Carry On

Renees POV

"Yummy!" I exaggerated lowering the spoon into Gracies reluctantly shut mouth. In all honesty, her meal didn't look that appetising. Me and Brian both ordered a burger, and Gracie ordered turkey dinosaurs from the childrens menu. My plate was delicious, so was Brians I presume as he was tucking into it aggressively. Gracie however, liked the fact of a chocolate pudding other than her somewhat nutritious dinner. "Come on sweet, you gotta eat something. Here, have my salad?"

"Mommy I don't want salad I want pudding"

"Gracie," I lowered my tone and spoke seriously to her. "Eat your dinner, and then you can have dessert"

"It doesn't taste very nice" she frowned crossing her arms highly over her chest.

"Beans," I sighed. "You're beans and fries look good, try them" Grace let out a huff before grabbing her fork and awkwardly stabbing some baked beans. "Gray, please don't be on a mardy with mommy!"

"Ren," Brian held my hand briefly, placing his other finger over his lips. "Let her alone, she's alright"

"I know, we're in a restaurant and I don't want to cause a scene" I said quietly and calmly.

"Then let her leave her lunch if she doesn't like it" Brian dead eyed me. He hated it when I told Gracie off, and that always raided me with guilt. "Sweet, you want pudding?"

"Brian?!"

"But mommy will be mad" she itched her body more towards Brian, looking at me briefly.

"Mommy won't be mad" he cupped her cheek and gave her a smile. "Right?" Brians eyes flicked to me.

"Right.." I sighed admitting defeat in my own worthless battle.

"Yay!" She squealed.

"You alright?" Brian asked concerned about my flushed face.

"No, yeah I'm fine" I smiled brushing the slight humiliation off. "Tired"

...

After a long day of what turned out to be toy shopping, we finally got home. I was greeted by a small piece of paper which had small untidy writing on it. Brian picked it up before me, and read it out loud - but to himself.

"Ren - we gotta talk - Zacks"

"Me?" I frowned taking the paper away. "Oh"

"Need dropping off?"

"No, no its okay" I sighed. "Might as well go now"

I realised I walked away from Brian, without bothering to give him even a small peck, a hug or a smile. I did however scoop Gracie up, giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"If I'm not back by bedtime, be good for daddy!" I smiled. "Night princess"

"Na'night momma" she slid down my body running over to Brian. "Can we play um, dollys?"

I gave a small chuckle, and left. I drove away to Zacks house listening to the CD I hadn't returned to him yet. I felt pretty bad about the whole situation. To Zack, I didn't know him. But in all honesty, I was totally back to normal - I remembered everything about my life. I just didn't think it seemed plausible to say, 'hey, oh I woke up and I remember you now'. I had to take it step by step with him. Part of me thought he knew all of this anyway. Afterall I did accidently call him 'Zacks'.

I pulled up outside of his house, and walked around to his back garden. He was smoking a cigarette harshly.


"Is, everything ok?" I asked. Noticing his unshaven, tired face I knew something was up. He continued blowing smoke into the air, staring at the blue air ball floating on the surface of his pool.

"Yeah," he coughed taking another drag. "Just, wanted to see you I guess"

"Yeah" I smiled slightly taking the cigarette and stubbing it out. "There's nothing left," I chuckled. "Cmon, what's bothering you?"

"Nothing, I just - guess I gotta talk with you" his chest flared and I realised there was something he had to clear up with me.

"Well, I guess - we do" I nodded. If he was going to tell me something, I had to get rid of the annoyance of me actually knowing who my bestfriend was.

"You first" he sighed.

"I really think, you should" I laughed nervously. "I'm still, piecing some sentences together"

"Ditto" he smirked. "Please though, you first"

"Well, ok" I cleared my throat and sat upright. I stared at him for a while, figuring out where to go with this first. "Zack, I gotta, kinda admit something"

"Go on.." he seemed intreeged in my confession.

"I, kinda - um. Man," I let out a final sigh before just saying it. "I remember you. A lot. Actually, it's like I never forgot you"

"My..god?!" He sniggered instantly laughing in happiness. "That's fucking amazing, come here you!" He pulled me onto his lap and hugged me tightly.

"I've missed you" I smiled. "But, there's something else"

"Go ahead" he played with my hand and looked down at my legs, figuring out the pattern of the hoodie which was warming my thighs nicely.

"I've remembered you, for, a while" He immediately stopped his tickling circles, and locked his stare. The beautiful smile dropped, and back was the old, sad Zachary.

"A couple days?" he said with some hope.

"No," I began.

"Weeks?" His voice got more angry and upset every second.

"Just let me talk" I snapped. "Last year, I-"

"Last fucking year?!"

"Listen to me-"

"Why should I listen to you?! I don't even want to look at you, let alone hear your lying voice" he pushed me away from his lap, and stormed inside of his kitchen. "Last fucking year. I never thought you'd be such a bad person"

"I'm not a bad person?!" I followed him with tears forming in my guilty eyes. "I fucked up I know, but I was only trying to do the right thing"

"The only right thing you can do now, is leave my house. I don't want to see you again. I know that's fucking hard as you're married to my best friend, but I swear to god, if you weren't - I'd be happy knowing I would never see your sorry face again. Now just get out"

"Will you let me explain?" I shouted with frustration.

"I don't want to tell you again" he banged the bottle top of a Jack Daniels onto the kitchen work top, and poured himself a tall glass. The top had shattered over the table and floor, but Zack shooed the sharp pieces away and left the kitchen. The right thing to do was to leave him alone for a few days. No harm could come to him by drinking constantly for two days or so, because that's what he'd do. I'd definitely come back before things got too serious, god knows what he'd eventually be capable of.

I left him a small note attached to our CD, which said - 'I'm sorry, I love you and I'll put things right'

....

I finally got home, at about half 10. I stopped for a drink or two at Johnnys bar, but really just wanted to go home to Brian, and concentrate on my relationship with him. I walked up the stairs, hearing silence. If I shouted Brian, Gracie would wake up and never go back to sleep. I slowly opened my bedroom door, to see Brians clothes spread out over the floor, like when we have sex. Oh god. I prepared for the worst and quickly opened the door.


Shocked wasn't the right word. Relieved probably.

"Oh my- shit, I figured you'd be out longer" Brian grabbed a pillow and covered his naked body. The first time I'd ever caught him...you know, masterbating. "Don't be pissed" he moaned."It's been a while, kay?"

"Bri," I chuckled. "Chill out.."

"...you uh, just gonna stand there..? In, clothes?"

"Oh," I nodded. I wasn't really in the mood considering my night.

"Woah, hey- don't cry" he laughed standing up, pulling his boxers up. "What's up?" I simply couldn't control my emotions. I burst into a mess of sobs. I usually controlled myself around Brian, he didn't need to see the bad side of me even though as a husband, he should. "Ren" he rushed over and hugged me. For that short time, I finally felt ok. For a while now me and Brian hadn't been as close as we used to be. Lately, I'd been a little off and he just avoided me. But this, this was..perfect. "Baby" It just kept getting better. I struggled to find a reason why I was crying anymore. "Is it me? Talk to me sweetie"

"No, not you" I sighed slowly my crys but still not ready to leave his arms.

"What is it then? Is it Zack? What did he do to you?!" He grew angry and pushed me away from him, but still holding my shoulders.

"Brian no" I groaned. "I, just. Remember him"

"Sweetie that's amazing! I bet he's over the moon, you weirdo crying about it. Are you pregnant?" He smiled caressing my cheek.

"Brian, I've known for ages. And he's, fucking pissed. He hates me, so much"

"How long..?"

"Over a year"

"Ren," he shook his head with disappointment. "That's..pretty inconsiderate. Just, talk to me tomorrow. I can't even, look at you right now" he looked away and crawled into bed. By that point I realised I'd messed up. Bad. My husband and best friend had turned against me.

Notes

Sorry I've been away. Tell me what you think x x