My head ached. In fact, there wasn’t a single part of my body that didn’t hurt.
I refused to open my eyes for a while cause I could feel a presence of someone in there with me, real close. And I wasn’t exactly feeling like talking now.

I had to give out when I finally realized where I was and what had happened. The fight with Jimmy. The crash. Johnny out. Brian… saving my ass from the cops. It all came in a big wave to haunt me. God, why couldn’t I just have had amnesia this time and all my stupid wrongs would be just erased from my brain by now?

This is all too messed up, even for me…

“Emily? Are you awake?” Jess’ voice invaded my ears and my thoughts. I opened my eyes slowly, thanking whoever the hell was protecting me that sent Jess to be there and not someone else. “Oh, thank god! How are you feeling? You scared us a lot!!” She grabbed my hand and I tried not to stare at her.

“I’m feeling like crap, thanks for asking.” My eyes surrounded the room and the yellow IV saline hanging on my arm, which looked like really bruised from a few needle marks. What the hell, I didn’t make those! “What have they done with my arm?”

“Well, they couldn’t find a decent vein thanks to your stupid old habit. In fact, you are not even on painkillers because of it.”

“Yeah, pretty stupid but not so old anymore. News flash, I’m back at that… again.” I know it wasn’t the best time to tell her that but, she would find out someday anyway. She looked away from me and showed a disappointed smile. “Just thought you should know.”

“Great, Emily, just great, you just can’t learn, can you? And what were you thinking last night? Brian told us he had to…” she raised her voice, I had to stop her, my head was exploding at her talking.

“Yeah, I know, I know, I remember everything Jess, you don’t need to tell me again. I screwed up bad, okay? I can’t turn back time, sorry. All I want right now is to get the hell out of here. Where are my clothes?” I stood up quickly and felt the room spinning but not enough to stop me from searching for my stuff under the bed. Jess came after me right away.

“Emily, what are you doing? You have to lie down, you had a concussion and your blood pressure was really low until a few hours ago thanks to the huge amount of alcohol you had on you. They had a really hard time to bring you back! Do you wanna die or something?” she was nearly forcing me to go back to bed, but I couldn’t stay there more. I couldn’t face anyone… ever again.

“Don’t make me answer that now… I gotta get out of here, Jessica! How am I supposed to… look at them again? And I gotta find a way to pay for the damage I caused at Jimmy’s car so… I better start selling my soul somewhere. Maybe the devil would want it.” all I could think about was Johnny but I was too scared of the answer I might have.

I found my stuff in a bag and threw it at my bed, trying to open it with the little strength I had. The IV was getting in my way so I just pulled the needle out of my arm and held my finger in there for a while to not bleed out. It didn’t hurt, I was used to that feeling actually. Jess just watched my movements with her arms crossed and an angry face.

“I can’t believe you just took off your IV. I’m gonna call the nurse to put it back now!” she was about to turn her back when I held her arm.

“No, Jess, trust me, I’m okay now. Just tell me how… Johnny is doing, please.” I frowned at her with sad eyes. She looked down at the ground at first, almost killing me with that upset look. Then her smile burst out from nowhere on her lips.

“He’s better now, they did a procedure on him and he woke up just in time to see the birth of his beautiful little daughter. Amanda.” I was trying to put my clothes on when those last words from her sentence made me froze.

A girl. Amanda. And I had almost killed her dad last night.

All the words I had said to Johnny appeared on my head again, suddenly. If I ever deserved something in this life, it certainly wasn’t to be alive. I sat back on the bed and had to hold back the tears that were fighting hard to come out.

“God, Lacey… Lacey had their baby last night? Oh my god, I really gotta get out of here now, more than never.” I felt strong enough to rise from the bed again and finished with my clothes.

“Please, Emily, stay! I’ll take you to see them, they will be happy to know you are okay. They won’t blame you for this, the guy just got on your way!”

“I was speeding at 120 km/h on a street of 60, Jess!! I went completely nuts! I’m a freaking helpless case, as you said million times before. I just… need a break from all of this, all of them, or I… I won’t stand being myself much longer.” I was ready to leave that room when she stopped in front of the door, blocking my way.

“What… what do you mean by that?” her voice softened, for my surprise.

“Nothing. Get out of my way.” I was surly in contrast, without facing her.

“Don’t do anything stupid. You hear me?” I threw a sarcastic gasp at her. What could possibly be more stupid than what I already did?

“Yes, I heard you, sr., can I go now?” I know she didn’t deserve my temper but I couldn’t actually contain it.

“What should I say to them? To Jimmy?”

“Tell him I’m gonna pay him back every dime. And I don’t wanna see anyone right now. So… don’t let him come after me.”

With this she stepped away from the door and let me get out. But she held my arm.

“Do you wanna me to go with you? We can talk.” she forced me to look inside her eyes. God this woman, she sounded like my…mom.

“No, please, Jess, I need to be alone now. The last thing I want is talk. It’s okay, I’m okay…” I gulped and she let go, still reluctant.

I went away to grab a cab without looking back. My tears didn’t have a reason to be hold back anymore.

I’m not okay.

---

As soon as I heard Emily had left the hospital without being discharged, I thought about going after her. Everybody was angry at her but worried too, obviously. And Jess made sure we all knew she didn’t wanna see anyone, that she was really ashamed and needed some time to herself to clear her mind. Jimmy was crazy at first, he wanted to go after her too, but Jess forbid with her more than demanding ways. He decided to respect Emily’s wish as he always did.

But I didn’t.

I felt, deep in my heart, she needed someone, even if she didn’t realize it yet. And I knew I was that someone, even if she tried to push me away last night. I knew it since the time we kissed.

Since everything was under control now, Johnny and Lacey were more than happy and okay with their new baby, I gave an excuse I had to feed Pinkly and took a cab to pick up my car. I noticed they had already taken the wrecked Impala out from there. Jimmy would definitely want to restore it if there’s actually a way to do that.

I got into my car and the first thing I saw was my cellphone on the passenger seat. Yeah, I really had forgotten it here. Completely out of batteries now, of course. And it was on silent mode, probably, just like Johnny’s and Emily’s, we always do that on rehearsals.

I went to my house first, took a shower to recover my energies and when I was about to head off to Emily’s house, I remembered it. I opened the trunk of my car and there it was, I was supposed to give it to her after the rehearsal but… we all know how that ended up, right? Maybe this could cheer her up…

Even though I didn’t want to be just her friend, I would be there as one. Anything more would be… perfect. But wrong.

When I got on her front porch I could hear a loud guitar sound, with a lot of effects and the heaviest distortion, probably driving the whole neighborhood insane by now. She was using a sad and minor tone and the notes seemed a cry for help.

I walked to her door and rang the doorbell once. Twice. Nothing. She wasn’t listening I guess.

“Emily! It’s me, Brian! Are you there?” I knocked a few times and still nothing. Well, yeah, she told Jess she didn’t want to see anybody so I couldn’t expect she would answer me, even if she could hear me. But I wasn’t giving up that easy.

I was ready to open the living room window to pass through it as a last resort when I tried to unlock the door first. And yeah, for my amazement, it was open.
I walked straight to where the melody was coming from and found a closed bedroom door. I enjoyed her playing for a while, took a deep breath and finally knocked.

“Em, it’s me, Brian. Can I come in?” when she heard my voice, her playing stopped abruptly but she didn’t reply at the same time.

“What are you doing here? I told Jess I didn’t want to see anybody.” She started again, playing with less volume and something calmer and harmonic. “And how the hell did you get in here anyway?”

“I called for you, you didn’t hear and the door was open so…”

“So nothing! You can’t just break into my house like that.”

“Oh, nice, that’s how you thank me for worrying about you and saving your ass from the cops last night. I’m just gonna go…” I was still talking to a door so, what the hell, she didn’t want me there, she made it pretty clear last night. I was making a fool of myself.

I peeked at the guitar case in my hands and didn’t step away as I said I would do. I would love to see her smiling at the sight of this. So I lingered.

“Brian just… don’t go yet.” she asked and I felt it more like begging. Silence came again, only filled with her notes. “How’s them?”

“You meant Johnny and his family? They are incredibly happy, despite of everything. Johnny was in a bad shape but he woke up just in time to see his daughter’s birth. It was… a really touching scene to watch, you know. Lacey couldn’t stop crying when they managed to bring his gurney to her room. I wish you could’ve seen it.” I was bending on the doorframe now. She took long to answer again.

Was she crying?

“Hey, Em, are you okay in there?”

“No! I’m not okay, I screwed up. How could I possibly be okay after almost killing him?” yeah, she really was crying and sobbing. And I felt the urge to open that door even if against her will.

I placed the case in the ground and my hand slipped to the doorknob.

“Emily, can I… can I just come inside?” I was impatient.

“No, you can’t.”

“Why?!” now I was indignant.

“Cause I’m… I’m naked.” Surprised, indignant and impatient at the same time now. What?

“No, no, you can’t be serious… I’m coming in.”

“Yes, I’m damn serious, I just got off the shower and I like to play naked sometimes, it’s relaxing… please, stay there.” The desperation on her voice sounded as though as she was telling the truth. But her stay there sounded more like an invitation than an outcast.

Now I couldn’t help but picture her like that inside that room, holding that guitar against her nude body, the smell of her shampoo travelling my nostrils. God, I know that wasn’t a good time to be turned on but…

Hell, I need to come in!

“So… I’ll wait for you to put some… clothes on.” That was the last thing I wanted her to do now but I had to give her an option.

“Nah, I’m not in the mood of moving out from here right now.”

My hand was holding that doorknob until now. What if I just…

No, Brian! You can’t.

Yes, I can, I want to. I need to. I’m sweating, I’m aching.

I need her.

“I’m coming in!” I stopped any rational thought I still had as a barrier and unlocked the door.

And yeah, she wasn’t lying. She was only on red lace panties right now, surprise dripping from her eyes with my entrance.

God…

---

As soon as he stepped inside, I rose from my chair in a single jump and turned my back at him immediately. Why the hell didn’t I think about locking that door before?

“BRIAN!!!” I crossed my arms to try to cover myself, the guitar still strapped on my shoulder. “Get out!”

I heard him closing the door and the room got annoyingly quiet. But I could still feel his presence on the room.

“Brian, I know you’re still there!” he gasped in a laugh but didn’t reply. “Are you looking at my butt right now?” he chuckled in a low tone. I could feel his smirk from there. “Stop staring at my butt!!”

“Nice spider ink you have there. It really does… you know, justice to your… shape.” Damn it, I could sense he was checking every tattoo I had and he made me all blushed. Where are all the shirts in the world when you need one?

“I really appreciate that deep analysis of my butt tattoo but since you’re not going out, can you just stare at the deathbat on my back from now on, please?” I pointed at it.

“I can make an effort, I guess…”

“Great! What do you want here anyway? You came to make clear you don’t wanna see my face ever again, right?” I sniffed. My nose was annoying me from crying during the past hours.

“Despite of Jess’ warnings, I came cause I imagined you could use a friend by your side… or a new guitar. I brought both, just in case.” I turned to look back at him over my shoulder, trying to find his eyes. That had serious chances to be the best sentence I could ever wish to hear.

“You brought a…” he came closer, a slight touch of his arm on my back, his deep gaze stuck on mine all the time, and the guitar case was suddenly lying in front of me, on top of my desk. His scent made the hair on the back of my neck to stand up.

He gave a few steps back and waited for me to open it.

Oh my god! Another preciosity!



“Brian, this is a…” the brightness of its color could even burn my vision.

“Yep, it’s a Gibson semi-hollow body. You once told me you loved rock’n roll but your favorite style to play was jazz, which I completely agree, by the way. So… I thought you could need one of those. Do you like the color?”

“Oh my god, if I liked the color… I… don’t even know what to say! How can I ever… I really should start smashing cars more often.” my eyes had fallen on those golden details and I was having a hard time to formulate sentences.

“Just promise me you won’t ever do that again, to scare me like you did last night.” I could feel his heat getting closer to my naked back again and his voice softening.

“I lost it, Brian. Sometimes is just… too hard to handle all of it… I’m so sorry. I hope Johnny can forgive me someday.” A tear escaped my right eye as I was still staring at the guitar, touching it slightly. Brian was getting closer and closer. God… don’t do this…

“Yeah, don’t even tell me about it. I feel like losing it every time I… get near you.” His last words were out in a whisper, which breezed exactly on the right side of my neck. My mouth opened instantly and my eyes closed with the chills, just expecting for his next move.

His warm chest finally reached my back skin and I had more shivers at the contrasting cold sensation his belt was giving me while rubbing on my lower back. My mouth and my core were pulsing for him, more quick and intense than I would ever expect.

I was frozen still, terrified of what I was feeling as he placed his left hand on the neck of my guitar still strapped at my shoulder. His other hand moved to its body, giving me no options to disentangle from his arms. What is he doing?

What… what am I doing, damn it? Why am I allowing this?

His nose fell on my neck again, tracing a path of breath from my shoulder directly to the back of my ear, his hands never touching me yet but forcing the guitar to press me against his body. My head tilted to the side automatically, to give him more space and that was when I felt his lips wide open against my skin and his teeth grazing deliciously on my ear lobe.

Oh. Dear. Lord. He had just torn apart the last bit of self-control I had.

The urge to feel those lips on mine again was driving me insane and when he pulled away from me, I almost moaned in resistance. Involuntarily, my feet turned to make me face him. And he had his analyzing moment again while lowering his gaze at every part of my body he still hadn’t peeked before.

His eyes stopped at my breasts and my nipples seemed to get harder at his charming half-grin.

I’m asking again, what the fuck are you doing Emily?

I’m simply… losing it again. That’s what I’m doing.

He gave me a thankful smile and when I noticed, his hands getting a hold of the guitar he had given me before the tour pulled me against him again. He didn’t even need to use a lot of strength to make me fall back at his chest. Now there was only a guitar separating our bodies. And a few unwelcomed thoughts on my mind.

“Brian… what are we doing?” I rustled as his hands finally touched my back, moving them upwards to my neck. My mouth was standing so close to his I regretted those words at the same time.

I didn’t protest when his lips invaded mine hastily, I gave him total access even if he had just ignored my question. Nothing seemed to work to stop me, not even thinking about the fact I wasn’t really kissing the person I was supposed to. The kick I felt while having a taste of Brian couldn’t be compared to what I had experienced before, not even with Jimmy.

Oh my god, you heartless son of a bitch! How many times you think you can hurt Jimmy, huh? How many times he'll have to forgive you?? Stop it! Now!

“Brian…” he still had his eyes closed and forehead leaned on mine when I pushed his body slightly back. Yes, resist it, you can do it, you’ve been doing it since the first time you met him.

“Stop thinking. I need you.” He held the guitar neck again, preventing me from pulling even more away from him. His mouth came back to mine in a rush.

God… I can’t, I can’t stop him. I don’t even know how to stop myself.

I don’t want to.

He held the guitar up in his hands and unstrapped it off my shoulder finally, placing on its stand. As I watched his moves, he came back at me and held me closer than never, one hand on my waist, the other on the bruise on my forehead.

“Does it hurt?” my arms involved his torso. This was wrong but I was giving in to my heart.

“Not anymore.” The headache I had was suddenly gone. Was he a warlock or something?

He placed his lips on my head and pecked me there, then started to spread his kisses down my face till he could reach my cheeks and my mouth, which was already open for him. By the time he almost hypnotized me with his tongue playing with mine once again, I couldn’t think about anything else. He had completely blocked my mind from anything that wasn’t the incredible feel of his body wrapping on mine.

Jimmy’s blur image was long gone as though as I had amnesia.

Notes

:3 :3

nothing better than a friendly crying shoulder to make you feel better, huh?? =p

wanna know what u think its going on next!!! ;D