Serenity Prayer - Reinhold Niebuhr

---

The unique smell of coffee mixed with a sweet scent that he missed so much filled the room and woke him up quickly. He sat on the couch he spent the night on and stretched his back before facing her figure on a black robe in the kitchen counter.

He couldn’t suppress that smile. Wishing he could wake up to that sight for the rest of his life.

“How did you sleep?” Emily walked towards him and placed his cup of coffee on the center table.

“Good. Your couch is pretty comfortable for a… couch.” he chuckled.

“I told you you could stay in the bed with me. It’s pretty big.” She smiled.

“Nah, it’s okay.” He tried to hide his dirty mind from her eyes and rolled his eyes. “Em… I was wondering before I went to sleep last night… If you… still have that song you once wrote down for me and left it in my car seat?”

She thought about it for a while and then looked back at him.

“Yeah, I made a copy…”

“Oh, really? Were you planning to steal the song from me?” he drank a sip of his coffee but his eyes never left hers, suspicious.

“Yeah, Brian, I had this evil plan to steal your genius song and sell it to the best record company to make millions and millions of dollars. But why would I be working in a fucking diner now if I’m loaded?”

He chuckled at her reaction. Of course she woundn’t react nice about it, he knew that. He wanted to poke the beast.

“Alright… I’m relieved you still have it. I’ve been trying to remember the notes for months and months. But I was too cocky and proud to ask you before...” they both chuckled.

As she searched for the sheet music in between her papers in her book shelf, he saw her acoustic guitar in the stand, asked her if he could take it and started playing some random harmonies and chords.

“So… I don’t hear from you guys anywhere, not even about the launch of the new album. How’s the band work going?”

He took a while to answer as he showed his abilities on the fretboard. And when he stopped playing, he noticed she was staring at him.

“How have you been? You and the guys and everyone else…?” her question was much softer now. And he was about to answer this time.

“Well… each one of us handled it differently. But I guess we finally found a way of moving on now…”

After I found a great detective, who promised me to find out about your exact whereabouts in Georgia, I decided I should go meet up with the guys in the studio.

It’s been six months we didn’t even open the studio. I mean… how can we think about recording and selling and… touring again without Jimmy? It never made sense to me. He’s not a drummer you can just replace. In fact, neither of us are replaceable in our band. I couldn’t think about moving on without any of my band mates. And that’s the opinion I was gonna bring up to them.

I was hangovered as hell. Cocaine and whiskey? Not the best combination to wake up in the next morning, believe me.

“I know what you mean.” She grimaced, remembering her old wild times.

So I just took a shower, an aspirine and left quickly to meet them. I was damn late, I knew that, but I didn’t really care. I just needed to let them know I was out for good.

When I arrived, I was surprised at how everyone showed up. Even Mei, who seemed to be in a pretty bad shape, was there. And they were listening to our recordings for the album, seating around in silence. And of course they all turned to me, surprised, when I came in.

I picked up one of the chairs and joined them in complete silence. By the end of the album, my heart was already giving up the idea of quitting. The songs were real, we wrote about our feelings most of the time, real feelings and real situations. And it was the worst thing to think it could go to waste now.

“Wow… I didn’t think it was that good…” I was the first one to give my impression, even if I only heard the second half of it.

“Yeah… I mean… the drums are raw but… maybe we should keep it that way.” Matt was the next, and everyone seemed to agree.

“I don’t know, guys… I don’t know if that’s what he would want. He would want it to sound perfect.” Zack added, still very serious.

That sentence was kinda of an ice bucket on our enthusiasm. We knew Jimmy well. He was a perfectionist when it came to his drumming, just like me. But as I said before, he was irreplaceable.

Silence came over the room in a rush. We were all looking down, thinking, trying to get rid of that dilemma, which was only possible if Jimmy could come back to life. And you know how silence feels in a studio room, right? It feels like it’s gonna swallow you inside a black hole with the pressure in your ear. It really brought us into a sad and dark atmosphere, as it always seemed to happen at some point when we were all gathered.

“So…” Johnny was the one to break the ice cold barrier, making everyone bring their gazes up to him.

“So…?” Matt asked again, cause no one dared to speak.

We were clearly trying too hard to run away from our inevitable fate.

Avenged Sevenfold no longer existed. It could never go on without one of its original members. It was the most difficult decision we ever had to make but it felt right that way. Jimmy could never be replaced in the band but most important of all, he could never be replaced in our family or in our hearts.

We realized that in the disturbing but insightful silence in our own ways.

“So you guys… you’re going on separate ways now?” Emily was shocked, her eyes widened to his calm speech.

“We didn’t say it out loud and didn’t make it official yet but… pretty much, yeah.” He remained calm.

“Wow I… I don’t even know what to say. It’s like… it was my favorite band, it truly inspired me throughout my life, you know that. Avenged was like an entity, a person. And now it feels like… someone died again.”

“Yeah… Avenged Sevenfold died the day Jimmy left this world.” Emily was amazed at how he could say that easily. Maybe he was really in peace with it?

Yeah, she could see it in his placid eyes. He was.

“And what about the almost finished album?”

“We’ll leave it as a gift for our kids and grandkids, if they are interested to know about it. And for us only. It’s a treasure, we can’t let it go to waste.”

“Definitely. And I’m gonna need a copy of that!” they chuckled.

Emily still felt shaken up, but she went back to search for the sheet on her pile of songs.

“That reminds me… I have something for you. I’ll be right back.” Brian placed her guitar back on the stand and left her apartment.

She only hoped it wasn’t gonna break her heart again.

When he was back, the guitar-shaped case in his hands brought that huge bright smile to her
lips again.

“Here it is.” He placed it in her hands and she shook her head. She couldn’t accept any more of his guitars, as much as she loved them.

“Brian… please… you gotta stop giving me guitars. I have no room for all of them anymore.” She joked.

“This one belongs to you. I could never deal with her. And she was always your favorite when you jammed with me. So… I believe the guitar chooses her owner.”

She placed in the couch and opened the case. It was his red and black Schecter. The one he called Emily.



“Bri… I can’t…”

“It was yours from the beginning, Em.” His soft words made her heart soften as well. The guitar represented his heart. She knew that. She couldn’t refuse.

They both immersed themselves into each other’s gaze for a while, remembering all the incredible times they shared with a guitar in their hands.

“Just come back with me.” His sudden whisper and the gentle rub of his fingers on her arm made her shudder.

“I’m eight months pregnant, Brian. Not even if I wanted to go back I could catch a plane now.” She broke the spell of their eye contact, closed the guitar case and went back to search for the sheet music.

Brian was totally silent after that. And the room was totally quiet until she found the wrinkled paper she was looking for inside one of her folders.

“There you go…” she delivered the paper to his hands and he stared at it, analyzing for a moment.

“Wow… I can’t believe I’m seeing this. That’s the song that is missing on the album. I told the guys I didn’t wanna record that one cause it wasn’t a good working material. But I lied. It reminded me of you… dying in my arms.” His eyes fell to the ground as he picked up the acoustic guitar again and tried to play the first written notes on the intro. Emily didn’t know the right words to say then, it was a traumatic recollection for her as well.

“Oh… that was the note I was looking for…” as he played, he showed a very discreet smile and then his traits turned bitter. As if he wasn’t enjoying those beautiful yet dark set of notes at all. “I can’t… I thought I could but… still makes me…” he looked choked.

“Hey! I’m still here. I’m sober for six months and counting, even if I left all the threats spread in my house. The baby is okay, she was never affected by that one time I relapsed. And I’ll be okay forever if depends on you, you said yourself.” She touched his leg and she noticed his eyes watering as he gulped dryly. “Let it go, babe. Just let the past go.” When he turned his face away, she brough it back with her hand in his chin, softly.

He half smiled and brought the guitar back at the playing position in his lap. Played again, and went further with the chords and the verses part he had came up with Zack and Johnny after, never stoping this time.

“You might not like it but… Susan loves it.” She placed her hand on her belly and smiled at him.

“You already have a name.” he never ceased playing, improvising everything else he hadn’t written yet.

“Yeah… it was my mother’s name. And my NA sponsor’s back in Cali. They were both very important to me, in their own ways. And Jimmy once said he liked the name.” Emily smiled serenely.

After a few more minutes of music, Brian ended the song in an easy way and his upset features were long gone. He was feeling much better now and relieved.

When he placed the guitar back on the stand, the first thing Emily did was to grab his hand and pull to her belly. He was caught by surprise with her act, but his traits softened as soon as he felt the sequence of little thumps on his hand, and promptly fell in love with the tiny little girl nurturing there. As much as he loved her mother.

“Once I promised Jimmy I would bring you safe back to him. And I know I failed badly to bring you back to him but… I’ll always keep you safe. No matter what, I’ll never break that promise.” he was kneeled in front of her, with his hand still on her belly, like he was about to propose her. “If you wanna stay here, I’ll stay here. My band is over. I don’t have anything else holding me in California. I’m miserable there.”

She thought about his speech staring deeply at his eyes. He was willing to leave everything behind to stay with her. And she knew this was unfair to him. But they needed a fresh start somehow and California was the last place she could think of to do that.

“I feel good here, Brian. I feel I… we can start over here. Together. As a family.” He noticed right away her inviting stare. She was asking him to stay. And to start a family.

Their hands entwined. Their eyes agreed. Their lips formed a smile and sealed their deal with a quick kiss.

And Susan kicked again, making them both chuckle.

Despite of their grief, they felt complete now.

---

February, 2010

“Okay, we’ll be there, gate B, right? Have a safe flight, man. See you.” Zack hung up the phone and went back to the breakfast table where Jess was on her fourth waffle. Only one was left for him.

“Hey!!! I turn my back for one second and you emptied the table like this?”

She chuckled with a girlish face and it didn’t stop her from eating the chocolate waffle on her hands.

“You took too long flirting with Gates on the phone. I need revenge when you’re cheating on me.”

“Oh, come on, J! I don’t see the guy for what? Like… almost an year already? I’m over him.”
His time to show a boyish smile as he grabbed the last waffle out of her sight.

“How are my girls doing?” she asked with a full mouth.

“He said Emily’s worried about how Sue’s gonna react in the plane. And he said that Emily is always the worried one while Susie is the brave one so… I bet she’ll be just fine.”

“Yeah for sure! I can’t wait to see my favorite little girl in the world.” she held that girlish smile, now eating a bowl full of different kinds of fruits. Zack noticed her odd behavior and frowned.

“Oh god, Jess, are you eating for both of us now?” he mocked.

“No…” she kept chewing her mango with a smile and when she was done, she continued. “But I’m actually eating for two for a while now. You just happen to notice now.”

Zack stared at his waffle for long seconds, then frowned. Then raised his head real slowly. Then finally faced Jess with his lips parting and his surprised features. And jumped out of the table towards her.

“Oh my little strawberry!!!” he pulled her away from the chair and dragged her into his arms tightly. “When did you…”

“I had a test two days ago but I wanted you to guess first.”

“What?? What if I never…”

“Yeah I know…maybe you would notice my belly growing someday? Or maybe not even that…” she chuckled and he shook his head, starting to tickle her on her sides.

She contorted on his arms and he kept tickling, her laughter all over the place as she tried to run from him.

“Stooop it, Z!!”

“Tell me the real reason why you didn’t tell me before and I’ll stop!”

She kept laughing and when their eyes met, he stopped his fingers and she stopped giggling.

“I was saving it for Jimmy’s birthday party tomorrow.” Her sweet smile made his heart pump fast and he noticed how he still felt the butterflies in his body when he was with her.

Their eyes talked for a while, like they could contemplate each other’s soul. It was all they needed to reignite the flame of hope inside their hearts again. A baby. The greatest gift Jess could bring to Zack when he had lost purpose in life, as she feared, and couldn’t make any projects for the future in his mind. He was the one who never accepted the band’s end. And she was the one who had to be by his side this time, going to work as a piano teacher and doing everything at her power to bring him back. She was certain fatherhood would bring him back.

“You have no idea how happy you make me, Jess.” He brushed her hair and held her head to look at him deeply. His eyes were watering as she opened that smile he loved too much. “How happy you both make me.” His hand slid to her belly and she had to kiss him.

As their tongues danced, he raised her in his arms and they kept going until they were out of breath. But full of passion.

---

A sunny but chilly winter day welcomed us back to California. I could tell by the bright glare on Brian’s eyes when he first stepped outside the airport that he truly missed that place. Then he glanced at me with that sparkling smile that always makes my heart jump, and I knew he didn’t love that place more than he loved me and the little girl in his arms. In the end, I was still the most jinxed but luckiest woman in the world to have him.

Being back there brought me weird sensations. Not all bad but most of it, drenched in regret. We all could’ve handled and done things differently. But I learned there’s no way you can turn back time. And there’re some things that are just… unfixable.

Zack and Jess came to pick us up and I noticed right away they were too excited not only about our arrival. They were glowing, trading little smiles and smirks and certainly hiding something from us. Jess couldn’t keep her hands and her smooth and high-pitched voice away from my Sue. I knew my friend like the back of my hand, there was something going on there and I hope they would tell us later.

We left the bags at their place and with only just one look, Brian knew where was the first place I wanted to go. That I needed to go.

After everything we went through here, the worst memory I had was by far when I was forbidden to say goodbye to Jimmy. And I knew I couldn’t hide how that still bothered and hurt me more than an year later. I had to talk to him one last time to bring peace to my soul again. And especially, to introduce the little baby girl to her father.

While we made our way to his grave, my feet felt exactly like that time I shared the very last conversation with him. Like bricks were stuck in there. But I broke them somehow and kept walking.

A lot of red roses could be seen, even when his birthday was only tomorrow. A few pictures and lots of drumsticks, of course. And well, a few bottles of booze I would just kick out of my way if I could. In between all of that, lay his epitaph.

‘Beloved Son, Brother, Best Friend
JAMES OWEN SULLIVAN
1981 – 2009

Jimmy jumped into life and never touched bottom’

The birds singing around and the cute noises Sue was making were softening the mood but I still felt that lump in my throat. The lump of failure.

Yeah, that was my first thought before his grave.

I failed you, Jimmy.

“Do you need a moment?” Brian’s soft voice interrupted my thoughts and the tears forming in my eyes. I really didn’t wanna cry in his birthday. I was glad Brian was there to make them disappear.

I agreed with my head only and he walked away, leaving me with Sue.

I sat slowly on the grass and obvserved everything for a while. Susan tried hard to lift one of the drumsticks laying on the ground and I had to chuckle.

“I hope you’re watching this from up there, daddy. Look at her! She wants to hold a drumstick already!”

My smile grew so wide while I watched her trying to grab everything around her, including the grass. And when she offered me a piece of it, those smiling blue eyes promptly made me shiver.

She really had his eyes afterall.

“This is Susan Sarah Sullivan. You chose Susan and… Brian chose Sarah. I hope you’re not mad at me.” Snorted a giggle. “Yeah, she’s the precious gift you left for me. She’s 5 months old. You have no idea how much I prayed for her to have your eyes. Or maybe you do… I bet this was a blue-eyed angel’s work, huh?” I quickly looked upwards and I truly hoped he could hear me.

“Brian is great with her, by the way. As great as I know you would be. Did you ever imagine Synyster Gates changing diapers in the middle of the night? Yeah… me neither.” I laughed, imagining how would be his laughter and his answer and Sue glanced at me, questioningly. Then my smile faded abruptly. I had to tell him about the band.

“I think you’ve already known about this but… I guess someone has to tell you officially. The guys couldn’t keep going with Avenged without you. It didn’t make sense to any of them. You are way too special and important to be replaced. I hope you know that…”

Silence fell for a moment.

“Your parents often come to visit us in Georgia. They love to spend time with Sue. And it’s hard to believe, I know, but we are in peace. We agreed it works for the best for Sue if we can get along. And we’re doing fine so far. I still can’t completely forgive your mother for… you know, not letting me say goodbye and I know she can’t completely forgive me for ‘stealing your heart away’. But I guess we can manage that… for Sue.” I tried to be as honest as possible.

“I don’t hear from Matt that much now, except for what Brian tells me. We never got along, that’s not a secret for anyone. The distance is probably best for us. But I really hope he’s happy with Kim now. Val left him a few days after… you left us. They were fighting too much…”

“Johnny is enjoying fatherhood for now. Amanda is growing beautifuly and he’s planning to repopulate the world by himself as I heard of. He wants two more kids. Poor Lacey…” I chuckled alone and for a moment, I hoped I would hear one of Jimmy’s funny replies or his contagious laughter simply.

But not this time. I only had the memory of it now.

“Mei was in a bad shape for a while but now she’s apparently resuming her life. I don't know if you knew that but Jess told me she was in love with you… And she felt terribly guilty not to arrive there earlier and… save you. I know you didn’t mean to… to do that to her or to neither of us. I mean… I hope you didn’t mean to…” my eyes were teary again. I couldn’t help. It was so many unanswered questions…

“Zack still can’t accept the band’s end. He’s struggling to find meaning in all of this, probably more than all of us. Jess is giving piano classes and she never sent her résumé to that orchestra. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be… At least they are doing fine together and something tells me they have good news for tomorrow at your birthday party.”

“Oh yeah… I almost forgot to tell you. We’ll keep celebrating your birthday, as you would like. It’s a way we found to never have to let you go and to always keep your soul alive, I guess. Just show up, okay?” I brushed slightly the little amount of hair Susan had with a smile.
I got to a point where my heart was squeezing. I was almost done telling him everything. And the time to say goodbye was approaching.

“It was a tough year without you, Jim. You have no idea how much emptiness your absence brought to our lives. None of us can ever fill that void. Especially Sue, and she doesn’t even have a clue about that for now. Brian is playing the father and he’s taking care of us like I never thought he could. He said he once promised you that. But still… she’ll never be able to meet you or hear your voice and your laugh.” Two tears escaped and I couldn’t hold it anymore. “I’m sorry for not telling you that night. I’m so sorry…” Had to take a long pause here. That guilt would be forever weighing on my shoulders and that was my weight to carry only.

“Brian had this brilliant idea of building a music school with your name and your parents were the first to agree with it. I loved it. Everything you left me will be such a good use to built our business and well… so far we have two demanding guitar teachers called Mr. Haner and Mrs. Clarke. Yes, we are the only employees of your school so far but I promise you we’ll improve that with time. We already have a few students so… it’s gonna be great.”

My smile came back again and that was when I heard the grass noise and some footsteps approaching. I looked back and it was Brian.

“Hey… I thought I could join in…” he smiled at me and I nodded. “Hey man… what’s up?” he sat by my side on the grass and spoke to Jimmy naturally, making me feel less crazy about talking to an epitaph. “I bet you’re better than us up there.”

“You’re rocking in there with Hendrix and Bonham, right?” Brian asked and we both chuckled. “What kind of question is that! What else would you be doing up there, huh?”

He moved a lock of hair behind my ear with that same grin and took something from his pocket right after.

“I think it’s the right time to give this back to you.” He showed me the crucifix necklace I handed to him on Jim’s funeral and my eyes widened.

“But… But I asked you to…”

“I know… I know you did. But I just couldn’t do it. It didn’t feel right to do it for you. You were supposed to give it back to him, this necklace connected you too so I just kept it until now. Cause now you can do that yourself.”

I stared at the crucifix and had a flashback of the night Jimmy and I met. All our good moments went by in seconds through my eyes as I grabbed the necklace and tears began to form again, in an amount I couldn’t really control this time.

"You don't need to lie to me just to not give me your number."
"Believe me, just because I'm a rockstar and I'm in a pre-famous band around the world it doesn't mean I'm not capable of making promises. You have my word! Here it is, my favorite necklace. You give me back when we see each other again, ok?"

I knew I would never see him again and it was too late to fulfill that promise now. But it still belonged to him. So I just found a place close to his grave, dug the soil with my own hands as Brian held Sue and not before kissing it one last time, I placed it in there and covered it with land again.

When I was done, I felt better somehow. I felt I really had said goodbye.

“I hope you’re not mad at me, babe.” Brian showed concern on his voice.

“No, Bri. You did the right thing. Thank you.” I held his hand in mine and we stayed silent, showing our last condolences and I was finally ready to go then.

"Goodbye, Jim..."

"Goodbye, man..."

Staring at Brian and Sue by my side, I noticed I was ready to move on with my life. Knowing that Jimmy would forever lay inside my heart.

It’s really not bad to remember Jimmy when I look at Brian or at Susan’s blue eyes anymore. It just soothes my soul somehow now. And I think that means healing. And forgiving.
I can feel his forgiveness now. Deep inside my heart, I know he forgave us.

“I’m so sorry, James…”

THE END

Notes

Curiosities

- I tried to use a lot of songs from 2009 (except for the classic rock stuff, those golden ones you can’t find today honey ;), when the story was going on, like Hate That I Love You from Rihanna, and from before that, never later, to make it more plausible. That was hard! Hahaha

- Most of my chapter names are song names or based on them. That’s basically the soundtrack of my life that works for inspiration. Nothing happens without music.

- Jimmy and almost everyone always called Emily EMS. Brian and only Brian always called her EM. Never different. Anyone noticed that?? xD

- Emily is one of my alter egos. I wanna be her, but I know it’s too expensive price to pay. We share the same hair color though.

- Jess is my real me. I’m a pianist like her. And somehow she ended up in bad shape either. Go figure why I’m that screwed up to always want to break my alter egos. =p But she’s resilient at least, just like Emily.

- Jimmy is the self-destructive, suicidal, obssessive and insecure part of me, the one that never gets cured. Even worse than Emily I guess. Always thinking less of himself, always putting himself under. Had to kill that part of me to set me free. Sorry guys! (I truly believe real Jimmy could be one of my soul mates in this world.)

- Brian is my strongest and powerful alter ego, the hero, the idea of perfection coming true. I truly deeply wanted to be that one (sometimes I can pull that off haha). But it’s not for everyone, is it? xD And he’s also the idea I have of his real self.

- Emily’s portrait is actually inspired in a real guitarist, Gretchen Menn (she’s also red haired) from a Led Zeppelin all-women cover band called Zepparella. If you dig good old rock’n roll made by the strongest gender, try it out! They are awesome!

- Emily’s name is also a reference to that TV show called Revenge. I mixed Emily Thorne with Amanda Clarke. It brought me Emily Clarke =p

- The sweet names Zack and Jess call each other comes from Strawberry Bubblegum, a very cool song from Justin Timberlake =p “If you be my strawberry bubblegum, then I’ll be your blueberry lollipop, and then I’ll love you till I make it POP!” hahaha

- The Serenity Prayer was adopted by the AA program and other twelve-steps-program for years now and I thought it suited well to introduce the end of this 40 pages epilogue. If you’re interested, there’s a longer version of it here.

- Last but no least: Did Jimmy kill himself or was it an accident? Nope, I won’t answer you. That’s up to your imagination. But in real life… I bet it wasn’t an accident… But we’ll never know as well, right?

---

Final Considerations

Well, I started this story on November of 2013, by the time I began to read fanfics here on A7Xff and when I met my incredible virtual (and some of them real now =p) writer friends. I was in a very low place in my life. I was unhappy with almost everything. Writing and reading my friends’ stories was my therapy as I started Musictherapy college on 2014. But my depression only got worse somehow. There was nothing anyone could do for me. Not even antidepressants worked. The only person who could take me out of it was myself. Easy to say, right?

When Emily was low, coincidentally, I was too. I was so deeply connected to this story and this plot that all I could think of was this, cause if I thought about my life, I knew I would have suicidal feelings. I was dragging the real life while I was living a virtual one through Emily until I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to quit college. I was dying inside.

By August 2015, I finally understood that there was no place to go from rock bottom I was standing than upwards. I had to confront this shit that was going on inside of me for too long. I had a job opportunity and with my mom’s big pushes, I was able to go for it. That happen by the time I decided I had to kill Jimmy. And then I understood the message from my brain. I had to kill him to get rid of my demons symbolically. Jimmy’s comatose state and his ‘second chance’ were also part of my healing process, as I realized later.

As Emily corrected herself, I was getting reborn with her. I began to trust myself again, trust my abilities and to love my job. Earned some money and with help from my parents, I had the opportunity to make a one-month trip to Europe in December/January 2016, met very beautiful and incredible places as well as great and amazing people. I felt almost complete. There was just one little thing missing.

I never thought someone could look at me and feel attracted to me. And when I really didn’t think that would happen to me, it did. I’m dating a nice guy and now all seems to be right and fit into place.

To wrap this up, this story really gave me strength to carry on. As much as music, Avenged Sevenfold, and my friends always commenting here did too. And that’s what I learned along this 2 years. That writing helped me heal somehow, improved my self-confidence and my self-esteem, opened a lor of doors for me and might help you too if you try.

I can never forget the support you readers always gave me, especially Mei and Kim! I wanna sent a veeeeery big and special shout-out to those two! They were with me from beginning to end of this 2-and-a-half-year journey, always bringing me back when I was feeling down, always writing words to bright my day and making me feel those awesome butterflies about your opinions here and always being there for me outside of the virtual world too. Meeting you girls personally was the best thing I could’ve done in my vacation and having you here is a pleasure and a bless. I can never thank you enough, but you already know that ;)

And another big shout-out to everyone that read it, commented, stopped reading, stopped commenting, found something better and moved on, or just stayed silent but at least voted. I really appreciate you being here.

Oh… another thing. Sorry about killing Avenged too! =p
But that’s just my personal feeling if I was one them. Led Zeppelin, for example, ended exactly after their drummer died, cause they know no one would be up to their expectations, no one would be the incredible one and only John Bonham. The same with Jimmy, I think. He’s not a drummer you can just replace. So it felt right to me to end the band, something I bet no one would like, I know I wouldn’t (we would never hear Nightmare or Hail To The King). But it feels the right thing to do in my brain. Sorry again. =p

I dragged this too much already. Thank you so much you all!! I loved this journey, suffered a lot, learned a lot, and now I feel wiser and healed somehow. Let’s hope it’ll stay that way.

Lots of Love, Leyla <3 <3
25/03/2016