*~*Kamalei’s POV*~*

“Lei? Hunny, it’s time to get up…” Val said as she knocked softly on the door.

I was awake and had been since last night, not getting a single minute of sleep since Papa Gates took Bella and no one stayed over. I wasn’t willing to take the risk of having a nightmare after all that had happened recently, and had spent the night packing my things and cleaning my room as quietly as possible as to not alarm my brother of my unusual activity. Plus I didn’t need him coming in and catching me crying, which also took place all night long.

“Okay…” I said grabbing my phone charger and laptop charger out of the wall and putting it in my backpack.

I took my suitcases out into the hallway and went to the bathroom. I checked myself in the mirror and applied some makeup where the dark circles and puffiness from crying and no sleep showed. When I came out a few minutes later with my last minute items, tossing them in my bag, Matt stood at his bedroom door looking at me puzzled.

“Did you get up early?” he asked me.

“Yeah a little bit.” I said scooping my backpack up and placing my laptop inside.

“Hmm…” he said as he looked at me questioningly again before grabbing my suitcases and taking them downstairs.

“HONEY I’M HOME!!!” Jimmy yelled throwing the front door open and almost knocking into Matt.

I stood in my doorway looking at my room once again making sure I had everything I needed.

“You should bring your pillow. The ones on the bus suck.” Val said as she walked by.

I went over to the bed and pulled my pillow out from the covers, tucking it under my arm as I held Baby to my chest with the other hand. I slung my backpack on and headed out the door to the big, black bus with the deathbat plastered across its side sitting in front of the house.

“LEI!!!” Brian, Kelly, Leana, and Johnny yelled when I got on.

“Hey guys!” I said smiling for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Come, here’s your bunk.” Val said from behind me taking me over to a bunk up on the top.

“This one is Matt and Val’s, this one is Jimmy and Leana’s and this one is Brian and mine’s. Johnny gets this bottom one because he’s so short…” Kelly said pointing them out.

“Where’s Zacky’s?” I asked.

“He’s across from you on the top too.” Kelly said with a smile.

“Oh.” I said unenthusiastically.

“What?” She asked.

“Oh, nothing. Where’d you put your stuff?” I questioned.

Kelly showed me where to put everything as Val and Matt got the rest of their stuff together and on the bus. Before we knew it, we were headed over to pick up Zacky at his house. I didn’t want to see him, so before we got there I climbed up into my bunk with my phone and put my earphones in. I heard everyone cheer as Zacky got on the bus even though I had my earphones turned up full blast. I grabbed Baby from the corner of my bunk and curled up with him in my arms as I felt someone walk towards the bunk area.

I foolishly had left my curtain to my bunk open and found his emerald eyes piercing as he turned and looked at me before setting his things down in his own directly across from me. I looked away, towards the wall at a picture of everyone including my mother in Maui that I had taped up inside of my bunk and fought the tears willing their way out. I glanced back at him, meeting his sunken, tired, green eyes, and he smiled lightly at me before gesturing for me to take my earphones out.

I pulled them out, “Yes?”

“Hey, I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

“Yeah, you said that. Look, I told Matt that we fought. He doesn’t know why but he knows we aren’t friends anymore.”

“We aren’t even friends anymore?” he asked shocked.

“Right now, no. I can’t Zacky. You hurt me. You hurt me really bad…” I said.

“I know and I want to fix it. How do I fix this?” he asked falling forward towards my bunk as the bus started to move.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if you can…” I replied turning away from him.

He grabbed my hand gently, his eyes pleading with me as they filled with water, “Please Lei. Please.”

“Leave me alone Zack.” I said as I turned over in my bunk, pulling my blanket over me.

“I’m sorry…” he said quietly before walking away to the front of the bus.

I put my earphones back in, letting the music take me away from the nightmare I had created for myself. I wasn’t ready to forgive him. He hurt me too much. He ripped my heart up in front of me. Honestly it wasn’t just him, it was everything. Micah, the baby, leaving home, just everything. I sighed heavily as I closed my eyes hugging Baby tightly and listening to my songs.

~~~~Later~~~~~

I must have fallen asleep a few hours ago, because when I laid down the sun was just coming up and my phone was fully charged. Now, the phone was dead and it was bright and sunny out as one of the Berry brothers drove the bus. They looked so alike and I only met them a few times so I still didn't know which one was which. I jumped down from my bunk and made my way to my bag sitting on the couch, searching for my phone charger. Matt and Val had passed out on the other couch watching a movie, the two of them snuggled sweetly together, my brother snoring peacefully. Plugging it in a nearby socket at the table, I sat at the table and looked out the window at the scenery as we drove.

There was a show later tonight and Matt told me that tonight I started my merch booth job with Val and Kelly. I wanted to be backstage and see them on their first night but he said I had to do my job first. I was a little bummed by the news, but he reassured me that I would get to see them from backstage after I got used to working the booth at later dates, as Val would need a lot of help the first few dates and couldn't spare either me or Kelly.

I soon became lost in my own thoughts, making myself more depressed as I looked out and saw the open road. I hadn't drank since the night at Zacky's, and for some reason, now seemed like a great time since I didn't feel like doing much else. I went to the fridge and opened it carefully, grabbing a beer out and popping the top, taking a big hearty swig.

“Ah. Refreshing.” I said to myself as I made my way back over to the table and took a seat.

I watched the movie that Val and Matt had fell asleep to and looked around in some cabinets to find some other ones. Not being able to find any I got up and headed to the back of the bus, finding a decent stash in a closet back there. I set it up and sat down, sipping my beer as we rolled along.

After another movie and a half, Kelly came out from the back rubbing her eyes, “Hey, what're you doing?”

“Watching Pulp Fiction. Care to join?” I asked as she came and sat with me at the table.

“Are you drinking too? You know we have to work tonight?” she said.

“Yeah. I'm not getting drunk. Just a few to take my mind off things.” I replied.

“What are these things if I might ask?” she questioned before lowering her voice to a softer tone, “Zacky?”

“Yes amongst other things.” I answered.

“What's the deal happy meal?” she asked still trying to keep quiet.

“We fought at the party and we aren't really friends...” I said trailing off.

“What?!” she exclaimed causing Matt to stir as I shushed her, “Sorry... what?”

“I don't wanna talk about it. Just something happened and I can't forgive him for it. At least not right now.” I said.

“Is that the reason for all of...” she said motioning at me, “this?”

“Yes and no. It's definitely not helping.” I sighed heavily, “It’s just everything Kells… just everything…”

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, hugging me to her side, “It’s alright Lei baby. It’s all going to be alright.”

I took another sip of my beer before replying, “I know it will. It’s just hard to get over everything. I feel like I’m going backwards instead of forwards.”

“You have to learn from the past to change the future. Don’t worry about anyone else but you. If Zee gets to you, let me know and I’ll kick his ass baby.” She smirked before kissing my cheek.

“Alright.” I smirked back.

We watched the rest of the movie, Johnny waking up and joining us about another half hour after our conversation. He grabbed a beer and sat on the couch opposite Matt and Val, lazily watching as Kelly moved to the other booth at the table and began pulling at his hair gently without him noticing.

“Hey!” He said as he finally felt one of her tugs, causing us both to giggle.
Jimmy and Leana came out from their bunk shortly after, Jimmy waking up Matt by screaming about getting something to eat for lunch. Brian wandered out at Jimmy’s screaming, rubbing his eyes before coming to sit next to Kelly in the booth. I came to find out that Jason Berry was the one driving us as Jimmy pointed out places to get food to him, making him stop.

“Go wake up Zacky.” Johnny said to me and I shifted uncomfortably.

“I’ll do it.” Matt said rescuing me and walking towards the bunks.

Everyone else started piling off the bus as I got up to go into my backpack on the couch, looking for my wallet.
“See you out there okay?” Matt said as he passed me.

I heard a small thump and didn’t dare to turn around, knowing those green eyes would be staring at me if I did. Abandoning my search for the wallet, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and rushed out after Matt.

“Are you going to just avoid me this whole time?” Zacky said from behind me as we walked towards the restaurant.

“No. I can be civil.” I said still not meeting his gaze.

“Civil? You won’t even look at me.” He scoffed.

“Maybe it’s too hard for me to.” I said stopping just outside the front doors.

“Why? Because you know you want it to be like it was?” he asked.

“No… It’s too hard because I can’t believe my best friend would be such an asshole and do such a hurtful thing to me.” I said opening the door and walking in.

I knew I pissed him off with my last comment as I took a seat next to Kelly and my brother as he took one at the other end of the table next to Johnny. Kelly leaned over and gave me a questionable look as I threw my backpack down hard on the floor and Zacky whipped the chair out throwing himself down in it.

Matt tapped my hand with the back of his fork, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I replied picking up the menu and skimming it.

I wasn’t hungry. I honestly wanted another beer or some kind of alcohol. I flipped thru the menu looking for a drink menu, finding it on the back. The waitress came and took our food and drink orders, mostly alcohol of course.

“You’re drinking Lei?” Matt asked me.
“Yeah. I need it.” I said letting my eyes wander to the end of the table where Zacky was obviously stewing in my answer.

The waitress brought our drinks and food and everyone lightly chatted with each other about the first stop. I had pounded my first 2 beers and was working on a third when Kelly told me to probably chill out. I set the bottle down on the table, picking at my order of French fries as everyone talked.

“Fuck you Johnny.” Zacky said angrily from the end of the table grabbing my attention.

“What? I was just asking what’s up your ass?” Johnny said throwing his hands up.

“Fuck you.” Zacky growled getting up from the table throwing down some cash on the table and walking out.

Everyone looked at each other before their gazes fell on me.

Were they expecting me to jump up and find out what was wrong with him? Really? Ugh…

I got up from the table tossing some money down and taking the last swigs of my beer, “Ugh! Fine… I’ll find out.”
I trudged outside to the bus, skipping up the stairs and finding Zacky in the back punching the wall between the bunks.

“Cut it out will ya.” I yelled at him, startling him.

“Why? Because I’m such an asshole?” He snapped.

“Right now, yeah you are. You didn’t have to take out your frustration on Johnny.” I said as I set my backpack down on the couch.

“What the fuck do you care?” He retorted.
“You’re right, maybe I should just not care.” I said as I walked past him and stepped up to get into my bunk, “You didn’t seem to care when you were fucking Sarah.”

“GODDAMMIT LEI!! I DIDN’T FUCK HER!!” He shouted at me, pulling at his hair.

“Oh, yes that’s right you just were planning on it until you found out what your brother was doing TO ME… my bad.” I said sarcastically.

“FUCK LEI!” He screamed as he came to the side of my bunk, taking a few deep breaths to calm down, “What the fuck do I have to do to get you to forgive me? To believe me? What do I have to do to go back to how we were?” He asked calmly.

“I don’t know what will make it right again. I don’t know if we can ever go back to how it was. How am I supposed to trust you? I was healing and getting over everything that happened and then you did this.” I replied looking in his eyes, “Now, I’m in worse shape than I was before. You made me believe that I had someone who truly cared for me, that listened and helped me with my problems, that really wanted to be with me, and was willing to wait for me to be ready. Then in an instant you pissed on it all.”

“And I’m sorry for it. I was an idiot and wasn’t thinking clear. I’m sorry Lei. I don’t know what to do without you.” He said softly and I watched a few tears escape his eyes as he wiped them away quickly.

“Well, you better figure it out. I’m sorry too Zacky. I’m not ready to forgive you for the hurt you’ve caused.” I responded sadly before turning over in my bunk.

“Please, Lei. I’d do anything for you.” He said as he gently ran his calloused fingers along the back of my exposed arm.

“Then please leave me alone.” I answered, the tears already falling.

“You don’t mean that, but I’ll do it. Only because you asked.” He muttered before I heard him walk to the front of the bus and dig thru the fridge for a beer.

I cried in my bunk for another 10 minutes, not caring if Zacky heard me or not, before I heard the bus door open again, everyone returning. I turned over in my bunk, peering over the edge, coming face to face with Matt.

He brushed my hair back, out of my face, before asking, “You alright?”

“Yeah.” I sniffled, “I just need some time alone before work tonight.”

“Okay. Just let me know if you need something. I love you.” He said kissing my forehead.

“Love you too.” I said rolling back over in my bunk after closing the curtain.

I cried myself to sleep, this time softer so that I didn’t draw attention from anyone. I woke up a few hours later to a much quieter bus. I lay there in the darkness of my bunk just staring at the ceiling when I heard my brother and Brian talking across their bunks below me.

“Is Lei alright? She was crying for like an hour after we came back…” Brian whispered directly from under my bunk.

“She’s going to be okay. She’s having a rough time with ‘someone’.” Matt replied, probably pointing at Zacky above his bunk.
“It’s so weird. They were like attached at the hip… now it’s just awkward.” Brian said.

“I know. I think it’s just gotta run its course. I’m sure they’ll get over it, whatever it is.” Matt responded, “I just hope she doesn’t get any worse. This past week has been a nightmare.”

“I know she hasn’t been herself lately and honestly neither has Zee. I called him on Tuesday to go out to Johnny’s Bar and he turned me down, I even told him I’d buy. He never turns down drinking at Johnny’s, especially if I’m buying.”

“I could barely get Lei to come out of her room. She wore her fucking pajamas for days on end and I doubt her hair even saw a hairbrush every 3 days. She wouldn’t eat or talk to anyone. Have you seen the way her clothes are practically falling off her? She’s lost so much weight in just a week it’s making me sick worrying about her.” Matt said quietly.

“Yeah, I saw that. We all just have to keep an eye on her to make sure she’s okay. She’s not doing anything self-inflicting right?” Brian asked.

“Not that I know of. I had her promise me not to. I don’t know what to do but I hope that us all being here will help her forget about her troubles in the past and move forward. I just wish I knew what it was they fought about to make this such a downward spiral. She was doing good before with all of her grief, and now she’s just falling deeper and deeper into depression…”

“Well, we are all here to catch her before she gets there. She’s going to be okay Matt. You said it yourself. She’s a tough cookie and she’ll get better. I think she just needs time.” Brian said kindly.

“You’re probably right Bri. If only I could speed up time for her. I want my bubbly baby sister back already.” Matt replied and I could hear the pain in his voice.

“We all do bro.” Brian agreed.

I listened as the both of them closed their curtains and I could hear my brother snoring softly. I carefully climbed down from my bunk and made my way to the front of the bus to get my magazine from my backpack. I stood there silently as I saw Zacky’s body lying on the couch facing the TV.

Dammit. Why can’t he be in his own fucking bunk? Or anywhere else for that matter…

I went over to my bag on the opposite couch and took out my magazine but not without glancing over at him. He was wide awake, his green eyes watching my movements, pain behind them as he went back to the movie he was watching. I hadn’t noticed how sunken in his face had gotten or the dark circles under his eyes until I looked at him here in the glow of the TV. I turned and looked up at the screen seeing him watching our favorite movie, Return of the Living Dead. I felt the tears well up and turned back towards the back of the bus, but couldn’t muster my legs to move.

“Are you alright?” he asked me quietly.

“No.” I replied before walking back to my bunk.

I stopped at my bunk and looked back out to the front of the bus before climbing up, catching him peek back and look at me concerned. I wiped my eyes and turned on the small light, opening up my magazine.

“Of course you would…” I muttered to myself as I opened the page to a Schecter Guitar Ad with Zacky and Brian staring at me from the pages.

Notes

Here you go my lovelies! I feel like this is a powerful chapter with many emotions. I really hope you all enjoyed it. [ @DaniVengeance I hope you don't cry too much! <3 ] I am aiming to get another chapter up this week but I can make no promises, besides work I have wedding planning meetings to do :/ Still I'm hopeful. Lots of edits in chapters that I have written is causing a delay in new chapters but I think it will all be for the best ;) Thank you for your comments and for reading! Love to hear what you all think! Much love and Aloha <3 <3 <3 XoXo