Where Are You Now

I watched the screen before me dance with the smiling faces of my son and his mother. This is the way I remember Marilyn. Her smile was so infectious along with her laugh. She had this light about her that just radiate in a way I've never seen in another. But now. She's different but does that mean I should just let go of this girl, of the love I have for her. She has made it clear that she doesn't want me around and I get that, I think, but can I just let her go? After all these years wishing I could get her back or that I could just have a chance to win her love again. That's what this is, isn't it? I mean I haven't exactly told her how I feel.

"Brian?" I heard a soft voice call from behind me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Is this what you were hiding from me?" Kim asked as she walked over to sit beside me on the floor next to our coffee table.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"That you have a son with her." She said pointing back to the laptop screen.

I sighed somberly as I watch the now sleeping little boy. I guess it’s now or never.

“Not exactly. Look, I never even knew had existed until a while ago.”

“What do you mean had existed? Where is he now?” She asked with a certain turmoil masked by her questions.

“He was killed in a car crash.” I said as the sound of his laughter broke out through the living room as Marilyn tickled him awake.

We sat there neither of us knowing what to say or do next. I just allowed myself to get lost in the scene playing on my laptop in front of me.

“You’re still in love with her.”

“Yeah, I am.” I said as a tear fell from my eye and rolled down.

It was a tear for all I lost by being a stupid boy. I should’ve seen that something was wrong when she asked me all those questions about kids.

“So what now?” I ask turning to look at her.

“Brian, I always knew that you still loved her. And all those times that I would get angry it was never over whether or not you did.” She said with a melancholy smile.

“Then what was it over?” I asked, my confusion evident in my voice.

“It was over you not admitting it, I guess.” She shrugged.

“I don’t know what to do. How to fix this or if I even can.” I admitted.

“Well, if I were you I’d go talk to her.” She encouraged.

I stared at her for a moment before I spoke, “How can you be this calm about this? Me admitting that I love another woman?”

“Brian, I’ve had a lot of time to deal with it and I’ve always been waiting for this day. Does it hurt to let you go? Fuck yes, but I can let you go because I love you and you deserve to be happy. I know you didn’t intend for any of this so go and make it right. We can talk later.”

I stood up from my spot on the floor and half ran to my shoes and the front door.

_____________________________________________________________________


The drive over to Marilyn’s is filled with worry, fear and excitement that consumed not just my mind but the air around me. As I pulled up to the curb it comes crashing around me and I’m left comatose. I’m not really sure of what’s happened but flashing blue and red lights are never a good thing. I climb out of my car and slam the door at the same time that I see a stretcher coming out of the front door. Is it Marilyn or her mother? I find my answer when Marilyn’s mother comes walking out behind the stretcher. I walk towards the edge of the house and grasp it in a desperate attempt to stay upright. This can’t be happening. I can’t lose her too. Not before I get to tell her everything. Not before I get to see my old ‘Lyn again. I wasn’t even aware that I had fallen to the floor until I heard Alice, Marilyn’s mom, call my name softly. I turned to see myself reflected in her eyes. When did I start crying?

“Come in, dear. I think we need to talk.” She said with a small smile.

Notes

so...this story is starting to get into the thick of it...

sorry it took so long to update but shits been crazy and hectic.

but give me some love and I shall update soon.