“Matt? Where the hell are you?”

“Wh…?”

“Where are you? Autumn was asking for you earlier – you better have a good excuse as to why you haven’t been there for her all night…”

“She… She was asking for me…?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. Just… Just get your ass over here. I’ll kick it later.”

~

The early hours of the morning are always the worst, I’ve noticed.

For most of the night, Michelle stayed true to her promise and stayed with me. But at about four in the morning, Gus convinced her to let him stay with me for the remainder of the night. I fell asleep with him beside me.

But when I woke up some time later, I was surprised, to say the least, to see Matt sleeping peacefully beside me. I hadn’t expected for Zack to find him at all. In fact, I had half-expected him to be locked up in some cell somewhere for “taking care” of Anthony.

I don’t say anything at first. I just stare in complete shock at his sleeping form. He lies on his side, facing towards me. His breaths are slow and steady and… peaceful. Not something I expected to get from him; not after I saw the look in his eyes last night – like he was going to murder Anthony.

And while the thought scared me, it also made me feel… good. It made me feel like he cared, in some sense. All this time I hadn’t thought he had – but he did.

I begin to cry; I feel so guilty for thinking he hated me – for thinking he didn’t care. But he acknowledged how shitty he had been, and now he was here.

Matt’s eyes fly open at the sound of my crying growing increasingly louder. He looks panicked for a moment. As soon as he focuses on me, he looks unsure of what to do. But after a moment, he eventually wrapping his arm around me and pulling me towards his chest.
I clutch onto his shirt as I begin to cry even harder. He rubs my back, gently hushing me. After a few minutes, his seemingly useless attempts begin to work; I begin to calm down.

“M-Matt,” I say, my voice quivering. “I’m s-sorry.” He doesn’t say anything at first; I don’t think he’s heard me.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Autumn,” he finally replies. His voice is low and raspier than usual; it makes me wonder if he’s been crying as much as I have, if at all.

“Yes I do,” I argue quietly. “I didn’t try hard enough to build some sort of relationship between us, and then I blamed it on you.”

“And you had every right to.” Now it’s my turn to go silent. “I pretended to know you because I thought hearing about you from your brother, or from your parents, instead of trying to get you know you myself, was good enough. So I distanced myself from you because I thought that was what was best for you – I knew how you were around new people.”

“But I needed you,” I tell him. “You’re right that I’m usually not comfortable with most people, but I’d rather not be alone – I’d rather you make me feel like I’m not alone than make me feel like I am.”

“And I know that now,” he sighs. “I wish I had known that sooner, but I know that now. And I’m never going to let you feel that way again, Autumn. I’m here for you. Michelle is here for you – hell, we’re all here for you. You’re not alone anymore – you have us.

“And you most certainly have me.”

Overwhelmed with emotion, I bite down hard on my lip to try and keep myself from crying again. I have had enough of the feeling and I just wanted it to end. But at the same time, I was glad Matt and I cleared the air – I was glad we now at least understood each other a little more. Most of all, I was glad that he was being sincere – that things were going to be okay.

“I love you, Autumn,” he whispers into my hair. “No matter what I say or do to make you think otherwise – I love you. You’re my baby girl. You always have been.” I nod, unsure of whether or not I could say it back just yet.

I can tell he understands, though. He keeps an arm securely wrapped around me; he continues to run his hand up and down my back soothingly.

Then, he begins to hum.

I recognize it immediately. Though, it’s not any song I’d expect him to be singing to me.
I resist the urge to sing along like I normally would. Instead, I opt for letting the low vibrations of his voice simulate my mind.

I fall asleep to Matt singing My Chemical Romance’s “Famous Last Words”.

~

A couple hours later, I’ve showered, gotten dressed, and even eaten, and am in the car on the freeway with Matt, on our way to pick up Jim and Rhonda from the airport. There is no more tension between us; only a calm, comforting silence only being broken by the soft hum of the radio. I tap my fingers along to the beat; every once in a while, he will glance over at me, almost anxiously.

I don’t say anything at first, when Matt takes the freeway exit that claims to lead to the nearest hospital. That is, until he pulls into the hospital parking lot. I begin to panic, fearing the worst. I clutch at the door handle; but before I can make my great escape, Matt takes notice and put the child-lock on the door before turning off the ignition. He places a hand on my arm in a weak attempt to calm me down.

“What are we doing here?” I demand frantically. Matt sighs, running a hand down his face and looking at me worriedly.

“Last night,” he begins, maintaining an achingly calm tone. “I went out to find the asshole who… did this to you. I went to his house to find him, but he wasn’t there. His brother was.”

“Ohmygod,” I breathe, placing a hand over my pounding heart. “Please don’t tell me you put Hunter in the hospital.” His face gets all twisted.

“Wha…? No! I almost did, but that’s beside the point.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Anyway, after he explained to me that Anthony was ‘out of town’, he got a phone call from Austin. Apparently, Leda tried to kill herself.”

My heart stops when I hear this; for a second, I almost preferred the alternative.

“Is she okay?” I finally manage to ask as the shock finally begins to wear off.

“Last I heard she was in stable condition,” he tells me quietly. “But they said that could change at any time.”

I want to burst into tears right then. I didn’t want to think about Leda dying – I couldn’t handle it. Not now; not when I needed her most. And sure; it sounds selfish. But right now, I didn’t care; I just need to see her.

Matt studies me for a moment or two. I can tell he’s expecting me to burst into tears, but I’ve done enough crying to last the rest of the summer at least. Instead, I feel my body shake violently. And it continues to do so as I follow him into the building to Leda’s room, where Hunter is already waiting.

He gets up as soon as he sees us walking towards us. He throws his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. I squeeze back. Neither of us are crying; we’re just shaking. Shock, maybe. Or maybe he had had enough of the tears, just like me. Either way, we both seemed to be feeding off of each other’s strength, but as far as I was concerned, I didn’t have much of that left.

When he finally pulls away, I get to see how much this has taken a toll on his appearance. His eyes are red and puffy, and he has shadows on his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t gotten sleep in days, though I probably didn’t look much better. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and gives me a weak smile. I hear Matt clear his throat behind me, and I jump slightly.

“What happened?” I ask quietly. He sighs, tears filling his eyes.

“Austin found her bleeding out on the floor. She just… She slashed up her whole body. Her arms… her legs… her stomach… Everything she could reach. She just…” His voice breaks and he begins to sob. I step forward and wrap my arms around him, unsure of what else to do.
I just… I just let him cry. I couldn’t do anything else; I felt practically useless. But after a few moments, he begins to calm down and he straightens back up.

“How is she?” Matt asks for me right then. He shakes his head.

“Not good. She lost a lot of blood. She’ll need a blood transfusion – and the only person I can think of who is a positive match is…. Anthony.” His expression turns suddenly dark at the mention of his name. I couldn’t blame him, either. When I turn to Matt, his expression is scarily similar.

“So what’s going to happen to her?” My voice is barely above a whisper. I can barely hear myself, but Hunter seems to have heard me just fine.

“I don’t know,” he admits quietly. “Unless you know anyone with type oh-negative.” He looks at me hopefully. I turn to Matt, who just shakes his head.

“Sorry, kid. Can’t think of anyone off the top of my head.” I turn back to Hunter.

“So she’s just going to…?” He nods slowly and hesitantly.

“Yeah. Yeah, she is…”

I collapse onto the floor in a fit of sobs. It takes me a moment to realize that the only reason why I hadn’t been able to cry earlier, was because I was still holding onto the hope that Leda was going to make it – that she was going to pull through.

But now I knew she wasn’t. Now, I had no reason not to cry.

Notes

~WOLFY~