She was finally there. Back in my arms again. How much I yearned for that in this past month, seeing her everyday and trying hard to ignore my feelings that only seemed to grow stronger. And now we couldn’t even sleep. She was lying in my chest, holding me so close, in a place I could smell her scent and just feel inebriated by it. I could hear her steady breathing and if I just concentrated a little more, I could even hear her heart beat. A heart I knew I needed to win back, I could feel it wasn’t beating entirely for me. And I would do anything to have it the way it used to be.

“Could you hear us when you were... out?” her soft mumbled voice appeared from nowhere and I had the chills with her nose moving in my chest skin along with her fingertips.

“Yeah… Sometimes my brain would shut out for a few minutes and I called that sleep. But most of the time I was conscious and hearing everything, including my own head yammering all the time.”

“Really?” she looked up at me and even in the dark I could see her interested eyes glowing to me.

“Yeah… Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

“My mind even had a voice of its own and a name. In fact, it had a character. Zeppelin’s drummer.”

“No kidding!” she elbowed herself now, her mouth wide opened, and her eyes shining more. She even forgot to hold the sheets on her breasts, they were showing to me and brushing my skin. “And how did you know it was really your head and not… John Bonham himself!?”

“Well… he made sure I knew that from the beginning – or my mind did. But I like to think he was really there.”

Her lips formed a beautiful smile and I had to kiss it.

“Wow… that’s really amazing, Jim. I wish I could have a chat with Hendrix like that.”
“Hey, you can always talk to me. I’m a Jimmy too.” I made her laugh and it was music to my ears.

“Yeah, you are.” She kissed me this time, lingeringly and lovingly, as I let my hands roam on her body under the sheets.

“I’m your Jimmy.” I moved her waist to come on top of me and we made slow and sweet love again.

Oh god, could life get any better than this?

---

A headache made sure I was totally awake by noon. I looked down at my body and I was dressed still. First I had trouble to figure out how I got home but then I remembered… Unfortunately, everything.

I elbowed myself on the mattress and felt the room spinning a little.

God… did I really play that show in front of her last night? I could only see how ridiculous my situation was now.

My eyes shut off and I let my head fall back in the mattress, gasping a heavy blow of air.

Yeah, I said I hated to lose, but I hated to show weakness too. She saw how hopeless I was and if depended on me, she would never see me like that again. That was a promise I could definitely make.

And you know what? Her showing up last night opened my eyes. Now I need to prove to her how good I am, how I can still make that freaking album the best one we ever wrote. How I’m able to move on as fast as she could imagine. And how I can still be the better man who she wasted away.

I don’t wanna hate her. I can’t, actually. What I want is to make her feel regretful for making the wrong choices. And I know I can succeed on that.

And I’ll start now. My body rushed out of bed, took an aspirin and went straight to the shower to regain my energies, cause today I would go to that studio and show them what I’ve got.
Never showing weakness anymore. Not to her. Not to anyone.

Got dressed, got something to eat and went straight to my car, I didn’t wanna get in the studio after the guys today. When I was turning on the engines, I saw a few papers spread in the passenger seat. Looked closer and narrowed my eyes to it; it was a music score. I didn’t remember I left it there. Well… I guess I didn’t!

When I took them in hand, I looked at the notes, the writing, the way the treble clef was beautifully drawn in the beginning of each staff. It could never be mine, it was hers. And when I analyzed the music tone and the first notes, I couldn’t prevent my head from going back to that day when I played it to her, she helped me write a few phrases and next thing I saw was her stop breathing. Panic built over inside me for a few seconds.

I took a deep breath, brushed those thoughts out of me by shaking my head and let the papers fall back in the seat, not before I smelled it quickly. Her scent was there and that was a problem to me. A big problem.

As I drove away, I couldn’t stop wondering how she remembered the notes to write it to me that way after months, so accurately. I know I worked and still work with so many talented musicians but… she might be the best one as much as I would hate to admit it. She wasted me and her talent away like it was nothing.

Fuck! Why am I thinking about her still? Yeah, Brian, you’ve been there this whole month, and it only led you from one fucking bar to another.

Just think about…

Michelle?

“Hey…” I used the horn to get her attention in the sidewalk as I kept driving at her pace. She was wearing tight jogging clothes. And there it was, some view that could distract me for a while.

---

“So…”

We both drank a sip of coffee and looked down.

“So…”

The birds were singing outside. We could hear the wind shaking the tree leaves once in a while. But our words wouldn’t come out. I guess we were both afraid of deciding what was the next step. But some time we would have to decide, wouldn’t we?

“What were these candles for?” I pointed to the candlestick still in the dining table where we were having our breakfast as I drank my coffee. I just had to break the heavy mood someway.

“It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” I watched him drink his coffee as he raised his mysterious blue eyes up to me.

“Well… no, not really. Maybe you had a date with someone, I don’t know…”
He snorted a laugh and I pursed my lips. Maybe that was the wrong topic for starters.

“No, Emily, I had planned to have a date with you. I thought that was very clear after the night we had.” He raised one of his brows in a naughty way.

“Yeah, you’re right. Stupid question.” I smiled briefly and breathed in and out before finally starting the real conversation. “Look, Jim… before we discuss our friendship rules again, I need to tell you this. Jess asked me to talk to Brian last night, he was a little hopeless after everything we went through and… well, I lied when I said I was with Jess, okay? I lied but I had no reason to. I just left him in his house, made sure he was okay and left. Nothing happened.”

He only nodded and crossed his arms, probably wondering a lot of things.
Why did I feel like I owed him explanations anyway?

“Okay, I believe you. But… I need to ask you something before we discuss our friendship rules too.” He held back his smile when he used the same words as I did, with the same tone and everything and went on. “You fell in love with him, right?”

---

She took a moment to look at me, half smiled and sped up her pace, as if she was trying to run from me.

“What’d you want, Brian?” she didn’t stop walking and I didn’t stop following her with the car. She didn’t sound in a very good mood.

“Nothing, I was just… going to the studio and found you here. Remember when… you used to hang around with us there?”

“Yeah… I do. And I do remember all the times you left me waiting for you while you were partying all night in there. Good times…” she grumbled and I rolled my eyes. Yeah, of course she would only remember those times.

“What about our first time? It was there too. You remember, right?” I used my seductive tone and she finally stopped walking, making me press the brake pedal as fast as I could.

I watched as she pursed her lips, hands in her hips and breathed heavily. I was almost getting through her, almost.

“Of course I remember that. How could I forget?” she shrugged and shook her head a few times. She still didn’t sound so happy about the recollection.

“Do you… wanna come along? We’re writing the new album and stuff…” I took my sunglasses off and softened my smile after I unlocked the doors.

---

I swallowed so hard with that direct question that I thought I would have to cough. I looked down my hands and thought about how I would answer that carefully. And I would take the honesty road this time.

“Yes, Jimmy. I fell in love with him. Deeply. I won’t lie to you anymore.”

“I appreciate that. Now I can say what I have in mind.” He grabbed my hand resting on the table and caressed my skin for a while before continuing. “I can tell I’m not the only one inside your heart, I’m not that blind. But I do believe I’m still there somewhere. I really want to show you how my heart is fully taken and I wanna take your heart back to me.”

His eyes were shining like the sky outside, thousand times more intensely than his words, making me rethink just as many times about what to say next.

“I don’t know, Jim… After everything that happened… you do realize we dragged each other into that endless hole, right? What if… what if that happens again?” I caught a glimpse of my left arm and saw the small marks that would never leave my skin just to remind me of my bad choices in the past.

---

“Look, Brian…” she bent over the passenger window and stared deep inside my eyes. “What you’re trying to do here is useless, okay? I’m immune to your charm, I told you that other day. I won’t get fooled twice in your hands. Especially after everything I heard about you and Jimmy’s girlfriend. That was the worst, even for you.”

Her sincere speech made my smile melt down from my face at each word. And I just couldn’t blame her for being too wise and careful with me this time.

“What can I say? I’ve changed. People change, circumstances change. Both me and you are not the same persons we were before, right?”

---

“It won’t happen again cause you changed, I changed, for the best. I was in coma for two months and I had plenty of time to reflect about us. We came clean with everything, we know where we are at now. It’s all crystal clear to me. And the only thing I see is you, how hard you tried everyday to bring me back, how you never left me. I know I have a long way to get you back, but I’m willing to take that road again.”

I stood up and paced to the window. I needed a moment to think. To breathe away from his insistence.

“Jim… If I go back to that life again, I won’t be able to get out. I’m scared as hell. How can you know it will be different this time?” I tried not to show all the fear in my voice but it was shaky as it was.

“I can’t know, I’m not a fortune teller… but if I’m back after two months stuck in a bed, I need to try again. I need another chance to live. To prove to you I can be better than him. To prove that my love for you is bigger than his.”

Did he just quote Afterlife to me?

---

“Nah, you’re incapable of changing.” She smiled ironically and started jogging away again, making me clench my teeth and step out of the car to go after her.

When I finally reached her arm, she stopped easily and with eyes closed.

“Listen, Chelle, I’m different. I really am. I suffered a lot and I learned a lot in this past year. I wouldn’t be here trying to convince you if it wasn’t true, alright? Since we went out that other night I… I can’t stop thinking about you and… well, I miss you. I just do.”

I said it all gazing deeply in her eyes and I was mesmerized at how I learned to lie so well. One of the things I learned this year. But maybe this wouldn’t have to be a lie for so long. Maybe she really was the answer to forget Emily.

She kept shaking her head and when I let my hands slid slowly from her arm to her fingers, her expression changed. She was softening.

---

“Just… don’t start with this competition crap now, okay? You two are definitely not the same men. I can never compare.”

“Okay, but if you are still here, in my house, with me, after spending the whole night making love to me, and not with him, it gotta mean something, right?”

God… maybe it was all for the best if I just stay with him. I can take care of him, I can know what he does, I can have his trust. And then I would just wear Brian out of my veins just like I did with that damn venom. It’d be hard but not impossible. Maybe that was the answer?

I was lost in thoughts when I felt his presence behind me and his hands sneaking around my waist and finding the perfect place to rest on top of my belly. His touch was so warm and inviting but… it could only bring me vivid memories about the ecstatic feeling I had while we were shooting up the whole day long. And that’s what scared me the most.

“We need another chance to start over together, babe… I can feel it’s the right path to go. Just trust me on this.”

---

“Just go out with me tonight. Let’s just try again. If it’s not what you want, we just go on separate ways from there. What do you say?” I was almost whispering. I let my fingers play with hers as I went closer and she ran from my eyes to stare at the ground and then at our hands.

“I don’t know, Brian… You really hurt me.”

I wanted to say I got hurt a thousand times more and I learned my lesson but I could never say that. I would just not speak about Emily ever again. Never speaking about my weakness again.

“Think about it… it’s a perfect opportunity to make you sister very pissed off. She would love to hear about me and you again.” I chuckled a bit and had the same from her. Her eyes came back to mine then, but now her lips held a different smile. A truthful one.

“That would be very fun to watch. The face she would make…” we both laughed more this time and she finally held my hand back. “Okay… but you’re gonna have to prove to me you changed. I don’t know how… just do it, okay?”

---

His lips touched my neck and his nose wander on my ear as I fought against everything that was holding me back and begging me to say no and just leave his house, leave the town, and never come back. But I still felt too tied on him, it was like he was a part of me living outside my body. And I just couldn’t turn my back.

“Promise me we won’t need anything else but each other. Promise me it’ll be enough, Jim.”

“You’re all I need.” He mumbled and I let my body lean on him as he held me tight, his hands still lying in my belly, caressing my skin there.

God, I was terrified.

---

“I will.” I assured one last time, pecked her lips quickly and with a smile I pulled her to my car. “Come with me, I need inspiration today.”

When I opened the door for her, I saw the papers on the seat again and gulped hard. Grabbed the sheet music and tossed it somewhere I didn’t wanna know in the backseat.

“What was that?” she asked.

“Nothing. Just getting rid of the past.”

I faced Michelle with a smile one last time before turning on the car and heading off to the studio finally.

I was taking control of my life again. Yes, I finally was.

But why do I still feel so empty inside?

---

“Let’s try again, Jim.”

Notes

heey, im still here =p

Kinda bold what I tried to do here, but I just imagined those two scenes interspersed like that all the time in my head. Hope I was able to achieve that effect on you too xD

please, let me know on the comments ;)