Warmness on the soul

*Brian POV*

I was really happy when the day was over. I liked to be in the studio with the guys, but I really didn’t get much sleep last night. Joana worried me a little, after all she was pregnant by a guy that was a total dick and she had to go through that all alone. Who knows if Aidan would going to help her when she needed some?! In my eyes she didn’t deserve a guy like that. I didn’t want to sound selfish but she deserved a man that was taking care of her and threated her like a queen.

“Matt, would it be ok when I stay home tomorrow?” I was just whining.

I usually wasn’t that one of guys that had to kneel down and beg for a day off, but I desperately needed one right now.

“Dude, you know we have a death line. We desperately need you, man. There is no way that you can take a day off right now.”

“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE” I fall down on my knees and folded my hands.

Matt seemed pretty amused by my actions but he wouldn’t get ‘weak’ by me kneeling in front of him begging for a day off. Just one fucking day. Everyone else was there and I could record my solos the other day. I really didn’t see there any problem.

“Explain to me why you really need a day off. For what? You had been at vacation, I would say, for about 2 weeks. Then you come back, work for one fucking day and you beg for another day off. You don’t become a pussy, don’t you?”

“I need to get some sleep” I tried with the honest way.

“Let me give you one advice, Brian. Just go to bed earlier and you won’t be sleepy in the morning. Zacky won’t be here tomorrow either. So we need one guitar player in the studio. Sorry buddy.”

Conversation was done. Sometimes Matt was bossing us around and play with us like little puppets. It wasn’t one of my favorite days but you couldn’t do anything against that. You better followed him or you better wrap up warm.
I saw Joana passing the room and I screamed her name and asked if Johnny could wait one second longer.

“Would you like me to cook for you tonight?”

“I can’t remember you were cooking while we were a couple but I am happily surprised you had changed that. So let’s see what you are going to cook for tonight” she smiled and seemed so balanced right now.

But I didn’t know if that wasn’t just a mask she was wearing right now. She was having a tough time and that would need a few more days to heal all the wounds. But I would be there when she would need me. Joana could count on me 24/7. After all I waited for 3 years to get that close again, so I could waited for a bit longer. Though it became a little challenge not to kiss her right now. Her lips looked really inviting and tasty, but no one in the studio knew about our feelings. So I was giving her just a hug and watched her until she was gone.
Only when I turned around I saw that Johnny had watched the whole scenario.

“You little evil bastard” he chuckled “You are in love again. What happened down in South Africa, dude?”

“Me?” I tried to look surprised “You’re terrible mistaken.”

“You know she is happily married with Aidan and I thought we had that conversation about 3 years ago. You cried your eyes out, went terribly miserable and the end of the story was that she was choosing him over you. Please accept that before you break your heart again.”

I nodded and tried to play along with this. If he would know what happened in that short time he might think different but right now we wanted to keep this as our little, maybe dirty, secret.

“What did you want from me?”

“The day is done and it’s a pretty long time ago that we’ve had a beer at our favorite local. What do you think we are going to change that tonight?”

“As I really would love to drink a beer with you tonight I don’t think that this is a really good idea.”
“Why? You never declined having a beer with your friends. Do you have any other plans? Please don’t tell me you are trying to get Joana back.”

“No, I have a date.”

Actually I wasn’t even lying to him. I’ve had a date but with Joana in that case. She was still trying not to come to close to me, thought she got weak every now and then, but I assumed that she was trying to prevent to get hurt another time. Maybe it wouldn’t be a really bad idea to ask her about her reason why she actually broke up with me. I couldn’t think that she was cheating on me since she was the most loyal person ever.

“You started dating again? Well I’m happy that you started to see a girl again after 3 years absence. Who is that girl? Do I know her?”

“No” I shook my head and tried not to smile in the same moment “But I really would like to enjoy my first meal alone before I introduce her to you guys.”

‘Sorry Johnny, but it was not the right time.’

I patted him onto the shoulder, grabbed my bag and jacket and went outside to my car. I still had to get a few things for the dinner. It was pretty cold today and I just hoped to be home pretty soon. I wasn’t really someone that liked the cold weather.
Until now I didn’t had any good ideas for a dinner. I just would see what the supermarket was offering and would be improvise a bit later. My cooking skills weren’t the best but I didn’t hear anyone complaining until now.
While driving in my car, humming to the songs that buzzed from the speakers I couldn’t help than thinking about her. It felt like a dream that we got so close again. I gave up my hopes some time ago and didn’t think it would work in South Africa. Sometimes you just had to let things flow and it would sort out almost alone. I wasn’t happy that Aidan hurt this girl, but it has shown that she still felt something for me. But only time could tell what the future holds.

I parked the car on the parking lot and when I got into the supermarket I saw a familiar face. That wasn’t just real, right?! Huntington Beach wasn’t a huge town but I was that ‘lucky’ to see Aidan with his new girlfriend. Both seemed pretty close to each other. He wasn’t really sad that his wife was feeling horrible. How cold could someone really be? She was pregnant by him and he wasn’t anything else doing than fucking through the whole town. Men like that were driving me mad.
I tried to be invisible, get my things as fast as I can and get out of here without being noticed. As the coincidence wanted he turned around and saw my face.

“Oh look who is here?! I thought you have your people doing the grocery shopping for you. Well I hope you are going to have some fun with my wife in bed” he said in a really sarcastic undertone.

I would rather slap him for that comment than staying the nice person but my parents sadly taught me too many good behaviors. He became such a dick in a short amount of time while his new girl cling around his arm, chewing gum and looking at me from head to toe.

“For the record I didn’t sleep with her. I’m helping her while she is feeling really terrible. You absolutely have no idea how she is feeling right now. She is pregnant, but I guess she had mentioned that already. You better grow up.”

“I assume that she is feeling terrible when she had to spent two weeks with you. I’m surprised that she doesn’t need a holiday from you now.”

I was taking a few more breaths before I was answering that prick. I really didn’t know why I was doing it anyway. He wasn’t worth my time.

“Her friend died and did she ever tell you about her past? I don’t think she ever did and that is showing me how much she had trusted you. If you really love that woman you would show more support and take care of a girl that is carrying your baby. So you choose to take that girl, have fun in your marriage bed while she was being with a friends last days. Shame on you.”

BANG! And suddenly I felt his fist in my face. Glad that people came and avoid only worse situations. God, I never thought he would be a violent person. Deep in his heart he probably was a good person I have seen him at the restaurant and wedding, but now he showed off his different face. Aidan could call himself happy that people were holding me back. I got really mad and he better didn’t cross my path for the next few days.

“What is going on here?” a man came and looked to both of us.

“Nothing!” I said and was taking the ice pack that the man was offering me.

It was really hurting. That man had an iron fist but nothing that I couldn’t handle right now.

“You better leave this place now!” the man said and pointed to the door.

So I paid for my stuff and went home. I was happy to leave this place as fast as I can. Right now I just wanted to be home and have a cozy evening with Joana. The mood of having a romantic evening was certainly gone. My mood had dropped down to a pretty low level right now. I was angry by Aidan but I didn’t feel guilty for saying just true facts. It was true what I was saying and I would do it again.

“What happened to you?” Joana asked worriedly when I was coming in.

That’s what I was loving about this girl. You could be really in the worst pain but if she was looking at you and maybe even smiling you were forgetting everything around you. That’s what she was doing to my heart. I wish I wouldn’t have let her go so easily. A mistake I would never make twice for sure.

“Long story very short. I saw Aidan in the supermarket, I tried to avoid him but he choose to have a small talk. Well I told him what I think and then he slapped me pretty hard.”

Joana was as shocked as me. Even she couldn’t believe that he was able to do this. Ok who actually do this when they only knew his friendly side.

“You are kidding me.”

“I wish I would, honey.”

I kissed her on the cheek and then got to the kitchen. It was about time to prepare the dinner. The eye was still hurting but I clenched my teeth and tried to focus better on preparing the dinner or Joana. She kept looking at me and was smiling brightly like me. Yes I was really happy to be with her right now.

Joana followed me to the kitchen. She took my hands and made me to look at her. She could be so damn sweet but actually I wanted to wait for this a little bit longer. It would be such a great dessert I think.

“Mhmmmm”, I was moaning when I suddenly felt her lips onto mine.

“I could not resist right now” she winked at me and gave me a slap on my bum.

She was really shining of happiness right now. I would wish to see her like that for a bit longer than just today and tomorrow. It suited her so much better than crying and being a drama-queen. It was a little advantage that she wasn’t that small as most of the girls so I could look straight into her eyes.

“Let’s wait a little longer. Only a bit. After dinner we could have a glass of ….”

I almost spitted out the word ‘wine’. I wasn’t really used to that right now and had to cut out of the wine now from the list, at least for her.

“No wine”, she was laughing.

“I just remembered this, honey. Sorry” I pouted in hope she would buying this.

“It is ok. I try to get used to this too. I made an appointment now” she was leading our conversation into more serious stuff again.

“Great. And if you want me to help you somewhere, just let me know ok?”

“Brian, I am no baby anymore, but thank you. I appreciate your help.”

She was right, but I just wanted to be supportive. I tried to make up my mistakes from the past, but I should take care that I wasn’t annoying her by my presence. Otherwise it could happen that she might be leaving me again. Just with the difference that I would know now the mistake I made. But I had to focus on the dinner anyway. I already was a bit late.
I decided for some chicken with a nice salad. It was nothing big – but I just noticed that I didn’t have much for a great dinner at home and I was distracted by Aidan to look for something nice in the supermarket. Let’s hope she would like it.
While I was preparing the dinner Joana choose to go to bed and rest for a little while. She was really exhausted, well like me, but she needed that sleep more.
After I was done I walked in and she looked indeed like a little angel sleeping in the bed. The hands were placed next to head like a newborn while her hair was a total mess. She mumbled something, but it wasn’t too clear to understand what it was.

“Baby, dinner is ready” I whispered.

I laid next to her on my tummy and patted her back. She opened her eyes and looked to me.

“I just felt asleep a few minutes ago” she mumbled and was hiding her face in the pillow.

“No you actually were sleeping an hour, dear. Take some time. I will wait for you in the living room.”

So I went back to the living room as the phone started to ring all of the sudden. I just hoped it wasn’t Aidan but actually he didn’t had my number, so I could cut his name from the list.

“Haner”

“I’m so happy that I could reach you. It’s me Matt. Well buddy sorry about what happened earlier but we are really under pressure of the next album. We have a death line that we can’t miss. The reason why I’m calling you is following. One of the producers got really sick and well Joana is a good help in the studio. She knows all the technique stuff. So do you think she would be coming in tomorrow again?”

“I promise to talk to her later, if I can reach her. But I can’t make you any promises about her coming tomorrow. I try my best though.”

I would be just really happy if she was coming. I liked to have her around and she was really good friends with the guys as well. It was some fun.

“Thank you. So you can be holding hands when you think no one can actually see that” he laughed.

I felt a bit caught like a teenager was caught while cheating during a test. It was embarrassing but I really had tried everything that no one takes notice of that.

“I have no idea what you talk about” I swallowed and still pretended being innocent.

So not only Johnny noticed it, so Matt did now as well. Actually we could make it official but Joana wouldn’t want that. I would scream out loud on the highest building. There was nothing to hide. Love was something beautiful and it was good to enjoy that feeling again.

“Dude, I’ve seen that with my own eyes. No worry I won’t tell anyone.”

Matt hung up and I put the phone back to its place. Suddenly I felt some arms wrapping around my hip and turned back to look into those green eyes.

“You finally got up?”

“Yeah. I felt a bit lonely after you were gone. Who have you been talking with?”

“Matt called. One of the producers called in sick and I should ask you if you would join me in the studio tomorrow again.”

“I would really love to do that. I can’t leave you alone there. Otherwise I would become really jealous by the thought of you flirting with other girls and you know what happens when I’m jealous.”

Another sign she was really feeling better. She could make jokes again, even about Aidan’s jealousy.

“Cool. I just need to tell you that Matt saw us holding hands secretly like Johnny probably has his thoughts about us as well. These guys are such gossip queens.”

I touched her cheek gently and waited for her reaction.

“Well why don’t we make it official? We know what we feel and after I saw what Aidan has done to me and you I made my decision. There is no way that I will be going back to him. Not even when he would beg me, cry or send me all the flowers that exist in this world. Brian, I love you and I made a mistake by leaving you three years ago.”

I was so glad hearing the words coming out of her mouth. It was more an obvious sign that she was loving me and finally choose me again. My feelings couldn’t expressed in words right now, so I pulled her closer to me and started to kiss her. I was relieved from a huge burden for waiting so long for that moment.

“Let’s eat now!”, I winked at her.

“We will save this for later.”

I gave her plate of food and sat down next to her. I just felt in love again. Unbelievable how stronger my feelings got every single day. She got even prettier. Somehow I only hoped she wouldn’t change her mind again. Joana doesn’t deserve Aidan as he was now: jealous and an asshole from head to toe.

As we finished she got up and was doing the dishes.

"What have you been doing this afternoon that made you so happy?"

"Not much really. I was having a nice afternoon with my girls, talked again and just had a very good time.”

"Great to hear that. I hope that he never hurt you like this."

"Psychical pain is quite worse. I expected that it will be bad when I come back from South Africa but when I saw him with …”

I had to interrupt her by kissing her lips. She shouldn’t bother about this now. It was important that we were looking to the future now. She finished the kiss and looked at me smiling.

"I love you"

I couldn’t believe hearing the words coming out of her mouth. It was an indescribable moment for me.

“I love you too” I answered after a little while.

Notes