Not a bad thing

Matt’s POV
The past few days have been hell, I missed Izzie like crazy. I really wanted to give her time with her friends, but at this time I just didn’t know what to do with myself. She had been texting me and even called in a few times, because apparently she couldn’t wait to see me either, but it just wasn’t the same. I wanted to hold her in my arms, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to bury myself in her body. I shook my head, no, no, no, don’t think about that.

Tomorrow we would have the barbeque at Brian’s house and Rye and Leyla would move from Izzie’s house to his. I think I liked Izzie’s friends, but I was really happy that they were leaving her house, that would mean I could just be with her.

Argh! I was going out of my mind! I tried to play a game of COD, but I sucked. I tried to clean my house a little, but what the fuck did I get a help for. I let myself fall down on the couch, pulling out my phone. Who could I call? Arin? Nah.. I don’t know if he broke up with Elise or not, but at this moment I couldn’t bring myself to listen to him either way. Brian? No, he would be just as messed up as me. Johnny? Probably busy with Nessa. Zack? No... Same story as Brian and me. I kept scrolling up and down my contacts. I found my best option and pressed the call button.

“Mom? You and dad home? I would like to come over for coffee.” I was already walking for the door, grabbing my keys in the meantime. My parents always liked it when I came over. My visit was actually long overdue, hadn’t seen them since I came back from tour. Maybe it was time to tell them about Izzie.

Lynn’s POV
We had the most amazing days with the 5 of us. It was so good to be around each other, not having to talk on the phone, skype or email, but just see each other. We did a lot of talking and hanging out and even went shopping . Tonight we would have a grownup slumber party. Lots of movies and cocktails with way too much alcohol. That was what Lizzy and I were shopping for at this moment. “Okay, I will just admit to it, I miss Zack like crazy”. She was hanging over the shopping cart, sauntering forward through the aisles in the supermarket. She sighed “You know, I had so much fun these days, but I’m really looking forward to kissing my boyfriend again tomorrow” I looked at her. I most certainly wasn’t admitting I was just a big a sissy as my two friends. “You and Izzie are just the worst! You can’t stand being away from you boyfriends for just a few days?” I threw all these snacks in the shopping cart. Liz looked at me “Oh come one, I saw you texting Brian, don’t tell me you don’t miss him at all” I looked at her “Nah, I’m glad to be away from him for a few days” I turned towards the shelves again, not able to keep my laugh. Liz laughed too... “Yeah sure Lynn, who are you trying to convince, we all know you and Brian... “ She stopped midsentence. “Me and Brian are what?” I turned around to see why she stopped. She was staring down the aisle. I followed her gaze. A tall blonde was standing a few feet away from us. She looked up as we approached her, “Liz, is that you?” She walked towards us. “Tess, when did you come back to town?”

I heard her tell a story about visiting friends, buying a house in San Diego, but I wasn’t paying any attention. I took my chance having a good look at her. So this was Tess, I assumed Matt’s Tess. The one who left him, because she couldn’t be there for him after Jimmy died? The one who made sure his heart was that broken, that he could only do one night stands? She seemed like a bitch.

The conversation between them was a little uncomfortable. The Tess girl was looking at her hands, uneasy moving from one foot to another “Uh, how is, uh you know, everyone?” “Everyone is fine” Liz replied. “This is Lynn” She motioned towards me, Tess shook my hand “She is Brian’s girlfriend, I’m moving in with Zack and the others have happy relationships now too” Tess blushed “And... Matt?” Liz answered curtly “Matt too. But uh, it’s been nice talking to you, but we have to go” “Okay Liz, nice to see you, say hi to the guys from me, okay?”

Tess turned around and walked towards the cash registers fast. “What the hell was that?!” I asked Lizzy. “The others have happy relationships now too? That was hardly relevant” I was running after Liz, who was pushing the cart forward as if she needed to push through a wall with every step. “I don’t know why I did that! I just wanted to let her know they are all happy. Without her. We all hated how she left Matt, at the time he needed her the most. He was so unhappy for a long time. He is finally happy again and I don’t want her screwing things up because she thinks she has a chance with Matt again” I sighed “Okay, you are right. Maybe we shouldn’t tell Izzie she is back to town. She will leave soon, she never has to know she was here.” Liz nodded “That might be for the best, she has finally calmed down in their relationship, this will only make her uncertain again.” We both agreed on that “Okay, now let’s get some alcohol and go back home”.

Matt’s POV
Visiting my parents had calmed me down a little. It was nice to be around them for a while. Being in my parental home always made me feel younger, without responsibilities, with any bills to worry about. As if the only rules I had to obey to, were the ones my parents imposed. We had just sat down at our kitchen table and talked for a few hours. I told my parents about Izzie and how I’m in love with her. My mom was ecstatic that I was this happy and couldn’t wait to meet her. My dad had looked me in my eyes, to see how serious I was. When I left, both my mom and dad had hugged me goodbye. My mom told me to bring Izzie over soon and when I held my dad I whispered in his ear “She might be the one, dad”, which made him have a reassured smile on his face.

I wasn’t just saying that to comfort my parents. I really thought that she was. She could very well be the one I was going to growing old with.

My stomach was growling. Damn, I should have taken my mom’s offer to eat together with them. Now I had to cook dinner. I sighed. No, I didn’t feel like cooking, I should pick something up on my way home. I drove over to one of my favourite restaurants. I came in, waited for my turn and ask for a few dishes. As I was about to pay, I heard a familiar voice behind me “Matt, is that really you?”

No. I didn’t need this now. I was happy, why do I need to get back into those bad times? I slowly turned around and let the name come over my lips, I thought I never say again, at least not with this face in front of me “Tess”.

I looked over the table, I had to admit, she did look amazing. She hadn’t changed a bit and she was still the woman I completely fell in love with years ago. This was the woman who had paused my groupie days and turned me in to a one woman man for a while. Until she took my heart and stomped on it with her high heels. I don’t really know why I agreed to this, but somehow I couldn’t make myself say “no” when she asked me to eat together, now we had run into each other.

“So, Matt, how are you doing?” She asked me shyly. I was moving my fork around in my food, I wasn’t really hungry anymore. I looked up “I’m good, thanks, you?” She looked at her hands “Yeah, I’m good too. I just came back to the country. I have been working in Paris and Rome, doing modelling jobs over there. Now I bought a house in San Diego, I’m ready to settle in the US again. I’m just here for a week or two to visit some friends.” I shrugged, I didn’t know what to say, this was just a mistake. “How is the band doing?” “The band is great, we are doing very well for ourselves. We released a new album almost a year ago and we basically have been touring since then. We did a world tour and within a few months we are doing all the big festivals in Europe and America. It has all just been an amazing experience” A light smile graced her face. Damn, she still was beautiful. “I’m really happy for you all. How are the guys?”

I didn’t want to talk about my friends, she had no right knowing they all did very well. She had no right to ask me about them. She left us, she left me, just when we all needed her the most, we I needed her the most. I felt anger boil up inside me “I don’t want to talk about them, Tess. You lost every right to know how they are when you left us, when you left me” She looked at me with a sad face “If I could do it all over, I would definitely do it. I would never leave you again.” My hand lay on the table and she put hers on it. “If I could change anything, we might still be together, Matt.”

I looked at our hands, and for a few minutes I couldn’t move. All these nice memories came back to me on how happy I was with her. How beautiful she was, how she was always there for me in the beginning of our relationship, how she had stuck around with the band through all the bad times, how she and Jimmy always made fun of all of us.

Jimmy.

My happy thoughts about her clouded and bad ones took their place. How she screamed at me for being late when I went out with my friends, how she didn’t try to comfort me when I got the phone call about Jimmy’s death, how she took the opportunity to work in Paris with both hands when I couldn’t get a hold of myself after Jimmy died, how I found my house, empty of her stuff, and just a note on the fridge “I’m sorry, I had to do this”. I pulled my hand from under hers.

“No... No... You are not doing this now. YOU left ME. YOU decided to go away after Jimmy died. You left me without really saying goodbye. You fucked me up, Tess and now I’m happy again and I won’t let you put things in my head. Everything that could have been, but is not. It will never be like how it was anymore. It won’t. I’m happy now, I don’t need you back in my life.” I got my wallet, threw a few bills on the table and stood up. “I would appreciate if you don’t contact me again. I don’t want you to. Bye”.

I rushed out of the restaurant, into my car. Once I sat down, I started beating the stearing wheel. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I needed Izzie right now. I needed her to tell me everything was going to be fine. I wanted her to tell me she loved me, I needed to hear that from her. But did I really wanted to tell her that I ran in to my ex? It would only upset her. Nothing happened and I would never see Tess again. Maybe it’s just best to keep it to myself. I started the car and drove home. When I arrived at my house I threw my keys on the counter and walked upstairs, without even turning any lights on. I decided to go to bed. Lying in my bed I send Izzie a text “Can’t wait to see you again tomorrow. I will be the one with the unhappy face. I love you. M”. I put my phone on the nightstand and closed my eyes. I was tossing and turning for a while when I heard a message coming in “lu ya 2. M druk, can tipe anymre, c yo tomrrw” I smiled to myself, those girls and their cocktails. I can’t wait to have her in my arms again. Just a few more hours. And with that thought I fell asleep.

Notes

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