Am I too Lost to be Saved?

I slowly opened my sore eyes, feeling familiar arms around me.

‘He actually stayed? Why?’ I turned carefully in his arms, hoping that I wouldn’t wake him.

“Anna,” Johnny’s voice, thick with sleep, had me frozen where I laid. “Please stay for a bit. I wanted to speak with you.”

My heart started beating faster. ‘Why, why, why,’ I thought. ‘Why this right now? Why didn’t I just tell him from the get go? I’ve ruined everything!’

But really, how the hell do you tell someone something like that? “Oh, hey! (smiley face) This baby? Yeah, it’s just a big fat example of how my life fucking sucks! I hope you’re having a great motherfucking day!”

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I fought so hard to keep them from falling.

“Babe,” Johnny mumbled again. “Just lay down with me for a sec, okay?”

I looked down at his face. His eyes were closed, all his features relaxed, his jaw slacked in slightest way that made me heart melt.

“O-okay,” I stammered, laying back down getting comfortable where he held me, trying to forget what I did to him last night. I just couldn’t get the look he gave me out of my head. Knowing that I hurt him, that I scared the living shit out of him hurt me so much. He shouldn't have to deal with this. Johnny should be happy with a girl that was beautiful, and smart. Not like me...

As I thought about this, I felt Johnny’s arms tighten around me, pulling me closer to him so that I could rest my head in the crook of his neck. I tested my luck and nuzzled him, smiling as he let out a breathy chuckled. I turned my head and started kissing his jawline, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible. Johnny turned his head to kiss my lips, and at that moment I felt every single emotion crash down on me.

All the anger aimed towards myself for hurting him, all the devastation I felt from my situation, the fear of Johnny leaving me alone to fend for myself, the fear of my baby having to face the world alone with somebody as fucked up as me. Every single thing I had worried about up until this point finally crossed my mind, and Johnny knew it.

“Everything will be okay, Anna,” he said, sweetly. Planting kisses on my forehead, my nose, and my cheeks. All was silent after that as we laid there holding each other while he wiped my tears away.

“Johnny” I said, finally gathering the courage to tell him. “I’m so sorry. I was just so scared. I didn’t know how to tell you. I was just afraid that you woul-“

“No, Anna,” he said angrily. I flinched and peered up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Even in fear, I was able to get lost in them. “Don’t you even think it. I would never leave. Not like this. The thought of leaving either of you would just kill me. Don’t you understand? You and this baby, mean so fucking much to me. I know what happened, and I understand that there will be some major bumps in the road because of it, but that isn’t going to make me want to leave. You’ve had it hard, baby. And anyone who’s made it harder for you doesn’t deserve to be around you. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here for as long as you need me, Anna.”

"Johnny please," I started to cry. Why would he choose me? Of all the people he could be with, me? "No, you don't deserve this. You could be with someone who is actually worth something. Someone who is worth more than me. Look at me Johnny! I'm nothing! I nobody! I'm a single, soon to be mother, who dropped out of college to work a fucking diner! You could be with someone so much more..."

"Anna," he sighed "I do see you. Everything about you. I admire you every day that I'm with you. And I don't see any of what you just described to me. I see a strong, courageous woman, preparing to take on a job that was meant for two. A woman who is getting ready to put her dreams aside so that she could work to the bone to sustain the dreams of a child that most people would have given up on. Anna, you ARE beautiful, and you ARE smart. You're everything that I want out of life, Anna. I love you so much."

“I love you too, Johnny,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, it’s okay baby,” He said, rubbing my back. “There’s no need to be sorry. It’s alright.”

Once I stopped crying, Johnny rolled me over so that I could lay on my back. He moved between my legs, supporting his weight so that he wouldn't squish my belly, and stared into my eyes.

I wanted so badly to say something, but I didn’t know what. Without even thinking, my hand moved to his face. I started to trace his feature just as he did to me the night we first started talking, and as he closed his eyes, I pulled him down to me to kiss his lips.


~Johnny’s Point of View~

It was in that moment that she had completely won my heart. With as much as she had been through, with everything she had been afraid of, she was not bitter. She did not spare hate towards anyone. She still had room enough, through all the tragedy in her life, to love me.

“Anna,” I said through our sweet kiss.

“Shhh…” Anna kept kissing me, and with that I let the world disappear. Everything that was around me was no longer any of my concern. All that mattered was that I was here with the girl of my dreams and a baby that I couldn’t wait to meet.

I wanted to heal her heart, take away her pain, kiss away the scars. I love her so much. She deserved so much more than what life had given her, and I wanted to make it all better…

Notes

I think this was the toughest chapter to write. Sorry if it came out crappy.

Shout out to a7x_deathbats6661, DaniVengeance, and forREVer-A7X for the comments! I appreciate it! Thank you!:)