Am I too Lost to be Saved?

~Jimmy’s Point of View~

We were all sitting around my coffee table in my living room waiting for Johnny to call saying that he was ready when my phone started ringing.

“It’s about damn time,” Zacky yelled. “It’s been more than a fucking hour!”

I laughed, but stopped once I looked at the caller i.d. on my screen. “Meghan <3” was what it said. I looked over to Meghan. “Are you butt dialing me?” I showed her my screen before I answered. Meghan checked her pockets and shook her head.

“Yellow?” I usually answered my phone like this. Don’t judge me. I was completely calm until I had to say ‘hello’ like three motherfucking times.

“Who is it,” Val asked. “Did someone steal your phone Meghan?” Meggers shook her head again.

“I thought I left it at home,” she stated, confusion written on her face.

“Hello,” I sang one more time. “I know you’re there on the other line mystery person. I can hear you breathing and you don’t sound very healthy to say the least,” Everyone in the room laughed a little except for Meghan.

“J- Jimmy,” Anna croaked. At least I think that’s what I heard. It was so obvious that she had been crying for a while. What. The actual. FUCK! I stood up, anger wracking my body. I felt a shiver travel from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. My face heated up, and from there, the filter I’d been working to keep on what I say broke.

“Anna, why the FUCK are you crying,” I yelled, a little more forcefully than I had intended. Meghan’s eyes widened, along with everyone else’s. Brian crushed the beer can that was in his hand, and Matt stood up quicker than lightning.

“What the fuck happened,” Zacky yelled.

All I heard in response was Anna’s sobs. She didn’t say a word, but I couldn’t calm myself down in order to help her calm down. “Anna, answer me,” I growled. “Where is Johnny, Anna? What the fuck did he do to you, hun? Did he touch you? Did he hurt you? I need you to talk to me in some fucking way. Do we need to go over there? I’ll fucking kill him if he hurt you, baby girl. COME ON! WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY GODDAMN KEYS?!”
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Anna whimpered, and Meghan snatched the phone from my hand. “Anna,” she hissed. I wish I knew what she said afterwards, but she went off is Spanish, and I was busy pushing people around and knocking shit over so that I could find my car keys. I didn’t care if she wanted us to or not, I was going to get over there and kick Johnny’s gnome ass for fucking doing ANYTHING to that kid!

“What do you mean he’s dead, Anna?” At this, everyone, including me, stopped breathing. “Anna, breathe in deeply, and please explain what is going on, baby… Okay… Alright… I know, mama. I know. Everything is going to be alright… Okay, and where is Johnny…?” Meghan let out a really big sigh, turned to us and mouthed, ‘Johnny’s fine.’

“Oh my fuck,” Michelle whispered, squeezing Brian’s hand.

“Alright babe,” Meghan went on. “Please stop crying Anna. Por favor, no llordes. Please stop. I don’t like it when you’re like this… Wha- What do you mean?! Oh my God… Him?! Shut the fuck up… How did you find out? Wait a minute… You told Johnny everything… Right? Oh no, Anna…” I went to where Meghan was standing. She had started crying as well. What the hell is going on?

“Anna, just hold on okay?” Meghan looked up to me, and I cupped her cheeks to catch her tears. “We’ll be over as fast as we can and we’ll fix everything okay? Alright baby. I’ll see you soon…”

Meghan hung up the phone and sunk down to the floor, absentmindedly wiping her face. Brian stood up suddenly, “Do you want to tell us what the fuck just happened, Meghan?”

“Hey,” I shot back. I was still pissed as fuck, but him talking to my girl like that wasn’t gonna fly with me. “Don’t start getting pissed off at her. It was a fucking misunderstanding and it was cleared up quick as shit, alright?”

“Jimmy,” Meghan grabbed at my hand. “Just everybody sit down, and make this easier for me please?” I looked down. My poor Meghan was pleading, and I didn’t like it. Neither did anyone else. So we all did our best to relax.

Meghan looked around, took a deep breath, and started:

“I thought she would have said something. Had she done so, the right way, it would have been a bit easier, but I guess this is how it was meant to come out… Anna’s baby isn’t some kind of love child… In fact, there was no love in the process. My baby sister was the victim of a rape about six months ago.” Meghan started sobbing, the hurt was practically radiating off of her. “My baby s-sister was fucking raped and beaten half to death before she even had time to really experience what love was supposed to feel like! I w-was sup-posed to go with h-her! I sh-should have b-b-been with her. I kn-know that it wouldn’t have ha- happened if I was th- there to protect her. M- my baby sister… Everything she ever wanted, all of it. Her dreams, her life, everything, was stripped from her. All b-because of that sick fucking bastard! I’m s-so glad he’s fucking dead! I sh-should have b-been there! Seeing her like that fucking killed me. I wanted so badly to hurt someone. That stupid, perverted fuck got what he deserved.”

Meghan finally couldn’t speak anymore from crying so hard. Her entire body wracked with sobs. She hiccupped and whimpered. She coughed, and cussed. Everything that she had been holding in, she was letting out in front of us.

I don’t think any one of us had ever seen someone in such a vulnerable state such as this. And knowing that something so disgusting had happened to one of the sweetest people I had ever met killed me inside. Why would anyone fucking do that? Nobody, NOBODY deserves shit like that!

We all sat there quietly while Meghan continued to sob. Michelle and Val were crying also. The guys all looked like they were ready to fucking kill, I felt the same. Instead, I held my girl. I wanted so badly to shield her from this cruel fucking world. I wanted so badly to heal her pain.

“Come on guys,” Zacky said. “I’m gonna call Jenna and tell her we’ll meet up some other time.”

Matt stood up, and pulled Val up to his side. “Let’s go see Anna and Johnny. Zee, just go over to Jenna. Spend some time with her. We’ll all meet her some time soon.”

I nodded and picked Meghan up bridal style. “We can go in my car Jimmy,” Brian said, passing by me, holding Michy’s hand as she wiped her tears with the other. “I’m sorry for yelling at you Meghan…”

Meghan just shook her head. From there we took off and were at the girls’ apartment in no time. Before the car even stopped, Meghan had jumped out and tore off up the stairs and to the apartment door. We all took off running after her. When we all got to the apartment, the door was wide open, and Meghan was nowhere to be found. More than likely with Anna of course. The only thing we found was wretched looking Johnny sitting on the couch.

He was holding his head in his hands, shaking. Matt went to kneel down in front of him while the girls went upstairs to see Anna and Meghan.

“Johnny,” Brian sat next to him on the couch as Zacky lowered himself on the other one. I set on the other side of Johnny and placed my hand on his shoulder.

“Johnny,” Brian said again. “Johnny, we need you to talk to us buddy.”

“We know, man,” I said quietly.

Johnny’s head snapped up. “No,” he yelled at me, jumping off the couch and knocking Matt on his ass. Matt got up quickly and moved out of the way. “No,” Johnny said again, shaking his head furiously. “You don’t fucking know Jimmy!”

At this point, Johnny started to cry, “The way she… looked at me… Like I was the most terrible person in the world. I- I couldn’t stand it. Whoever that man was, whatever he did, fucked her up. And bad. And when she,- when she looked at me… When she looked at me, she saw him. And I know. I fucking know that everything just came to hit her in her face. Seeing her cower from me just fucking killed me.” Johnny looked down at his hands. “I need to see her,” he said quickly. “I want to see her so badly. It’s fucking killing to know that she’s up there in pain, and I can’t do shit about it.”

“I’m assuming you know what happened to her?” Matt looked like someone had just kicked his dog. But then again, I think we all looked like that.

“I may act dumb,” Johnny said slowly. “But I’m not fucking stupid. I know what that sick bitch did to her. And I know that he’s going to fucking Hell for it…”

Val and Michelle came down the stairs and Meghan stood behind them, clearing her throat. We all looked up at the girls.

“Is…,” Johnny cleared his throat also before going on as well. “Is she okay, at least?”

Meghan smiled at him. “She’s alright. She’s asleep-“

“And mumbling your name,” Michelle butted in. “She said she’s sorry, like, a thousand times.”

Johnny looked to his feet, then spoke up again without meeting anyone’s gaze. “Is it alright if I spent the night in her room?”

Meghan walked up to Johnny and lifted his chin. “Johnny, I’m her sister. Not her fucking mother. You’re a grown ass man, and she’s a grown woman. Go up there and fucking cuddle my sister already Goddamn it.”

~Johnny’s Point of View~


I smiled at Meghan. There wasn’t anything to say to anyone really. I couldn’t think of anything that would suit the situation. But it didn’t matter. I wanted to go to Anna. I needed to be with her.

Without another word, I looked at everyone standing before me, and walked up the stairs. I slowly opened the door to Anna’s room and walked in closing it behind me. ‘My sweet Anna. Nothing will ever hurt you again. You or the baby. Never.’

That was my promise to her, and I intended to keep it.

“Johnny, I’m so sorry…” she mumbled in her sleep. “Hmm… I love you… so much.”

Wait, she what. She just said she loves me… Holy shit!

Without thinking, my feet began to carry me to her bed. I climbed in and my arms found their way around her.

Notes

Intense much? I think so... but everything might work out for the better. Might...;)