Am I too Lost to be Saved?

I stared at Johnny in shock for a while, debating on whether or not I should even say anything, but my manners kicked in and before I knew it, I was sitting here having dinner with him which he insisted he pay for.

"So, I could start off really cliche and ask if you come here often," Johnny said chuckling, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. "But being that it's kind of obvious, I don't really want to look like a big dumbass."

I laughed at him, then looked back at his table full of friends. "Shouldn't you be over with your homies?" I poked his side. Which seemed pretty odd to me since I'm usually not very good with new people alone, but I felt pretty comfortable around him.

Johnny blush got deeper with the sudden contact. "Nah," he said, wrinkling his nose. "I'd much rather be here at the moment. Haha! Those guys have no sense of the words 'personal space' not that I really mind. It's just nice to get a break. Plus, they don't really mind that I'm here... with you..." His voice trailed off, and he stared down at the burger he ordered. I couldn't help but giggle. I noticed the last time that he was cute, but now that I paid more attention, he seemed much more good looking than I thought. Maybe it was the tattoos... ugh, tattoos...

Johnny cleared his throat and I snapped my head up, realizing that I had been staring at his biceps for a bit. "Ahem," I felt my cheeks and ear heat up. "I'm sorry. I have a thing for tattoos, and yours are really nice." I tried to play it off, but he knew better. And this whole thing was playing at his confidence.

He smiled sweetly at me. "Well, thanks," he said, straightening out a little. "I like 'em too." He winked at me, and I giggled almost instantly. Oh my God I'm a mess.

I finally really made eye contact with him for once, and I had a growing feeling in my stomach. Nothing bad, but it was just kind of cliche because something just really... clicked. There was something about his eyes that just, made me melt! "Uhh," was the first thing out of my mouth. I internally kicked myself and continued with the first thing that came to mind. "We should probably eat before the food gets super cold."

Johnny smiled at me and lightly placed his had on my left knee. "Sure thing," he said, and with that we started on our food in a comfortable silence. Every once in a while we'd catch each other staring and end up in giggle fits, then we just gave up on the silence and made some small talk.

Once our food was done, Suzy came to pick up our plate and sent me a quick little wink before she left us again. It didn't take too long for Johnny to start up the conversation again, but this time he addressed the elephant in the room in record time.

"Sooo, how's the father," he asked, getting straight to the point, nodding towards my belly. "I always see that girl here, picking stuff up for you, but never any dude..."

My eyes widened, "Uh, he doesn't exist." I wasn't sure what to say. I looked away from him to the table and sighed heavily. He probably won't want to talk to me after all of this is over with.

"That bad huh?" Johnny's tone was sympathetic, but there was something else.

I shook my head, and shivered at the memory of that night. "Worse," I said, the strain clear in my voice.

Johnny looked at my face, and as much as I wanted to look away, I couldn't. Once his eyes caught mine, I was done! I closed my eyes just as he reached over to move my bangs from my face. His fingers shamelessly began to trace my features. My chin, my lips, my cheekbones, my nose, up to my eyebrows, then a little higher... my scar.

My eyes snapped open and he looked right into them, blank emotion on his face. "I-I'm sorry if it was inappropriate to ask," he started. "I jus-"

"Don't worry about it," I gave him a small smile, and he brought his hand down to his lap. I called out to Don and asked him for Meghan's usual. "Put it on a separate bill, please," I asked.

"No, no," Johnny jumped in. "It's fine. Just keep it on my check, I'll take care of it." I smiled at him, knowing that there would be no room for argument.

"Thank you Johnny," I said once the check had been paid and I said good night to Don and Suzy. "I really enjoyed myself."

"Uh, no problem," he said shyly."Oh, by the way, how are you getting home?"

I looked around. "Err, I can walk from here," I said quickly. "Or call a cab. Either way is fine for me."

He smirked and shook his head. "No, that's not happening at all." Johnny grabbed my hand and lead me to the table where all his friends were sitting. Tonight, two women, who were obviously related. Twins. And very beautiful. At the sight of Johnny and I hand in hand, the brunette twin nudged the blonde one and nodded over to us with a huge smile on her face. Once the blonde one saw us, she looked straight at my face, down to my belly, and back, but smiled anyway.

"Hey guys, this is th-" Johnny was about to introduce me when suddenly Jimmy, the tall blue eyed man jumped out of his chair.

"Look, it's Strawberries," he screamed. I squealed as he pulled me in for a tight hug and set me down. Then he crouched down and rubbed my belly and put his ear to it. "And extra strawberries!" If this wasn't the cutest thing ever, I didn't know what was!

I smiled at Johnny, and rolled his eyes at his friend. "Jimmy," The Blonde Twin called. "You're going to scare her away before we even meet her dude!" I looked over to her and smiled.

"He's alright," I said, giggling. Zacky stood up and came to reach over Jimmy and give me a hug. As he did, he nudged Jimmy with his knee.

"Dude, I told you already," he said quietly. "Her name is Anna."

Jimmy giggled and jumped up to his full height. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. "M'lady," he exclaimed in an Old English accent. "I am Sir Jimmy, knight of the Sevenfold of Avengeded." I laughed and shook his hand, returning the introduction. Johnny moved on to introduce me to the rest of his friends. Matt, and his wife Valary (the blonde), and Brian's wife Michelle (the brunette).

"It's really nice to meet you all," I said with a small wave.

"Oh no, sweetie," Michelle laughed. "The pleasure is all ours. Would you like to sit down?"

I looked at Johnny and he quickly responded before he turned to look back at me, "Nah, she's good. I was just about to give her a ride home right now."

"Ah okay then," Valary replied. "Well, maybe next tim- OH! You know what? We're actually having a party this weekend, Matt and I were about to tell you guys before you ran off Johnny. perhaps you could bring Anna along?" She had a hopeful smile on her face, and I just couldn't deny it. I mean, it wasn't like I was going to be working.

Johnny turned to me slightly. "Would you like to come?" I put on my brightest smile and nodded. Why not?!

"Alrighty then!" Matt clapped his hands together and stood up. "Well it was really nice meeting you Anna. We thought for a moment there Johnny was gonna hog you up."

I giggled. "I'm glad he didn't then," I looked at everyone. "It was really nice meeting you all. I hope you have a good night!" Johnny started pulling me out of the diner with a big smile on his face.

"They talk too damn much," he said laughing.

His smile and laughter was so infectious. I loved every minute of our car ride together, it was so easy for me to talk to him which was so weird. These passed four months I could never gather the courage to talk to anyone but Suzy, Don and Meghan. But for some reason, it was different with Johnny.

I turned to open the car door, when Johnny stopped me. When I looked up at him, confused as to why he'd done that, he did nothing but stare right back at me. Just as I was about to ask what was wrong, he got out of the car, walked around it and opened the door for me. "I figured it would be the gentlemanly thing to do," he said, smiling . "You know, walk you to the door and whatnot." I laughed at him as he offered his arm to me. I've never had anyone treat me this way. With a pounding heart, I hooked my arm in his and walked with him to my apartment door. I didn't think that he would be willing to go up all the stairs with me. At one point he even took my bag from me so that I could "walk comfortably without having to lug it around."

When we got to my door, I took a chance to look in his eyes once more as he handed my bag over to me. "Anna...?" Johnny's voice was shaky and low. I didn't know how to respond. Just one night, one night. I can't be stupid. Not like this. Oh my God, who is this guy? Why am I making this mistake again?

My heart started pounding, and my breath hitched. My uncertainty must have shown because Johnny backed off and shook his head a bit before looking at me again. He took my hand in his and smiled softly.

"Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable," he said. "I just wanted to make sure you had a good night." He kissed my knuckles before letting my hand go. "I hope we can do this again some time, but for now I guess we can wait for the party?"

I couldn't respond. I was so scared, but I wanted so badly to fight the feeling that was eating me up inside.

Johnny chuckled a bit. "Alright then Anna. I'll come by this Saturday around 6:30 to pick you up."

"Is-is it alright if I b-bring my sister with me," I asked quickly. "I don't really want to leave her here alone."

Johnny smiled and nodded. "No problem. The more the merrier. Goodnight Anna. Sweet dreams." And with that, he disappeared down the stairs.

I took a deep breath, and just as my key hit the lock the door opened to reveal a completely devastated Meghan. I jumped back and felt my heart wretch. She strongly of alcohol, her eyes and nose were puffy from crying, and her breathing was shallow. Just the sight of her made tears well up in my eyes.

"Aw Meghan..." I whispered.

She whimpered and jumped out of the doorway and into my arms. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Meghan," I cried. "I didn't mean to. I just got so angry."

"I kn-know," she blubbered. "I th-thought I r-really f-f-fucked up this t-time."

I pulled away from her. "Even if you did, I wouldn't stop talking to you, stupid! You know I fucking love you dude!"

Meghan cried harder and practically dragged me inside, locking and bolting the door behind us. Then she pulled me down to the couch with her and hugged me, her hand protectively on my bump. "I got so scared, Anna," she said quietly. "I was afraid that you would leave." I held her close, but didn't say a word knowing that no matter what it was that I would say, it would only make it worse. She was drunk, and when she's drunk she tends to get a bit too emotional.

"I love you Anna," Meghan's voice was thick with sleep. Sooner or later she'll be out like a light, and I guess I'll just have to bring her covers down here.

"I love you too Meghan," I replied as sweetly as I could manage. "Always and forever..."

No matter who it was that came into my life, Meghan was the one I could always depend on... Always. <3

Notes

I think Anna and Meghan's relationship is pretty wonderful. Knowing that nobody could ever love Anna as unconditionally as Meghan does, we'll see if Meghan can help fix Anna and her left over issues.

And what's up with Anna and Johnny, eh?
Well let me know what you think and stay tuned!:)