Ten Years Later - February 2023

"Owen, Sully! Hurry up!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs as I try to hook my bracelet around my wrist. I hear their footsteps and soon I watch them shove the other out of the way so to be first and get shotgun. It's a little thing that they've done since they were ten. Sully wins, being the crazy twin of the two, and does a cheap shot.

I can't help but frown at the behavior. Sully grins and thrusts his fist into the air.

"Oh yeah! Shotgun!"

I scold him, my mean-momma face causing his grin to fall. "No, Nicki is about to be here. She gets shotgun. Now apologize to your brother."

Sully's face falls and he mumbles to Owen a quick 'sorry'. The scold goes away and its replaced by a soft look. These past thirteen years have been long and uneasy. "I love you," I mumble, placing my hand on his head and kissing his forehead. Owen stands off to the side, fidgeting. I smile over at him, and he returns it before I'm ushering them both out of the car when I hear Nicki pulling up in the drive way.

When we walk out of my quaint-sized two story house in a nice part of Huntington Beach, she's stepping out of her fiances' car, two boxes of birthday gifts in her hands. The boys are happy again and are running for her with grins on their faces. Nicki lifts the gifts above her head as they hung her waist, and she laughs.

"Hey, guys!" She says with a grin, the lip ring accenting her nude pink lips. Her hair has gone from bright pink to a dark auburn red in the past thirteen years. The guys still don't believe me that I used to have blue hair. I've shown them pictures but they say it was a wig. "How're my birthday boys doing today?"

They laugh and reach for the presents.

"C'mon Aunt Nicki, hand 'em over!" Sully says, a slight lisp to his 'r' sounds. Owen adds on with his own comments, reaching for the presents. Nicki shakes her head and tosses the gifts to me once I'm close enough. I catch them like they're nothing, because to be honest, there's nothing in them but a few smaller boxes and some paper.

They whine and plead, but I shake me head, put the presents in the trunk of my SUV, and open the back seat door for them. Owen climbs in first and Sully is right behind them.

"You know we always go see your dad before opening any present," I scold them, knowing they know better. Owen and Sully sigh and nod, no longer saying anymore on the presents. Nicki gets into the front passenger seat and I'm in the driver's. We pull out of our house in this quaint little neighborhood of Huntington and drive toward PCH.

Eight years ago, after much begging, pleading, and bribing from the guys, I moved out of my two bedroom apartment and found a place in Huntington. Even though my office was still in LA, I usually worked at home, and when I had to go to LA, Nicki would watch after the twins.

It's been a long ten years since the Avenged guys found out about Jimmy's twin boys. Owen and Sully have grown so much over the past ten years, and it hurts me to know that they're going through puberty right now where everything is awkward and uncomfortable.

I've already walked in one plenty of 'man to man' talks between the boys and the guys. My sweet babies would blush and end the conversation there, asking me what I wanted. I'd smirk and shake my head, forgetting what I came for in the first place. My babies were growing up, and they were growing up fast.

Just six months ago both were barely at my shoulders, and now they've sprouted like weeds and are at least two inches taller than me. It feels so weird. Maybe I've shrunk?

The drive to Huntington Cemetery is quiet for the most part. The boys are doing what they usually do when in the car and trying to past the time - fight over what radio station to listen to. Finally I stop the fight by turning it off and pushing in one of the guys' CDs.

Owen and Sully are content, not fighting anymore when they're lulled to a peaceful quiet by Matt's voice.

We arrive, and I stop at the curb of the road just ten feet from Jimmy's grave. It's only been a few weeks since we've been to this spot, but everytime I see it, everything just turns surreal and I can't decide what is up and down.

Nicki opens the car door for me, Owen and Sully already walking over to their dad's grave. I sit there, watching for a moment, and I just want to go back home now.

"C'mon, Reggie," Nicki says, taking my hand and helping me out of the SUV. I walk slowly, following behind them even though I want to fight it. Nicki is only here for my support. The boys are connected to Jimmy by blood, by a bond that neither got to know. But me ... the only bond I had with him was a crazy night together on a tour bus. There was nothing between Jimmy and I - maybe there was something between him and Leana, but not me.

I wonder how she would feel if she found out I had Jimmy's kids and not her. But she didn't know. She had lost contact with the guys after Jimmy's death, and we were pretty close knit on the whole he's-the-father background of the boys. No one could know. No one could say it in public, and even then, we never said it in private. It was just known.

Jimmy's parents knew, though. They found out five years after Jimmy's death when I took the boys to his grave. She was picking up little things left by fans when she turns and sees us. Her eyes were dead, but then she saw my beautiful baby boys and that dead look was back alive like Jimmy had never died.

She spoiled them, but I was glad she did. I was strict on my boys, telling them they could never speak of their father at school. If asked about him, they would say he died and his name was James. No 'Jimmy' or 'famous drummer' could be spoken. They knew the consequences. So many bad things would happen.

His grave is simple, and his name still brings chills to my skin. The boys sit down, cross legged in front of him, and tell them all that has gone on in the past three weeks. We come every big holiday - every holiday, pretty much. To them, it's like he's not gone. They've seen pictures, and videos, and heard crazy stories from the guys.

They don't know any better than what they're told.

Nicki and I stand back, trying not to impose on the one sided conversation they have. It hurts, because I really think he would have been a great father.

"See ya at Easter," the boys says, and stand, wiping off their jeans, and start back to the car. I stay standing where I am, biting my lip as I stare at the grave marker. Nicki pulls at my elbow, but I tell her I'll meet her at the car.

I step to the grace, and squat to get a better look. When was the last time I've done this? Months, maybe a year or two. I sigh, and press a kiss to my finger tips before placing my fingers on the grave.

"You're missed, you motherfucker. Hope the Devil is enjoying his drum lessons."

I stand again, wipe off invisible dust from my jeans, and go back to the car. The boys have taken to talking about what they hope their birthday part will be like and what they'll get. My sullen mood is heightened back into content by then.

The drive to Matt's house is only a short fifteen minutes. As Nicki gets out the two empty boxes as decoys for the real present, I follow the boys inside, laughing at the large pile of boxes and bags that are on the kitchen counter. Owen and Sully are out back, pulling off their shirts and pants, with their swim trunks underneath, and cannon balling into the pool. Brian and Zacky are at the grill talking as they flip hamburgers, and Matt is attacking the birthday boys with birthday noogies. I help Nicki with arranging the presents right before telling her to go outside. I've got to check on my present to the boys.

Up in the guest bathroom of Matt's house, there is the sound of short nails and paws scratching at the door. I know Val won't be very happy with the fact that the puppy I've gotten for the boys is ruining the finish, but she'll get over it.

I open the door, and the little Irish Setter puppy is jumping on my legs. My back groans as I bend over to pick her up, and she's happily licking at my neck and face. I laugh at the slight tickle, scratching her ears and neck before pulling a white ribbon out of my pocket and tie it on the collar she wears.

The small red-haired dog continues to lick and whine at me, but I simply scratch at her ears again before setting her done. I've got to get back to the party. "Just wait another hour, sweetie," I say softly to her, and she quiets down until laying out on her stomach, giving me the ultimate puppy dog eyes. I almost just want to run her downstairs and give her to the boys now. "Now you stop that," I tell her, and she whines again before rolling onto her side and giving into defeat.

I'm back downstairs and out into the back yard in just a minute or so. Matt is playing around with the boys while Val, his wife, sits on the pool edge, talking to Gena and Lacey. I walk over to the grill, grabbing a beer as I go, and smile at the two men chatting over burgers.

"Hey, blueberry," Zacky says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and giving me a one-armed hug. I give one back and take a sip of my beer. Brian looks up from the grill, and he smiles one of his dazzling Syn Gates smiles.

I laugh at the charm, but can't help and give a hug to him too.

Over the past ten years, the tension between Brian and I has loosened into a thick friendship. When he needs someone to pick him up from being wasted, I'm there. When I need someone to watch the boys when I have a meeting or have to stay out of town over night, he's at the house in five minutes with movies and video games ready. Even though video games really aren't his thing, he plays them for Owen and Sully.

"How's life, Reg?" Brian asks, keeping his arms around my shoulders as he flips burgers. I faintly feel his lips brush against my hair, but it could just be the wind.

"Busy. I've got three shoots coming up in the next few weeks and Sully is still persistent on not getting the surgery ... he doesn't want it to ruin his summer."

Brian frowned, and I know I shouldn't have said anything. Now he's going to have his 'heart to heart' with Sully. We've finally saved enough for the surgery - but just barely enough.

"I'll talk him," Brian says, and this time I do feel the kiss on my hair.

The burgers are ready, and I'm calling for Owen and Sully to get out so we can eat. They grin and do so, taking towels from the girls and dry off before going into the kitchen of Matt's house. We stand around the dining table there, the boys eating quickly, their blue eyes trained keenly on the large pile of presents waiting for them.

Us adults are taking our time, meaning to tease them and because we're starving at can't get enough of Brian and Zacky's burgers. Finally, after I've had my third one, the boys have begged me enough to where I have to give in. They're sitting in the floor, their back to the pool, while the guys go first.

The girls contributed together and got them bicycles. They've been begging for them since last year, wanting a way to get to the beach without one of the guys or me having to stop what we're doing and taking them.

Zacky and Johnny both got them clothes - seeing as they all shared the same taste in clothing while I just simply bought them what they liked. I was a horrible mother when it came to clothes shopping.

Matt grinned as he held up two tickets. The boys had always wanted to go to one of their concerts. Arin wasn't there, being sick with the flu, and had simply gotten them both a funny card and a wad of cash. Brian was next. He had a dirty grin on his face.

I glared, not trusting his expression.

"With a little help of the Berry twins..." he starts, and I instantly know where this is going. Brian pulls out two things from his back pockets.

A set of drumsticks and a custom guitar pick.

My eyes widen. No the fuck he didn't.

Owen and Sully are instantly grabbing for their gifts, Sully takes the sticks and Owen takes the guitar pick. "The actual gift should already be in your rooms by now."

I groan, knowing I'm not going to hear the end of this. A couple of friends have been talking with Owen and Sully about starting a band. It only seems fit that they follow in their dad and uncles' footsteps.

Nicki eyes me with a grin before grabbing the two large boxes she has.

"Well, since you've already gotten so many presents, I guess it's only right I go take your gifts back..." she starts, trailing off as she grabs the boxes and starts to walk away. The boys grab the boxes before she can get a few steps away.

Sitting in the floor, they tear and rip at the wrapping and boxes. I disappear up stairs, grabbing the puppy that jumps into my arms. I shush her softly at her whimpers and hold my hand over her muzzle. Walking back down, I stay behind the wall, waiting for the end of the ripping and grabbing.

"Look..." Owen starts.

Sully finishes with, "Up."

I step back into the kitchen and move my hand away from the puppy's muzzle. She barks and whines softly. The boys are sitting speechless in the floor, pieces of paper in their hands as they stare at the puppy in my arms.

And then suddenly Sully is jumping up and pumping his fists in the air. "Fuck yeah! A puppy!"

I'm going from happy momma to pissed-off-who-the-fuck-taught-Sully-cuss-words mother bear. I'm glare at the guys, and so are the girls too, but they're looking away nervously. Every one of them.

Sully is in front of me, bouncing like a spring as he holds his arms out for the dog. I hand it to him, and he runs back over to Owen, still jumping as the puppy licks at his neck and cheeks.

I'm stalking over to the guys, feeling much taller than my five foot-five inch stature.

"Which one of you was it?" I hiss lowly, while Nicki distracts the boys and takes them outside to play by the pool. I'm scolding them. The girls smirk and stand back.

"C'mon, Reg, it's not like we meant to do it. We kind of just let it slip one time," Zacky says, trying to defend the other guys. I knew he wouldn't do it though. Johnny doesn't seem like the kind either. I look to Matt and Brian. They won't meet my eyes.

"Letting it slip once is fine. But when he knows it enough to where he uses it at something like this, I look to the ones that say it the most."

I only had a problem with the boys cussing because it would mean they get in trouble at school if it slips.

Brian sighs, and I snap my gaze in his direction. "Okay, fine, I confess. It slipped more than a few times when I was watching them the other week." My glare has intensified sevenfold. "Jesus Christ, I told them not to repeat it, Regina! It was an honest mistake!"

But his words are drowned out by a cry of pain and Nicki calling me.

I spin on my heel and stare at the scene just twenty feet away. Sully is holding the new puppy while Nicki is kneeling beside a falling Owen. My breath catches and I'm running out, trying to figure out what's wrong.

"I think he broke his leg."

We've rushed Owen to the hospital. Nicki took Sully and the puppy home. I'm pacing the room we've been put into while they look at the x-rays. Brian is sitting in the only chair in the room. He's told me to sit down, but I refuse and keep pacing. I know Owen is in an uncomfortable pain. I've broken my leg before, it's a bitch.

When I'm suddenly close enough, Brian grabs my waist and pulls me into his lap. I'm stock still, but his hands soothingly rub my sides and I sigh, leaning back against him. He's the only thing that keeps me sane nowadays.

Sometimes I fear our friendship will grow into more. I'm not ready for more.

Owen is put into a cast and given a bottle of painkillers for when the pain gets to bad. When we're back home, it's past one am, and I've decided to just let Owen sleep on the catch for the night. Nicki is passed out in my bed.

I stand in the kitchen, nursing a glass of liquor. Brian comes up behind me, his hands rubbing my tense shoulders. I let him, and relax at the soothing feel of his fingers making my muscles loosen.

And then his breath his on my neck and goosebumps rise on my flesh.

I turn, looking up at him. I want to kiss him - it is the most I've been certain of in months, but I hold back.

"Good night, Brian," I tell him. And he pulls away. He's disappointed that I didn't take the chance, and I slightly regret my choice. But I turn away and go back to my alcohol. He leaves, and I'm left, once again, as the single mother of two twin boys that were fathered by a famous rockstar.

Oh how I wish things could get simpler than this complex shit.

Notes

next part is the last. be ready for sadness.