I Wait And Bleed
7 Years Later
It's been 7 years since my step-dad passed and I am still not over his death. I can't get him off my mind long enough to even think about something else. I was now finished with school and so were the rest of my friends. They came into the smoking habit just like my mom and I got into it too. I mean I was only 12 years old and already smoking. It wasn't good for my health but I thought as soon as my health faded out the quicker I can leave this life and be with my step-dad again. It was now a month and a half before my thirteenth birthday and I was so excited. I have saved up so much money from working for my neighbors mowing their yards, taking care of their kids, pets, or even just watching the house when they went on vacations. I got paid really well and I was hoping to buy something of value to me but I wouldn't be able too. I was finishing cleaning up the neighbor's house, that was 3 houses away from mine, and she had a huge 5 story house. Who the hell needed that kind of house anyways?
I didn't care at least I got paid awesome money. For cleaning her house and tidying up the yard I was paid 400 bucks! That was completely awesome! I hadn't spent a dime on anything yet with all the money I saved up but I soon would have a reason for using the money. I was making my way home from the neighbors house from cleaning it and when I got see a strange black Chevy truck with a dent in the side of it and a Blalock Construction tag on the front of it. I walked into the house and seen my mom arguing and yelling with this man. I stepped in and yelled at each of them scaring the living dog shit out of them.
"Raven don't scare me like that!" Mom said walking over to me and standing in front of me.
"Who the hell is this fucker?" I said pointing to the man. He had long gray hair and his long salt and pepper beard hung down to the middle of his chest.
"This is your father." mom said and I looked up at her like was she fucking serious. I was not going to let this man come into my life and be a father to me after the way he is treating my mom.
"No he's not." I whispered and mom caught part of it.
"What did you say?" the man supposedly my father said.
"You are not my father." I said looking up at him with a death glare and my fists clinched.
"Yes I am sweetheart and I'm going to be in your life now. You're my daughter." he said and I rolled my eyes and started laughing.
"What the fuck are you laughing at?" he said angrily.
"You wanting to be a father now after being gone for so long and treating my mother like a bitch and cheating on her behind her back. Yes dumb ass I know all about you and don't even try to start lying because I won't fucking hear any of it." I said calmly. He came over to me and slapped me across the face. I looked at him and sent him a death glare that could kill him in an instant. I ran out of the house not wanting to start a fight and went over to Damien's house. He opened the door and I quickly shut it behind me. He could tell I was pissed off beyond compare.
"What's wrong with you Rave?" Damien said grabbing my shoulders. I bent my head down onto his chest and he held me there for a minute.
"Raven, calm down and tell me what's going on." he said calmly. I took a deep breath in and let it out before speaking.
"My biological father showed up at my mom's and I walked in on them fighting. I stepped in and he slapped me across the face and didn't feel a damn bit sorry. I need to leave. I need to get away from this goddamn place!" I said almost screaming. Damien rubbed my back softly.
"Give your father a year. If he doesn't prove to you that he wants to be in your life, you leave and I'll tell everyone that asks where you're at that I have no clue. I haven't talked to her. Do we have a deal?" he said and I thought about it and shook his hand.
"Deal. If this doesn't work out I'll text you and tell you I'm leaving. I know you have a car so you can drive me to the airport." I explained.
"Alright but where are you going to go?" he asked and I didn't know so I just said something.
"California. Far enough away where my dad won't know where I'm at." I said and he nodded.
"Oh I almost forgot!" he said and reached into his pocket. He handed me a card with my name, picture, date of birth on it.
"What's this?" I asked.
"An ID. I'll still buy you cigarettes but when you go to airport you'll need this to purchase a ticket with." he said and I nodded. I hugged him and stayed with him until I seen my dad's truck disappear. I went back to the house and straight to my room to take a shower.
Starting tomorrow I was letting my real dad in but only for a year. If he doesn't prove himself to me I'm leaving. I got out of the shower and sat down on the bed and played some songs of Avenged Sevenfold. My last song of the night by them was So Far Away.
Never feared for anything, never shamed but never free
A life that healed a broken heart with all that it could
Lived a life so endlessly, saw beyond what others see
I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could
Will you stay?
Will you stay away forever?
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away
Plans of what our futures hold, foolish lies of growing old
It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold
A final song, a last request, a perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find a place in my mind
Where you can stay, you can stay awake forever
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away
Sleep tight, I'm not afraid
The ones that we love are here with me
Lay away a place for me
'Cause as soon as I'm done
I'll be on my way
To live eternally
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned
Place and time always on my mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I have so much to say and you're so far away
I love you, you were ready
The pain is strong enough despise
But I'll see you when he lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands are tied
So far away and I need you to know
So far away and I need you to, need you to know
Again the song ended and I fell into a deep sleep with my guitar sitting next to me on the bed.
I didn't care at least I got paid awesome money. For cleaning her house and tidying up the yard I was paid 400 bucks! That was completely awesome! I hadn't spent a dime on anything yet with all the money I saved up but I soon would have a reason for using the money. I was making my way home from the neighbors house from cleaning it and when I got see a strange black Chevy truck with a dent in the side of it and a Blalock Construction tag on the front of it. I walked into the house and seen my mom arguing and yelling with this man. I stepped in and yelled at each of them scaring the living dog shit out of them.
"Raven don't scare me like that!" Mom said walking over to me and standing in front of me.
"Who the hell is this fucker?" I said pointing to the man. He had long gray hair and his long salt and pepper beard hung down to the middle of his chest.
"This is your father." mom said and I looked up at her like was she fucking serious. I was not going to let this man come into my life and be a father to me after the way he is treating my mom.
"No he's not." I whispered and mom caught part of it.
"What did you say?" the man supposedly my father said.
"You are not my father." I said looking up at him with a death glare and my fists clinched.
"Yes I am sweetheart and I'm going to be in your life now. You're my daughter." he said and I rolled my eyes and started laughing.
"What the fuck are you laughing at?" he said angrily.
"You wanting to be a father now after being gone for so long and treating my mother like a bitch and cheating on her behind her back. Yes dumb ass I know all about you and don't even try to start lying because I won't fucking hear any of it." I said calmly. He came over to me and slapped me across the face. I looked at him and sent him a death glare that could kill him in an instant. I ran out of the house not wanting to start a fight and went over to Damien's house. He opened the door and I quickly shut it behind me. He could tell I was pissed off beyond compare.
"What's wrong with you Rave?" Damien said grabbing my shoulders. I bent my head down onto his chest and he held me there for a minute.
"Raven, calm down and tell me what's going on." he said calmly. I took a deep breath in and let it out before speaking.
"My biological father showed up at my mom's and I walked in on them fighting. I stepped in and he slapped me across the face and didn't feel a damn bit sorry. I need to leave. I need to get away from this goddamn place!" I said almost screaming. Damien rubbed my back softly.
"Give your father a year. If he doesn't prove to you that he wants to be in your life, you leave and I'll tell everyone that asks where you're at that I have no clue. I haven't talked to her. Do we have a deal?" he said and I thought about it and shook his hand.
"Deal. If this doesn't work out I'll text you and tell you I'm leaving. I know you have a car so you can drive me to the airport." I explained.
"Alright but where are you going to go?" he asked and I didn't know so I just said something.
"California. Far enough away where my dad won't know where I'm at." I said and he nodded.
"Oh I almost forgot!" he said and reached into his pocket. He handed me a card with my name, picture, date of birth on it.
"What's this?" I asked.
"An ID. I'll still buy you cigarettes but when you go to airport you'll need this to purchase a ticket with." he said and I nodded. I hugged him and stayed with him until I seen my dad's truck disappear. I went back to the house and straight to my room to take a shower.
Starting tomorrow I was letting my real dad in but only for a year. If he doesn't prove himself to me I'm leaving. I got out of the shower and sat down on the bed and played some songs of Avenged Sevenfold. My last song of the night by them was So Far Away.
Never feared for anything, never shamed but never free
A life that healed a broken heart with all that it could
Lived a life so endlessly, saw beyond what others see
I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could
Will you stay?
Will you stay away forever?
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away
Plans of what our futures hold, foolish lies of growing old
It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold
A final song, a last request, a perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find a place in my mind
Where you can stay, you can stay awake forever
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away
Sleep tight, I'm not afraid
The ones that we love are here with me
Lay away a place for me
'Cause as soon as I'm done
I'll be on my way
To live eternally
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned
Place and time always on my mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I have so much to say and you're so far away
I love you, you were ready
The pain is strong enough despise
But I'll see you when he lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands are tied
So far away and I need you to know
So far away and I need you to, need you to know
Again the song ended and I fell into a deep sleep with my guitar sitting next to me on the bed.
4/9/13