Weird Girl

I hadn't thought of Matt since the Saturday night he drove me home, it was Tuesday now, I was up late studying for an English test we had the next day. I was defining way too many words that I already knew the definitions of. I was in the middle of defining the word ‘bedash’ when I heard my mother knock on my door lightly.
"Come in." I half yelled so she could hear me. She opened the door and peeked her head in; she had been sleeping and drinking all day.
"Can you order some pizza for yourself? I'm going to sleep." She says, walking over to me at my desk and giving me a side hug. She was still in her nightgown, she smelled like liquor and cigarettes.
"Yeah its fine mom, love you." I told her.
"Love you Sar-Bear" She said as she walked out of my room, closing the door behind her. I smirked at her nickname for me. My mother kind of gave up after the divorce, she became depressed after my father cheated on her, so I became the parent I guess. No one knew what my home life was like, even Cassie, it was too hard to explain and I was just embarrassed.

I walked out of my room, trying to be quiet even though I knew she wouldn't hear me, I could hear her snoring when I passed her room. I went into the living room that was littered with liquor bottles and sleeping pill bottles, I felt my eyes fill with tears but I stopped myself, feeling knots build up in my stomach. I walked over to the coffee table and picked up the liquor bottles, bringing them to the garbage in the kitchen, throwing them away since they were empty. I walked back and grabbed the bottle that was still almost full and took a sip before putting it away in her liquor cabinet. I then put away her pills, I didn't have to do these things but I felt like I had to, so the whole house wouldn't fall apart. I got my phone out of my pocket and ordered the pizza, she'd be mad if I didn't eat, and she'd be more mad if there wasn't anything for her to eat when she woke up.

I picked up her purse from the coffee table and grabbed her wallet out of it, getting out the money to pay for the food. I sat down on the couch, turning on the TV and mindlessly flipping through the channels, stopping to watch Law & Order. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I just ignored it at first because it was probably Cassie. After a couple minutes I sighed and checked my phone after I had gotten 2 other texts:
Cassie: I've been thinking about joining the circus
Cassie: Jimmy's band is playing a show nearby and he wants us to go :3
Jimmy: hey doll face, you should really come to this show me and my band are playing on Saturday, we're having this huge after party after and Matt will be there ;)
I sighed at their texts, Jimmy thought I had a thing for Matt, which was only true in the sense that I was interested in him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a relationship with him. He's only someone I see on a day to day basis, I rarely talk to him and even when I do he seems uncomfortable and freaked out by me. There was no way in hell he'd ever look at me as more than an acquaintance. I was interrupted from my thoughts by a knock at the front door. I grabbed the money and opened the door, greeting the pizza boy, who was about my age and couldn't stop looking at my chest, I was in my pajamas already so I wasn't wearing a bra. I almost grimaced at how he was looking at me, I gave him the money as he handed me the pizza box, and I slammed the door in his face. I locked the door, walking back over to the couch, setting the pizza on the coffee table, and setting a piece of pizza on a paper plate. I grabbed my phone to text Cassie back:
Sarah: first off if you join the circus please take me with you, and I might go to the concert but I also might flake out
Then I texted Jimmy:
Sarah: dude I don't like Matt, idk I might be there
I put my phone on the table and picked up my pizza, taking a bite and watching TV. I only ate one piece of pizza before going back to my room, it was nearly 1 am and I was tired, I was due for a night in anyways.

***

I got ready for school quickly, I usually was rushing to get ready. I changed into a Nirvana tee shirt and some ripped jeans, fixing my hair in front of the mirror. I put on some black eyeliner and mascara, I probably shouldn't have, people noticed my freakish eyes enough already. I put on my converse high tops, not bothering to tie them. I made sure I had everything in my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. I looked at myself in the mirror:
I started to feel anxious like I always did right before school, I felt nauseous and I didn't want to deal with anyone, but I had to. I walked out of my room, turning off the light. My mom was still asleep, so I quietly left the house. I walked outside, locking the door behind me. I usually walked to school, it wasn't that far and I liked the time to clear my head. I had to walk past Matt's house to get to school, I'd usually see him getting into his car or something, but he had already left. I sighed, I had already made it priority not to care about this guy, all he was to me was a friend of a friend.

By the time 3rd period I had already had to go to the bathroom twice because I had to stop myself from having anxiety attacks. I wasn't looking forward to 3rd period, it was art, which I loved but I had it with Matt, and his girlfriend, Courtney, it's not like it mattered that much anyways, they usually never noticed me anyways, not even the day before even though I had seen Matt the weekend before.

I sat down at my seat, we shared large tables instead of individual desks, I was sat at a table with Matt, Courtney, a freshman named Johnny, and this girl named Ashley. I usually just kept my head down and worked on whatever assignment we had.
"Okay children listen up!" Ms. Stefani said, walking to the front of the class. I had to turn around to see her, her blond hair was in a messy bun and her glasses were on the tip if her nose. "Today's free draw day, so just create whatever your hearts desire!" She said enthusiastically, I couldn't help but smile, this was my favorite class, I've always loved art.

I turned around and picked up my pencil and started drawing, I was so engrossed in it that I barely paid attention to what was around me. I was sketching a ghostly girl with monsters after her, I usually didn't draw very well from memory or my mind, but this was pretty good. I was shading it when I started to tune into the conversation around me, most of it was babble, what they were doing after school or who fucked who.
"She's such a freak show, her eyes are fucking creepy." I heard Courtney say, I knew she was talking about me but I kept my head down.
“Calm down, it’s not like she ever did anything to you” Matt said to her.
“Ugh whatever it’s not like it matters.” She sighed.
“You guys know I can hear you right?” I snapped, looking up at both of them. Matt looked kind of surprised but Courtney didn’t seem to care.
The bell rang, I grabbed my bag and my notebook and left the classroom as fast I could. As I left Courtney walked past me, pushing my with her shoulder slightly. I sighed, I didn’t even know why she hated me, but I was used to it, most people didn’t like me.

Notes

comments? suggestions? ^.^ updating soon

what Sarah was drawing:
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