*Joana POV*

Angry as I was I got into the room where Brian was changing clothes and just standing completely naked in front of me.

‘Phew. Damn go and touch me now.’

I raised my eye brow and I tried not to focus any longer. I got hot by the look of his naked body but tried to avoid it. I was looking for my laptop in my bag. Actually I just pretended that. The main reason were getting some clothes and going back to the bathroom. But this would mean I had to stand his body. And now I just tried to do something that I do not had to look at him.
After some time I turned around and saw that he already left the room. Oh god that was so embarrassing. I am no teenager anymore. I handle these things quite well – but now I just have been teased by this little sexy bastard and my husband – who tried to ignore me for some reason.

I was sitting on the bed, breathing heavy and I really had no idea what to do. Patrick probably needed me but I actually wished to be alone right now.
The future was about to turn around of 180 degrees. First I needed a shower though. I needed to clear my head from all the thoughts and wished they would solve itself. Brian was coming in again, smiled at me shortly and grabbed his suitcase. Shall I really stop him?

“Do you really want to go?”

I looked at him with my cutest puppy face ever – at least I hoped so.

“I think so. You need a clear head and how can you get one when I am still around?”
“Brian, I only know that Aidan right now ignores me for some reason. I don’t know if he is still pissed off at me or what he is doing. I was getting a message this morning that he read my message but did not answer to it.”
“It is not really a fine way. I mean he is jealous at me but not saying ‘Happy New Year’ to his wife is just stupid. Sorry that I say that. So you want me to stay? I do if you want to.”
“Yes please.”

I couldn’t speak really. I was crying again. At least I could call myself happy that I had one man here on my side. The other one was probably not even interested what happened here .
Patrick entered the room now.

“Shall I order some food for you too? I am pretty lazy to cook something.”
“Why don’t you let me cook?” I offered my help.

No wonder that people call me ‘Mother Theresa’. I was helping the people where I can and tried to do my best. I never wanted to have anything back unless respect for what I do.

“Yeah why not. Feel free.”

He gave me a short little smile. Brian was right, he was indeed a strong man and would handle the situation.

“Why don’t you help him by some things?” I whispered in his ear.

He nodded with a happy smile, kissed me and then followed Patrick into the bedroom.

The day was passing fast. It was just 8pm and he went to bed. It was obviously that he is missing her. They have been married since many years.
Brian and I were just sitting on the couch and watched some documentary about South Africa and their culture. Actually quite interesting but again I couldn’t really concentrate. Just this time it was about Patrick and his future alone with the kids.

“I think it must be tough to be him right now”, I started the conversation.
“He told me that he might goes to his brother and will be living there from now on. He spoke about his wife really bad. Patrick said she even betrayed him at the wedding. That’s how the story goes on and then she just took so many men as she wanted. He is not even sure if these are his own kids.”
“The worse thing is that I know Lisa like this. She always have been like that and was jumping from bed to bed literally. And now I am being like this too.”

I couldn’t believe how much I was like her. I also betrayed him on our wedding.

“You are not like her at all. We have kissed, ok. That was wrong but do you really blame only yourself?”
“Yes. Somehow yes. He was sweet on our honeymoon and was doing almost everything to make me happy. But I don’t need someone who tries to impress a woman with money. I want someone who accepts me who I am. A guy that is not jealous about everything and where I can live like a free bird. I do not want to sit in someone’s cage and just sit there all day long.”
“And that’s what I was trying to show you. He is doing his part on this too. It always takes two, honey. So do not blame only yourself.”
“Thanks sweetheart.”

Brian knew how to cheer me up – it is actually what I needed. And I was waiting how my conversation with Aidan will go when I go back. The flight was going in the middle of the night. In few hours to be exact. Until then I just wanted to enjoy my last hours with him.
One of his hand was wandering under my blouse and I know it was hard to resist too. But I wanted to have the conversation first before anything happens.

“Can’t we wait a little bit more?! I want to talk with Aidan. I already feel guilty of what I have done to him.”

Though he kept his hand there where he placed it.

“No problem. I am only enjoying the beautiful sight.”
“Feel free”

I know I wanted the same right now but I could not do that before I was talking to Aidan first. I really begged him to stop teasing me for a little while. I just wanted to see how the conversation went. And I was pretty tired right now too.

“It is ok. I think I can wait a little longer.”

He was laying his arm around me and I cuddled up with him. Being in his arms was the only thing that was just good right now. I have done far too much already. He was really attractive and I wished I would never have broken up with him. Right now he looked like the more perfect partner.

“How do you want to go on? Steve told me that you will going to be working with us on our next album?!”
“What do you mean? We can get along very well and no matter what happens between each other, that part will stay professional in all ways. The band is around you and I doubt that we would have time for other things.”

I actually looked quite forward to work again in the studio with him. The boys and I always had a lot of fun together, teased each other and I just had good memories in thinking back the time with them. I really didn’t see a big problem in working with Brian in the same room. There was so much distraction that we wouldn’t have even time for kissing or other sweet moments.
But my thoughts went back to Patrick. Even after one day she died I could not feel any sadness. Only for Patrick and the kids. But he seemed so relieved now. He got some help and tried to live a normal life again. I really hoped he would find a girl one day who is meaning it honestly with him.

He took my hand into mine and it gave me chills again. It was really hard to resist. Every little touch brought me more to emotional release. I already felt quite hot inside and everything was screaming for a satisfaction. Sexual satisfaction.

I got up and turned on some music. I needed to something to release my inner pressure. It seems he somehow liked my little idea of moving the hips slowly to the music. It was ‘Unchain my heart’ by Joe Cocker. Not really the best song but the CD was on the player. I took his hand and pressed his body against mine. He was tight in my arms and we were slowly dancing around the living room – looking straight into each other’s eyes.
The feeling was intense and his head was getting closer and closer to mine. I started to kiss him. How could I resist that man?! He was leading me to the wall and pressed me against it. I was already moaning in his mouth. He was not really intending to wait long about this.
Within a minute his trousers was opened by himself. The hands were giving me the necessary stability while he kissed my neck over and over again. Haven’t I said a minute ago that I wanted to wait? Though deep inside I wanted the same. I wanted his lips all over my body and kissing me.
I allowed him leading me and giving me what I was looking for almost 2 weeks. It was just driving me crazier when his hands finally was wandering over the bum and rested there for a little while. I was trying to kiss him. Just to make sure Patrick won’t wake up because of me making noises.

“You are driving me wild” he whispered into my ear and bit it softly.

‘Oh fuck, you know what I was needing now.’
My hands were onto his back and holding him very tight. I really hoped that Patrick wouldn’t get up now and seeing us being close to each other. Brian licked from my ear over my neck right to my bust line. He unbuttoned my blouse with his teeth. Just after than he kissed, licked and bite my skin gently. It was fast – but not fast enough. Though I felt suddenly sick again. Why right now? It happened already this morning but I had tried to blame the food that was making me sick. Why does have this pain come up again?!

“I am sorry”, I pushed him away and was running upstairs.

I felt dizzy, tummy pain and when I reached the toilet I was puking.
All the problems that I had the last days now made me sick. It was just about time. I always had a very sensitive tummy but it was just coming to the wrong time. I stayed on the floor – kneeling before the toilet just to wait if something will come up again. I closed my blouse and tied up my hair.

“Oh my God, dear what is wrong with you?”
“I have no idea.”

My voice was sounding so pitiful. I just wanted to get to bed and sleeping until I am healthy again. I really did not need this.

“My sweet pie.”

Brian was taking me into his arms again but I pushed him away.

“Please. I feel like crap and I do not want that you get sick too. It is enough when there is one person feeling like shit.”
“Shall I make you a tea? We have some time left and you need one.”

He was so sweet. He tried everything to make me feel better. I could really be happy that he was around – but there was still the conversation with Aidan. I have checked my emails all the time. There was no sign of my husband. It almost felt like he knew that I was cheating on him. Did Lisa maybe tell him something?

“Yes please. I come down in 1 minute or so.”

He nodded and left me alone.
But what if I wasn’t sick and I was pregnant instead? It was after all possible since I stopped taking the baby pill but that happened to a time where I believed that Aidan and I would be a couple forever. We always wanted kids and had dreamt of a life with him, living in a big house near the sea and watching them grow up. In my fantasy it was all perfect. And now it seems that nothing was so sure anymore. I tried to get up with the last energy I had. Very slowly I was going downstairs where he was waiting with a cup of tea. If Aidan would be just a tiny bit like him there wouldn’t be any problems.

“Thank you.”

I sat down and nipped on my tea. It was still pretty warm but I tried to push the idea away that I might be pregnant. Automatically my hand was wandering to my tummy. It … can’t … be … possible.

“What are you think about?” Brian interrupted my train of thoughts.
“Nothing” I shook my head. “I just thought I could be …” I whispered staring out of the window.
“Pregnant?” he completed my sentence. The word that I didn’t want to speak out.
“I’m not sure about this, but what if I am?”
“Well, it is one of hundred other possibilities. Just see how you feel and make a test when we are home, just to make sure you aren’t pregnant.”

He got up and looked quite sad. I could imagine what he was feeling. A baby could mean that Aidan and I would stay a couple and he would be alone again. I got up and wrapped my arms around his hip leaning my head against his back.

“Please do not be sad. I do not like the idea, but at least you even notice that I feel bad. Not every man could say that about himself.”

I kissed his cheek and sat down again. The last hour was just quiet. I tried to think about some things while he was working on the text for the documentary. We got then our suitcase, I left a last note and we got our flight back home to Huntington Beach.

That flight was really exhausting. And I just had the worst thing to do. I had to tell Aidan what happened on my trip with Brian. I really felt sick. More than I already did. Even during the flight I puked a few times.
The nice steward gave me some cup of teas plus Brian cared for me too. He liked the idea taking care of me, not sure if he liked the thought of me expecting a child. I did not like it at all actually. Just imagine that Aidan breaks up now and I was alone with that baby. I might be with Brian then but that wouldn’t be really the same. A baby was needing his real daddy, although Brian seemed to be a caring person.

He walked with me to my house and gave me a last hug.

“If you need me, call me or come over. You know where I am. Good luck dear. You can make it. Think about that you have the courage to tell him. Who would do that?”
“Thank you. Cross the fingers for me ok?”

I got my suitcase and before I opened the door I was hearing some strange noises from the apartment. ‘What was going on there?’
I slowly opened it and what I saw was just a very bad joke. There was Irena Reese, the girl he met years ago, riding on his hard cock. I could not believe it. I let the suitcase fall hard on the floor.

“What the hell is going on here?” I was yelling.

They seemed pretty shocked seeing me in the doorstep. I let the door fall hard into the lock. If he would have checked his mails better he would have known when I come home. So his fucking mistress wouldn’t be here right now.

“What are you doing here?” Aidan was asking.
“What I am doing here? Wait, I am living here. And if you check your mails you would have known that!”

I was throwing all Irena’s clothes out here, straight out of the window. I didn’t care what others were thinking of this action. She could pick them all up while being naked. People should see what harlot she is.

“Keep your hands off my clothes, you bitch.”
“I beg your pardon? You better go, whore!! And go back to Italy where you come from.”

I pushed her out of my house and closed the door. I didn’t bother if Aidan was angry about this. He really fucked me off now. And I thought that I was doing something wrong while he was probably fucking Irena the whole time. I threw flower vase from the desk. I really could not control my anger. I would like to strangle him right now.

“Now tell me why you were doing that?”, I tried to reduce my voice volume.
“The same as you did, bitch!”
“I did not fuck Brian. Not at all. Yeah I kissed him at New Year’s Eve, but that’s all. I really felt bad, but do you know why? You have ignored all my mails and did not answer to anything. My friend was sick and died on New Year’s Eve. Do you know what I was going through? I was happy he was there. I could rely on him at least.”
“Who is believing this? You knew that Brian is coming to that trip – especially when you agreed to your first work. Then you try to tell me you had no idea about this?”
“Yes I had no idea. I wanted to travel alone. Check my last mails to Lisa. I was telling her that I arrive alone. How do you explain that? That I don’t tell her about him? Why? I had no reasons. She doesn’t know him.”
“You can tell me what you want. I do not believe you.”
“If you do not believe me, I can go. Can you see there any light for our relationship?”
“No”

He said this in his cold tune. It seemed he made that decision already a long time ago. He gave up so easily without even trying to fight.

“You better go back to Brian!! So the asshole can make you happy!”

It made me really angry how he was talking about people. So fucking rude. That wasn’t the Aidan I knew or felt in love with. He completely changed and this within some days. I better realized that now though before it was too late.

“Do you listen to yourself? You are a rude fucking bastard. It is not the guy I felt in love with. I would understand a little bit jealousy. That would be normal. But not when someone is reacting like you. Totally overreacted. Oh and I am pregnant, btw. Not from Brian, it is from you!”

I wasn’t sure about the pregnancy. But even the people during our flight were pointing out the pregnancy. Before I will be going to Brian I will buy a pregnancy test. Though I had to pack some clothes together. I did not want to stay under the same roof as him.
I still could see both in front of me. It was so disgusting that I nearly could puke again. I always hated Irena. She was such a cheeky girl! She took what she wanted and even accepted that she was ruining relationships. Congratulazioni Signorina Reese!! Bravo!!

Brian was right! I was blaming only myself and felt guilty the whole time – just because of the kiss while he was having sex, at least once. Thanks to the coincidence that made me see the truth!

“When are you finally gone?”
“You really can’t wait to see her again right? Do what you want now! I am over it! But make sure that I will fight for the money when the baby is born! Be sure of that!”

I was packing some clothes and shut the door again. I could not handle that face anymore. How could someone like him change so much?! Irena tried to interfere into our relationship a lot of times but Aidan was annoyed by her actions – and now she finally got him.

A few tears were running down my face when I was walking down the street and looking at my ring. I still wore him – never thought about to take it off. It still meant too much for me. But now it was the time to do it. I putted the ring finally in my bag.

Just a few metres away I got the pregnancy test. Was that even real? I mean first marriage, wonderful honeymoon and one thing changed my whole life. I broke up with Aidan, but was awaiting probably a baby from him.
Now I was just straight on my way to Brian. Hopefully the test will be negative and the situation was getting better soon again. That was the only faith I’ve had.

I knocked on his door and he opened immediately. It opened the door faster that I could blink.

“I am sorry, love. Come in. Do you want a tea or something?”

Wow. I never have been in his house. He moved to another place shortly after I broke up. He was really tidy. Brian should be the role model for every man. That’s how you can please a woman for sure. Either he had a person that does all this good job or he was really that loved the tidiness.

“No nothing right now. You never guess what he has done.”

He looked quite shocked to me. I have no idea what he was expecting – but probably not what I was thinking.

“Do not tell me … he … hit … you?”

His eyes got wider and looked at me hopefully.

“No. He had sex with Irena Reese, asking me what I was doing there and why I’m even so angry at this since I had done the same with you already.”
“But haven’t you sent him a message asking for him to pick you up at the airport?”
“Yeah but I don’t think he really checked his mail after what I have seen today. That’s why he thought it would be only fair to do the same to me. I tried to tell him that I only kissed you. It might be dumb to tell him about the pregnancy that I try to displace but you all convinced me that it already must be true again. That wasn’t the Aidan that I had met 3 years ago. Nothing is left of his sweet person” I folded my hands and tried to not burst into tears.
“Sometimes people change and not really in a way we like it.”

But to be sure to 100 % I grabbed the test and went into the bathroom.
I only had to wait 3 fucking long minutes to get the final result and these felt like hours. I walked up and down, trying to think on anything else than being a mummy in 9 fucking months.
What if I will be mummy? What am I telling the kid when he/she is asking where daddy is and why I am not being with him anymore?! It was literally ripping me apart. Just that single thought. I did not want to do this to a child – but getting back to him was no solution. I didn’t want him back right now. Maybe he should be happy with his new girl and I should continue living my life. I had friends and family taking care of me. I wasn’t all alone.

Just to distract myself a little I called Gwen

“Hey my love, Welcome home.”

I was a bit surprised how she knew that I was calling.

“Hey hun. How did you know it is me?”
“Erm my phone is that smart and telling me who is calling me” I heard her giggling.
“SMARTphone then. How are you doing?” I laughed at her stupid word joke and sat down on floor.
“I am doing very well. I am happy with Chris, who is getting something for tonight. I am a little happy girl. What about you? How was that trip? I am probably sure Aidan welcomed you with a big kiss.”

Silence. Shall I tell her what happened?!

“Erm no he didn’t and I am not sure if he really missed me. When I came in he was fucking just right now another girl. So guess how the welcome ceremony was.”
“Oh my god. WHAT?”

I had to hold the phone a few metres away. She was really loud when she got angry. My ears were a little suffering but it was happy to see that I wasn’t alone in being so angry at Aidan.

“Yes! So I just packed my things and I am now at Brian’s house. Then I will see what might happens.”

3 minutes were over and I nervously was looking at the test. It was … positive.

“Hell no!” I just said and covered my face with the other hand.
“What happened?!”
“I felt sick the last days and let’s say you will be aunt in few months. Yes I am pregnant.”
“Oh …”

I could understand her reaction. It would be much better when I would be still with Aidan, but now it was just making things more complicate.

“Let’s catch up with Nathalie tomorrow ok? I will be working and free in the afternoon if that is ok.”
“Yeah it is great. I will call her later. She doesn’t answer the phone right now. She seems really busy.”

We both were laughing and then I hung up. I took the phone back into my pocket and went back to the couch where Brian already was watching some sport on TV. Usually I would love to join but tonight I really felt tired and quite exhausted.

“It is positive.”
“Congratulation though. Even it is not the way as you wished, but being a mummy is a great gift. And you would be a perfect mum.”
“Thanks that you are really trying to cheer me up, but where is this good?! The baby won’t have a daddy.”
“Your partner is going to be a daddy too. If it is me or someone else. The baby don’t care if it is the biological one or just a daddy. It is important that he cares for the baby too and as long as it is happy it doesn’t play any role who is who. People even adopt babies and they are not the real parents too – though the kid loves them.”
“Yes I think you are right again. This is going to be a one-man-game. It annoys me when you are right.”

I could smile a little.

“And you would be a great daddy, I think” I said after a while.

When he leaned forward to kiss me he slightly touched my tummy. Oh what a teaser. I shortly kissed him and then looked into his eyes. They never shined so brightly. Not even when we have been a couple years before.

“Is it ok when I sleep here tonight?”
“No problem. I still have a guest room for you, so you do not have to be scared that I do things with you that you do not want me to do. If that even make sense” he laughed.

Since when did he care about this?! Seriously. Men were some beasts that woke up at night. Brian wasn’t really an exception from all of this.

“No I would love to be in bed with you.”

I gave him a naughty wink and tried to follow then the rest of the football match on TV. I loved to leave some imagination.

Notes