking around. „Shit, is that gran? How the fuck’s she’s doing?”

„Well, you could go and say hi,” I smiled, leaning into Brian’s side.

„I believe I will. She’s the only sane one out of all these people,”

„Meg!” Oh, oh, oh, did I forgot about Matt and Alex also being here? And Bailey being Matt’s ex? Shit. My eyes grew wide as Matt stopped next to Bailey, not even noticing who’s he standing beside. „Michelle and Val’s looking for the red wine, you have any idea—„ Matt cut himself short once his eyes slid over Bailey, who graced him with a single simple nod, before she excused herself and went to talk to my dad and gran. Matt’s eyes traveled after Bailey, before he looked back at me and Brian and simply ran after her.

„is he forgetting that he’s soon to be a father of two?” I questioned, resting my hand on Brian’s ass.

„Relax,” he replied, planting a kiss on the top of my head, „He just needs to talk to her. Figure shit out.”

„I hope so,” I barely managed to reply, before Brian had turned me around and cupped the sides of my face, forcing me to look up at him. His warm browns were locked on mine and I was trying to figure out what he was thinking.

„Miss Haner...” He breathed, his lips just an inch from mine. To be completely honest, I loved how that rolled down his tongue, but knowing me, I couldn’t bare but to correct him.

„That’s miss Hills – Haner.” I smirked.

„Doesn’t matter,” he whispered, „you’re finally mine, that’s all that matters.”

„I’ve always been yours...” I said and I could honestly say his eyes were smiling and his soul was dancing in joy. Now I saw how much he loved me, but will he love me as much when the hormones will start to kick in? I can guarantee he’ll hate me then. But for now I’ll let him live in this illusion.

For another couple of seconds he kept looking over me, before his lips connected with mine in a soft, loving kiss.

Notes

Oh my god! It's been almost a month since I've updated this one and for that I apologize! It's always been tough on me to write weddings and usually that's the part where I abandon my stories, but hey, I managed to do it!