Syn's Deep in My Blood

Fixed every single corner of Zack’s house, baked a pie and cake, made some coffee and waited for them to arrive. My hands were soaking wet from the moment I heard my mom’s voice picking up the phone until now, when they were about to enter the door.

What should I say to them? That I’m here, hanging around, with no job in mind, living like a princess as my boyfriend works harder and harder to give me everything? Something tells me it’s not what they would want to hear. But that’s the truth so far. Not the permanent truth, though.

When the doorbell rang, I thought about not opening it. Why was I so afraid of showing them how happy I was now? No, I couldn’t be afraid! I needed to show them I could still move on with my life.

As my head still wanted me to stay motionless and wait for them to go away, my hand was already in the doorknob. And yes, I opened the door.

“Mom… dad… hi!” we said our hello’s and I wasn’t sure if I could or should hug them but my father was the first to pull me to his arms in a tight and lovingly embrace I wasn’t really expecting.

When he let me go, for a quick moment I thought I saw his eyes watering. And I didn’t even
have time to say something or lock eyes with him when my mom pulled me into her arms too.
It was good to feel them that close. But… nothing was really erased after a hug, right? What they’ve done, what I’ve done… It was still there. And that was still backing me out somehow.

When I was finally staring at them eye to eye, there were no traces of tears on their eyes. Not even in mine. We were specialized on hiding our feelings.

I asked them in and showed every single part of that big house. As they looked at it, I saw their jaws almost never closing. But I made sure they knew that was Zack’s house and not even a bit mine.

When we sat by the living room, the quiet atmosphere was too much to bear. They still kept staring at everywhere and my mom especially, at the grand piano standing right behind me. If I knew her, she would fill me with questions now.

“So…” she finally spoke up after drinking her coffee. “Nice piano in there. Are you still practicing?”

“Oh, that’s Zack’s thing… I still didn’t… start practicing again.” I confessed and saw her stare falling to the ground. She ran away like trying to hide her disappointment and I definitely got that meaning.

She was the one to apply me to piano classes when I was very little.

“Do you have a job now?” my dad broke the silence and I rolled my eyes. Really? That kind of questions?

“Wow, this sounds like a police interrogatory. What happened to ‘how are you doing?’ kind of thing?” when I raised my voice and they only looked away, I couldn’t believe. They haven’t learnt a single thing, have they? “I called you here to show you I’m still here, going on baby steps but still going. I don’t have a job yet, I don’t have a plan like you wish I would have. But I’m alive. I’m working to understand my flaws and my mistakes now and to understand your flaws and your mistakes either. You should be asking me about that instead, don’t you think?”

Heavy silence filled the room again and I was regretting calling them already if not a single word would be spoken in the next few seconds.

“You’re right, Jess. I’m… I’m sorry… It’s that… you didn’t call us for so long, we had no news from you and from your life that…”

“Yeah I know... sorry about that. I needed some time.” I was the one facing the ground now. Ashamed.

“Well... you said you didn’t want to ever see us again. What changed?” asked dad and I promptly faced him again, with all the courage I had.

“Zack brought me to his house, my friends and he helped me get back on my feet, Emily took me to therapy. I’m feeling like myself slowly and bit by bit, but I am. They are all good people, even when you think they are not. They helped me a lot.”

“We could’ve helped you too...” mom was still mad at me for not calling them after all those months, I could tell.

“Mom, please, understand this... I really needed some time... away from you.”

“Wow, If I only knew we had damaged your life that much, honey...” Yeah, she loved to make me feel guilty...

“Yes! Mom, yes! You’ve damaged me, both of you, more than you’re aware. And I know you didn’t mean to. But after I saw dad in one of those meetings I... I decided I wanted to follow the example, to fix my life.”

“Meeting? What meeting?” she asked, now looking at dad and I frowned. He didn’t tell her?
He breathed deeply once and finally faced her.

“NA meetings. I couldn’t find a good AA one so... it’s practically the same.” Instead of frowning, she only pursed her lips in surprise mixed with disdain.

They hated each other. And I couldn’t stand seeing that.

“Thanks for telling me.” She grumbled and shook her head. And I could only stare confused at him, begging him to give me a good reason why he hid such a good thing from all of us.

“Jess, we came here together cause your mom called me telling me you wanted to see us. I’m not living with her anymore. We’re getting divorced.”

Now they were both staring at me, waiting for my response over that revelation. And I had to hide my smile, in fact. That was definitely good news to me. They were miserable together.

“Well what can I say? I’m...happy for you actually. I know you only held that marriage not to hurt me. And now you can finally move on with your lives too.” I half smiled, trying to show them some support for that decision.

But they didn’t smile at all. They were probably surprised at how I handled it. With time they will see how much better their life would be apart. And mine too.

“Where’s… your boyfriend… what’s his name again?” mom broke the ice finally, even if it was to piss me off again by not knowing Zack’s name yet.

“It’s Zack, mom! And he’ll be here… anytime now.” I glanced at the clock, it was night already.“He and his band mates are working until late to finish their next album.” I said all proud but they didn’t show any emotions.

When the silence got awkward for the hundredth time that day, the front door made sounds showing it would be opened. Yes, he was finally home! To save me from those two.

“Look, he’s here! Finally…” I stood up quickly and went to the door to hug… or better, to help the guy who had two boxes of pizza in his hand which was preventing me from seeing his beautiful face. “Hey babe, wait, let me help you.” I picked one of the boxes as he closed the door.

“Hey strawberry! Thank you.” He pecked my lips and I felt my cheeks flushing with the eyes that were probably roaming us now.

“Don’t call me that in front of them…” I whispered in his ear with a giggle and he smiled, apologizing with his eyes and brows.

“They’re still here??” he whispered back, forging a surprise and I had to hold my laugh. He could never think he would escape from this. “I thought I had gotten rid of it…”

“You ass…” I slapped his arm softly and in a jokingly way making him shrink as we both walked towards the living room to find my parents and to place the pizzas on the table.

“Mom, dad… you must know Zack by now but… let me do the honors to introduce him to you now.” I dragged Zack by the hand towards them and saw his cheeks reddening. He was so cute like that.

When my gaze left him to their direction, they didn’t have a single smile to offer me, much less to Zack. And that almost made me slap them to wake them up. But I shouldn’t really do that to my parents, right?

“Hey… It’s good to see you again.” Zack showed his hand to my mom first and then to my dad, who was a little reluctant. Their eyes locked for a moment and I was worried what could be next.

“That’s my mom, Linda and my dad, John.” I could swear I saw a few sparks when my dad finally shook his hand, holding it very tight. And in my opinion, they still weren’t so friendly. “We were just talking about you.”

“Oh… really? About how late I am?” he smiled to me and stepped back from that tension zone to sit back on the couch with me, facing the lions, I mean… mom and dad.

“Well, in fact, we were talking about how you’ve been working a lot with your band to make your new album. It’s a hard work, isn’t it?” I tapped his leg and I was more than nervous with that part of the conversation now.

I had the responsibility to make them see how brilliant Zack is. Exactly as I see him. And that wouldn’t be easy as they were still silent since he arrived.

“Yeah, definitely is. But it’s going good now. I think we’re finishing it this year still so… in the end, it’s worth the hard work.”

He was trying. Yeah, I could tell. And nothing would come out from their lips, not even a smile. Only nods so far. Why were they acting like that? I mean… did something happen between them that I don’t know about?

“What’s going on with you two? You didn’t say a single word after Zack arrived. What’s wrong?” I had to get those things out of my chest or the room could explode with more awkwardness.

I knew they wanted to answer my question, but none of them dared. I felt like in a monologue. I glanced at Zack by my side and he was too, wanting to say something, like he knew what was going on. I shrugged to him and begged him to tell me with my eyes.

“Well… Jess, I think I know what this is about.” Zack moved from me to them and I waited for the explanation. Cause I really wanted that! “When we first met I… well, we said some things that… that we shouldn’t have said. And I wish we could turn back time and do it right, but we can’t. So I… I can at least apologize now for what I said. I’m sorry, really. Can’t we just… start over?” he made that whole speech and I was still clueless about the reason. Why none of them had told me about that encounter before?

“What happened that day? Did you… did you fight because… because of me?”

“It’s past now, Jess, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s right, we can’t keep dwelling on it. What matters is what you want. If you are here, living with him, you must love him, right?” mom spoke finally and I thanked god her walls were breaking.

“Yes, mom, I love him like I never loved someone before. Back in the tour, he tried to keep me away from trouble while I only went after it all the time. He didn’t want me to go in the first place. And now I know he was protecting me somehow, like you two always did. So… how couldn’t I love him with all my strength?”

My eyes met his after my speech and I felt like I could never leave that place. His eyes were my guiding light now. His hand promptly fell on mine.

“I’m really happy to hear that, cause we had a different view of him until now. You know that. We thought he had just… used you. You didn't talk to us much but...”

“No… I could never do that. Cause since she left me that day I realized I found the woman I was looking for this whole time and let her escape wasn’t an option. I don’t ever want her to escape again or to get hurt again. And that’s why I wanna take this opportunity I have here to ask you, Linda and John, your blessing. Cause I wanna marry your daughter and never let her go again.”

My heart skipped a beat at his words. My vision got blurred with tears and I was speechless. I would never expect him to… to do that so sweetly. I thought he had forgotten about this.

I wish I had recorded it. But yes, I did, in my heart, forever. All the fear I once had when he said the first time he wanted to marry me was now vanished for good, like magic.

“Do you… wanna marry me?” he turned to me and I couldn’t keep my tears from falling.

“Oh god… Zack, babe, I… I love you so much. Of course I want to marry you.” I went for his embrace like I needed it to survive and he held me strongly, kissing my neck quickly.

“Wow that’s… that’s a huge step!” My father finally stepped in, too shocked and I was still trying to process everything as I held Zack’s hand tight on mine and looked at him. “You know each other for what? Months? You think this is all a fun game? Marriage is not a joke.”

“We know that, dad. We’ve been through a lot together and none of that was a joke. But we survived, our love survived through it all. We’re ready for that now, right, Zack?” I couldn’t let go of his hand and couldn’t stop wondering…

Did he plan that or was out in the heat of the moment?

“Yeah, we are more than ready.” He moved my chin towards him and planted a soft and assured kiss on my lips.

“Oh really? You’re ready? I don’t see a ring on her finger.” dad snapped and I frowned big at him. Why he’s ruining the moment? Why? Why couldn’t he just be happy for my happiness?

“John!” my mom was smiling when she let that out to reprehend my dad and changed her mood promptly to an angry face.

“Dad, I don’t need a ring to know he loves me!!”

“No he’s right to ask me that. I wanted to make things right this time. I wanted to ask your blessing first, cause that’s important to me and it’s important to Jess, right, babe?” Zack spoke to him for the first time and I loved the way he handled it. “So… what do you say? Can you give me another chance to show you I’m good enough for her?”

“I only see happiness on both of you. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. I support you, Jess, in anything you decide, honey. For a mother who missed that glowing smile all this time on her daughter, it couldn’t be better news.” She stood up and walked to us.

We did the same and she hugged Zack first, who looked very surprised with my mom’s positive response. I was too, believe me.

“You two deserve the best. You sound like a nice man, Zack.” She let Zack go and hugged me tight, even better than before. I could tell she was being true there. “Wish you the best, hun! Always! And if he ever forget his promises, you come talk to me, sweetheart, and I’ll make sure he remembers it!”

We all laughed of my mom's sweet threat and we were finally getting along but one person.

“Dad? C’mon…” I pleaded and he still shook his head.

“I think it’s a mistake. But what do I know, right?” he shrugged, standing up finally.

“I won’t disappoint you. Not again. You need a chance to know me.” said Zack face to face with dad and I couldn’t be more proud of all the words he used. He was perfect tonight. In fact, he was always perfect to me.

Even so, dad only shrugged and still shook his head. God, why was he so hard to deal with? He needed time to process maybe?

“Hey, the pizzas will freze! Let’s eat.” Mom called out, heading to the table, trying to fix the heavy mood as we still waited for my dad’s answer.

When I had given up already and had turned my back, I saw dad showing his hand to Zack finally. My smile grew wider as I let out a big breath.

“You better treat her right, young man.” he said and Zack nodded with a big smile.

Then he came to me and embraced me, whispering he was happy for me.
I had to clean my tears before joining them to the dining room. Joining my whole family finally together.

Notes