Ghouls

I must’ve passed out in the car as the next thing I remember was lying in my bed the next morning. After 3 days I still hadn’t left my bed; not talking to anyone about what had happened. I kept getting constant flashbacks from the night before, every time leaving me in tears; I kept remembering how much I’d liked Zack in the weeks running up to the night, how my emotions had changed from loving Zack and hating Brian, to being somewhat scared of Zack and having, to be fair, completely mixed emotions about Brian; I liked him, I really did, but the times I did like him never seemed to be very long-lived; every time I thought I liked him he’d either turn cold and suddenly not be interested or I’d talk myself out of it; I’d tell myself that I was drunk or that he was trying to get to me or only had bad intentions.

Eventually, I pulled myself up out of bed and got to the top of the stairs before I heard a new voice downstairs. I quickly hid behind the corner, peering round to see who was at the bottom. Cam and...Brian?!

Cam placed a bunch of flowers on the counter before looking to Brian and asking, “you can always go up there and see her; I know she’s really grateful about the other night and I can tell you’re worried about her. I think she’s just a bit shaken up; I can’t help but feel that something happened while she was back home that I don’t know about but; she seems so secluded all of a sudden, Jade and I have tried to get her to come out hundreds of times, Bri, and, I don’t know, seeing you might persuade her to; we’d be really gratefull but, y’know, you don’t have to...” Cam trailed off.

Brian glanced upstairs, making me flinch away out of site. As I pulled my head back round, he’d lowered his gaze as he continued to talk to Cam; “No, I’m not sure, I doubt she’d want to see any of me or the guys right now; we’re probably the last people she wants to see. I’m sure she’ll come out in her own time though, mate, give her my best when she does,” Brian explained, giving Cam a weak smile. My heart pinched, making me begin to sob as the tears started to fall; it killed me to know that Cam was worried and that he was beginning to figure out what had happened back in England while he’d been gone, even more so that all the Avenged guys thought I hated them. I loved them all; they all seemed so loving and caring and fun; it was probably my fault for letting Zacky get too close anyway; I didn’t blame him for what he did. Then again, when did I ever blame things like that on the actual attackers? I always blamed myself.

“Okay, well, if you ever want to come and visit, just pop round; as I said, we’re all really fuckin’ grateful for what you did for Lauren,” Cam told him, placing his hand on Brian's shoulder as he led them out of the house.

After saying his goodbyes, I slowly inched down the stairs. As Cam turned away from the door he saw me. I was stood maybe 2 steps from the top, wearing nothing but my favourite Metallica t-shirt and a pair of boyshorts along with my Winnie-The-Pooh bed socks, tears streaming down my face.

“Lauren, what in Hell’s name happened?” Cam asked his voice barely a whisper, tears falling down his well-built chest, soaking into his lose, grey, V-neck shirt.

The tears came harder as I thundered down the stairs, wrapping my arms tightly round his neck, desperately crying into his shoulder. Cam, crying with me, wrapped his own arms securely around my back, taking me into an inescapable grasp. I’d missed my brother so so much while we were apart; growing up we were inseparable; he was more like my twin than my half brother; we shared each other’s food, each other’s friends, each other’s toys, (in some cases) each other’s clothes... each other’s pain. And back then, I could tell him anything; in many ways, it was just like talking to myself; when I cried, he cried, when I laughed, he laughed, when I was hurt, he was hurt and when I needed someone to talk to, he was always there to listen and to help with whatever he could; he’d be the first to step up and defend me...always. But some things, now, I couldn’t tell him; some things I knew would hurt him much more than anything I’d ever told him before and I never wanted to hurt him, not after all he’d done for me.

We broke apart when we heard Jade sob behind us; we relaxed our bodies as we welcomed her into the hug. Before this trip, I’d never met Jade, I mean; we’d spoken a few times on Skype and Facebook and such but this was the first we’d ever met in person. It was phenomenal how close we’d become in such short time; I’d never grown so comfortable and had never trusted anyone so quickly as Jade. Cam met her at the airport on the plane here, both leaving with the same intentions; a new life; new opportunities. By the end of the flight they’d exchanged numbers and within weeks they’d bought themselves an apartment together.

“Now,” Jade began, sniffling, “are you going to tell us what’s happened? Because both of the guys aren’t saying anything and we’re really fucking worried about you, L, we just want you to be okay and not knowing is killing us both” Jade spoke, all in one breath, her tears still falling.

I felt terrible; the last thing I wanted was for them to worry, “guys, don’t worry; it was just a little miss-understanding,” I told them, pulling away as I tried to head towards the kitchen.

“Oh, really? Then why was it that Brian had to bring you home passed out with blood covering his face?” Cam scolded, bitterly, lifting his head from the ground to look at me, eyes cold with a hint of worry. Tears sprang back to my eyes due to his tone; I don’t remember the last time he got this angry with me. There was part of me that just wanted to explode; tell them everything; everything that had happened that night and everything back at home, but I couldn’t bare the pain; I had to spare both myself and, most importantly, them from the hurt and guilt.

Jade noticed how fragile it had made me, shooting a quick warning glance to Cameron before her eyes softened, setting them back on me. They displayed so much pain already, and so much worry. “Come on, Lauren, please! All we want is answers...” she pleaded.
I re-gained myself, deciding to remain to keep everything inside, “I already gave you your answers. It was just a bit of a miss-understanding. Now, I’m taking Hud out; get myself ou-“ I began, trying to escape the ever more difficult situation by grabbing Hudson’s lead and making my way towards the door.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Cameron grasped my arm, pulling my back in front of him and Jade, into the kitchen, making me begin to cry again; not from pain but because I wanted anything but to have this conversation.

“Why, Cam? I just want to go out for a while, clear my head,” I told him, sobbing.

“Well, first of all, you’re wearing nothing but a pair of panties and an old shirt. Secondly, I need to know what’s going on, Lauren, because, I swear, if he’s hurt you I will fucking kill him. If he’s done anything to even try and hurt you, I swear to God, I will go over to his house and beat him to a fucking pulp, you understand me?” he asked, pulling my chin up with his finger to look into my eyes with his own, pain filled ones, “all I want is for you to be okay, Lauren; you’re my baby sister; all I want is for you to be happy and if he, for any reason, has taken that from you I will personally take it upon myself to hurt him as much as he hurt you; you’ve locked yourself away for 3 days now, for fuck sake; you haven’t eaten, not spoken to anyone, you haven’t showered, shit, I didn’t even hear you go to the loo! Lauren, please just tell me,” he now pleaded, stuttering and breaking up as he went as we all sobbed.

I had to sit down, “okay,” I agreed, softly, making my way round the island and to the couches. Hudson came to me, whimpering, placing his head on my knee as I sat.

“It’s okay, L, take your time,” Jade told me, sitting on the floor in front of me and taking my hands as Cam sat at my side and put his arm around my shaking shoulders.

“Well,” I sniffed, “it was pretty much a disaster from the start; the ride into town was silent and awkward. He didn’t even talk to me until just before we left; he was too busy talking to other guys and checking out other girls,” I told them between sobs, “after a few hours he started to...touch me,” I began. Cam physically tensed next to me, gripping my shoulders tighter as Jade looked at me in shock, “I told him no but he wouldn’t stop,” I sobbed. Jade gasped, holding my hands tighter, beginning to cry again as Cam sobbed silently, rubbing my shoulder and leaning me in to kiss the crown of my head, “I got out, after he grabbed me.. I managed to fight away though,” I told them, trying to re-assure them, “anyway, I ran out of the club and bumped into Brian. He immediately protected me and prepared himself for when Zacky came storming out. After a few... thoughts were shared, Bri and Zack ended up in a fight. Bri won and offered to bring me home. I passed out in his car. That’s why there was blood and I was out..” I told them, sighing in relief as I finished.

They were both silent until Cam spoke, “I am going to fucking kill him,” he shouted, standing to storm out the door. I grabbed his shirt, turning him around.

“No, Cam, please! Don’t do anything! I told you, it was a miss-understanding! It wasn’t Zack’s fault, Cam, please! Don’t do anything! I’m fine! Please, don’t make anything worse than it is; I don’t want anyone else to hurt, okay! Please, just leave it!” I pleaded him.

“Lau, are you serious? He’s done...that to you and you expect me to just sit here and act like it’s fine-and-dandy?! We’ve got a tour coming up, for fuck sake, and I was going to invite you but not without him knowing his place! He needs to know that he can NEVER touch you like that! Ever!” He was angry.

“Please, Cam, I know you’re angry and upset but I’m fine, okay? I’m not hurt! I don’t want you to do anything, please, Cam!” I begged him not to go. He looked over my shoulder at Jade; I guessed she told him not too to as he gave in, his body going from strong and built to relaxed as he collapsed back onto the couch, his face in his hands.

“I can’t believe he did that to you, L, you liked him so much,” he began, shuddering.

“I know, Cam, but I’m fine now, okay? Brian.. saved me,” I paused a second to think of what I was saying; the facts, as I rubbed his back, “he made sure I was safe and brought me home. He gave Zack a pasting as it is, you don’t need to too, it’s fine; you don’t need to do anything; it’s nothing I can’t handle,” I told him, his head raising to look at me, passing him a smile.

The rest of the day was fairly quiet; Cam and Jade barely spoke to me, just made sure I was okay every now and again, I guessed to let everything sink in. Later in the day, I took Hud out for his walk, attempting to clear my head. It was sunset when I got to the middle of the beach.

In the not-so-far distance, I noticed a dark figure of a man sat in the sand smoking a cigarette, throwing a stick for his small, white, fluffy dog. Brian and Pinkly. Hudson ran to play with Pinkly as I silently sat next to Brian.

“Thank you..for Wednesday,” I broke the silence.

“It’s alright,” he said rather bluntly, not taking his eyes off the golden crests of the waves that stretched in front of us, taking another drag off the stick of Marlboro he held between his finger tips.

His face still had several cuts from the fight, “you okay?” I asked, watching the wounds.

“Yeah, they’ll heal eventually.” Why so blunt? Maybe he didn’t like me after all.

“I heard you came 'round Cam’s this morning,” I asked him.

“Yeah.”

“How come?” I asked, getting annoyed at the one-word answers.

“So many questions, Lauren, do you really need to know?” he asked me, looking at me dead in the eyes. They seemed kind of...angry.

There was a silence for a long time before I asked the question that had been nagging at me for a long time, “how’s Zack?”

He put out his cigarette, calling over Pinkly before he answered, “he’s shit; keeps beating himself up about what happened. I’d feel bad but the motherfucker deserves it,” he said harshly before leaving me left sat on the beach.

I was there for almost an hour, pondering over what he’d told me. On the one hand, he was being blunt and cold, as if what Zacky had implied wasn’t in fact true and he didn’t like me. But, what he said last, about Zacky deserving the self-destruction after hurting me, suggested he cared. Or did it? Maybe he just didn’t agree with women being treated that way. Either way, I was left confused, sobbing into Hud’s coat as we sat on the beach, the sun setting and the sky becoming dark, as I worked myself up over the relationships I’d already ruined during my time here; over the situations I’d let get the better of me and the people I’d already allowed to hurt me in ways I know should never allow. It was all happening again.

Notes