I Wait And Bleed
The Funeral
Mom and I took a break from teaching the lessons and she made arrangements for his funeral. We were at the funeral home and they were asking us about song choices.
"So what songs would you like to have played?" the funeral director asked.
"Well my husband's last request is to have Raven sing and play 3 of his favorite songs and at the burial to have her sing and play Freebird and a friend of his that he used to work with is going to play Amazing Grace on the bagpipes." mom said and I kept quiet and I was hoping to stay that way.
"What songs would that be?" he asked and mom looked over at me and nodded.
"Simple Man, Ballad Of Curtis Lowe, and Shooting Star." I said looking up at the man.
"Thank you and I can't wait to hear your voice. I say you have to be really good for him to say that he wants to sing and play at his funeral." he said and I just smiled and nodded. We stayed there a few minutes more picking out caskets and mom couldn't find a casket she liked so she wanted one custom made.
She wanted it to look like a rebel flag and say on the side Heritage Not Hate. I thought it would look so cool and of course it would. Mom ordered the flowers next, the spread was 9 roses for each year they were married. It was going to look very beautiful. The funeral was set for May 28Th and I wasn't looking forward to it. When we got back to the house I wanted to go ahead and start the work but mom didn't want to so I went to my room and started practicing the songs and singing them so I would get it right. I did them very well and I was very proud of myself. I went to sleep that night thinking about the funeral and what might happen so I mental prepared myself and drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2 DAYS LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up that morning and I begged mom to let me do the work and she finally caved in. I did the work until it was time for me to get ready and go to the funeral. I went to my room and laid out my clothes before going into the shower and bathing. When I was done I dried my hair and got dressed into a black dress (this was back when I loved wearing dresses. It would change soon after that) putting on my Harley boots before putting my guitar in it's case and walking out the door with mom. We drove to the funeral home and met everyone that walked up to see him. Mom went outside a couple of times to smoke and I stood there and looked at him periodically. It was sad when the funeral finally started. The preacher announced my name and I walked in front of everyone. I got out my guitar and put it on.
"Right before my dad passed away he always wanted me to sing to him. I loved singing to the man and he always gave me impressive comments about my playing and singing. So this 1st song is called Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd." I said and began to play and sing.
Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day
Oh, take your time don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman you'll find love
And don't forget son there is someone up above
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Oh yes, I will
Boy, don't you worry you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Baby be a simple, be a simple man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
The song ended and I was so used to clapping and no one did.
"This next song is a song me and him both liked and he loved it when I played and sung it. Hope you all like it too. Its called Ballad Of Curtis Lowe by Lynyrd Skynyrd." I said and started playing.
Well, I used to wake the mornin'
Before the rooster crowed
Searchin' for soda bottles
To get myself some dough
Brought 'em down to the corner
Down to the country store
Cash 'em in, and give my money
To a man named Curtis Loew
Old Curt was a black man
With white and curly hair
When he had a fifth of wine
He did not have a care
He used to own an old Dobro
Used to play it 'cross his knee
I'd give old Curt my money
He'd play all day for me
Play me a song Curtis Lowe, Curtis Lowe
Well, I got your drinkin' money
Tune up your Dobro
People said he was useless
Them people all were fools
'Cause Curtis Lowe was the finest picker
To ever play the blues
He looked to be sixty
And maybe I was ten
Mama used to whoop me
But I'd go see him again
I'd clap my hands, stomp my feet
Try to stay in time
He'd play me a song or two
Then take another drink of wine
Yes, sir
On the day old Curtis died
Nobody came to pray
Ol' preacher said some words
And they chunked him in the clay
Well, he lived a lifetime
Playin' the black man's blues
And on the day he lost his life
That's all he had to lose
Play me a song Curtis Lowe, hey Curtis Lowe
I wish that you was here so
Everyone would know
People said he was useless
Them people all were fools
'Cause Curtis you're the finest picker
To ever play the blues
I finished and still no clapping. I was guessing they were going to clap at the end or something.
"This final song Paul loved it and he always hoped that one day I become a Shooting Star. This song is called Shooting Star by Band Company." I said and played and sung.
Johnny was a schoolboy
When he heard his first Beatles song
Love me do, I think it was
And from then it didn't take him long
Got himself a guitar
Used to play every night
Now he's in a rock n' roll outfit
And everything's alright, don't you know?
Johnny told his mama "Hey, mama, I'm goin' away
Gonna hit the big time
Gonna be a big star someday"
Mama came to the door
With a teardrop in her eye
Johnny said, "Don't cry, mama"
Smiled and wave goodbye, don't you know?
Yeah Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are
Johnny made a record
Went straight up to number one
Suddenly everyone loved
To hear him sing the song
Watchin' the world go by
Surprisin' it goes so fast
Johnny looked around him and said
Well, I made the big-time at last
Don't you know?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Whoa yeah
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are a shooting star
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are
Johnny died one night, died in his bed
Bottle of whiskey, sleeping tablets by his head
Johnny's life passed him by like a warm summer day
If you listen to the wind you can still hear him play
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know?
I finished and they lightly clapped their hands. I went and sat back down with mom while the preacher said a few more words. We were called to go see the body once more and I just stood there looking at his body. He was at rest. There was no more suffering. I kisses his forehead and we left to go to the graveyard. We followed right behind the hearse and we pulled into the parking lot of the graveyard. We all got out and we watched as they took the casket to the grave site. We sat down in the front row and the preacher again said a few more words and motioned me to get up. I put my guitar on and began playing Freebird.
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see
But, if I stayed here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird, you'll can not change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can't change
Bye, bye, baby it's been a sweet love
Yeah, yeah
Though this feeling I can't change
But please don't take it so badly
'Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame
But, if I stayed here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird, you'll can not change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And this bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can't change
Lord help me, I can't change
Lord I can't change
Won't you fly high, free bird, yeah?
I finished the song and everyone wasn't crying until Paul's friend Ben started playing Amazing Grace on his bagpipes. Everyone cried and so did I but I wouldn't show my mother. I was going to be strong for her no matter my pain. We all went home and some of the family came to the house and my friends were over. I was in my room with my friends just listening to radio and writing songs. I was writing, I laid my head on the pillow turning my back to everyone. I didn't feel like talking anymore. I'm not talking to anyone anymore.
"So what songs would you like to have played?" the funeral director asked.
"Well my husband's last request is to have Raven sing and play 3 of his favorite songs and at the burial to have her sing and play Freebird and a friend of his that he used to work with is going to play Amazing Grace on the bagpipes." mom said and I kept quiet and I was hoping to stay that way.
"What songs would that be?" he asked and mom looked over at me and nodded.
"Simple Man, Ballad Of Curtis Lowe, and Shooting Star." I said looking up at the man.
"Thank you and I can't wait to hear your voice. I say you have to be really good for him to say that he wants to sing and play at his funeral." he said and I just smiled and nodded. We stayed there a few minutes more picking out caskets and mom couldn't find a casket she liked so she wanted one custom made.
She wanted it to look like a rebel flag and say on the side Heritage Not Hate. I thought it would look so cool and of course it would. Mom ordered the flowers next, the spread was 9 roses for each year they were married. It was going to look very beautiful. The funeral was set for May 28Th and I wasn't looking forward to it. When we got back to the house I wanted to go ahead and start the work but mom didn't want to so I went to my room and started practicing the songs and singing them so I would get it right. I did them very well and I was very proud of myself. I went to sleep that night thinking about the funeral and what might happen so I mental prepared myself and drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2 DAYS LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up that morning and I begged mom to let me do the work and she finally caved in. I did the work until it was time for me to get ready and go to the funeral. I went to my room and laid out my clothes before going into the shower and bathing. When I was done I dried my hair and got dressed into a black dress (this was back when I loved wearing dresses. It would change soon after that) putting on my Harley boots before putting my guitar in it's case and walking out the door with mom. We drove to the funeral home and met everyone that walked up to see him. Mom went outside a couple of times to smoke and I stood there and looked at him periodically. It was sad when the funeral finally started. The preacher announced my name and I walked in front of everyone. I got out my guitar and put it on.
"Right before my dad passed away he always wanted me to sing to him. I loved singing to the man and he always gave me impressive comments about my playing and singing. So this 1st song is called Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd." I said and began to play and sing.
Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day
Oh, take your time don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman you'll find love
And don't forget son there is someone up above
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Oh yes, I will
Boy, don't you worry you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Baby be a simple, be a simple man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
The song ended and I was so used to clapping and no one did.
"This next song is a song me and him both liked and he loved it when I played and sung it. Hope you all like it too. Its called Ballad Of Curtis Lowe by Lynyrd Skynyrd." I said and started playing.
Well, I used to wake the mornin'
Before the rooster crowed
Searchin' for soda bottles
To get myself some dough
Brought 'em down to the corner
Down to the country store
Cash 'em in, and give my money
To a man named Curtis Loew
Old Curt was a black man
With white and curly hair
When he had a fifth of wine
He did not have a care
He used to own an old Dobro
Used to play it 'cross his knee
I'd give old Curt my money
He'd play all day for me
Play me a song Curtis Lowe, Curtis Lowe
Well, I got your drinkin' money
Tune up your Dobro
People said he was useless
Them people all were fools
'Cause Curtis Lowe was the finest picker
To ever play the blues
He looked to be sixty
And maybe I was ten
Mama used to whoop me
But I'd go see him again
I'd clap my hands, stomp my feet
Try to stay in time
He'd play me a song or two
Then take another drink of wine
Yes, sir
On the day old Curtis died
Nobody came to pray
Ol' preacher said some words
And they chunked him in the clay
Well, he lived a lifetime
Playin' the black man's blues
And on the day he lost his life
That's all he had to lose
Play me a song Curtis Lowe, hey Curtis Lowe
I wish that you was here so
Everyone would know
People said he was useless
Them people all were fools
'Cause Curtis you're the finest picker
To ever play the blues
I finished and still no clapping. I was guessing they were going to clap at the end or something.
"This final song Paul loved it and he always hoped that one day I become a Shooting Star. This song is called Shooting Star by Band Company." I said and played and sung.
Johnny was a schoolboy
When he heard his first Beatles song
Love me do, I think it was
And from then it didn't take him long
Got himself a guitar
Used to play every night
Now he's in a rock n' roll outfit
And everything's alright, don't you know?
Johnny told his mama "Hey, mama, I'm goin' away
Gonna hit the big time
Gonna be a big star someday"
Mama came to the door
With a teardrop in her eye
Johnny said, "Don't cry, mama"
Smiled and wave goodbye, don't you know?
Yeah Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are
Johnny made a record
Went straight up to number one
Suddenly everyone loved
To hear him sing the song
Watchin' the world go by
Surprisin' it goes so fast
Johnny looked around him and said
Well, I made the big-time at last
Don't you know?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Whoa yeah
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are a shooting star
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are
Johnny died one night, died in his bed
Bottle of whiskey, sleeping tablets by his head
Johnny's life passed him by like a warm summer day
If you listen to the wind you can still hear him play
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know?
I finished and they lightly clapped their hands. I went and sat back down with mom while the preacher said a few more words. We were called to go see the body once more and I just stood there looking at his body. He was at rest. There was no more suffering. I kisses his forehead and we left to go to the graveyard. We followed right behind the hearse and we pulled into the parking lot of the graveyard. We all got out and we watched as they took the casket to the grave site. We sat down in the front row and the preacher again said a few more words and motioned me to get up. I put my guitar on and began playing Freebird.
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see
But, if I stayed here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird, you'll can not change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can't change
Bye, bye, baby it's been a sweet love
Yeah, yeah
Though this feeling I can't change
But please don't take it so badly
'Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame
But, if I stayed here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird, you'll can not change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And this bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can't change
Lord help me, I can't change
Lord I can't change
Won't you fly high, free bird, yeah?
I finished the song and everyone wasn't crying until Paul's friend Ben started playing Amazing Grace on his bagpipes. Everyone cried and so did I but I wouldn't show my mother. I was going to be strong for her no matter my pain. We all went home and some of the family came to the house and my friends were over. I was in my room with my friends just listening to radio and writing songs. I was writing, I laid my head on the pillow turning my back to everyone. I didn't feel like talking anymore. I'm not talking to anyone anymore.
4/9/13