Perfectly Reckless
Chapter 17
Revolver Golden God Awards, 2013
We didn’t get nominated this year, but Brian and I were invited as one of the presenter so we came alone tonight. Brian didn’t really like to bring Michelle in an award event like this because she tends to get obsessed with other musicians from this very same industry when her husband is the world renown Synyster Gates. Let’s just say that Brian has the biggest jealousy bone in his body.
I didn’t bring anyone because well, first, I’m single and second, I’m still single. I hadn’t find anyone worthy of bringing to an award event just yet.
Wait, I did found one. But she’s unavailable.
The recent encounter with her brought back so many memories, of how we fought for years until we reconciled and I screwed up.
She was there, right in front of me, dressed up in disguise – much to my kind of image – and she was talking to my son. By how wide her eyes popped I could tell that she was surprised to see me there.
I came to the café with River because it was ‘Uncle Jimmy’s Story Day’ – some silly thing we made up to relive stories of my best buddy. I’ve always brought River to places that we used to hang with Jimmy, and tell stories of him there. Well, I skipped the whole drunken and wasted part and only tell him the good part. So I brought River to this café to have a look at Jimmy’s displayed drumkits.
I never thought that I could see her face again after all these years of avoiding me.
“Hi.” I started. Damn I didn’t know what to say to her! I took River in my arms out of habit. I secretly hoped she already knew that I have a son and I am divorced.
“How are you doing? It’s been a long time.” I continued.
She looked perplexed, her face was red with – I don’t know whether it was anger or embarrassment.
Then a little girl came out of the bathroom and greeted her. She picked her up and just went away. What the hell? I didn’t see any news of her being married on magazines or internet. Was that her kid?
“Wait, Lzzy!”
I chased out but my feet halted abruptly when I saw she left with a guy from her band – the guitarist, Joe. Damn it, she married him?!
I rested my palm on my temple, heaving out a big sigh as Korn was performing on stage. Not that it’s Korn’s fault by the way.
“Dude, come on. Our turn next. They already called us.”
I looked to my left; Brian stood beside me with a Heineken in his hand and he was calling me over. We were absent at the full dress rehearsal this morning so we didn’t know what category we will be presenting. Brian said to just be cool and read the script. Yeah, easy for him to say. He didn’t just bump into his old crush a few days before. And that particular crush might have been here with us tonight.
“Hi there Synyster, Shadows.” The floor manager greeted us in the backstage as we reached there. We smiled at him and shook his hand.
“Okay, you guys will be presenting the award for Best Vocalist.”
“Oh cool. And I don’t get to be nominated.”
“Aww, cheer up Shads. You will be next year. It’s just that, this year you guys haven’t been that active and your new album just released so,”
“I’m kidding dude. I know, relax.” I patted him on the back and both Brian and I waited until Korn ended their performance on stage.
“AND NOW, FOR THE BEST VOCALIST CATEGORY, PLEASE WELCOME ON STAGE, SYNYSTER GATES AND M.SHADOWS FROM AVENGED SEVENFOLD!”
The voice from the host echoed through the entire auditorium followed by applause and screams from the fans. We walked to the stage with our Nightmare song in the background and Brian was making a silly remark on the song. I laughed watching him trying to mimic my singing until we reached to the microphone.
“Who knew that Synyster Gates could sing?” I spoke into the microphone and the crowd yelled. Brian bowed curtly and drank from his beer. What an arrogant friend I have here.
“Right, how the fuck are you doing guys?!”
“Wooohhhh!!!!”
“As the previous winner of The Best Vocalist Category,”
“And me, as the previous winner of Dimebag Darrell’s Best Guitarist together with my boy Zacky V,”
I swear to God those were straight out of the scripts which flashed right in front of us.
“We’re here to present the award for Best Vocalist. And the nominees are:”
The video played and showed some pictures of those damn great vocalists of metal and we had to take turns in reading their names aloud.
“Ivan Moody from Five Finger Death Punch.” Brian started, the yell and screams from the crowd followed.
“Jeremy McKinnon from A Day To Remember.” My turn to read.
“Jonathan fucking Davis from Korn.” Ha. Brian cursed in front of the live television but that has never been a problem.
“And last but not least..”
Suddenly a picture of someone I missed, someone I’d been dying to talk to, appeared on the wide ass screen and baffled me. Her stare shot straight to my eyes and went directly into my heart.
“Matt, what are you waiting for?” Brian whispered to me. I blinked and realized that I took quite a long time to say her name.
“Lzzy Hale from Halestorm.”
The crowd yelled again and I lost my concentration on the stage. My eyes never left the screen until her picture disappeared completely.
“And the winner is..” I let Brian opened the envelope and I prayed hard that she will be the winner. The fans chanted some of Lzzy’s name and Jonathan Davis too but then Brian shoved the envelope to me and I can’t help but smile.
“My beautiful Lzzy Hale from Halestorm.”
I announced and bit my tongue after. Jeez, what was I thinking?! She might even be married right now! But I really think that she’s beautiful, so what? The crowd didn’t seem to bother about my concern and just scream when finally the beautiful Lzzy appeared from upstairs and smiled at the fans. Her song, Love Bites blared loudly through the entire room as she walked towards us. Brian hugged her first and congratulated her.
“Lzzy, hey! Haven’t seen you in quite a while!”
“Well, yeah. Been busy.”
Then she came to me. I offered a hug but she offered a handshake. When I changed my gesture to a handshake, she opened her arms wide to give me a hug. Fuck, the crowd laughed at our awkwardness. Without thinking I grabbed her waist with one arm and embraced her tightly. I can feel her breasts pressed against mine as the silky fabric of her dress brushed lightly on my skin. Goddamn it, don’t get too excited yet Horsey! Yeah, I named my dick Horsey.
“Congratulations, Lzzy.”
“Thank you. Now will you let me go so I can give my fucking speech?”
“Oh, okay. Sorry.”
I drew back and she went on to the microphone to give her speech. I can’t help again, but eyeing her from top to bottom. Her dressed was bare-back down to the start of her ass and I saw a tattoo on her back displaying a Halestorm logo right between her shoulder blades.
“Thank you, guys. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the fans. For Halestorm freaks, don’t be upset if people call you a freak because that means you’re unique and one of a kind. Be proud of who you are and..God bless! Thank you!”
I smiled and clapped for her as the three of us went to the backstage together. Brian was being held back by one of the crew because he was his biggest fan, apparently. And I paced faster, trying to keep up with Lzzy in front of me.
“Hey, Lzzy! Wait up!”
She didn’t stop, nor turned her head to me.
“Lzzy! We need to talk!”
I managed to catch up and blocked her way. There were some crews of the event walked past us but I ignored them completely and ignored the fact that we’re both recognized by the people here.
“What is it?” she asked, her eyes running away from me.
“You..look beautiful.”
She finally darted her eyes to me. A bitter smile crept on her lips and she started to walk away from me but then I landed my elbow on the wall, preventing her from getting any further. She let out a heavy sigh.
“Listen to me Lzzy. I’m sorry, for everything. I know I’m 10 years too late but believe me, I would turn back the time if I could. I would do anything to fix this.”
“Save it Matt. I don’t need to hear anything from you.”
“But I need to fucking explain, if you could just, listen.”
“What is it that you need to explain? We don’t have anything going on. We had a one night stand, I was drunk, I don’t remember a thing and that was it. Oh and you were engaged and you cheated on her.”
I closed my eyes tightly. Of all her words in that complete sentence, only one lingered in my head.
“You don’t remember anything? Anything at all?”
She looked away. “No I don’t.”
I sighed and pushed myself off from the wall. I thought that she will go straight to her seat but she turned to me, with both arms crossed upon her chest. I stared at her spilled breasts for a second before catching her eyes again.
“Explain to me one thing, Matt.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What?”
“Why didn’t you use my scream in your Scream song? I wasn’t good enough for you? Was that it? Or was it that you’re too proud to use me, the nobody in your album?”
I was truly and utterly surprised by this query. Damn, I thought she already knew the reason we didn’t use her scream!
“NO, God no, Lzzy! We wanted to use your voice! Your scream was perfect but the management, to be exact, Larry restricted it. At the time you guys and Larry were..you know..kind of in a cold war so he prevented us from using it. His excuse was, we had to pay your management big time if we wanna use your voice. Fuck, I can totally pay my share but the guys..well, Johnny was saving up to get married, and Zacky stuck with his own financial problem. But I swear to God, Lzzy. We still have the original version of the song with your scream in it.”
She looked startled in front of me, her body didn’t move much as her eyes blinked a few times at me. We stared at each other for quite a while until Brian came up to me and flung his arm around my shoulder.
“Hey, Lzzy! Congrats again! What’s up? You guys catching up old stories or what?”
“Uh, yeah just catching up.” I replied, my eyes still on her.
“Wanna hang with us after this Lzzy? I think Johnny will be fucking excited to meet you again.”
“I..” She stuttered and I knew that she was gonna reject us again. Like she always did whenever we tried to contact her back in the days.
“She’s married, Brian. She has someone to come home to. Well, see you around, Lzzy.”
“Bye Lzzy. Say hi to RJ for me!”
After that Brian and I walked away from her and I can’t help but looking back. She was still there, standing stock and watched us intently from afar.
We didn’t get nominated this year, but Brian and I were invited as one of the presenter so we came alone tonight. Brian didn’t really like to bring Michelle in an award event like this because she tends to get obsessed with other musicians from this very same industry when her husband is the world renown Synyster Gates. Let’s just say that Brian has the biggest jealousy bone in his body.
I didn’t bring anyone because well, first, I’m single and second, I’m still single. I hadn’t find anyone worthy of bringing to an award event just yet.
Wait, I did found one. But she’s unavailable.
The recent encounter with her brought back so many memories, of how we fought for years until we reconciled and I screwed up.
She was there, right in front of me, dressed up in disguise – much to my kind of image – and she was talking to my son. By how wide her eyes popped I could tell that she was surprised to see me there.
I came to the café with River because it was ‘Uncle Jimmy’s Story Day’ – some silly thing we made up to relive stories of my best buddy. I’ve always brought River to places that we used to hang with Jimmy, and tell stories of him there. Well, I skipped the whole drunken and wasted part and only tell him the good part. So I brought River to this café to have a look at Jimmy’s displayed drumkits.
I never thought that I could see her face again after all these years of avoiding me.
“Hi.” I started. Damn I didn’t know what to say to her! I took River in my arms out of habit. I secretly hoped she already knew that I have a son and I am divorced.
“How are you doing? It’s been a long time.” I continued.
She looked perplexed, her face was red with – I don’t know whether it was anger or embarrassment.
Then a little girl came out of the bathroom and greeted her. She picked her up and just went away. What the hell? I didn’t see any news of her being married on magazines or internet. Was that her kid?
“Wait, Lzzy!”
I chased out but my feet halted abruptly when I saw she left with a guy from her band – the guitarist, Joe. Damn it, she married him?!
I rested my palm on my temple, heaving out a big sigh as Korn was performing on stage. Not that it’s Korn’s fault by the way.
“Dude, come on. Our turn next. They already called us.”
I looked to my left; Brian stood beside me with a Heineken in his hand and he was calling me over. We were absent at the full dress rehearsal this morning so we didn’t know what category we will be presenting. Brian said to just be cool and read the script. Yeah, easy for him to say. He didn’t just bump into his old crush a few days before. And that particular crush might have been here with us tonight.
“Hi there Synyster, Shadows.” The floor manager greeted us in the backstage as we reached there. We smiled at him and shook his hand.
“Okay, you guys will be presenting the award for Best Vocalist.”
“Oh cool. And I don’t get to be nominated.”
“Aww, cheer up Shads. You will be next year. It’s just that, this year you guys haven’t been that active and your new album just released so,”
“I’m kidding dude. I know, relax.” I patted him on the back and both Brian and I waited until Korn ended their performance on stage.
“AND NOW, FOR THE BEST VOCALIST CATEGORY, PLEASE WELCOME ON STAGE, SYNYSTER GATES AND M.SHADOWS FROM AVENGED SEVENFOLD!”
The voice from the host echoed through the entire auditorium followed by applause and screams from the fans. We walked to the stage with our Nightmare song in the background and Brian was making a silly remark on the song. I laughed watching him trying to mimic my singing until we reached to the microphone.
“Who knew that Synyster Gates could sing?” I spoke into the microphone and the crowd yelled. Brian bowed curtly and drank from his beer. What an arrogant friend I have here.
“Right, how the fuck are you doing guys?!”
“Wooohhhh!!!!”
“As the previous winner of The Best Vocalist Category,”
“And me, as the previous winner of Dimebag Darrell’s Best Guitarist together with my boy Zacky V,”
I swear to God those were straight out of the scripts which flashed right in front of us.
“We’re here to present the award for Best Vocalist. And the nominees are:”
The video played and showed some pictures of those damn great vocalists of metal and we had to take turns in reading their names aloud.
“Ivan Moody from Five Finger Death Punch.” Brian started, the yell and screams from the crowd followed.
“Jeremy McKinnon from A Day To Remember.” My turn to read.
“Jonathan fucking Davis from Korn.” Ha. Brian cursed in front of the live television but that has never been a problem.
“And last but not least..”
Suddenly a picture of someone I missed, someone I’d been dying to talk to, appeared on the wide ass screen and baffled me. Her stare shot straight to my eyes and went directly into my heart.
“Matt, what are you waiting for?” Brian whispered to me. I blinked and realized that I took quite a long time to say her name.
“Lzzy Hale from Halestorm.”
The crowd yelled again and I lost my concentration on the stage. My eyes never left the screen until her picture disappeared completely.
“And the winner is..” I let Brian opened the envelope and I prayed hard that she will be the winner. The fans chanted some of Lzzy’s name and Jonathan Davis too but then Brian shoved the envelope to me and I can’t help but smile.
“My beautiful Lzzy Hale from Halestorm.”
I announced and bit my tongue after. Jeez, what was I thinking?! She might even be married right now! But I really think that she’s beautiful, so what? The crowd didn’t seem to bother about my concern and just scream when finally the beautiful Lzzy appeared from upstairs and smiled at the fans. Her song, Love Bites blared loudly through the entire room as she walked towards us. Brian hugged her first and congratulated her.
“Lzzy, hey! Haven’t seen you in quite a while!”
“Well, yeah. Been busy.”
Then she came to me. I offered a hug but she offered a handshake. When I changed my gesture to a handshake, she opened her arms wide to give me a hug. Fuck, the crowd laughed at our awkwardness. Without thinking I grabbed her waist with one arm and embraced her tightly. I can feel her breasts pressed against mine as the silky fabric of her dress brushed lightly on my skin. Goddamn it, don’t get too excited yet Horsey! Yeah, I named my dick Horsey.
“Congratulations, Lzzy.”
“Thank you. Now will you let me go so I can give my fucking speech?”
“Oh, okay. Sorry.”
I drew back and she went on to the microphone to give her speech. I can’t help again, but eyeing her from top to bottom. Her dressed was bare-back down to the start of her ass and I saw a tattoo on her back displaying a Halestorm logo right between her shoulder blades.
“Thank you, guys. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the fans. For Halestorm freaks, don’t be upset if people call you a freak because that means you’re unique and one of a kind. Be proud of who you are and..God bless! Thank you!”
I smiled and clapped for her as the three of us went to the backstage together. Brian was being held back by one of the crew because he was his biggest fan, apparently. And I paced faster, trying to keep up with Lzzy in front of me.
“Hey, Lzzy! Wait up!”
She didn’t stop, nor turned her head to me.
“Lzzy! We need to talk!”
I managed to catch up and blocked her way. There were some crews of the event walked past us but I ignored them completely and ignored the fact that we’re both recognized by the people here.
“What is it?” she asked, her eyes running away from me.
“You..look beautiful.”
She finally darted her eyes to me. A bitter smile crept on her lips and she started to walk away from me but then I landed my elbow on the wall, preventing her from getting any further. She let out a heavy sigh.
“Listen to me Lzzy. I’m sorry, for everything. I know I’m 10 years too late but believe me, I would turn back the time if I could. I would do anything to fix this.”
“Save it Matt. I don’t need to hear anything from you.”
“But I need to fucking explain, if you could just, listen.”
“What is it that you need to explain? We don’t have anything going on. We had a one night stand, I was drunk, I don’t remember a thing and that was it. Oh and you were engaged and you cheated on her.”
I closed my eyes tightly. Of all her words in that complete sentence, only one lingered in my head.
“You don’t remember anything? Anything at all?”
She looked away. “No I don’t.”
I sighed and pushed myself off from the wall. I thought that she will go straight to her seat but she turned to me, with both arms crossed upon her chest. I stared at her spilled breasts for a second before catching her eyes again.
“Explain to me one thing, Matt.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What?”
“Why didn’t you use my scream in your Scream song? I wasn’t good enough for you? Was that it? Or was it that you’re too proud to use me, the nobody in your album?”
I was truly and utterly surprised by this query. Damn, I thought she already knew the reason we didn’t use her scream!
“NO, God no, Lzzy! We wanted to use your voice! Your scream was perfect but the management, to be exact, Larry restricted it. At the time you guys and Larry were..you know..kind of in a cold war so he prevented us from using it. His excuse was, we had to pay your management big time if we wanna use your voice. Fuck, I can totally pay my share but the guys..well, Johnny was saving up to get married, and Zacky stuck with his own financial problem. But I swear to God, Lzzy. We still have the original version of the song with your scream in it.”
She looked startled in front of me, her body didn’t move much as her eyes blinked a few times at me. We stared at each other for quite a while until Brian came up to me and flung his arm around my shoulder.
“Hey, Lzzy! Congrats again! What’s up? You guys catching up old stories or what?”
“Uh, yeah just catching up.” I replied, my eyes still on her.
“Wanna hang with us after this Lzzy? I think Johnny will be fucking excited to meet you again.”
“I..” She stuttered and I knew that she was gonna reject us again. Like she always did whenever we tried to contact her back in the days.
“She’s married, Brian. She has someone to come home to. Well, see you around, Lzzy.”
“Bye Lzzy. Say hi to RJ for me!”
After that Brian and I walked away from her and I can’t help but looking back. She was still there, standing stock and watched us intently from afar.
Notes
A/N: ahaha same as my other story Hail To The King...i won't be able to update this daily :/ but thanks for reading and commenting guys! <3
@RyeBellamy
You're very welcome
7/29/18