Life According To Amber Lynn Haner

*Amber's POV*

I didn't sleep at all last night, and spent the whole night staring out the window at the city lights. And as extreme as it sounds, I wanted to die too. Mom was gone, and now Gramps too? Two of the most important people in my life were now gone, and I didn't know how long I'd be able to hold up. I just felt numb, like a walking corpse. The life had just left me, and I was now just existing, not living.

The funeral was at noon, and it took all of my will power to get up out of bed. I just wanted to bury myself under the duvet and stay there for the remainder of my days. I had my outfit sorted - my black and white Vans, my black ripped skinny jeans and a black hoodie. Despite the heat today, I refused to wear just a tshirt. I can't. No way.

I took a shower and washed my red hair, getting shampoo in my eye. I didn't care, I didn't even feel the pain. I couldn't feel anything at all. I held back tears, and did my waterproof mascara, I colored in my eyebrows (they're an awful disgrace without being colored in) and put on my concealer, covering up my acne and the dark circles under my eyes. I looked like death that could walk, and that's literally what I felt like.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, if you'd rather not go, it's perfectly ok, and we can visit the grave within the time that we're here." Dad said gently, while I was trying to distract myself by sorting out my hair. It didn't work.

"I'll be ok..I need to finally say goodbye. I owe him that much at least." I replied quietly, blinking back more tears. I faked a smile, trying to let on that I was ok. He didn't buy it, but said nothing. We left then, making small talk about nothing in particular. I just tried to keep it together for as long as I could.

-----

We arrived at the church to see that it was packed, and we sat down the very back near the doors, incase I wanted to go. This was my idea, but I wasn't sure if I'd last the full ceremony, but I knew I'd try my best.

The ceremony went slowly, and I was a complete mess. I cried non-stop, and Dad rubbed my back in an effort to calm me down, and in all fairness to him, it worked a good bit. I spent a majority of the ceremony sobbing into his chest, afraid to look up and see the open casket. I didn't want to see Gramps' dead, lifeless body just lying there. That would scar me even more.

Aunt Larissa did a speech, putting absolutely no sincerity and emotion into it, reading in a monotone voice. It didn't surprise me at all, because she's still a bitch. Towards the end of the speech, she copped on that Dad and I came, and I saw her stiffen up a lot. I know there'll be an exchanging of words between them later on, but I won't bank on it. From what I've gathered, Dad wants nothing to do with her, and I couldn't blame him. He says that even when he and my mom were together, he and Larissa never saw eye-to-eye.

At the end of the ceremony, they played Gramps' favourite song, which happened to be Ghost Of You by My Chemical Romance. I turned him into a fan of them a year or two ago, and he always liked that song because it was personal to him, about when Gramma died when I was twelve.

The lyrics "you are never coming home, never coming home" had struck a heart-string, and I started crying all over again. I hadn't cried this much since Mom's funeral, and I think I've cried myself dry by now. It's going to take me a while to heal up after this.

-----

We followed up to the cemetery, where Gramps was being buried next to Mom's grave. And as you would've guessed, I cried yet again, as I haven't been to Mom's grave since her funeral. Dad and I hung back when everybody else had gone, and he came and sat next to me on the grass, after he'd been talking to Larissa.

"It feels a bit weird..visiting your mom's grave at such a young age.." I said quietly, sniffling and tugging on my sleeves.

"I just wish I'd found her before she died. We could've worked things out, and I could've met you sooner." He replied, and looked at Mom's headstone.

"Like A Shooting Star, Flyin' Across The Room, So Fast, So Far, You Were Gone Too Soon..

Amanda Melanie Dillion (1982 - 2014) Beloved mother, daughter, sister and friend. May God keep you safe now, and you'll forever be in our hearts." He read the plaque out loud, and did his best not to cry.

We were silent for the remainder of outlet time there, both of us thinking about what's happened lately, and how affected we are by it. I'd managed not to cry any more, keeping myself together until we got back to the hotel.

-----

We got back to the hotel, and I just flopped onto the bed, preparing to just lay there for the night. I was tired, and that funeral took a lot out of me. All I wanted to do was sleep now, and that's just what I planned to do. Just sleep in my clothes I was wearing today, and get changed tomorrow.

"You're better off in your pyjamas, you'll feel a bit better." Dad said, flicking on the tv (I swear, all the two of us do is watch tv, anytime you see us, we're glued to some sort of tv programme, and we won't talk).

"I'm good thanks, but good suggestion." I replied, burying my face in the pillow. I didn't want to move for the rest of the evening.

"It's not a suggestion, I'm telling you to go and put your pyjamas on. You're not going to bed like that, you've gotta be kidding me."

"But-"

"It's been a long day for the both of us, Amber. Don't argue, please?" I got up off the bed and grabbed my pyjamas and a different hoodie, and went into the bathroom to get myself ready for bed, as I needed to take off my makeup and brush my teeth too.

When I was satisfied enough with myself, I came back out, and flopped back onto the bed, getting myself warm underneath the duvet. We ended up watching seasons 1 and 2 of Supernatural, before I passed out. I prayed to God that I'd get a good nights sleep now.

Notes

I'm getting tired of trying to be nice to everyone, only for them to throw it back in my face, and be mean and disrespectful

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