He's Forbidden, as am I

Brian pulled into Matt’s driveway. The smell of the homemade pizza sitting next to him was making his stomach growl, but he decided to wait for the rest of the guys to get there before sinking his teeth into it. He was a little surprised to walk into the kitchen and see Tammy actually hand tossing the dough. She could do just about anything in that kitchen. He told her she didn’t have to make them anything, but she wanted to help out where she could. Matt probably hasn’t had anything in his stomach but alcohol today anyway.

One by one the guys started to show up. Except the Berry’s who road together. Brian got out of his car, and walked around to the passenger side to grab the pizzas. “How bad is he?” He heard Zack’s voice behind him. “Pretty bad from what my dad said.” Brian told him as he pushed the car door shut with his foot. “Jimmy, I said no beer!” he yelled, noticing him carrying two cases in his hands. “Come on man. You can’t expect me to deal with this shit sober.” Jimmy whined. “He doesn’t need that around right now. Put it back in your car.” Brian told him. “But, it’ll get warm,” Jimmy continued to pout, “fine, dad.” he said at Brian’s pointed look.

Jimmy put the beer back in his car, but not before grabbing two out and chugging them real quick. “Alright, let's do this shit.” Brian just smiled and shook his head at his best friend as he followed him to the door. The house looked dark. They knew he was here. They could see his truck in the open garage. Jimmy pushed open the door without knocking, all being hit with the same smell Papa Gates was earlier. “Oh, I see.” Jimmy mumbled, glad now he put the beer back. The guys walked into the dark house expecting to find Matt passed out somewhere. Instead they found him sitting on the couch, in the dark, staring so intently at a photo of him and Val, that he didn’t even hear them come in. Matt’s red eyes snapped up when Brian set the pizzas on the coffee table in front of him. “Your dad took my kid.” he whispered. “I know man. You have to understand why he had to.” Brian said. Matt gave him a small nod before going back to staring at the photo. “Why are you torturing yourself like this?” Jimmy asked as he sat next to him, and took the picture. “I don’t know.” Matt sighed out as he rested his face in his hands. There was one thing he did know though. “I can’t do this.”

The spot on the other side of Matt dipped down, and he looked up at the sad eyes of his now former Best Man. “You ain’t gotta do it alone,” Jason told him as he laid an arm across his shoulders, “and if it takes all night, we’re going to help clean this place up, and fix the walls. As long as you don’t put new ones in them.” He tried unsuccessfully to get a smile out of him. “But first,” Jimmy interrupted as he stood and turned the light on, “we’re going to dive into this pizza cause I’m starving.” he said as he disappeared into the kitchen to get plates. Matt shut his dry, tired eyes at the sudden flood of light. “I’m not hungry.” he said low. “You gotta eat something.” Johnny said as he took Jimmy’s spot on the couch. “I said I’m not fucking hungry,” he snapped as he jolted up, “just leave me the fuck alone.” he started to stomp out of the room. “Not going to happen,” Jimmy stood in his way, plates in hand, “I don’t give a shit how pissed off you get, so take this fucking plate,” he shoved one into Matt’s hands, “go sit the fuck down, and eat some fucking pizza before I shove it down your throat.” Jimmy finished with a smile and a look that said he was all too serious.

Matt frowned but didn’t protest anymore, knowing Jimmy really would try to shove the food down his throat. Brian set a piece on his plate once he sat back down. Matt took a small nibble, his stomach growling instantly, and before he knew it, he downed four pieces. Guess he was hungrier than he thought. “This is pretty good. Where did you get it?” Jason asked wanting to check the place out. “Tammy made it.” Brian told him. “Does she deliver?” Jason finally got Matt to crack a small smile, and even surprised them with a little chuckle. “I can see, but it’s my car, so there will be a delivery fee.” Brian got another, slightly bigger smile out of him. “I’ll just come eat at your house every night then.” Jason smirked. “You do that, and we’re both going to have to hit the gym. I swear I’ve gained ten pounds already.” Brian stuck his belly out and rubbed it, getting a second chuckled out of Matt for the night.

Matt set his plate down and leaned back on the couch with a sigh. “I don’t feel like cleaning right now.” he said as he rubbed his eyes. “You’re not, we are.” Zack told him. “I couldn’t ask you to do that. This is my mess.” he countered. “You’re not asking. We’re doing it cause that’s what friends do.” Jason told him. Matt nodded in defeat, laying down on the couch once Johnny and Jason got up. He was beyond tired, and hoped he could get a few hours of sleep while the guys were here. He hasn’t tried to sleep in their room. He knew he wouldn’t be able to, not without her there. Honestly, he hasn’t even stepped foot in there. He knew eventually he would have to. Once he started to stink, and would need to shower and change, but for now, he was fine.

A scream of pain jolted Matt awake. He wasn’t sure how long he had been out, but his living room was spotless now, so he assumed it had been awhile. “Whose idea was it to give this guy a hammer?” he heard the other Matt yell from somewhere in the house. “What the hell happened up here?” Matt found them in the upstairs hallway. “Smashed my thumb.” Jimmy said, showing him his swollen, purple thumb. “No more hammers for you.” Matt B. said, yanking it out of his hand. “Oh, come on. I’ll just have short-shit hold the nails from now on.” Jimmy said. “The hell you will!” the three heard Johnny yell from downstairs, Matt’s third chuckle for the night escaping him.

He wasn’t going to openly admit it yet, but he was glad they were here. He was alone and didn’t really like it. She’s been there since high school, and now she’s not. He didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He had no one to talk to at night, no one to kiss good morning, no one to hold. Matt quickly went back downstairs, trying hard to hold the tears back. He was sick of crying, and didn’t know how many tears he had left in him. Matt walked past Johnny in the kitchen, and strait to the refrigerator. He threw open the door, another all too familiar emotion filling him. “Where the fuck is my beer?” he snapped. “Gone.” is all Johnny told him. Matt balled up his fists as he glared at him. “What the fuck, man?” he really wanted to punch something or someone. “We’re not going to let you drown this out with booze. You’re traveling down a slippery slope.” Johnny said, silently hoping the guy didn’t knock him out right now. “It’s my life, and my choice.” Matt hissed.

“I know a seventeen-year-old girl that would disagree with you about that,” Zack’s voice sounded behind them, “I know a recovering alcoholic that probably would too.” he finished, Matt’s glare now on him. “I’m nothing like her.” Matt knew exactly who he was talking about. “Not yet,” Johnny cut in, “but if you keep traveling down this path, you will be.” he warned. “Why don’t you ask Kimmie what it’s like growing up in a house like that.” Zacky suggested, getting an eye roll. “Your guilt trip isn’t going to do anything but piss me off more.” Matt stated before stomping off to the living room. He was done with this conversation. They didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about. He was nothing like that drunk whore.

Zack and Johnny gave each other grim looks. “Someone’s going to have to babysit him.” Zack said getting a head shake from Johnny. “That’s just going to piss him off more. He’ll feel like he’s being treated like a child.” Johnny told him. “Then what the fuck are we supposed to do? Just sit around and watch him kill himself?” Zack started to get frustrated. “No, but we can only help where he’ll let us. We can’t force him. That never works, for anyone.” Johnny said. He didn’t like it either. They could talk to him until they were blue in the face, and it wouldn’t do any good. He was going to do what he wanted until he realizes himself that he needs help, and asks for it.

The guys finished up patching the holes in the walls, deciding to come back tomorrow to paint where they patched. It was getting late, and everyone had jobs to go to in the morning. They found Matt back on the couch sleeping again, or so they thought, and decided not to disturb him. Brian was the last one out the door, shutting off the lights, and locking up. Johnny wasn’t far ahead of him, as he grabbed his arm, holding up a finger to tell him to wait a moment. They watched the other guys leave, before Johnny turned to him with a curious cocked brow. “What’s up?” he asked assuming it was about Matt. Oh, how wrong he was. “I kissed Tammy today.” Brian spilled, just wanting to get it out. Johnny’s eyes went wide, not expecting this at all. He knew she had feelings for Brian, but never thought it would go the other way. “It was just on the cheek, but it happened so naturally, so easy. I don’t know why, or what it means.” Brian continued to confess to him. Johnny held back his smile once he realized why Jimmy was against him fostering her. It wasn’t her feelings for him. It was his for her. He must have seen it early on.

Johnny scratched the back of his head as he tried to come up with an answer for him. “Well, what happened that lead up to it?” he asked, wanting a better picture of the situation. “She made me breakfast like she has every morning since she’s gotten there. Made me a lunch and coffee for work, and followed me to the door. I took the stuff, said thanks, and just kissed her.” Brian explained to a nodding Johnny with a knowing smile on his face. “It’s because she’s giving you what you want,” he told him getting a confused look, “that morning after.” Johnny reminded him, seeing he understood now what he was talking about.

“You were expecting her to come in as a foster child, but a child is exactly what she’s not. You have to understand that her and Kimmie both were forced to grow up a lot faster than they had too. She’s unknowingly giving you that housewife experience, because she’s more mature than the rest of your students, so she doesn’t seem like a child. You’re finally getting into that routine you’ve always wanted, and it’s getting easy to get used to.” Johnny tried to make sense out of it all for him. “You just got to be careful, and not let your emotions mix in with the routine.” he finished hoping he would get his warning.

Brian ran a hand through his hair as he tried to process what Johnny was telling him. Could it really be just that? He was getting comfortable with the routine? “What if I can’t?” Brian asked at a whisper and worry in his eyes, and Johnny could see that they already were. “You gotta get her to break this routine, man.” he told him, now worried himself for his friend. He knew she would never make a move on him, but Brian, he didn’t know. When he gets emotionally committed, he lets them control him too much. “How the hell am I supposed to do that? I already told her she didn’t have to do all this stuff, but she wants to. She thinks she owes me and likes to cook. I mean, I think you know as well as I do that, she’s going to do what she wants.” Brian finished, getting a nod in agreement.

Johnny stood there and thought for a moment. He was right, she was going to do what she wanted. “Maybe I can help,” he suggested, “I can figure out a way to bring it up so she doesn’t know we talked about it already. In the meantime, try to make sure she really knows she doesn’t owe you.” he told him seeing a little relief in his eyes as he nodded. “Do you think it will work?” Brian asked still a little unsure. “It’s worth a shot.” Johnny said. “You know man, I know I give you a lot of shit about your psycho-babble-bullshit, but I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me and her throughout all of this.” Brian gave him a rare hug. Cause not only that, he was doing it for free too. “You know I’d do anything for you guys.” Johnny said as they pulled apart. Brian gave him a pat on the shoulder before they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Neither one of them knowing that there was someone waiting not so patiently for them to leave.

Matt’s eyes snapped open as soon as he heard that lock latch. He sat up and grabbed his shoes. He was headed for the door with keys and wallet in hand, but stopped when he noticed two silhouettes outside. He pulled the curtain back slightly and peeked out. Brian and Johnny were still in the driveway. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, and was growing more irritated the longer they were out there. After about fifteen minutes of pacing, he finally heard two car doors close. Matt peeked out the window again, seeing them pulling away. “Bout time.” he thought to himself as he headed out the door.

Matt hopped in his truck, and headed for the closest liquor store. Those guys didn’t know what they were talking about. He wasn’t going to become an alcoholic. He just needed something to drown out the pain right now. He grabbed a case of beer, and a couple bottles of liquor. He knew if the guys saw the beer, they would probably get rid of it again. He was going to hide the liquor just in case. Matt pulled back into his driveway, and went inside. He put the beer in the fridge, not before grabbing one. He stashed one liquor bottle in an upstairs closet, and went back down to the living room to stash the other bottle in an end table drawer. That’s when he stopped. Matt plopped down on the couch and stared at the bottle in his hands. This is exactly something an alcoholic would do.

Matt set the bottle on the coffee table next to the already open beer bottle. He sat there and stared at the beer, feeling his anger build up inside of him again, but this time it was at himself. Matt grabbed the beer and threw it at the wall. The bottle shattered, leaving a beer-soaked hole in the wall. He balled his fists up and slammed them down on the coffee table, causing the liquor bottle to fall over and roll to the floor. How the hell was he supposed to do this? She wouldn’t want him to do this to himself. Again, another all too familiar emotion crashed into him. Matt laid down on the couch and hugged tightly onto a pillow. “I wish you were here. I need you.” he whispered before silently crying himself to sleep.

Brian pulled into his driveway, and shut off his car. He rubbed his tired eyes. It’s been a long ass day, and he was ready to pass the fuck out. The house was dark except for the tv on in the living room. He was expecting Tammy and Kimmie to be asleep, but only one was. “What are you still doing up?” he asked as he sat in a chair. “Just wanted to see how he was doing.” Tammy told him, Kimmie passed out on the couch with her legs in her lap. “Well, he’s sober and asleep. For now.” Brian ran a hand through his hair. “Doesn’t sound like you think it will last.” she said. “I don’t know. I just wish he could see what he’s doing to himself.”

Tammy nodded, knowing exactly what he was talking about. She’s heard Kimmie say the same thing about her mom. “Not a whole lot we can do about it now. I’m going to head to bed,” he said as he stood up, “You should too. You go back to school tomorrow.” he said, ruffling her hair as he passed. “Don’t remind me,” she playfully glared at him as she fixed her hair, “Ass.” she grumbled hearing a chuckle as he went upstairs. Tammy let out a content sigh before gently moving Kimmie’s legs so she could get up. She laid a blanket over her before shutting off the tv, and heading upstairs. Brian seemed to be in a slightly better mood than he was when he left this morning. She wanted to ask him about the kiss, but wasn’t quite sure how to bring it up. It obviously upset him and she didn’t want to make him mad.

Tammy smiled at that thought as she climbed into bed. When it came to Nathan, she didn’t care one bit how pissed off she made him. Brian though, she couldn’t stand the thought of him being mad at her. She could tell she was falling deeper for him, and she wasn’t really sure she wanted to stop it. She hasn’t told Kimmie about the kiss yet. She really wanted to try and figure it all out first. That and she knew Kimmie would tease her relentlessly about it. Tammy’s eyes snapped open when a thought popped in her head. Could he be developing feelings for her? Is that why he was so mad about it? Cause he knew it was wrong? Tammy shook her head at the thought, before rolling over and closing her eyes again. There’s no way that would happen. He was a grown man and she was just a teenage high school girl. There’s no way he would have those kinds of feelings for her. Tammy’s eyes snapped open again. Would he?

Notes

Look what I did :) :) Hope you like it <3