Life According To Amber Lynn Haner

*Amber's POV*

I woke up at 5am, and was met by yet more rain. After a couple of seconds, everything that happened yesterday clicked in my brain, and I started crying all over again. I also realised that we'd be leaving soon, so I dragged myself out of bed and got my clothes ready. I couldn't give a flying fuck what I'd be wearing, but ended up in a pair of dark denim rolled-up skinny jeans, a white tank shirt and my camo ATL hoodie, and my black and white Vans. I grabbed my clothes and my makeup and stuff and headed to the bathroom, hoping a shower might make me feel better.

Needless to say it didn't, it just made me feel a gazillion times worse. When I was dressed and did my makeup, I went back into my room and sat on my bed, staring blankly at my phone. 5:51am. I knew I'd never be able to sleep now, but I tried. Dad would surely call me when we were leaving.

-----

I woke again at ten, and frantically ran around getting everything ready. I didn't know why we hadn't left, we were supposed to be gone three hours ago. I brought my suitcase downstairs and saw Dad with all of the guys and Val sitting in the living room, oblivious to my existence.

"She took it hard, I mean I couldn't blame her, but I'm just worried about what it'll do to her..with how she can get.." Dad sighed, and I deflated a little. I had him worried, and I didn't want that.

"Just keep an eye on her, and give her time. She'll come around." Arin added, and I smiled a little to myself. He always had my back. We were homies.

I'd realised I left my charger in the kitchen, and forgotten my earphones upstairs, so I rain around screaming "shit, shit, shit" and every other swear under the sun, and ran back upstairs. I fumbled around looking for them, and wasn't looking where I was going, walking straight into the person stading behind me. Zacky.

"Don't fucking do that, man." I sighed, untangling my earphones and proceeding to walk out the door. I'd walked about two steps past him, when he pulled me back, putting his hands on my shoulders and standing opposite me.

"We're all worried about you, Amber. Look, I know you'll want to grieve, but just don't do anything silly, ok? I know it hurts, but the hurting will stop eventually." He said, but I just stared at the ground.

"I'm fine.."

"Both you and I know that you're not, and that's ok. Just take all the time you need to grieve, and you'll get better soon."

"I'm fine.." Tears were running down my face, yet I was insisting that I was fine. He gave me a really long hug, rubbing my back while I cried (luckily, I wore waterproof mascara, so my face wouldn't look like a spider crawled through ink), and constantly cried for a decent half hour. When I'd finally pulled myself together, Zacky went back downstairs and I gathered the last of the things that I was bringing with me, and squashed them into my suitcase, all the while distracted at my surroundings. Life's a bitch, and I want to die too.

-----

Dad pushed the time we were leaving at until four in the afternoon, so as that I'd have a bit of time to calm down and get organised. I just felt drained, in all honestly. And all I wanted to do was just sleep forever, and not wake up until I was almost dead. It's a bizarre extent, but it's how I feel.

We threw our stuff in the car, and set off on the who knows how many hours drive to Denver. I stayed quiet, lost in my own thoughts about everything that's gone on. Why did they have to take Gramps? Why couldn't aunt Larissa died? I wouldn't care if she'd gone, she was a bitch anyways.

The rain still bucketed down, and you could barely see out the windscreen. This saddened me even more, but I said nothing. I just had no words, and even if I did, they'd come out all mixed up and jumbled, pretty much like alphabet spaghetti shapes. Despite all of the sleep I'd gotten, I still felt awfully tired, and ended up falling asleep for no more than ten minutes, but it was still something.

"Feeling any better?" Dad asked, grabbing my had and giving it a squeeze, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. He knows I like it whe he does that, because my mom used to do it to me when I was little and I couldn't sleep.

"Not really, it still feels like there's been a bh whole drilled into my heart, and it's hurting bad." I replied quietly, wiping away a tear with my sleeve.

"You need a distraction..like the city lights. You said you like the city lights when it's dark. It's getting dark now, and it's darker than normal because of the rain clouds. You can see the lights, and they look pretty cool, right?" He was trying to lighten my mood and get me to talk. Bless his heart.

"I love the city lights, they're one of the coolest things ever! And when it's dark, obviously you can see them better, and..." We talked for the remainder of the journey, before checking into a hotel for the four days that we'd be here.

I knew it would take a while, but I just think tha time will heal everything, and I'll get over Gramps' death just like I got over my mom's. I mean, after all, I have Dad, I have the guys, I have Val and I have Ash. And I know that they'll support me through it, and I'll make it through because of them.

Notes

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