I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing and the smell off food being cooked downstairs. Why am I always woken up? Why can't I just sleep? I threw the covers off of me and made the bed before changing into some clothes. I walked out of my room going downstairs and into the kitchen. Val was preparing breakfast and I could hear Matt in the living room talking to to someone.

"When did you guys get back?" I asked smiling and giving Val a hug.

"Early this morning. So did you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked acting confused.

"You know what I mean. Did you talk to Zacky?"

"No." I said quietly.

"Why not?"

"I'm still afraid. I...I don't want to be turned down because I'm not a whole." I said as Val finished cooking.

"I know Raelyx but you need to tell him."

"I know I do but I just don't feel strong enough yet." I said grabbing some plates and putting them on the table.

"Matt! Breakfast is ready!" Val yelled as she fixed a plate. I watched as Matt appeared in the doorway and leaned against the frame. Val smiled at him but it quickly faded.

"What's going on?"

"Raelyx's doctor just called. The lab mixed up your test results with someone elses. You still have cancer." he said lowering his head. Val wrapped her arms around me in comfort.

"When do I start treatments again?" I asked.

"The day we go on tour." I nodded and continued to fix me a plate of food and I ate in silence. I finished my food and washed off my plate and put it into the dishwasher. I felt numb. My cancer is still with me...I was so excited to be cancer free and my hair was slowly starting to grow back. I went into the living room and sat in front of the TV flipping through channels. I could hear Val washing off the dishes and putting them into the dishwasher. Val came into the room and sat down beside me.

"Are you alright Rae?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I said not looking at her.

"I got an idea. How about you, me, and the girls go out and do something?"

"No..You can go though." I said looking at her with a fake smile plastered on my face.

"You sure?"

"Yeah....You go have fun." I said putting my focus back on the TV. She stood up and went upstairs to get ready.

"I'll be back later. If I'm not home before Matt, let him know where I am." I nodded and she left the house. I looked out the window watching as she pulled away from the house. I felt the place where my breast was and couldn't help but let tears flow down my face.

I was so sure I had beaten this. Why did I let myself get my hopes up? I wiped away my tears and got up from the couch. I walked upstairs shutting my bedroom door behind me. I picked up my phone and sent Jo a message.

~Jo are you busy?~

~No. I just got off from work. What's up?~ Jo.

~My cancer is back.~

Seconds later my phone began to ring.

"Hello." I said.

"Raelyx...I'm so sorry. I thought the doctor said you were cancer free?"

"My test results were mixed up with someone elses." I said wiping away the remaining tears.

"Damn doctors! Why don't they label those things correctly?"

"I don't know. What am I going to do?" I asked.

"You're going to keep taking those treatments and stay on those doctors asses so they don't mix up your fucking results ever again."

"You're right. I'll beat this shit." I said smiling.

"Yes you will! You're strong and I'm not giving you up anytime soon."

"And I'm not going anywhere either." I said laughing a little.

"That's the spirit! I hate to cut you short but you know how I don't like talking on the phone and driving but I'll call you tomorrow."

"Alright. Talk to you then." We said out goodbyes and I shut my phone. I laid back on the bed holding onto my stuffed duck Jimmy got me. Why am I forsaken to have this? What did I do? The guys won't be here to help me through this. Jimmy won't be here to make me laugh and smile through these treatments. Zacky won't be here...for me to tell him how I feel.

Notes

comments?

Wasn't expecting that were you?