Am I too Lost to be Saved?

~Jimmy’s Point of View~

It’s almost been a month since Anna’s big blow out, and to say that a little progress has been made would be a HUGE ass understatement. After everything had happened, we left Anna and Johnny alone so that they could work shit out and they did, which was perfect. When time came to get together again, it was like meeting Anna for the first time again, except this time, it was almost like she was someone new. I mean, she wasn’t this sheepish little girl. No, not at all. Anna was a person with a firey attitude, a sassy ass mouth and a ferocious ambition. We were all genuinely happy to finally see her for who she was. The girl who no longer hid behind her beautiful art, the girl that our Johnny fell in love with.

Everything was different. Even Meghan. She was much more relaxed, kind of… She could move better, she was talking louder, she could breathe better. But not all the changes were good. After everything had come to light, she started acting strange towards us. Not just me, but our whole group. I had tried to talk to her about it, and she wasn’t acting like a little bitch about it, she told me that it wasn’t my fault. At least I know that, but I couldn’t help but still feel like it was something I did. And it didn’t help that she was acting weird towards me.

How exactly was she acting weird? Well, I’ll explain.
Sex. Yeah, I said it. Sex. Lord knows DAMN well that I love it. And Meghan? HA, let’s just say that I am no stranger to her urges. But lately it just hasn’t been the same. The passion isn’t there anymore, and it scares me…

The way she talks to me, too! There isn’t a day that has gone by since we’ve been together, friends or more, that we haven’t had a decent conversation. Lately, she’ll talk to me, but she will look anywhere but my face. See, the thing about Meghan is that she will talk to anybody like they are anybody. Regardless of the name, face, or background, when she speaks to someone she looks them right in the eyes. That’s what got me to respect her so much. Meghan held herself to a great standard and it made her comfortable around others, but it’s something that I haven’t been seeing.

But of everything that I can tell you, it’s her drinking that is giving it all away. For me to say that she is drinking too much should say a lot. Especially since my boys and I are known for staying up all night and drinking a shit load. It’s almost like she’s drinking like she’s got a guilty conscious, and drinking is the last thing a person should do when they’re guilty. Something tells me that she’s been doing this for a while, and it needs to fucking stop before something really bad happens. So, here goes nothing…

At the moment, I am on the way to pick Meghan up from work. And yeah, as shitty and small as this stupid ass music shop is, I’m proud of my baby. As much I really didn’t want her to quit that internship she had (and as much as she didn’t want to), she made the decision to put her sister and the baby’s needs before her own, and I supported her 150%!

Just as I had gotten there, Meghan was walking out of the building. Oh dear God, she’s so beautiful. Her long tanned legs, the way she moved, her long slender arms and her small hands. I loved the way her curls bounced when she walked… wait a minute, is she fucking crying?

Meghan looked up and started walking to the car faster. She swung the car door open, buckled herself in, slammed the door and locked it. Well then.

I peeled off from the parking lot and went in the direction of my house. It was now or never and we needed to get this out of the way.

“I thought we were going to meet up with Bri and Chelle,” she said with anger in her voice. All mean! What the fuck is with the attitude?!

“Oh shit, what? Don’t want to spend at least a little time alone,” I shot back. Through my peripheral vision I saw her turn to look out of the window and wipe away her tears.

“Oh my God,” Meghan was already starting to sound exasperated. “Not tonight James. I am sooo not in the fucking mood to be questioned!”

Uh, excuse me? Did she just call me James? She never calls me James! I looked over to her, just to see her looking out the window still. So I sighed loudly, rolled my eyes and turned back to focus on the road. ‘Almost home, Jimmy. Almost home.’ It was this reason, the way she was talking to me, that I felt like this was my fault. I didn’t do anything to her, and I just felt like, like- No. I couldn’t think that she was. She couldn’t be. Before all this started happening she told me that she loved me. She was the one that said it first, so it had to mean something, right? She couldn’t love someone else like this…

Just the thought of it made my stomach hurt, I couldn’t breathe and I was fighting to keep the tears from falling.

Meghan unlocked the doors once we were down the street, and just as I pulled in to the driveway, she got out of the car and walked into the house after unlocking the door in record time. Seriously?

I ran into the house, and then proceeded into the kitchen where she was already popping open a bottle of Jack and taking a huge swig. “What the fuck, dude?” I couldn’t fucking believe this? She couldn’t wait at least 10 maybe 20 fucking minutes?

“What, Jimmy? Tell me,” She said, after staring at me for a moment. “Why are you fucking hounding me, huh? Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble? What? What do you want?”

Oh my God… “Meghan, please…”

“Please WHAT Jimmy?!” She was starting to cry, hard. “What the fuck do you want to know?! I haven’t answered all your stupid fucking questions?”

“Are you cheating on me?” I shut my mouth before anything else came out and for once, she looked me directly in my eyes.

Notes

Well fuck!