Weird Girl

I sat with Cassie at lunch, I couldn't help but notice what she was wearing, she usually wore some strangeness.I wish I could pull off.

"Hey." She said enthusiastically as I sat down.
"Hey." I greeted quietly. I bit into the apple on my tray, looking around the cafeteria, watching everyone. I couldn't help but glance over to Matt's table, making sure I didn't stare at him. He had his arm around Courtney, and Jimmy was sitting on the other side of him. Everyone at the table seemed to be laughing at something Jimmy had said, except Courtney. Courtney was practically burning holes in Jimmy with her death stare.

"Earth to Sarah." Cassie said, waving her hand in front of my face. I looked back over to her, she must have been saying something but I hadn't noticed until now.
"Why don't you ever sit with Jimmy?" I asked, I didn't want her to think she had to sit with me.
"Because, sitting with Jimmy means having to sit with Courtney, and she hates me." She told me.
"Yeah what is her problem? I never did anything to her and she called me a freak." I asked her, taking a bite of my apple.
"I don't know, probably because Matt drove you home that one time, she's super possessive. I hugged Matt once and she practically pushed me to the ground." She explained.
"That's stupid, you hug everyone." I said.
"I know!" She agreed, chuckling. I finished my apple, it was the only edible thing on my plate so I threw the rest of it away.

As I sat back down, I could see Jimmy running over to our table, sitting next to Cassie and kissing her on the cheek, causing her to giggle. They were adorable together and I loved them both to death, but sometimes their cuteness got nauseating.
“Dude you it is so hard to sit over there with Courtney, you should hear her, ‘Matt why don’t you ever buy me nice things, Matt why do you hang out with these idiots, Shut up Jimmy stop interrupting me.’” He imitated her with a shrill voice that made us laugh. “How do you not interrupt someone who never stops talking?” He muttered.
“She’s like the evil queen of this school.” Cassie smirked as Jimmy put his arm around her.
“So are you guys coming to our concert?” Jimmy asked us, grinning.
“Well I definitely am, gotta support my drum god.” Cassie smiled up at him, pecking him softly on the lips. Ugh I’m such a third wheel. I thought, rolling my eyes.
“What about you doll face?” Jimmy asked me.
“Maybe for the concert but not for the after party.” I told him.
“Ugh, why not?” He whined. “We could use one more hot girl at the show.” He grinned.
“Dude do you need your eyes checked?” I smirked, crossing my arms. Jimmy just sighed, rolling his eyes at me.
“Come on man, Matt’ll be there.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows at me and causing Cassie to laugh. I narrowed my eyes at him, he just laughed.
“For the last time Jimmy, I don’t like Matt.” I sighed.
“Dude do you know how much easier my life would be if you and Matt got together, no more her royal bitchiness.” Jimmy said, Cassie and I laughed at him, causing him to grin.
“Matt doesn’t know I exist, and I’m okay with that.” I stated.
“Well you still have to come, ‘cause if you don’t, I’ll do something terrible, maybe not to you but it’ll be because of you, which will hurt you more.” Jimmy exclaimed, pointing his finger at me. I laughed even though it was true.

By the end of the day I felt like my soul had been ripped out, school usually did that to me. I walked home. Cassie had gone home in 6th period so it was just Jimmy and I. We were walking at a normal pace, Jimmy was one of the few friends I had but sometimes I wondered if he just hung out with me because I was Cassie’s best friend.
“Who’s your favorite drummer? I mean besides me of course.” He smirked.
“Joey Jordison.” I smiled, we were almost to my house. “And Dave Grohl.” I added.
“Wow who knew you liked good music?” He laughed.
“Shut up.” I snapped, but I couldn’t help but laugh with him as we got to my house.
“Bye Jim Jam.” I said as I walked up to the door.
“Bye Darlin’, I’m going to Matt’s house so I’ll be telling him you said hey” He said, winking at me.
“Whatever Jimmy.” I smirked as I unlocked my door, stepping inside.

My mother was asleep on the couch, like always. She still had a cigarette burning away between her fingers, I ran over to grab it from her hand so the house didn’t burn down, she didn’t notice. I took the last drag off it and put it out in the ashtray on the coffee table. I had to get her to her room so I shook her shoulder lightly.
“Mom?” I said gently.
“Hmm?” She stirred.
“Come on, let’s go to your room.” I said, she started to sit up, still half asleep, I guided her to her room in her zombie like state, I wasn’t sure if she had already taken some pills. She climbed into her bed and I straightened out her blankets, leaving her room quietly and shutting the door behind me. I then went back into the living room, picking up the half empty vodka bottle and taking it to my room, she wouldn’t notice if it was finished, she’d just think she finished it.

I went into my room, locking the door behind me and setting the vodka on my bad, going under my bed and grabbing a little black box. It had some razors in it, pills, some pot, a pipe, and a lighter. But I only needed the razors tonight, and maybe a pill or two. I lifted up my sleeve and made a small cut on my shoulder, it was a little deeper than I had intended but not alarmingly deep. I touched it as it began to bleed, looking at the blood on my fingertip, it all felt so surreal. I made a couple more cuts in the same area then went into the bathroom to clean them. When I came back into my room I felt even more worthless so I finished the bottle of vodka, relishing the way it burned my throat and made me feel numb, it felt like love for a second.

I threw away the bottle and put away my razors, I wanted to sleep forever but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I wanted to swallow all my pills but I only swallowed one, I promise I’m not like this all the time. I got a text from Cassie, something about Matt, but my head felt fuzzy and my insides felt like death so I fell asleep for once without thinking about everything.

Notes

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