Tough
One Shot Not Taken
I woke up smelling breakfast like I have for the past 3 days. I rolled out of bed and drug myself to the bathroom. I looked at the flat part of my chest where my breast should be and touch the hole. It was so empty. I sighed and put on the clothes I had brought with me. I exited the bathroom and lied the bandanna around my head and gathered up my clothes that needed to be washed. I carried the laundry basket downstairs into the laundry room and turned on the washer putting in some detergent and putting my clothes in. I closed the lid and walked into the kitchen as Zacky finished breakfast. Zacky already had a plate fixed for me and sat down in front of me. Zacky took his spot next to me and we ate in silence. I finished eating and put my plate into the sink.
I stood there a minute before rubbing my neck where I had slept wrong. I jumped when I felt hands touch my shoulder. Zacky rubbed on my neck making me feel so much better.
"Feel better?"
"Yeah." I said turning around. He looked deeply into my eyes and I turned my head when I heard the washer go off.
"I have to get my clothes in the dryer." I said walking away from Zacky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ZACKY'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I have to get my clothes in the dryer." she said before walking away from me. I was so close to kissing her. Why can't I just do it? What's wrong with me? Am I that fragile? My heart screams for me to tell her how I feel but my mouth won't let the words come out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RAELYX'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was so close to kissing Zacky! What the fuck is wrong with me? My heart wants me to tell Zacky how I feel but my mouth won't let the words flow out! Am I that insecure about my body? I opened the lid of the washer and started loading the dryer. I cleaned out the lent trap and started the dryer. I need to tell Zacky before it's took late. I would hate seeing him everyday with some other girl and beat myself up over it. I need to grow some fucking balls and I need to do it quick. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I seen I had a message from Val.
~Hey girl! How's everything at home?~ Val
~Everything is good. Zacky and I went to the batting cages earlier this week and had a friendly competition.~
~Oh Lord. Zacky won didn't he?~ Val
~Yeah but I came close to beating him.~
~That's awesome! Tell Zacky Matt said hey and I'll see you in 4 days!~ Val
~You 2 have fun.~
~Don't worry I will.~ Val.
Sounds like Matt and Val are having a great time. I just wish my time with Zacky wouldn't be over in 4 days. I know I'm going on tour with them but he'll be too busy to sit down and talk with me. I think I'll call Val this afternoon and talk to her about what's on my mind. I went into the kitchen and Zacky had the dishes done and put away. I grabbed a soda from the fridge and went up to my room just until I heard the buzzer go off on the dryer. I went into the bathroom and started organizing everything to my liking. I heard the dryer buzz again lettingme know that my clothes were dry and I walked down to the laundry room.
I put all the clothes back into the laundry basket and carried it back to my room. I stopped at the living room entrance and Zacky had the look of concentration on his face. I sighed quietly and proceeded to my room. I sat the clothes down on the bed and collected the hangers from the closet before sitting down. I looked down at my phone and dialed Val's number. I hope her and Matt aren't busy.
"Hello?"
"Val." I said.
"Yes Raelyx?"
"Can I talk to you?" I asked sighing.
"Raelyx honey is something wrong?"
"No...Is Matt in the room?" I asked.
"No he left to go get us something to eat."
"Good. So how's it going there?" I asked. I don't know how to start a conversation about Zacky without saying his name but I'll think of something.
"Everything is great. Did you and Zacky do anything else besides go to the batting cages?"
"No but I have a friend that needs some advice and I don't know what to say to her." I said. This was a good cover.
"Really? What kind of advice?"
"Well she's known this guys for a while and they're really good friends but she's started having feelings towards him that are more than a friend should have. She wants to tell him how she feels but she's afraid that if she does tell him how she feels he won't feel the same and it would be awkward being around him. She's afraid that if she doesn't say something soon that he'll find someone else and she'll have to live knowing that she never told him." I explained the best I could.
"How did your friend meet this guy?"
"One of her friends introduced him to her." I said.
"Well I think she should just come right out and tell him but can I ask you something?"
"What?" I asked hanging the last of the clothes up.
"Is this friend you and the guy Zacky?"
"How did you know?" I said sitting down on the bed.
"Honey, the way Zacky looks at you and how he volunteered to stay and keep you company instead of going on vacation. I know he has feelings for you. Just tell him."
"My heart tells me too but my mind won't tell my mouth what it should say." I said hanging my head.
"Are you afraid that if you tell Zacky how you feel about him, he wont like you because of what the cancer took from you?" I nodded but realized she couldn't see me.
"Yeah." I said.
"Trust your heart and tell you mind to stop filling you full of negativity. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same then he is an asshole or he's just afraid of getting his ass kicked by Matt but I wouldn't let that happen."
"I know you wouldn't." I said laughing.
"Raelyx...I know Zacky loves you to death. When the opportunity comes don't let it go. I got to go Matt is back."
"Alright see you when you guys get back." I said.
"Remember what I said."
I hung up the phone and I knew I had to tell him tonight. I only have one shot to tell him exactly how I feel. I just hope he feels the same. I sat there thinking of a way to tell him but nothing was coming to mind. Why is this so hard to do? A knock came to the door that tore me away from my thoughts.
"Do you want to go out tonight?"
"No...I feel like just having dinner here." I said smiling.
"Alright. I'm going to go pick something up. I'll be back in a few minutes." he left the room and I sat there going back to my thoughts of how to tell Zacky. Maybe I could tell him while we are on tour...Should I just go up and kiss him?
I heard the door shut downstairs and watched as Zacky pulled away from the house from the window. I don't understand why this is so complicated. I want to tell him how I feel but nothing comes to mind. Should I tell him the same way I told Val? No he would catch on to that. I pounded my fist against the bed repeatedly in frustration. Why can't I just fucking say something to him!! I got up from my place on the bed and went downstairs and sat down in the kitchen. I hate feeling like I can't do something. The door opened minutes later and Zacky came into the kitchen. He handed me a Mickey D's bag and I dug into it. I love food from Mickey D's. I threw my trash away and sat back down beside Zacky. He doesn't want a disfigured person, he wants a whole woman.
"So..uh what's that mind of yours got planned?" I asked getting a bottle of water from the fridge.
"For tour?"
"Yeah." I said sitting back down.
"Entertain our loyal fans, raise lots of money for caner research, and party."
"Sounds like fun." I said smiling.
"Oh it is. I love touring. The fans are always amped up and the after parties are the fucking best."
"I bet." I said finishing off the water and throwing the bottle into the trash. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was already getting late.
"I'll see you in the morning Zacky." I said patting his shoulder. Zacky grabbed my hand and looked at me.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Why?" I asked.
"You seem a bit off. Is there anything wrong?"
"No I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired." I said smiling.
"Alright. I'll see in the morning." He kissed my cheek and let go of my hand. I walked up the stairs and into the total darkness of my room. I put on my sleeping clothes and laid down. How could I be so stupid? That was my fucking chance and I said nothing was going on! There's a lot going on in my head and in my heart for him. A tear slipped from eyes and I wiped it away. I don't need to be crying over someone I'm never going to get. I laid my head on the pillow and pulled the covers over me and slowly drifted off to sleep.
I stood there a minute before rubbing my neck where I had slept wrong. I jumped when I felt hands touch my shoulder. Zacky rubbed on my neck making me feel so much better.
"Feel better?"
"Yeah." I said turning around. He looked deeply into my eyes and I turned my head when I heard the washer go off.
"I have to get my clothes in the dryer." I said walking away from Zacky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ZACKY'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I have to get my clothes in the dryer." she said before walking away from me. I was so close to kissing her. Why can't I just do it? What's wrong with me? Am I that fragile? My heart screams for me to tell her how I feel but my mouth won't let the words come out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RAELYX'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was so close to kissing Zacky! What the fuck is wrong with me? My heart wants me to tell Zacky how I feel but my mouth won't let the words flow out! Am I that insecure about my body? I opened the lid of the washer and started loading the dryer. I cleaned out the lent trap and started the dryer. I need to tell Zacky before it's took late. I would hate seeing him everyday with some other girl and beat myself up over it. I need to grow some fucking balls and I need to do it quick. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I seen I had a message from Val.
~Hey girl! How's everything at home?~ Val
~Everything is good. Zacky and I went to the batting cages earlier this week and had a friendly competition.~
~Oh Lord. Zacky won didn't he?~ Val
~Yeah but I came close to beating him.~
~That's awesome! Tell Zacky Matt said hey and I'll see you in 4 days!~ Val
~You 2 have fun.~
~Don't worry I will.~ Val.
Sounds like Matt and Val are having a great time. I just wish my time with Zacky wouldn't be over in 4 days. I know I'm going on tour with them but he'll be too busy to sit down and talk with me. I think I'll call Val this afternoon and talk to her about what's on my mind. I went into the kitchen and Zacky had the dishes done and put away. I grabbed a soda from the fridge and went up to my room just until I heard the buzzer go off on the dryer. I went into the bathroom and started organizing everything to my liking. I heard the dryer buzz again lettingme know that my clothes were dry and I walked down to the laundry room.
I put all the clothes back into the laundry basket and carried it back to my room. I stopped at the living room entrance and Zacky had the look of concentration on his face. I sighed quietly and proceeded to my room. I sat the clothes down on the bed and collected the hangers from the closet before sitting down. I looked down at my phone and dialed Val's number. I hope her and Matt aren't busy.
"Hello?"
"Val." I said.
"Yes Raelyx?"
"Can I talk to you?" I asked sighing.
"Raelyx honey is something wrong?"
"No...Is Matt in the room?" I asked.
"No he left to go get us something to eat."
"Good. So how's it going there?" I asked. I don't know how to start a conversation about Zacky without saying his name but I'll think of something.
"Everything is great. Did you and Zacky do anything else besides go to the batting cages?"
"No but I have a friend that needs some advice and I don't know what to say to her." I said. This was a good cover.
"Really? What kind of advice?"
"Well she's known this guys for a while and they're really good friends but she's started having feelings towards him that are more than a friend should have. She wants to tell him how she feels but she's afraid that if she does tell him how she feels he won't feel the same and it would be awkward being around him. She's afraid that if she doesn't say something soon that he'll find someone else and she'll have to live knowing that she never told him." I explained the best I could.
"How did your friend meet this guy?"
"One of her friends introduced him to her." I said.
"Well I think she should just come right out and tell him but can I ask you something?"
"What?" I asked hanging the last of the clothes up.
"Is this friend you and the guy Zacky?"
"How did you know?" I said sitting down on the bed.
"Honey, the way Zacky looks at you and how he volunteered to stay and keep you company instead of going on vacation. I know he has feelings for you. Just tell him."
"My heart tells me too but my mind won't tell my mouth what it should say." I said hanging my head.
"Are you afraid that if you tell Zacky how you feel about him, he wont like you because of what the cancer took from you?" I nodded but realized she couldn't see me.
"Yeah." I said.
"Trust your heart and tell you mind to stop filling you full of negativity. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same then he is an asshole or he's just afraid of getting his ass kicked by Matt but I wouldn't let that happen."
"I know you wouldn't." I said laughing.
"Raelyx...I know Zacky loves you to death. When the opportunity comes don't let it go. I got to go Matt is back."
"Alright see you when you guys get back." I said.
"Remember what I said."
I hung up the phone and I knew I had to tell him tonight. I only have one shot to tell him exactly how I feel. I just hope he feels the same. I sat there thinking of a way to tell him but nothing was coming to mind. Why is this so hard to do? A knock came to the door that tore me away from my thoughts.
"Do you want to go out tonight?"
"No...I feel like just having dinner here." I said smiling.
"Alright. I'm going to go pick something up. I'll be back in a few minutes." he left the room and I sat there going back to my thoughts of how to tell Zacky. Maybe I could tell him while we are on tour...Should I just go up and kiss him?
I heard the door shut downstairs and watched as Zacky pulled away from the house from the window. I don't understand why this is so complicated. I want to tell him how I feel but nothing comes to mind. Should I tell him the same way I told Val? No he would catch on to that. I pounded my fist against the bed repeatedly in frustration. Why can't I just fucking say something to him!! I got up from my place on the bed and went downstairs and sat down in the kitchen. I hate feeling like I can't do something. The door opened minutes later and Zacky came into the kitchen. He handed me a Mickey D's bag and I dug into it. I love food from Mickey D's. I threw my trash away and sat back down beside Zacky. He doesn't want a disfigured person, he wants a whole woman.
"So..uh what's that mind of yours got planned?" I asked getting a bottle of water from the fridge.
"For tour?"
"Yeah." I said sitting back down.
"Entertain our loyal fans, raise lots of money for caner research, and party."
"Sounds like fun." I said smiling.
"Oh it is. I love touring. The fans are always amped up and the after parties are the fucking best."
"I bet." I said finishing off the water and throwing the bottle into the trash. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was already getting late.
"I'll see you in the morning Zacky." I said patting his shoulder. Zacky grabbed my hand and looked at me.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Why?" I asked.
"You seem a bit off. Is there anything wrong?"
"No I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired." I said smiling.
"Alright. I'll see in the morning." He kissed my cheek and let go of my hand. I walked up the stairs and into the total darkness of my room. I put on my sleeping clothes and laid down. How could I be so stupid? That was my fucking chance and I said nothing was going on! There's a lot going on in my head and in my heart for him. A tear slipped from eyes and I wiped it away. I don't need to be crying over someone I'm never going to get. I laid my head on the pillow and pulled the covers over me and slowly drifted off to sleep.
lol! At least there are some funny people on here...I'll be updating all my stories again!
3/6/13