“So… did you call her?” I asked while we were chewing our burger in silence, looking at the beautiful and lonely shore view Brian found. All that immensity just for us again.

“What? Who?” I rolled my eyes and stared at him with a bored look. Of course he knew from whom I was talking about. He breathed deeply before answering with a silly smile. “Yeah, I called her…”

“And…?”

“Well I… she wanna go out with me, we had a great time together and… that’s it.” He shrugged.
For one second I imagined them together. He and Pauline made a great couple in my mind. And that scared the hell out of me but that’s not the point. The point is that she deserves what he has to offer, she’s a very kind person and is probably willing to give him what I never could. If he has to be with someone other than me, he should give her a shot.

“Good. When’s your next date?” I smirked, trying to tear some info out of his mind.

“Look… Emily, why did you do this? Why did you set me up with her without even talking to me first? You wanna get rid of me that badly or what?” he sounded a little pissed.
I pursed my lips and try to think of something to answer fast.

“No, I don’t wanna get rid of you. I wanna see you happy. Since I’m not really able to do that.”

“Nah, it’s bullshit. You’re still mad at me for what happened. I can feel it in your eyes.”
We both fell into an unwanted silence while the radio music played quietly with the ocean wave sounds in the back. We would definitely end up this night fighting, that’s for sure.

“Well, I can’t really stay mad at you for that long, you know? I have no such ability, I wish I had. And yes, I do wanna see you happy, I’m not lying.”

“So you know it’s not my fault he’s in that… state, right?”

“Yeah, the doctors said that already.”

“So you… forgive me for acting out that night?”

“Yes, Brian… I do. We all make mistakes, I’m the best person to tell you that.”

We shared a long stare and suddenly we both snapped our heads back to the beach, finally able to finish our food.

“Oh man… this song is perfect to show you the monstrous sound power this car has now. Get in the backseat.” He opened the car door, raised the front seat and showed me the entrance. I had only one option, to go in.

As I sat there, my head brought me back to the times I had sex with Jimmy in that seat. Sometimes we were inside his garage, we were not even outside, but we needed a different, aphrodisiac place to fuck. And let’s be honest, that car is sexy as hell.
But well, now it was restored. It wasn’t even the same seat. It didn’t have his scent impregnated on the fabric anymore.

Brian woke me up of my thoughts when he raised the volume a lot more than I was expecting and sat in the back by my side, closing his eyes and relaxing to the sound of I Want You while bringing his cologne into my nostrils.

“Can you feel the… purity of the bass beating on your chest? And the clarity of the guitar lines along with the cymbals?” he talked loud with his eyes still closed and I watched. I don’t know why, but it remembered the first time I gave him an orgasm. It was magical, the best landscape I have in my mind.

“Yeah… I can… It sounds vivid like it was live. Like the sound is right in front of me.”

‘I want you
I want you so bad
It's driving me mad, it's driving me mad.’

I didn’t close my eyes. I kept watching his lips mouthing the lyrics. I swear I could hear and feel him whispering those words in my ear even though he was distant from me. Fuck, I was hot all of a sudden.

“This song… turns me on.” When I finally closed my eyes, I confessed and it was too late to back out. I felt Brian moving and I had to open my eyes again.

‘She's so… heavy…’

“Oh yeah?” we looked at each other’s lips like we needed it to survive. “Me too.” For long and endless seconds we drowned into each other’s minds and we could tell exactly what we both wanted the most there.

‘She’s so heavy… heavy…’

Next thing I know his hands were all over me, my body was under his and his lips were crashing hard on mine. My hands were travelling around his back, chest and moving straight to down south as I couldn’t control my moves anymore.

But all that hunger we had couldn’t really erase the fact that we were making out on Jimmy’s ride. It just didn’t feel right, it felt terribly wrong. Like I was cheating on him all over again. Like I was trying to replace all the memories I had with him in that car for new ones.

“Bri… Brian, c’mon, let’s…” his mouth was drifting down my neck and his hand sneaked under my jacket to have a full grab of my breasts eagerly. “Stop it, please. Look where we are.” I muttered on his ear.

“In a perfect place to fuck?” he snapped his head up to me breathless and puzzled.

“It’s Jimmy’s backseat… We can’t do this here.”

He breathed heavily with defeat in my face and I tried to look at everything that wasn’t his disappointed and shining brown eyes.

“Oh shit… yeah… you’re right…” he raised his body from mine, sat by my side for a few seconds and walked out of the car, seating in the front and turning off the music volume a little.“Hey, let’s go, I still need to drive a few miles to take you there.”

I fixed my blouse and my jacket, took a deep breath and moved to the front with him. I saw him checking out my body one last time before turning on the engines.

My nipples were still hard from his touch. His pants were still bulging from mine.

---

“Will you ever tell me where you are dumping my body after you kill me?” I grumbled when I noticed it was getting too late, the road was getting too dark and I had no idea where we were.

He only chuckled and suddenly got out of the main road to get to another one, with no asphalt on, only land and grass. And when we were almost reaching the shore again, he pointed upwards on the window. A giant lighthouse appeared and its strong white light turning round and round, illuminating the road quickly and then the ocean along with the moonlight, transforming the road in the darkest place you could be. Well, you all know I’ve been in quite darker places before, but this one was more than beautiful.

“Remember I promised you I’d bring you here?” he parked when we reached the beach sand

“Wow… It’s even higher than that one we were in Georgia.”

“I told you there is one of those here. I always drive here when I’m sick of the world and just wanna be alone.” We both stepped out of the car and walked towards the entrance. “I’ve never seen a single guard in here. Let’s get up there?”

“Oh man… so many stairs!” I joked, referring to that time when he didn’t wanna get up in the first place.

“Lazy…” he grumbled like I did that night and grabbed my hand to pull me to the stairs.

When we finally reached the top, the view was worth the effort again. Our own immensity staring at us again. We watched back in silence for a while and then I needed to enjoy this time alone with him to tell him a few things he should know.

“You know I… didn’t really start working on the steps yet but I’ve been thinking about them a lot. One of them is to admit to others the exact nature of your wrongs. And I feel like you are the right person to start with, I need to tell you something that has been choking me.” I moved my eyes from the ocean sight to his eyes and they allowed me to stay like I should never move out. His light could lead me anywhere.

“You can tell me anything.”

“When I first came here to California, I left home with only one bag and my guitar. My parents wasn’t supportive to the kind of music I wanted to do so I left them in New York to start my own life, the one I wanted to live, not the one they wanted me to live. They begged me to go back and I simply stopped taking their calls, I was done. Next thing I heard about them was… was their death in a car accident.” This time, it was easier to say than the last time, when I told Jimmy. But the pain stuck on it would never go away.

A tear escaped my eye and he brushed it away before I could. His eyes were so comforting now.

“Wow… I’m... I’m so sorry, Em. I knew you always hesitated to talk about your parents but… I never thought…”

“Yeah, I guess I never learned how to deal with it yet. I don’t know if I ever will. But I needed you to know what made me who I am today. The only way I could possibly forget the guilt and the pain I felt was by getting myself stoned with the strongest thing I could find. But what you really need to know is that… I never had to kick heroine before. I lied to you so you could trust me. I had no idea what I was about to go through. And I’m… I’m so sorry I made you watch and deal with that, Brian.”

“God, you… you could’ve died, Emily… I believed you, I... if it wasn't for Jason, I...” After opening his eyes widely, he frowned intensely at me, shaking his head vehemently. Damn it, I didn’t wanna ruin our mood now…

“I know you did, and I appreciate that. I never trusted someone like I trust you now. You saved my life there and I can never thank you enough. The way you gave yourself to me brought back my will to live. So… don’t ever think I stopped loving you, okay?” I stepped closer and couldn’t contain my fingers to run over his hair flying with the wind and fix it behind his ear. He closed his eyes and held my hand on his to pull me inside a breathtaking embrace.

I rested my head on his chest and heard his heartbeat accelerating. Then I felt his lips brushing my ear softly:

“You know he might never wake up again, right?”

I only nodded, finding the perfect place for my head to hear his heart.

“You should start thinking about your life again. We should both start.”

I knew where he wanted to go with that conversation and I wanted to avoid it so bad, but we couldn’t keep doing that. So I stood quiet.

“God, sometimes it’s so hard to read you, Emily… Do you still love him?” he pulled out from my ear and it made me step away from his embrace. Why couldn’t we enjoy a tiny moment in peace, without questioning and arguing for once?

“Remember you asked me that day if I loved him more?” he nodded. “I lied. I didn’t wanna hurt him anymore so I needed to push you away. Just because I love you in ways I can’t even explain rationally. You’re deeply carved in my blood, in my soul, Brian. If that’s not enough for you to believe me I…”

“I’m glad to know you feel the same but… If you’re not mad at me anymore and we are both crazy for each other, why... Why aren’t we... together? After you said you love me that day you almost died, I thought… I thought… Why are you still running away from me, love?” he sounded desperate for answers and I knew I owed it to him.

I tried to turn away but he held my chin back to face his questioning eyes and I had no option but to stay and say it.

“Because of him. Because I can’t hurt him. I rather hurt myself. I rather hurt... us, cause we are stronger than him and we can handle unhappiness. We are the ones to blame for all of this, Brian. Can’t you see it?” I couldn’t stop the tears anymore, I would say everything that was weighing on my chest. “He’s not dead, he might be listening to us, he might... go back at any time by now. And then what? You two will never talk again, you never be the same, and I’ll always be the... bandwrecker. I can’t live with that responsibility, Brian, I can’t. I need to work on the steps, I need to fix what I screwed up along the way, and I can only do that if I only be friends with you both. Please, tell me you understand me, please…” I begged with my lips and with my gaze and it was his time to turn away from me.

“Alright… you’re right…” he brushed his eyes and hair, still disturbed, giving a few aimless steps before setting his paces quickly towards the stairs. “It’s 3 am, it’s late, we should probably go now.” for the first time, he was the one to run away from me.

I cleaned my tears and followed him down the stairs, he was climbing it down fast as hell. I knew this would end up badly, I knew it.

“Bri, wait.” he wouldn’t answer me, he just kept walking and as I called, it seemed like he was accelerating his steps. “Brian!” I ran faster to reach him.

He reached the car and opened the door violently but stopped all his moves when I landed my hand on his shoulder.

“C’mon, let’s not end the night like this…” I passed through him, got inside the car before he could and turned the radio on the highest volume. The perfect song was playing for doing only one thing. “Dance with me again. Just like that night. Please.” I stopped in front of him and as he didn’t move, I sneaked both my arms around his neck and pulled him away from the car.

He was static at first. His expression was blank, like he couldn’t get hurt anymore. Like he just couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t read him and I hated that.

‘I'm in love
I'm in love, with a beautiful girl
But she don't care about me’

I started to move in the fast and cheerful song rhythm and made his body sway along with mine. He was standing still like a rock but I wouldn’t just give up. I looked up to him, softened my traits and smiled. He still looked like a little kid pissed off with the world and it made me wanna laugh but I held it.

‘To make her love me I tried
How I sighed and I cried
But she just refused
And ever since she's gone away
I've got them lovesick blues’

When he finally let his arms rest on the small of my back, I could feel he was starting to relax again. Then his feet began to lead me in our stupid, totally lacking of dancing abilities moves and I knew I had him back when his lips moved to my ear again. Just the way I loved it.

‘Cause I got so used to her somehow
But I'm nobody's baby now
Gee it's awful when you're lonesome
I got the lovesick blues’

“I need to tell you something too…” he whispered finally, holding me closer and I thanked god to have our mood back. “I brought you here tonight cause I wanted you to know that… back in Georgia, in that lighthouse, I realized I was in love with you.” He chuckled warmly in my neck, sending shivers all over me. I could only hug him tighter for telling me that. “It got me so scared…”

“Yeah, I am scary. But then you get used to it with time, don’t worry.” We both laughed and intensified our hug together with our little dancing swing. It was only about us this time, and no one else in this world.

‘For those of you that just turned on your radio, welcome to our blues channel, the only place you can hear the old and the best classic songs of all times. Now it’s time for some Led Zeppelin, Since I’ve Been Loving You for the frustrated lovers out there…’

At the first notes of that song – our song – we both stopped moving and glanced at each other for several seconds, just enjoying the perfect guitar line on the introduction. We probably had lots of memories of us brought back inside our heads in just mere seconds. That song tied our souls somehow.

I was lost in his gaze again when I was caught by surprise with his lips touching mine slowly.

‘I’ve been working from seven
to eleven every night, uh yeah
It really makes life a drag, drag, drag
And I know that ain’t right’

“God… now I’m hot.” I brushed those words in his mouth and as soon as he loosened our embrace, I ran from his arms and started walking towards the ocean, taking my jacket and then my pants off. “You didn’t think I would leave this place without trying the water, right?” I shouted over my shoulder.

He didn’t answer but I knew he was coming after me. When I felt the warmth of his naked upper body pressed on my back and then his arms encircling my waist and hugging me from behind, I relaxed for the first time in months.

“Wanna join me?”

“Uhhum.” He bit my earlobe and spread a few warm kisses on my neck while we kept walking by the shallow water. It was a bit cold but definitely manageable with all his heat over me.
I tried to escape from his arms but he only held me tighter, his hands travelling under my shirt uncontrollably.

‘I've really been the best, the best of fools
Oh yes but I did what I could
yes I did’

“How much I longed for touching you again… you have no idea.” He said it and moaned in my ear to drive me insane.

“Believe me, I have, babe.”

I turned to him still in his arms and opened his belt as fast as I could. When I got rid of his pants, threw it in the dry sand and stood back up, he didn’t give me time to think, he just grabbed me on his arms and ran more deeply into the ocean, merging us both with the water completely.

“GOD, IT’S COLD!” I screamed as loud as I could and let out several chuckles to handle the shivers.

“Let’s warm it up…” he had barely let go of me under the water and got me back on his arms again, taking my senses away with just one amazing, long and profound kiss.

‘Oh I love you more
Yes I love you baby
Oh I love you, oh I love you, oh yeah’

My legs entwined his waist automatically and I promptly felt how hard and ready he was to have me as he lowered his kisses on my neck and over my shirt, getting busy with one of my breasts, then my nipple. I had to arch my back in his hand, let my head fall and my eyes roll over my head in delight.

‘Oh baby since I’ve been loving you
I’m about to lose my worried mind
Oh don’t make me lose it’

I pushed my waist harder against him and he moaned deliciously loud, for the whole world to hear. I smiled, watching his mouth opening while my hand traced his boxers desperately and reached all the spots I knew he liked. And I never let his eyes leave mine, just like in our first time together.

‘Everybody try to tell me, tell me, oohhh
That you didn’t mean me no good
Hmm but I tried, I tried, I tried
I tried to do the best I could’

The full moon was beautifully bathing us with its light as I enjoyed every part of his body I longed so much for and I could tell he was doing the same, but a little more eagerly than I expected. My hand slid inside his boxers finally and started to stroke him slowly, caressing all his flesh there. His breath got noisy and accelerated and for a few seconds he was frozen on his moves to enjoy my touch. Then I felt his hand invading my panties and playing with my clit in the same rhythm of my hand on him as we tried to float in the moving water. The rhythm of the song echoing all around us and deep inside our core.

We were both loud now. And trying to share as many wild and wet kisses as we could, to catch up the cruel time we were apart.

'Oh yeah since I’ve been crying oh uh yeah
All my tears they fall like rain, don’t you see them falling
Oh mama, stop them falling
somebody, somebody stop them falling’

“Brian, I need you now. More than anything. Enough with this. Let’s go back.” I cried in between moans and gasps when I resisted my powerful will to let his hand give me the pleasure I wanted to have and started to pull him out of the deep water to stay in the shallow water.

I let my body fall in the sand and my arms rest above my head as the waves came and went, just waiting for him to join me again. But he just kneeled, walked over me slowly and measured every single part of my body mesmerized before uniting with mine. He kissed me passionately, our tongues played for a while and he finally said something, or better, gasped while raising my wet shirt up.

‘Oh baby since I’ve been loving you
I’m about to lose
Don’t let me lose my worried mind
I can’t lose it, I’ve been trying so hard’

“You’re prettier than ever, love.” He drank the sight of my body again and I beamed in appreciation. I couldn’t blame him for that, last time he saw and touched my body, I was almost dying from malnutrition. And he surely noticed I had gained my weight back. Now I understood why he was yearning that much to squeeze all over me.

“You even have a little belly now…” he tickled my navel with his hand and then with kisses and I squirmed under him letting out uncontrollable and scandalous laughter.

“I don’t, you liar!” the more I screamed and laughed, the more he was tickling me with his nose and lips. “Stop it, Brian, STOOP IITT, please!!” I laughed more and when he raised his kisses in between my breasts along with his fingers, I couldn’t chuckle anymore. I had to gasp to what he was making me feel. Truly and utterly alive within his arms. And I bet he knew that by now.

We got rid of all the wet clothes that was in our way and the waves kept exploding on our skins completely joined now. His eyes were on fire when he pushed himself inside of me and along with his next thrusts, he never ceased to moan in my ear as I never saw him do before. This time he was in complete need and I felt more desired than ever.

His hands pressed my waist harder as he went deeper, and now he didn’t hold back his strength, he was just proving his limit for love to me. His body was telling me what his words wouldn’t, that he just wanted to be happy with me in spite of all the past that haunted us. And I was in the verge of forgetting about everything I fought for, my sobriety, my integrity, my pride, just to surrender to our simple wish. To just give a shot to embrace happiness with him and never let go again.

“God… Brian…” he pulled me closer to his chest and as the guitar screamed in the radio, he made me reach my climax and my whole body shivered and crumbled in bliss as never before.

‘Ohh since I’ve been crying
Oh baby, baby, I’ve been trying
don’t let me lose, don’t let me lose
My worried mind…’

When a bigger cold wave reached us, I felt a hot contrasting liquid invading my insides. Brian fell on top of me spent, breathing heavily on my neck, one of his hands still brushing his fingers softly on my thigh and the other holding my back tight against him.

“Let's not end this…please...” his emotional voice echoed in my ears and I was never less sure about what to answer than I was now.

Notes

woow, yeah, longer than I expected, I know... but I had fun writing it =p
I know you're tired of seeing this, but its true, its a chapter I've been thinking about for loooots of time and the next one will be too. I hope you enjoyed and... I hope it brought even more questions to your minds, cause that's the fun of it all ;)

What is gonna be her answer to that?

Need your thoughts on this <3

Songs:
I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles
Lovesick Blues - Jamie Cullum
Since I've Been Loving You - Led Zeppelin (live at Madison Square Garden, 1973 - best version of all!)