Where Have You Been All My Life?
Ch. 9- Where Have You Been All My Life?
*~*Kamalei’s POV*~*
After a late morning, early afternoon throughout Huntington Beach, it was finally time to meet my father. My brother and his friends, had taken Kelly and I all over, showing us their favorite places and telling us funny stories, usually involving them being drunk and almost arrested. Honestly, it sounded like a lot of Kelly and my own stories.
“Are you ready for this baby sister?” Matt turned and asked me as we walked down the street.
“I’m not a baby Matt.” I replied.
“You are to me, but you didn’t answer me. Are you ready to go meet dad?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’m a little nervous.” I admitted.
He grabbed my hand and squeezed lightly, “It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be there with you, Kelly will be there, and Val as well as the guys. Unless you don’t want them there?”
“No. Please I want them there too.” I pleaded as we walked down a street into a neighborhood.
I can’t do this on my own. I need them there. What if he hates me? What if he’s disgraced by me? What about Matt’s mom?! She’s probably going to hate me. I’m the bastard child of her husband. Oh fuck……I don’t want to do this anymore…
My palms started sweating again, just as they had a day ago when I had knocked on a tour bus door. I started to feel sick and queasy. Matt looked down at me as I started to panic a bit.
“Hey, it’s gonna be good. We can both find out what happened. I’ll be there with you the whole time. You’re my baby sister now. I won’t let anything happen. You can trust me, Ok?” He said.
I nodded and kept walking looking at all of the houses we were passing. They were all really nice houses. Not too over the top, like a mansion or anything, but you had to be well off to afford something like this. As we walked, I turned around and looked at Kelly for her reassurance. She gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. We came up to a large 2 story brick house. There was 3 really nice cars in the driveway, all of which Kelly and I could never afford.
“Alright. We’re here.” Matt announced.
“Uh who else is here?” I asked him looking up at his eyes that matched mine.
“Looks like Amy is here. Plus mom and dad.” He replied as we walked up the path to the front door.
Instead of knocking, Matt just threw the door open yelling, “I’m HOME!!!”
A taller girl with light brown hair jumped up from the couch and ran over and jumped into Matt’s arms.
“BROTHER!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!” she screamed out before planting a kiss on his cheek.
He spun her around before setting her on the ground as she greeted everyone with hugs, everyone except Kelly and I.
“So who are these two little ladies? Brian and Zacky did you finally get REAL girlfriends?” she joked.
I turned and looked at them as they both turned a bright tomato red.
“No Amy. Don’t you know why we’re here?” Matt asked her.
She stared with a confused look at him, “Because your tour is almost over?”
“Not exactly. Where’s dad and mom?” Matt asked reaching out and taking my hand and pulling me in the door past her.
We all sat on the couches in the living room and waited as Matt went into the kitchen to find his parents. He came back and behind him came, who I only could presume, my father.
He stood there as tears welled in his eyes before saying just above a whisper, “Kamalei. Is that you my beloved child? Oh my God, look at you so grown…”
He came over to me and pulled me off the couch and into a hug. Over his shoulder I saw Amy’s face and she looked like she had been shot in the gut.
“What the hell?! Dad?! Did you just say YOUR CHILD!?” she exclaimed.
“Yes Amy. This is your little sister, Kamalei. I had her with another woman, what 22 years ago.” He replied calmly, sitting on the couch next to me.
Matt sat on the other side of me and grabbed my hand, “You ok?” I simply nodded again as I felt tears run down my cheeks.
Amy sat down on the couch across from us, and stared. She seemed almost distraught. Another woman with short brown hair came from the kitchen carrying a bowl of chips and salsa. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me.
Oh my God. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me…
She set the bowl down on the coffee table and walked around to stand straight in front of me. She reached down grabbing me into a hug. She felt warm and pleasant. She felt like a real mother.
She pulled back and held me out at arm’s length, “Oh God. You have grown into such a beautiful young woman. Look at you. You are such a gorgeous girl. Oh, look at those eyes. They’re just like Matthew’s…”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! YOU KNEW MOM!?!” Amy yelled angrily from the couch.
“Calm down Amy. I will explain everything.” My father said to her as Matt got up and sat next to her.
Val scooted closer to me and put an arm around me.
“Amy, Matt, Kamalei. Let me first say, I never thought this day would come where I would have my 3 children in the same room together. This has made me a happy man.” My father said. “Where should I start?”
“The fucking beginning.” Matt said in a sarcastic tone.
“Well, 23 years ago, I went on a business trip alone to Texas. There I met a woman named Anela Kealoha, at one of our company’s meetings. We had all gone out for drinks and I ended up sleeping with her. It was the most disgraceful thing I have ever done in my life, and almost cost me my marriage, but it gave me a great gift. I left and came back home, hiding my shame. I had an 8 year old son, a 4 year old daughter, and a beautiful wife that I wasn’t willing to throw out. 6 months went by, when one day I got a call from Anela. She said she was pregnant and her sister, whom she lived with in Texas, had thrown her out. I knew she called me because the baby was mine. I told her I would come to help her get set up somewhere so my child could be taken care of. I left again on another business trip and went to help Anela.”
I took the picture of him and my mother out of my pocket, and stared at it. He took it from me and looked at my mother.
“That’s her alright. That’s you in there too. But anyways after I had her in an apartment, I asked her what she wanted from me to keep quiet. I had my family at home. She understood and agreed that disrupting what I had already wasn’t right. She asked me to just please help her if she needed it. She was all alone in Texas after her sister had thrown her out, all of her family being back in Hawaii. Time went by and she sent me a picture of you when you were born, which I still have tucked away. She also sent me your birth certificate.”
“What? You have it? I have looked everywhere for it. I’ve never even seen it.” I interrupted him.
“I do. I’ll show you after. Let me finish. So time went by and when I think you were about 3, your mother called the house. Kim answered the phone and Anela panicked. She pleaded with Kim to let me talk to her. Told her she needed help with Kamalei. Told her she was being thrown out of the place she was living and couldn’t find work.”
Matt’s mother, Kim, shook her head defeated, “What was I going to do? My husband had cheated on me with another woman and had another daughter. As angry as I was, I couldn’t bear the thought of an innocent child being left out to die in the streets. I kept it from him for 2 days before telling him I knew about his daughter.”
“Why didn’t you just leave him mom? I could never stand a cheater!” Amy said.
“Because Amy, where would I have gone? What would I have done with 2 small children on my own? Amy, I never had a job in my life. What would I do for work? I wasn’t going to leave you here with him. I had invested too much time, too much energy, and I had my children to think of. I swallowed my pride and stayed. I knew Gary and I could work something out…” She replied to her daughter, as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“And we did.” My father continued, “I called Anela as soon as I found out she called. She told me that she just couldn’t make it here in Texas and wanted to take Kamalei home to Hawaii. She had family there, and they could help her. She pleaded with me to allow it so Kamalei could have SOME family around her as she couldn’t have her father. I talked it over with Kim, and we thought it would be best. I went and bought Anela and Kamalei a ticket home to Hawaii, in exchange Anela was to tell no one who Kamalei’s father was and was prohibited to call the house anymore. The chances that one of you kids picked up the phone was too great.”
“You just pretended she didn’t exist?! What kind of a monster are you!?” Matt yelled, obviously hurt by his father’s actions.
I have to get used to this. A brother to protect me. A brother to defend me. A brother to care about me… I really am his baby sister aren’t I?
“You can’t just act like she isn’t a person dad! She’s your fucking daughter and you abandoned her!” Amy chimed in.
My sister. She’s defending me too. My siblings are the best…
“That’s not how it is…” He said putting his head down in shame, “I paid for her to go home. I gave her mother money every month to take care of my daughter. She lived in Honolulu for years until her father got sick. He was on another island and Anela picked up Kamalei and left without telling me anything. I lost them. I couldn’t find them. I tried…”
“You didn’t try hard enough.” Matt said.
I can’t take any more of this. It’s all just sick and messed up. I wasn’t wanted. He brushed me to the side, just like my mother does. No wonder she practically hates me. She blames me for her life being hard…
“I… I… I can’t.” I said standing, tears flowing down my face. “Where have you been all my life?!” was all I could scream at him before darting out of the house not waiting for his answer.
I just kept running. I didn’t look back when my brother came after me. I didn’t look back when my sister called my name. I just kept going. I didn’t even know where I was going. I didn’t know this city but it didn’t matter. I just kept going and my tears kept falling as I ran.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I slowed down walking thru the streets. It had been at least 2 hours and people were staring at me and I was sure that my eyeliner was streaking my face. I stopped outside of a tattoo shop, the one Zacky said was his favorite and I leaned up against its exterior. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen reading the text from Kelly.
Come back. Please Lei. I’m scared, you don’t know this city. We aren’t in Maui. Things aren’t safe here. ~K
I don’t care. I’ve been left to fend for myself before. I will be fine. ~KLei
I waited to hear her response as I am sure she was pissed off now at my stubbornness. I pulled out a cigarette and stood there on the side of the building smoking. Finally another text buzzed in my hand.
Kamalei. Please let me come get you. No questions and you don’t have to tell me anything. Promise. ~Z
Zacky! What the hell? Dammit Kelly, you knew I would cave in to no one but him…
I’m outside your fav tattoo shop. Please come alone. I don’t want to see anyone.~KLei
I’ll be there in 5. ~Z
I put the phone back in my pocket and looked in the window trying to make myself not look like such a mess. I lit another cigarette and waited for Zacky. He walked up the street and smiled at me. I tried to smile back but I just couldn’t.
“Come here.” He said wrapping his tattooed arms around me squeezing tightly. “Please don’t run away anymore. Everyone was worried.”
“I’m sorry.” I said looking up at him, tears starting to fall again. “I just can’t hear him tell me he left me.”
“It’s alright Lei. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.” He said stroking my hair, “You want to go to sit at the beach?” he asked pointing across the street at the sand and the water.
“Yes please.” I said as we walked over and plopped down into the sand.
I heard a buzzing as we were sitting and looked over to see Zacky’s phone ringing this time.
“It’s your brother. He wants to come see you. What should I tell him?” He asked me.
“Tell him no. I’m with you, he doesn’t need to worry. I just want to sit here and forget the world for a bit. Will you do that with me Zee?” I asked him tears welling up yet again.
“Yeah, I’ll tell him we’ll meet up with them for dinner. Sound ok?”
“Yeah.” I said as Zacky scooted closer to me, texting my brother before slipping his phone back in his pocket and putting his arm around my shoulders.
I leaned over and rested my head on his chest. He had an intoxicating smell that mixed with cigarettes, was almost like heaven. He let me just cry in his arms, trying to soothe me, as we watched the sun go down in silence.
“The sunsets here are probably nothing like what you see back home, huh?” he asked me.
“I don’t know. I think this is a great one.” I said a small smile creeping on my face.
I wish this could never end Zacky. You make me forget the world that’s constantly coming down on me. Where have you been all my life?
After a late morning, early afternoon throughout Huntington Beach, it was finally time to meet my father. My brother and his friends, had taken Kelly and I all over, showing us their favorite places and telling us funny stories, usually involving them being drunk and almost arrested. Honestly, it sounded like a lot of Kelly and my own stories.
“Are you ready for this baby sister?” Matt turned and asked me as we walked down the street.
“I’m not a baby Matt.” I replied.
“You are to me, but you didn’t answer me. Are you ready to go meet dad?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’m a little nervous.” I admitted.
He grabbed my hand and squeezed lightly, “It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be there with you, Kelly will be there, and Val as well as the guys. Unless you don’t want them there?”
“No. Please I want them there too.” I pleaded as we walked down a street into a neighborhood.
I can’t do this on my own. I need them there. What if he hates me? What if he’s disgraced by me? What about Matt’s mom?! She’s probably going to hate me. I’m the bastard child of her husband. Oh fuck……I don’t want to do this anymore…
My palms started sweating again, just as they had a day ago when I had knocked on a tour bus door. I started to feel sick and queasy. Matt looked down at me as I started to panic a bit.
“Hey, it’s gonna be good. We can both find out what happened. I’ll be there with you the whole time. You’re my baby sister now. I won’t let anything happen. You can trust me, Ok?” He said.
I nodded and kept walking looking at all of the houses we were passing. They were all really nice houses. Not too over the top, like a mansion or anything, but you had to be well off to afford something like this. As we walked, I turned around and looked at Kelly for her reassurance. She gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. We came up to a large 2 story brick house. There was 3 really nice cars in the driveway, all of which Kelly and I could never afford.
“Alright. We’re here.” Matt announced.
“Uh who else is here?” I asked him looking up at his eyes that matched mine.
“Looks like Amy is here. Plus mom and dad.” He replied as we walked up the path to the front door.
Instead of knocking, Matt just threw the door open yelling, “I’m HOME!!!”
A taller girl with light brown hair jumped up from the couch and ran over and jumped into Matt’s arms.
“BROTHER!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!” she screamed out before planting a kiss on his cheek.
He spun her around before setting her on the ground as she greeted everyone with hugs, everyone except Kelly and I.
“So who are these two little ladies? Brian and Zacky did you finally get REAL girlfriends?” she joked.
I turned and looked at them as they both turned a bright tomato red.
“No Amy. Don’t you know why we’re here?” Matt asked her.
She stared with a confused look at him, “Because your tour is almost over?”
“Not exactly. Where’s dad and mom?” Matt asked reaching out and taking my hand and pulling me in the door past her.
We all sat on the couches in the living room and waited as Matt went into the kitchen to find his parents. He came back and behind him came, who I only could presume, my father.
He stood there as tears welled in his eyes before saying just above a whisper, “Kamalei. Is that you my beloved child? Oh my God, look at you so grown…”
He came over to me and pulled me off the couch and into a hug. Over his shoulder I saw Amy’s face and she looked like she had been shot in the gut.
“What the hell?! Dad?! Did you just say YOUR CHILD!?” she exclaimed.
“Yes Amy. This is your little sister, Kamalei. I had her with another woman, what 22 years ago.” He replied calmly, sitting on the couch next to me.
Matt sat on the other side of me and grabbed my hand, “You ok?” I simply nodded again as I felt tears run down my cheeks.
Amy sat down on the couch across from us, and stared. She seemed almost distraught. Another woman with short brown hair came from the kitchen carrying a bowl of chips and salsa. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me.
Oh my God. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me…
She set the bowl down on the coffee table and walked around to stand straight in front of me. She reached down grabbing me into a hug. She felt warm and pleasant. She felt like a real mother.
She pulled back and held me out at arm’s length, “Oh God. You have grown into such a beautiful young woman. Look at you. You are such a gorgeous girl. Oh, look at those eyes. They’re just like Matthew’s…”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! YOU KNEW MOM!?!” Amy yelled angrily from the couch.
“Calm down Amy. I will explain everything.” My father said to her as Matt got up and sat next to her.
Val scooted closer to me and put an arm around me.
“Amy, Matt, Kamalei. Let me first say, I never thought this day would come where I would have my 3 children in the same room together. This has made me a happy man.” My father said. “Where should I start?”
“The fucking beginning.” Matt said in a sarcastic tone.
“Well, 23 years ago, I went on a business trip alone to Texas. There I met a woman named Anela Kealoha, at one of our company’s meetings. We had all gone out for drinks and I ended up sleeping with her. It was the most disgraceful thing I have ever done in my life, and almost cost me my marriage, but it gave me a great gift. I left and came back home, hiding my shame. I had an 8 year old son, a 4 year old daughter, and a beautiful wife that I wasn’t willing to throw out. 6 months went by, when one day I got a call from Anela. She said she was pregnant and her sister, whom she lived with in Texas, had thrown her out. I knew she called me because the baby was mine. I told her I would come to help her get set up somewhere so my child could be taken care of. I left again on another business trip and went to help Anela.”
I took the picture of him and my mother out of my pocket, and stared at it. He took it from me and looked at my mother.
“That’s her alright. That’s you in there too. But anyways after I had her in an apartment, I asked her what she wanted from me to keep quiet. I had my family at home. She understood and agreed that disrupting what I had already wasn’t right. She asked me to just please help her if she needed it. She was all alone in Texas after her sister had thrown her out, all of her family being back in Hawaii. Time went by and she sent me a picture of you when you were born, which I still have tucked away. She also sent me your birth certificate.”
“What? You have it? I have looked everywhere for it. I’ve never even seen it.” I interrupted him.
“I do. I’ll show you after. Let me finish. So time went by and when I think you were about 3, your mother called the house. Kim answered the phone and Anela panicked. She pleaded with Kim to let me talk to her. Told her she needed help with Kamalei. Told her she was being thrown out of the place she was living and couldn’t find work.”
Matt’s mother, Kim, shook her head defeated, “What was I going to do? My husband had cheated on me with another woman and had another daughter. As angry as I was, I couldn’t bear the thought of an innocent child being left out to die in the streets. I kept it from him for 2 days before telling him I knew about his daughter.”
“Why didn’t you just leave him mom? I could never stand a cheater!” Amy said.
“Because Amy, where would I have gone? What would I have done with 2 small children on my own? Amy, I never had a job in my life. What would I do for work? I wasn’t going to leave you here with him. I had invested too much time, too much energy, and I had my children to think of. I swallowed my pride and stayed. I knew Gary and I could work something out…” She replied to her daughter, as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“And we did.” My father continued, “I called Anela as soon as I found out she called. She told me that she just couldn’t make it here in Texas and wanted to take Kamalei home to Hawaii. She had family there, and they could help her. She pleaded with me to allow it so Kamalei could have SOME family around her as she couldn’t have her father. I talked it over with Kim, and we thought it would be best. I went and bought Anela and Kamalei a ticket home to Hawaii, in exchange Anela was to tell no one who Kamalei’s father was and was prohibited to call the house anymore. The chances that one of you kids picked up the phone was too great.”
“You just pretended she didn’t exist?! What kind of a monster are you!?” Matt yelled, obviously hurt by his father’s actions.
I have to get used to this. A brother to protect me. A brother to defend me. A brother to care about me… I really am his baby sister aren’t I?
“You can’t just act like she isn’t a person dad! She’s your fucking daughter and you abandoned her!” Amy chimed in.
My sister. She’s defending me too. My siblings are the best…
“That’s not how it is…” He said putting his head down in shame, “I paid for her to go home. I gave her mother money every month to take care of my daughter. She lived in Honolulu for years until her father got sick. He was on another island and Anela picked up Kamalei and left without telling me anything. I lost them. I couldn’t find them. I tried…”
“You didn’t try hard enough.” Matt said.
I can’t take any more of this. It’s all just sick and messed up. I wasn’t wanted. He brushed me to the side, just like my mother does. No wonder she practically hates me. She blames me for her life being hard…
“I… I… I can’t.” I said standing, tears flowing down my face. “Where have you been all my life?!” was all I could scream at him before darting out of the house not waiting for his answer.
I just kept running. I didn’t look back when my brother came after me. I didn’t look back when my sister called my name. I just kept going. I didn’t even know where I was going. I didn’t know this city but it didn’t matter. I just kept going and my tears kept falling as I ran.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I slowed down walking thru the streets. It had been at least 2 hours and people were staring at me and I was sure that my eyeliner was streaking my face. I stopped outside of a tattoo shop, the one Zacky said was his favorite and I leaned up against its exterior. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen reading the text from Kelly.
Come back. Please Lei. I’m scared, you don’t know this city. We aren’t in Maui. Things aren’t safe here. ~K
I don’t care. I’ve been left to fend for myself before. I will be fine. ~KLei
I waited to hear her response as I am sure she was pissed off now at my stubbornness. I pulled out a cigarette and stood there on the side of the building smoking. Finally another text buzzed in my hand.
Kamalei. Please let me come get you. No questions and you don’t have to tell me anything. Promise. ~Z
Zacky! What the hell? Dammit Kelly, you knew I would cave in to no one but him…
I’m outside your fav tattoo shop. Please come alone. I don’t want to see anyone.~KLei
I’ll be there in 5. ~Z
I put the phone back in my pocket and looked in the window trying to make myself not look like such a mess. I lit another cigarette and waited for Zacky. He walked up the street and smiled at me. I tried to smile back but I just couldn’t.
“Come here.” He said wrapping his tattooed arms around me squeezing tightly. “Please don’t run away anymore. Everyone was worried.”
“I’m sorry.” I said looking up at him, tears starting to fall again. “I just can’t hear him tell me he left me.”
“It’s alright Lei. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.” He said stroking my hair, “You want to go to sit at the beach?” he asked pointing across the street at the sand and the water.
“Yes please.” I said as we walked over and plopped down into the sand.
I heard a buzzing as we were sitting and looked over to see Zacky’s phone ringing this time.
“It’s your brother. He wants to come see you. What should I tell him?” He asked me.
“Tell him no. I’m with you, he doesn’t need to worry. I just want to sit here and forget the world for a bit. Will you do that with me Zee?” I asked him tears welling up yet again.
“Yeah, I’ll tell him we’ll meet up with them for dinner. Sound ok?”
“Yeah.” I said as Zacky scooted closer to me, texting my brother before slipping his phone back in his pocket and putting his arm around my shoulders.
I leaned over and rested my head on his chest. He had an intoxicating smell that mixed with cigarettes, was almost like heaven. He let me just cry in his arms, trying to soothe me, as we watched the sun go down in silence.
“The sunsets here are probably nothing like what you see back home, huh?” he asked me.
“I don’t know. I think this is a great one.” I said a small smile creeping on my face.
I wish this could never end Zacky. You make me forget the world that’s constantly coming down on me. Where have you been all my life?
Notes
Okie dokie here you go my pretties! I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it! Mahalo for reading!
Ello, I've tried to find your story on wattpad and it's no where to be found. Could you send the link to the page of your story? I've gotta know what happens next!
11/20/17