The Final Decision
Chapter XIX
I sat down in the chair and took a deep breath. There was an awkward feeling in the air, but I knew once Zack started to talk it would go away. He made everything better.
“I thought a lot about this Lex.”
“I wanted you too.”
“You shocked me coming back last night, but what you told me kept repeating in my head over and over. I realized that it was a very plausible reasoning why our marriage failed.”
“Our marriage shouldn’t have failed.”
“If you would’ve told me what you told me last night the night you broke the news to me everything would be different. What you told me last night made everything clear.”
“You’re making me nervous, Zack.”
“Just listen, okay?” I nodded as an indication of an okay and he began again. “After you left last night, like I said, what you said kept repeating in my head. I never once thought about how we got together and how that would affect our relationship down the line. All I knew was that I loved you and that I wanted you. I wanted to keep you from Brian because deep down I knew this was going to happen. That is why I don’t hate him and I don’t hate you. We got together because we wanted him to be jealous and we said no strings attached. I never told you what was going through my mind at that time. I offered to do it because I wanted to have some type of relationship with you. I envy Brian for the way he can make you feel. I hate the fact that I couldn’t make you feel the way he made you feel.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but you’re wrong. You make me so much happier than Brian ever had. You never threw shit in my face and made me feel like I was small. Well minus what caused me to leave you. You loved me and I could see that you did every single day. You never made me feel unwanted. I always felt unwanted around Brian. He’s an egotistical asshole. He made me feel like shit all the time. I honestly do not know why I wanted him back so bad.”
“He was your first love, Lex. That’s why.”
“Exactly. So why do you envy Brian for it?”
“Because I wish I was your first.”
“Zack you may not be my first, but I want you to be my last. I don’t want to be with anyone other than you.”
“You’ve said that before.” His voice cracked.
“I know I’ve said it before, but me coming back last night was to tell you that I realized what I didn’t know when I cheated on you.”
“Why does that change your feelings for Brian? How do I know that you won’t do it again? I have to know this shit, Lex.”
“Are you not listening to what I am telling you? That should be enough to make you realize that it won’t happen again.”
“That fear is still there! Don’t you see that?”
“Yes, I do and I’m sorry. All I can tell you is that now we’re not being forced to be together. I don’t want Brian. I don’t want him at all. I want you. I’m sorry about all the immature shit I put you through, but am I standing at Brian’s doorstep? Did I come here after a month of not seeing you telling you that I would love to get back with you if I still wanted Brian? Wouldn’t I be at his house?”
He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “I guess so, but we’ve been through this before. You’ve told me time and time again that you didn’t want him and yet you keep going back to him.”
“What would prove to you that I won’t go back to him this time? I’m out of ideas. I don’t know how else to prove to you. I really don’t.”
“Look at me.” I turned and looked at him straight in the eyes. “Do you love Brian?”
“No.”
“Will you ever cheat on me again?”
“No.”
“Do you promise to give me your all and I will be your last? No more childish drama.”
“Yes.” He stared at me for another 30 seconds before sighing.
“Okay, I believe you. I can read you like an open book.”
“Zack, I promise you. I lost you once and I don’t want to do it again.”
“It’s going to be hard.” He told me. I instantly smiled.
“Let’s take things slow, okay? I’ll keep living in my apartment and we’ll date. We’ll do this properly this time.”
“There’s one condition.”
“Oh, god. What’s that?” I laughed.
“You come over here and give me a kiss.” I smiled at him and got up. I leaned over the bed and pecked him slightly on the lips.
“I thought a lot about this Lex.”
“I wanted you too.”
“You shocked me coming back last night, but what you told me kept repeating in my head over and over. I realized that it was a very plausible reasoning why our marriage failed.”
“Our marriage shouldn’t have failed.”
“If you would’ve told me what you told me last night the night you broke the news to me everything would be different. What you told me last night made everything clear.”
“You’re making me nervous, Zack.”
“Just listen, okay?” I nodded as an indication of an okay and he began again. “After you left last night, like I said, what you said kept repeating in my head. I never once thought about how we got together and how that would affect our relationship down the line. All I knew was that I loved you and that I wanted you. I wanted to keep you from Brian because deep down I knew this was going to happen. That is why I don’t hate him and I don’t hate you. We got together because we wanted him to be jealous and we said no strings attached. I never told you what was going through my mind at that time. I offered to do it because I wanted to have some type of relationship with you. I envy Brian for the way he can make you feel. I hate the fact that I couldn’t make you feel the way he made you feel.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but you’re wrong. You make me so much happier than Brian ever had. You never threw shit in my face and made me feel like I was small. Well minus what caused me to leave you. You loved me and I could see that you did every single day. You never made me feel unwanted. I always felt unwanted around Brian. He’s an egotistical asshole. He made me feel like shit all the time. I honestly do not know why I wanted him back so bad.”
“He was your first love, Lex. That’s why.”
“Exactly. So why do you envy Brian for it?”
“Because I wish I was your first.”
“Zack you may not be my first, but I want you to be my last. I don’t want to be with anyone other than you.”
“You’ve said that before.” His voice cracked.
“I know I’ve said it before, but me coming back last night was to tell you that I realized what I didn’t know when I cheated on you.”
“Why does that change your feelings for Brian? How do I know that you won’t do it again? I have to know this shit, Lex.”
“Are you not listening to what I am telling you? That should be enough to make you realize that it won’t happen again.”
“That fear is still there! Don’t you see that?”
“Yes, I do and I’m sorry. All I can tell you is that now we’re not being forced to be together. I don’t want Brian. I don’t want him at all. I want you. I’m sorry about all the immature shit I put you through, but am I standing at Brian’s doorstep? Did I come here after a month of not seeing you telling you that I would love to get back with you if I still wanted Brian? Wouldn’t I be at his house?”
He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “I guess so, but we’ve been through this before. You’ve told me time and time again that you didn’t want him and yet you keep going back to him.”
“What would prove to you that I won’t go back to him this time? I’m out of ideas. I don’t know how else to prove to you. I really don’t.”
“Look at me.” I turned and looked at him straight in the eyes. “Do you love Brian?”
“No.”
“Will you ever cheat on me again?”
“No.”
“Do you promise to give me your all and I will be your last? No more childish drama.”
“Yes.” He stared at me for another 30 seconds before sighing.
“Okay, I believe you. I can read you like an open book.”
“Zack, I promise you. I lost you once and I don’t want to do it again.”
“It’s going to be hard.” He told me. I instantly smiled.
“Let’s take things slow, okay? I’ll keep living in my apartment and we’ll date. We’ll do this properly this time.”
“There’s one condition.”
“Oh, god. What’s that?” I laughed.
“You come over here and give me a kiss.” I smiled at him and got up. I leaned over the bed and pecked him slightly on the lips.
Update soon please. I love this story.
4/30/17