Indestructable
Vegas
We all piled on the bus and headed out towards Vegas. I was excited but laying there in Brian's bunk getting rid of a headache, I was wishing that I was still in the orphanage with my friends. I missed them so much and I had no idea what I was going to do about it. It was 8pm and the guys were being so fucking loud. I grabbed my phone to text Meg.
~Hey Meg. What are you doing?~
~Shit nothing just laying here in bed. I miss you and I miss Britt. Why did she have to go?~ Meg
~I have no idea Meg. If I could bring her back and have you guys be with me all the time, you know I would.~
~Yeah I do. Can I call you?~ Meg
Before I could replay she was calling me.
"Hey Meg." I said and if she could see the smile on my face right now, she would laugh.
"Hey. I can't sleep worth shit around here. My new roomie won't shut the fuck up long enough for me to even talk on the phone. I had to leave the fucking room to get some peace and quiet."
"Oh I know the feeling. Do you hear the shit going on in the background?" I asked.
"Yeah. They're noisy ain't they?"
"Oh yeah. Especially Jimmy. I mean my God he never shuts up. Leanna, his girlfriend told me he isn't even quiet in his sleep. He's always laughing and moving." I said laughing a little.
"I bet. I mean if he is anything like the youtube videos show."
"When the guys take vids of him he's about 100 times funnier and more hyper. It gets really crazy." I said and she laughed and so did I. We talked until midnight and I could tell she was getting tired.
"Rave, can you do me one little favor?"
"Yeah sure anything."
"Will you play and sing for me. One of those good songs you always sung for me?"
"Alright which song do you want?"
"That one Linkin Park song...Numb I think it's called."
"Of course." I put the phone on speaker and grabbed my guitar.
"One song good for you tonight or do you want more than one?" I asked.
"One song is good. I'm already half asleep."
"Alright. You ready." I asked plucking a note.
"Yeah."
I strapped on my guitar better and started playing and singing.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I ended the song and I could hear her faint snoring. I said my goodbye and goodnight and hung up the phone. I knew the guys weren't asleep yet so I continued to play another song by Linkin Park.
Part of me won't go away
Everyday reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can't live without it, so it's senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life and wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low 'cause it's part of me
You hardly see it right next to the heart of me
Heard of me, the routine scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And now I'm sick of this
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grate on my sanity
I rather not even be then the man
That's staring in the mirror through me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it
Once it's been dealt with you feel like
You've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the calm when the problem's all gone
And then you start to see another piece
Of yourself that you can't let be
Memories of the last fight to free yourself
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know that you can choose
To lose the part in your heart where your insides bruise
You can live if you're willing to
Put a stop to just what's killing you
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams away silently
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams away silently
This part of me won't go away
Part of me won't go away
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
Every time I see myself I see there's always something wrong with me
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
Every time I see myself I see there's always something wrong with me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I finished the song and laid my guitar down. I pulled open the curtain to see all the guys sitting around talking. I guess it was about the gig tonight. I closed the curtain back and laid my head down on my pillow. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me. I woke up to Matt nudging me. I slowly opened my eyes and breathed in the cool air that filled the bus.
"Hey girly. We're in Vegas." he said and I nodded my head getting up and sitting on the edge.
"How did you sleep?" Matt asked again.
"Good I guess. Have you all been asleep yet?" I asked rubbing my eyes.
"Yeah. We all passed out watching TV. Get dressed because we're all going out for breakfast."
"Alright." I said and got up grabbing some of my clothes and heading to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and started a shower. I needed something to wake my ass up and to unknot my muscles. I stepped into the shower and the hot water felt so good and instantly woke me up.
I looked down at my legs and seen the cuts beginning to heal and I wished I had never done that but in a strange and weird way, it felt good. I got out of the shower and dressed quickly. I heard a knock on the bathroom door and I just rolled my eyes.
"I'll be out in a minute." I said putting on my Lynyrd Skynyrd tank top. I grabbed my dirty clothes and opened the door and Johnny was standing there. I smiled but he didn't smile back. He pushed passed me and slammed the door in my face. I was confused.
Johnny never acted like that to me before. Did I do something? Then I heard the unmistakable sound of retching coming from inside and I knew he had to be hungover from last night. I took my clothes to the back and laid them down on the bunk and walked to the front. Brian was sitting on the couch playing something on his guitar. I smiled and sit down beside him.
"How come you didn't come to bed last night?" I asked looking down at my feet.
"I was going to lay down with you but you looked so peaceful and I didn't want to disturb you. So I crashed right here. Is Johnny alright in there?"
"Yeah. He's throwing up right now. Do you guys always drink so much that you get sick the next day?" I asked raising a brow.
"Yeah sometimes but other times we don't. I mean we always do on the tours and shit but any other time we wouldn't."
"Oh I see. When does the gig start?" I asked looking down at my phone.
"6 tonight but we go at 4 to do sound checks and shit and listen to the others do their sound checks. Most of the time we are talking and hanging out drinking."
"Oh. Well I'm going out for a smoke. You want to come?" I asked. He nodded and I went to get my cigarettes before heading off the bus. We were stopped at a rest area and there was only about 10 cars there but a shit load of semi-trucks.
I pulled out my pack and gave a cigarette to Brian. I lit them and inhaled the intoxicating smoke. It felt so good to have a cigarette first thing in the morning. Brian finished his cigarette faster than me and usually no one finished a cigarette before I do. I finished mine and threw it away. I seen some girls run over towards us and surround Brian pushing me away from him. He pushed past the girls and put his arm around me before they came back around surrounding both of us. All the girls gave me strange looks and I gave each of them a death glare. No one was going to intimidate me especially not a bunch of bleach blonde haired bimbos. Brian signed there shit until one girl was left. I walked away and seen them talking and laughing. It made my blood boil. I came back over to them and put my arm around Brian.
"So is this your girlfriend?" the blonde said. I don't know why I had a feeling of jealousy but I did. I mean I'm only 15 I shouldn't be having feelings for a man that is older than me and shit.
"No this is Shadow's daughter. I was just talking to her about a few things with tonight's show here in Vegas." he said smiling. I just rolled my eyes and walked back on the bus. I sat down on the couch watching TV with Matt and the guys and I knew I wasn't hiding my feelings very well.
"What's wrong Ame? You seem down." Jimmy asked but i didn't answer. I looked out the window and seen the blonde bitch all over him and I became angry.
"Sweetheart? What's wrong?" Matt said and I got up and went outside once again to smoke. I seen them hugging and the blonde gave me an evil look. I flipped her a bird and walked on towards the middle of the recreational area.
There was a bunch of kids playing and I just sat down on the bench and lit a cigarette. I looked back to see Brian and Matt coming towards me and I wanted to get up and run but I couldn't. I knew they would catch me. They came over and sat down beside me. Good thing Brian didn't have that bimbo with him. I might have lost my cool and then they would really be suspicious.
"What's wrong Ame? I mean you came in all mad and shit and then you walk away from all of us and shit. We are concerned about you and would like to know what's going on?" Matt said.
"Nothing is wrong. I'm just missing my friends is all. I mean Britt is gone and all I have left is Meg. I wish I could see her." I said sighing.
"You will be seeing her. The last stop on the tour is Alabama." When Matt said that I was so happy and in a way I wasn't. I mean I wanted to see Meg but I wanted Britt there too and that wasn't possible. I smiled and hugged both of them.
"Now onto bigger and better things. Who gave you the cigarettes?" Matt asked crossing his arms over his chest.
"I've been smoking since I was 11. A friend of mine that turned 18 and was released from the orphanage came back and gave me cigarettes. I always paid for them myself. I think she's married now." I said smiling but the look on Matt's face made the smile disappear.
"You shouldn't be smoking. It's not good for your health."
"Matt I know but who was going to stop me? I smoked to take away stress that I feel all the time. I'm not quiting and don't convince me to either." I said sternly.
"Ame you need to quit. I know everyone in the band does but that doesn't mean you have to." Matt said just as sternly. I shook my head and walked away from them. I could hear them following right behind me.
"Ame wait." Brian said grabbing my arm. I gave him a death glare and he let go of me. I stood there waiting for him to speak.
"Ame...I know I smoke and I know I shouldn't. You father is right. Don't smoke anymore." Brian said and I just rolled my eyes. Matt pulled me to him and I looked down at the ground. He pushed my chin up to look at him.
"Please just try to quit? I mean for me." Matt said and I nodded. They both smiled really big and Matt picked me up throwing me over his shoulder and walking back over to the bus. He sat me at the door while Matt went to get the others so we could go eat. They all came running and I called shotgun.
Jimmy pouted like he always does and I wouldn't give in. We went to Micky D's for breakfast and tons of fans came over and they signed shit for them. We finished eating and headed back to the bus to get ready and chill before going to the sound check. I was sitting in Brian's bunk with the curtain closed when it opened.
"Kiddo why are you sitting back here by yourself?" Brian asked.
"I like being by myself. Helps me think better." He said down on the bunk next to me and I backed up a little.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm...I'm just not very comfortable right now. I don't know why but I have this thing about me that tells me something is going to happen. I cant explain it." I said looking down at my hands. Brian placed his hand on mine and I looked at him.
"Don't worry nothing is going to happen to you. I swear."
"Promise?" I said smiling.
"I promise. Now get ready. We're leaving in 15 minutes." I nodded my head and he kissed my forehead before leaving to go back to the front. I got my some clothes and quickly changed. I had on a pair of my Tripp pants and I made them into shorts and attached the handcuff chains on them and 2 long wallet chains.
My shirt was a black Avenged Sevenfold shirt with a white death bat on it. I went to the front and the guys were all ready. We walked off the bus and got into the rental car we got earlier and Matt drove us to the gig. I was so excited to see the bands that inspired me to write my songs and play. We finally arrived and I was a nervous wreck to meet all those guys. We piled out of the car and walked into the building and into the backstage area and that's when I seen them. All the other bands! I was getting really nervous. Matt took my hand and led us all over to the guys.
"Adam!" Matt said as we walked closer to them. I went behind Matt keeping out of sight. I have no idea why I just became so shy but I did. Strange as hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MATT'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Adam!" I yelled and he turned around and seen us. I felt Ame let go of my hand and I knew she was hiding behind me.
"Matt Sanders! How you doing man!" Adam said giving me a bro hug.
"I'd like you to meet someone." I said stepping away and showing him my daughter. She smiled widely and she extended her hand.
"This is Ame. I adopted her not too long ago. She is your biggest fan." I said and Ame looked down at the ground and back up at Adam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AME'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam shook my hand and I started to blush and I looked down at the floor. I didn't know what to say.
"She is a wonderful singer." Matt said happily.
"And one hell of a guitar player!" Jimmy said proudly. I looked at both of them shaking my head.
"I bet you cant do my solo to Break." Adam said smugly.
"Bet you I can." I said crossing my arms over my chest.
"How about you come out and do some songs with us and prove it." Adam said and I smiled and accepted his challenged. If anyone knows anything about me I don't back down from a challenge. We walked away to meet the other bands and I wasn't so nervous than I was before. We walked over to the boys of Three Doors Down.
"Brian Haner! What's going on? You ready for the after party?" Brad Arnold said.
"Oh hell you know I am!" Brian said and I knew I was staying in the bus tonight by myself and taking care of drunks.
"Who is this?" Brad said pointing to me.
"This is my daughter." Matt said wrapping an arm around me.
"Hey I'm Ame." I said shaking his hand.
"Nice to meet you Ame. How many songs of ours do you know?" he asked getting down to my size.
"I know all of them. You guys are one of the other bands that's performing tonight who inspire me to write and play my songs." I said proudly. He pulled me to him and hugged me.
"I like her. Keep her with you forever. Never let her leave." he said and I hugged him back.
"I sure as hell ain't going anywhere. Someone has to keep these guys in line." I said proudly. They all looked at me with stupid looks and I smiled.
"We keep you in line girly." Matt said and I shrugged.
"Yeah but who calms Jimmy down from having coffee that you give him." I said sternly and he backed down. Brad was laughing and cracking up and so was the rest of the band.
"We need to go do our sound check so Ame will you help us with a few songs please?" Brad asked.
"Hell yeah I will!" I said excited. He smiled and gave me one last hug, we walked over to the next band. Cold.
"Scooter!" Jimmy yelled and tackled the lead singer of Cold to the ground. They laughed and I couldn't help but laugh at Jimmy's crazy stunt. They got up and Scooter looked at me funny.
"Who's this?" he asked bending down to my level like Brad did.
"I'm Ame." I said extending my hand.
"So you're the little lady Matt's been telling us about. What's your favorite song by us?" he asked letting go of my hand.
"Suffocate. I can play that song and hit every note." I said smiling. He smiled at me.
"I'd have to see that. How about you play with us tonight? I hear you're playing with 3 Doors Down and 3 Days Grace tonight so who will it hurt to have you with us. I'm sure the crowd will love you." Scooter said smiling and I couldn't help but smiled back and shake my head yes.
"Good. See you then." he said and gave me hug before we walked over to see Seether. Matt went over to Shaun and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Matthew Sanders! How are you doing? I bet you cant wait for that crazy as after party tonight." Shaun said smiling and drinking on a beer.
"Ha ha yeah. Looks like you're getting an early start I see." Matt joked.
"Oh yeah. You know I always get a head start before anyone." They laughed.
"Oh this is Ame my adopted daughter." Matt said smiling proudly down at me. I shook Shaun's hand.
"Nice to meet you." he said smiling.
"Same here. I mean it's been my dream to meet you. Your music inspired me to write and play my songs." I said happily and he smiled widely.
"Glad to hear that. Which songs can you play?"
"Almost all of them but I'm really good at Gasoline." I said smiling from ear to ear.
"How would you like to play with us tonight? Maybe 3 or 4 songs?" he said and I smiled.
"Sure why not. I mean I'm helping out the boys from Avenged, 3 Days Grace and 3 Doors Down. This would be a wonderful experience to play with you and an honored one at that." I said.
"Good see you a little later on tonight. I'm guessing you're going to go meet Slipknot too."
"Yeah." I said smiling.
"Watch out for Clown. He is a crazy one." Shaun said and I nodded. Shaun said hugging me and I knew what band was last. I knew the guys would save my all time favorite band for last. Slipknot. We seen them standing there without their masks and that was surely a whole new experience. I recognized Corey Taylor from Stone Sour.
"Hey look boys. It's the Avenged boys." Corey joked.
"Hello to you too Corey." Brian said laughing.
"Yeah I know how to say the perfect hello." Corey joked again which made Jimmy horse laugh but I think he did it on purpose to be noticed.
"And who is this young lady?" he said and I couldn't believe he was so polite.
"I'm Ame. Matt adopted me not to long ago." I said extending my hand for him to shake. He shook my hand smiling.
"Nice to meet you Ame. Matt has told us a whole lot about you."
"Oh Lord what did he tell you?" I said rolling my eyes.
"All the good things. Brian said you kill at the guitar."
"He always says that. I don't think I'm that good though." I said shaking my head.
"Ame. You played my solos and didn't miss a note. That's damn good!" Brian said smiling.
"Well yeah."
"So Matt would you object to her playing with us tonight?" Corey asked.
"Hell no. Go out there and have fun playing sweetheart." Matt said smiling.
"Oh don't worry I will. This is the most exciting experience of my life." I said grinning ear to ear.
"Good. See you later on. Nice talking to you Matt." Corey said and we walked on towards our dressing room to get everything set up. I was so excited to be playing with the bands that inspire me to write songs and I wish my mom could see me. She would be so proud
. I walked with the guys to their sound check after I was ready and I just could stop staring at Matt. His voice was simply amazing and I was actually happy that he adopted me. I didn't think I would be here this long. They finished their sound check and it was time for me to perform with Three Doors Down. I waited for Brad and his other band mates to show up and they did.
"Hey Brad!" I said smiling.
"Hey Ame. You ready to perform?"
"Hell yeah!" I said still smiling.
"Alright. Now here's what's going to happen. I will introduce you and you come out on stage beside me. You will be playing along with my guitarist and both of you will be doing the solos."
"Great! I'm so excited and nervous at the same time." I said shaking.
"Oh it is a little nerve racking the first time you perform but after the first song, you'll be used to it."
"Great, now I'm more nervous." I said shaking my head.
"You'll do fine. Stay here okay we're going out there now." I shook my head yes and watched as they entered the stage. The crowd went wild when they stepped onto the stage. I couldn't help but smile. I was nervous as hell! They performed their first song called It's Not My Time. They crowd was going wild and I was dancing backstage and I think security thought I was crazy because they were laughing. The song ended and the crowd was still so loud.
"How are you doing Vegas!" Brad said to the crowd and they started cheering.
"We have a special young lady here today that's going to help us do some songs and she will be performing with every band here tonight." he said and they were yelling and screaming. I was getting really nervous.
"Please give a warm welcome to Ame Sanders!" he said and looked in my direction and motioned me to come on stage. I walked out onto the stage with my guitar and stood beside Brad.
"Alright. Now this next song we're going to play is called When I'm Gone. Start us out Ame!" he said and nodded and began to play. Brad sang up the the chorus and then I helped him with it. My part was coming up and I was getting really into with the fans with my playing and singing of the chorus.
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends
And roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone, whoa
Love me when I'm gone, when I'm gone
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
The song ended and the crowd went wild. I was smiling when Brad looked over at me.
"Now can this little girl play and sing or what?" he said to the crowd and they cheered loudly and I blushed.
"This next song she is going to help us with is Here Without You. After this song she'll be leaving us for a moment." he said and the crowd booed.
"Hey don't worry Vegas. You'll be seeing me tonight with every band that plays here tonight." I said and they cheered loudly and I thought at one point the roof was going to fly off. I began playing the intro to the song and the crowd cheered as I played.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh
The song ended again and the crowd cheered so loudly. I was smiling from ear to ear again and I gave Brad a hug along with everyone else.
"We'll see Miss Sanders later on." Brad said.
"See you in a few Vegas! Keep on rocking with Three Doors Down!" I yelled into the mic and they cheered even louder as the next song began to play and I made my way off the stage. I was backstage and seen Adam and he came running over to me. He picked me off the ground hugging me.
"Alright Adam. I'm happy to see you too." I said and he set me back down on my feet.
"How was it? I mean performing with Brad and them?"
"It was simply amazing! So you guys are up next?" I said setting my guitar down for a minute.
"Yeah. We want you on stage as we go out."
"I'm good with that. Hope you guys get this shit rocking. What songs are we doing together?" I asked smiling.
"Well we are doing Never Too Late, Pain, I Hate Everything About You, Break, Home, and Just Like You."
"Cool all the songs I can rock too." I said looking down at my phone. I didn't have any messages or calls from Meg. I really miss her but I will get to see her soon. I was happy for that. I watched Brad rock out on his guitar and singing. He did some really awesome songs.
"Thank you Vegas! You've been awesome. Now give it up for Three Days Grace!" Brad said and we all walked on stage and I stood beside Adam at the mic.
"How's it going Vegas!" Adam said into the mic as Brad and his band left the stage. The crowd was ecstatic and I wasn't nervous anymore. Brad was right about the fright of performing. I'm used to it now.
"You all know Miss Sanders here. She is going to be helping us do a few songs tonight and I hope you all are excited to have us and her back on stage." Adam said. He bent down to me.
"We are starting with Never Too Late." he whispered and I nodded. I began playing the intro again and the crowd cheered.
"You all know this song! Never Too Late!" Adam said and he started singing.
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late
The chorus started and I helped him singing it correctly just like him.
Even if I say it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
It was my turn to shine once again and I began to sing my part of the song.
No one will ever see this side reflected
And if there's something wrong who would have guessed it?
And I have left alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late
Even if I say it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
The world we knew won't come back
The time we've lost can't get back
The life we had won't be ours again
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong
Even if I say it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
It's not too late, it's never too late
The song ended and the crowd was cheering the roof off the place. I strummed quietly on my guitar and the crowd went silent.
"This is a song about Pain." Adam said and he started singing.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain
I know, I know that you're wounded
You know, you know that I'm here to save you
You know, you know I'm always here for you
I know, I know that you'll thank me later
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
The song was over and the crowd was alive. That song reflected the Pain I had over the years of dealing with not having my parents anymore. We played the next 3 songs and the crowd was really enjoying my singing along with the bands. I can just imagine what's going to happen when I come out with Slipknot, Seether, and Avenged Sevenfold.
"How we doing so far Vegas?" Adam asked the crowd. The crowd cheered loudly and held up rocker hands.
"I guess great. This last song that Ame is going to help us with is called Just Like You." Adam said and he bent down to me and whispered in my ear.
"You're singing the whole song I'm just helping you do the chorus and parts of the songs. You'll know what I'm doing." I nodded and started to play and sing.
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you
I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
On my own 'cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like you want me to
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
The song ended and I gave Adam a hug before waving to the fans and walking off stage. Scooter was standing backstage talking to his band as I came into view. Scooter turned around when one of his band members looked over at me.
"Hey Ame! You absolutely rocked out there."
"Thanks Scooter. I'm having so much fun." I said smiling. Scooter handed me a bottle of water and I chugged half of it. I watched Adam perform Burn and Now Or Never. I was having the time of my life and I was hoping this was never going to end. The crowd cheered loudly as the song ended.
"Vegas, we've had an amazing time here tonight and we would love to stay and play all night but there are 4 more bands that got to play and entertain you rockers tonight. Let's welcome Cold and welcome back Ame to the stage!" Adam said and we walked on stage and I once again stood at the mic beside Scooter.
"Hello Vegas!" he said. The crowd was really alive now.
"Miss Ame Sanders here is helping us on 3 songs and then she has to rest up for Slipknot." He said and the crowd was definitely energized tonight.
"Alright Ame. What's the first song of the night?" he asked looking at me.
"Well I was thinking about Stupid Girl." I said smiling and the crowd went wild as the song began to play.
Wanna love ya
Wanna bug ya
Wanna squeeze ya
Stupid girl
Wanna touch ya,
Wanna take ya,
Wanna shut ya,
Stupid girl
I can't take this,
Born to break this
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl,
Stupid girl
I'm a loner,
I'm a loser,
I'm a winner,
In my mind.
I'm a bad one,
I'm a good one,
I'm a sick one,
With a smile.
I can't take this,
Born to break this
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl
Stupid girl, Stupid girl
(whoa) She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl
We ended the song and the crowd went crazy.
"Hey Scoot." I said in the mic.
"Yes Ame?"
"How about we Suffocate?" I said and the crowd went wild as I picked the tune on my guitar and started singing.
I could take every fucking word she says
Throw it in her face but would she even care
I still remember when she looked at me that frown upon her face
Trying to be sincere I gathered all those little things she said
Kept them close to me
Trying to make this real
This cloud will always hover over me
I'm leaving you today 'cause now I see
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
I could take every fucking game you play
Blow it all away but would you even care
I could take all those lies you said to me
Never go away
Never disappear
This cloud will always hover over me
I'm leaving you today 'Cause now I see
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
Now I'm far away from you (You're always far away)
I'll never bring back yesterday (bring back yesterday)
You're such a fake it's true (you're such a fake)
I can't believe the words you say
I'm far away from you
I'll never bring back yesterday
I always take
What I can
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
I always take
What I can
The song ended and I bowed to the crowd and checked my guitar.
"This next song is called A Different Kind Of Pain." Scooter said. The crowd cheered once again and I began to play.
Before I let you go
Give me just one more night
To show you just how I feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damn life
I'll make this up to you
Kind of like the waves
That roll their whole life towards somewhere
Crashing on the shore
It's blown in by the wind
That carries the clouds to hide
My wish on a fallen star
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
I tried to let you go
I wish I could turn back time
And show you just how I feel
I needed you to know
If it takes my whole damn life
I'll make this up to you
Kind of like the waves
That roll their whole life towards somewhere
Crashing on the shore It's blown in by the wind
That carries the clouds to hide
My wish on a fallen star
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
Before you let me go away
Before you let me go away
Before you let me go away
Before you let me go
I need you to know
A different kind of pain
Is someone there that to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
A different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of
The crowd cheered and I waved to them as I walked off stage. This is a night I'm never going to forget and nothing on this tour could ever mess this up. Corey was backstage and so was the rest of Slipknot.
"Ame? You alright? You seem down." Corey asked bending down to me.
"Yeah I'm fine. Just getting a little tired."
"You don't have to perform with us if you don't want to." he said rubbing my shoulder.
"I want to. This is one amazing night and me being tired isn't messing me up so I'm good."
"Alright. After we get done playing there is a 30 minute intermission and I'll take you to Matt so you can rest a little while." he said smiling.
"Sounds good." The crowd cheered loudly as we entered the stage.
"How you motherfuckers doing!" Corey yelled into the mic. The crowd was overwhelming and I was syked!
"Good. Get these fucking mosh pits fucking going! This song is called Psychosocial!" Corey said and began to play and sing.
I did my time and I want out, so abusive
Fate, it doesn't cut, the soul is not so vibrant
The reckoning, the sickening
Back at you, subversion, pseudo-sacred, psycho virgin
Go tell your classes, go dig you graves
Then fill your mouth with all the money you will save
Sinking in, getting smaller again
Undone, it has begun, I'm not the only one
And the rain will kill us all If we throw ourselves against the wal
l But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
Oh, there are cracks in the road we lay
From when the devil fell, the secrets have gone mad
This is nothing new but would we kill it all
Fate was all we had
Who needs another mess, we could start over
Just look me in the eyes and say I'm wrong
Now there's only emptiness but I'm missing something
I think we're done, I'm not the only one
And the rain will kill us all
If we throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
Fake and defenseless lie (Psychosocial)
I tried to tell you first (Psychosocial)
Your hurtful lies are giving out (Psychosocial)
Can't stop the killing (Psychosocial)
I can't help if it's hunting season (Psychosocial)
Is this what you want? (Psychosocial)
I'm not the only one
And the rain will kill us all
If we throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
And the rain will kill us all
If we throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
The song ended and the mosh pit was amazing! People knocking the fuck out of everyone was so fucking cool.
"This song is called Before I Forget." The song started and we began to sing.
Go
Stapled shut inside an outside world
And I'm sealed in tight
Bizarre but right at home
I'm claustrophobic closing in
And I'm catastrophic
Not again
I'm smeared across the page and doused in gasoline
I wear you like a stain
Yet I'm the one who's obscene
Catch me up on all your sordid little insurrections
I've got no time to lose
I'm just caught up in all the cattle
Fray the strings
Through the sheathes
Hold your breath
Listen
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I'm ripped across the ditch and settled in the dirt
And I wear you like a stitch
Yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to win
I'm just caught up in all the battles
Locked in clutch
Pushed in place
Hold your breath
Listen
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
My end, it justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
The end of the road is my end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay I haven't time to evade
The end of the road
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh
The song ended and the crowd was crazy as hell! I have never seen a crowd go so psycho over a band before in my life. We sang a few more songs and it was time for intermission.
"Alright that's all for us. There will be a 30 minute intermission and when it's over Seether will be out here with Miss Ame Sanders." Corey said and the crowd didn't like the intermission idea and I could understand why. Who in the hell would want to have a break after all these cool rocking bands have been playing. We walked off stage and Corey walked me to the dressing room where Matt was. I opened the door and Matt was sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking a beer.
"Hey Ame! Did you have fun!" he asked as I came over and sat down beside him.
"Hell yeah but I need a break. I'm pooped." I said laying my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was asleep. The sleep didn't seem like a long time because I was awaken by Matt poking me in the side to wake up. I opened my eyes and sat up on the couch.
"Seether is waiting for you outside. We are going with you because we're up after them." he said and I nodded getting to my feet and stretching. I was awake now and wanting to get back on stage again. We walked to the back stage area and there was Seether. I joined Seether and the crowd was crazy again.
"Miss Ame here is so awesome with the rest of the band but let's see how she does with us. Ame I don't know about you but I think it's time for a Remedy." Shaun said and the crowd went wild.
Throw your dollar bills
And leave your thrills
All here with me
And speak but don't pretend
I won't defend you anymore you see
It aches in every bone
I'll die alone
But not for you
My eyes don't need to see
That ugly thing
I know it's me you fear
If you want me hold me back
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
I don't need a friend
I need to mend so far away
So come sit by the fire
And play a while
But you can't stay too long
It aches in every bone
I'll die alone
But not for pleasure
I see my heart explode
It's been eroded by the weather here
If you want me hold me back
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Hold your eyes closed
Take me in
Hold your eyes closed
Take me in
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
The song ended and the crowd was crazy. The songs continued I was rocking it on stage. People were actually chanting my name.
"Thank you Vegas! You've been fucking awesome!" Shaun said and he handed me the mic before he left the stage.
"How you guys feeling tonight!" I said to the crowd and they cheered.
"You better be fucking pumped for this next band. This band is so important to me and you guys all love them. Avenged Sevenfold!" I said and the crowd was absolutely amazing. Matt and the rest of the band came on stage and took there places. Matt hugged me tightly and introduced the first song, Crossroads.
I've been traveling for so long
So lost till I stumbled upon
Two roads in front of me
I've got to take my time
To the right I could see a church
I took a step in that direction first
But to the left there was a watering hole
Where they were whiskey drunk
And now that's where I wanna pray
The fight down here goes on and on
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see
There's gotta be another way to go
A way that's much more feasible
A combination of all these lives
A central path without choosing a side
I make decisions one at a time
And no I never say I'm always right
I'm confident that when I stand on my own
You'll see the truest form of a man
When I'm shining through
The fight down here goes on and on
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see
Oh, I hear them now
All the religious rhymes
(Anger I see, anger I see, anger I see now)
The left isn't better
It's just more of the same
Condemning all these people
For what they believe
I climb to the top of that mountain again
And the closer to the top I get
The more they take aim but I'm not you
I may not be perfect but I've always been true
I may not be worthy in your eyes
Climb up from the bottom for the last time
The last one, the last one, the last time
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see, yeah
The song ended and we did a few more songs until it was the time for one last song of the night.
"Guys we only have one more song and we would like to dedicate it to my daughter Ame Sanders. This song is called Welcome To The Family." Matt said and sat me down to listen to them.
Hey kid, do I have your attention?
I know the way you've been living
Life's so reckless, tragedy endless
Welcome to the family
Hey, there's something missing
Only time will alter your vision
Never in question, lethal injection
Welcome to the family
Not long ago you'd find the answers
Were so crystal clear
Within a day you find yourself
Living in constant fear
Can you look at yourself now?
Can you look at yourself?
You can't win this fight
In a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
Hey, I have to question
What's with the violent aggression?
Details blurry, lost him too early
Welcome to the family
Hey, why won't you listen?
Can't help the people you're missing
It's been done, a casualty rerun
Welcome to the family
I try and help you with the things
That can't be justified
I need to warn you
That there is no way to rationalize
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
You can't win this fight
In a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
We're here for you and all mankind
I've lost my mind
Psychotic, I'm in dementia
I won't be fine
I see your escape has been dethroned
Cast out in a world you'll never know
Stand there, place your weapons by your side
It's our war, in the end we'll surely lose
But that's all right
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
And in a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
Deep inside where nothings fine
I've lost my mind
You're not invited so step aside
I've lost my
Deep inside where nothings fine
I've lost my mind
You're not invited so step aside
I lost my
The song ended and the crowd cheered like hell was on fire.
"Goodnight Vegas! See you all next year!" Matt said and took my hand leading me off the stage. We went to the dressing room and packed everything and went back to the bus. I was exhausted and our next stop is Detroit. I laid in bed with Matt and closed my eyes. I soon was overcome by the power of sleep.
~Hey Meg. What are you doing?~
~Shit nothing just laying here in bed. I miss you and I miss Britt. Why did she have to go?~ Meg
~I have no idea Meg. If I could bring her back and have you guys be with me all the time, you know I would.~
~Yeah I do. Can I call you?~ Meg
Before I could replay she was calling me.
"Hey Meg." I said and if she could see the smile on my face right now, she would laugh.
"Hey. I can't sleep worth shit around here. My new roomie won't shut the fuck up long enough for me to even talk on the phone. I had to leave the fucking room to get some peace and quiet."
"Oh I know the feeling. Do you hear the shit going on in the background?" I asked.
"Yeah. They're noisy ain't they?"
"Oh yeah. Especially Jimmy. I mean my God he never shuts up. Leanna, his girlfriend told me he isn't even quiet in his sleep. He's always laughing and moving." I said laughing a little.
"I bet. I mean if he is anything like the youtube videos show."
"When the guys take vids of him he's about 100 times funnier and more hyper. It gets really crazy." I said and she laughed and so did I. We talked until midnight and I could tell she was getting tired.
"Rave, can you do me one little favor?"
"Yeah sure anything."
"Will you play and sing for me. One of those good songs you always sung for me?"
"Alright which song do you want?"
"That one Linkin Park song...Numb I think it's called."
"Of course." I put the phone on speaker and grabbed my guitar.
"One song good for you tonight or do you want more than one?" I asked.
"One song is good. I'm already half asleep."
"Alright. You ready." I asked plucking a note.
"Yeah."
I strapped on my guitar better and started playing and singing.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I ended the song and I could hear her faint snoring. I said my goodbye and goodnight and hung up the phone. I knew the guys weren't asleep yet so I continued to play another song by Linkin Park.
Part of me won't go away
Everyday reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can't live without it, so it's senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life and wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low 'cause it's part of me
You hardly see it right next to the heart of me
Heard of me, the routine scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And now I'm sick of this
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grate on my sanity
I rather not even be then the man
That's staring in the mirror through me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it
Once it's been dealt with you feel like
You've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the calm when the problem's all gone
And then you start to see another piece
Of yourself that you can't let be
Memories of the last fight to free yourself
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know that you can choose
To lose the part in your heart where your insides bruise
You can live if you're willing to
Put a stop to just what's killing you
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly, stop just what's killing me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams away silently
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams away silently
This part of me won't go away
Part of me won't go away
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
Every time I see myself I see there's always something wrong with me
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
Every time I see myself I see there's always something wrong with me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it everyday, I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside
Swell up inside, swallowing me
I finished the song and laid my guitar down. I pulled open the curtain to see all the guys sitting around talking. I guess it was about the gig tonight. I closed the curtain back and laid my head down on my pillow. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me. I woke up to Matt nudging me. I slowly opened my eyes and breathed in the cool air that filled the bus.
"Hey girly. We're in Vegas." he said and I nodded my head getting up and sitting on the edge.
"How did you sleep?" Matt asked again.
"Good I guess. Have you all been asleep yet?" I asked rubbing my eyes.
"Yeah. We all passed out watching TV. Get dressed because we're all going out for breakfast."
"Alright." I said and got up grabbing some of my clothes and heading to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and started a shower. I needed something to wake my ass up and to unknot my muscles. I stepped into the shower and the hot water felt so good and instantly woke me up.
I looked down at my legs and seen the cuts beginning to heal and I wished I had never done that but in a strange and weird way, it felt good. I got out of the shower and dressed quickly. I heard a knock on the bathroom door and I just rolled my eyes.
"I'll be out in a minute." I said putting on my Lynyrd Skynyrd tank top. I grabbed my dirty clothes and opened the door and Johnny was standing there. I smiled but he didn't smile back. He pushed passed me and slammed the door in my face. I was confused.
Johnny never acted like that to me before. Did I do something? Then I heard the unmistakable sound of retching coming from inside and I knew he had to be hungover from last night. I took my clothes to the back and laid them down on the bunk and walked to the front. Brian was sitting on the couch playing something on his guitar. I smiled and sit down beside him.
"How come you didn't come to bed last night?" I asked looking down at my feet.
"I was going to lay down with you but you looked so peaceful and I didn't want to disturb you. So I crashed right here. Is Johnny alright in there?"
"Yeah. He's throwing up right now. Do you guys always drink so much that you get sick the next day?" I asked raising a brow.
"Yeah sometimes but other times we don't. I mean we always do on the tours and shit but any other time we wouldn't."
"Oh I see. When does the gig start?" I asked looking down at my phone.
"6 tonight but we go at 4 to do sound checks and shit and listen to the others do their sound checks. Most of the time we are talking and hanging out drinking."
"Oh. Well I'm going out for a smoke. You want to come?" I asked. He nodded and I went to get my cigarettes before heading off the bus. We were stopped at a rest area and there was only about 10 cars there but a shit load of semi-trucks.
I pulled out my pack and gave a cigarette to Brian. I lit them and inhaled the intoxicating smoke. It felt so good to have a cigarette first thing in the morning. Brian finished his cigarette faster than me and usually no one finished a cigarette before I do. I finished mine and threw it away. I seen some girls run over towards us and surround Brian pushing me away from him. He pushed past the girls and put his arm around me before they came back around surrounding both of us. All the girls gave me strange looks and I gave each of them a death glare. No one was going to intimidate me especially not a bunch of bleach blonde haired bimbos. Brian signed there shit until one girl was left. I walked away and seen them talking and laughing. It made my blood boil. I came back over to them and put my arm around Brian.
"So is this your girlfriend?" the blonde said. I don't know why I had a feeling of jealousy but I did. I mean I'm only 15 I shouldn't be having feelings for a man that is older than me and shit.
"No this is Shadow's daughter. I was just talking to her about a few things with tonight's show here in Vegas." he said smiling. I just rolled my eyes and walked back on the bus. I sat down on the couch watching TV with Matt and the guys and I knew I wasn't hiding my feelings very well.
"What's wrong Ame? You seem down." Jimmy asked but i didn't answer. I looked out the window and seen the blonde bitch all over him and I became angry.
"Sweetheart? What's wrong?" Matt said and I got up and went outside once again to smoke. I seen them hugging and the blonde gave me an evil look. I flipped her a bird and walked on towards the middle of the recreational area.
There was a bunch of kids playing and I just sat down on the bench and lit a cigarette. I looked back to see Brian and Matt coming towards me and I wanted to get up and run but I couldn't. I knew they would catch me. They came over and sat down beside me. Good thing Brian didn't have that bimbo with him. I might have lost my cool and then they would really be suspicious.
"What's wrong Ame? I mean you came in all mad and shit and then you walk away from all of us and shit. We are concerned about you and would like to know what's going on?" Matt said.
"Nothing is wrong. I'm just missing my friends is all. I mean Britt is gone and all I have left is Meg. I wish I could see her." I said sighing.
"You will be seeing her. The last stop on the tour is Alabama." When Matt said that I was so happy and in a way I wasn't. I mean I wanted to see Meg but I wanted Britt there too and that wasn't possible. I smiled and hugged both of them.
"Now onto bigger and better things. Who gave you the cigarettes?" Matt asked crossing his arms over his chest.
"I've been smoking since I was 11. A friend of mine that turned 18 and was released from the orphanage came back and gave me cigarettes. I always paid for them myself. I think she's married now." I said smiling but the look on Matt's face made the smile disappear.
"You shouldn't be smoking. It's not good for your health."
"Matt I know but who was going to stop me? I smoked to take away stress that I feel all the time. I'm not quiting and don't convince me to either." I said sternly.
"Ame you need to quit. I know everyone in the band does but that doesn't mean you have to." Matt said just as sternly. I shook my head and walked away from them. I could hear them following right behind me.
"Ame wait." Brian said grabbing my arm. I gave him a death glare and he let go of me. I stood there waiting for him to speak.
"Ame...I know I smoke and I know I shouldn't. You father is right. Don't smoke anymore." Brian said and I just rolled my eyes. Matt pulled me to him and I looked down at the ground. He pushed my chin up to look at him.
"Please just try to quit? I mean for me." Matt said and I nodded. They both smiled really big and Matt picked me up throwing me over his shoulder and walking back over to the bus. He sat me at the door while Matt went to get the others so we could go eat. They all came running and I called shotgun.
Jimmy pouted like he always does and I wouldn't give in. We went to Micky D's for breakfast and tons of fans came over and they signed shit for them. We finished eating and headed back to the bus to get ready and chill before going to the sound check. I was sitting in Brian's bunk with the curtain closed when it opened.
"Kiddo why are you sitting back here by yourself?" Brian asked.
"I like being by myself. Helps me think better." He said down on the bunk next to me and I backed up a little.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm...I'm just not very comfortable right now. I don't know why but I have this thing about me that tells me something is going to happen. I cant explain it." I said looking down at my hands. Brian placed his hand on mine and I looked at him.
"Don't worry nothing is going to happen to you. I swear."
"Promise?" I said smiling.
"I promise. Now get ready. We're leaving in 15 minutes." I nodded my head and he kissed my forehead before leaving to go back to the front. I got my some clothes and quickly changed. I had on a pair of my Tripp pants and I made them into shorts and attached the handcuff chains on them and 2 long wallet chains.
My shirt was a black Avenged Sevenfold shirt with a white death bat on it. I went to the front and the guys were all ready. We walked off the bus and got into the rental car we got earlier and Matt drove us to the gig. I was so excited to see the bands that inspired me to write my songs and play. We finally arrived and I was a nervous wreck to meet all those guys. We piled out of the car and walked into the building and into the backstage area and that's when I seen them. All the other bands! I was getting really nervous. Matt took my hand and led us all over to the guys.
"Adam!" Matt said as we walked closer to them. I went behind Matt keeping out of sight. I have no idea why I just became so shy but I did. Strange as hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MATT'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Adam!" I yelled and he turned around and seen us. I felt Ame let go of my hand and I knew she was hiding behind me.
"Matt Sanders! How you doing man!" Adam said giving me a bro hug.
"I'd like you to meet someone." I said stepping away and showing him my daughter. She smiled widely and she extended her hand.
"This is Ame. I adopted her not too long ago. She is your biggest fan." I said and Ame looked down at the ground and back up at Adam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AME'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam shook my hand and I started to blush and I looked down at the floor. I didn't know what to say.
"She is a wonderful singer." Matt said happily.
"And one hell of a guitar player!" Jimmy said proudly. I looked at both of them shaking my head.
"I bet you cant do my solo to Break." Adam said smugly.
"Bet you I can." I said crossing my arms over my chest.
"How about you come out and do some songs with us and prove it." Adam said and I smiled and accepted his challenged. If anyone knows anything about me I don't back down from a challenge. We walked away to meet the other bands and I wasn't so nervous than I was before. We walked over to the boys of Three Doors Down.
"Brian Haner! What's going on? You ready for the after party?" Brad Arnold said.
"Oh hell you know I am!" Brian said and I knew I was staying in the bus tonight by myself and taking care of drunks.
"Who is this?" Brad said pointing to me.
"This is my daughter." Matt said wrapping an arm around me.
"Hey I'm Ame." I said shaking his hand.
"Nice to meet you Ame. How many songs of ours do you know?" he asked getting down to my size.
"I know all of them. You guys are one of the other bands that's performing tonight who inspire me to write and play my songs." I said proudly. He pulled me to him and hugged me.
"I like her. Keep her with you forever. Never let her leave." he said and I hugged him back.
"I sure as hell ain't going anywhere. Someone has to keep these guys in line." I said proudly. They all looked at me with stupid looks and I smiled.
"We keep you in line girly." Matt said and I shrugged.
"Yeah but who calms Jimmy down from having coffee that you give him." I said sternly and he backed down. Brad was laughing and cracking up and so was the rest of the band.
"We need to go do our sound check so Ame will you help us with a few songs please?" Brad asked.
"Hell yeah I will!" I said excited. He smiled and gave me one last hug, we walked over to the next band. Cold.
"Scooter!" Jimmy yelled and tackled the lead singer of Cold to the ground. They laughed and I couldn't help but laugh at Jimmy's crazy stunt. They got up and Scooter looked at me funny.
"Who's this?" he asked bending down to my level like Brad did.
"I'm Ame." I said extending my hand.
"So you're the little lady Matt's been telling us about. What's your favorite song by us?" he asked letting go of my hand.
"Suffocate. I can play that song and hit every note." I said smiling. He smiled at me.
"I'd have to see that. How about you play with us tonight? I hear you're playing with 3 Doors Down and 3 Days Grace tonight so who will it hurt to have you with us. I'm sure the crowd will love you." Scooter said smiling and I couldn't help but smiled back and shake my head yes.
"Good. See you then." he said and gave me hug before we walked over to see Seether. Matt went over to Shaun and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Matthew Sanders! How are you doing? I bet you cant wait for that crazy as after party tonight." Shaun said smiling and drinking on a beer.
"Ha ha yeah. Looks like you're getting an early start I see." Matt joked.
"Oh yeah. You know I always get a head start before anyone." They laughed.
"Oh this is Ame my adopted daughter." Matt said smiling proudly down at me. I shook Shaun's hand.
"Nice to meet you." he said smiling.
"Same here. I mean it's been my dream to meet you. Your music inspired me to write and play my songs." I said happily and he smiled widely.
"Glad to hear that. Which songs can you play?"
"Almost all of them but I'm really good at Gasoline." I said smiling from ear to ear.
"How would you like to play with us tonight? Maybe 3 or 4 songs?" he said and I smiled.
"Sure why not. I mean I'm helping out the boys from Avenged, 3 Days Grace and 3 Doors Down. This would be a wonderful experience to play with you and an honored one at that." I said.
"Good see you a little later on tonight. I'm guessing you're going to go meet Slipknot too."
"Yeah." I said smiling.
"Watch out for Clown. He is a crazy one." Shaun said and I nodded. Shaun said hugging me and I knew what band was last. I knew the guys would save my all time favorite band for last. Slipknot. We seen them standing there without their masks and that was surely a whole new experience. I recognized Corey Taylor from Stone Sour.
"Hey look boys. It's the Avenged boys." Corey joked.
"Hello to you too Corey." Brian said laughing.
"Yeah I know how to say the perfect hello." Corey joked again which made Jimmy horse laugh but I think he did it on purpose to be noticed.
"And who is this young lady?" he said and I couldn't believe he was so polite.
"I'm Ame. Matt adopted me not to long ago." I said extending my hand for him to shake. He shook my hand smiling.
"Nice to meet you Ame. Matt has told us a whole lot about you."
"Oh Lord what did he tell you?" I said rolling my eyes.
"All the good things. Brian said you kill at the guitar."
"He always says that. I don't think I'm that good though." I said shaking my head.
"Ame. You played my solos and didn't miss a note. That's damn good!" Brian said smiling.
"Well yeah."
"So Matt would you object to her playing with us tonight?" Corey asked.
"Hell no. Go out there and have fun playing sweetheart." Matt said smiling.
"Oh don't worry I will. This is the most exciting experience of my life." I said grinning ear to ear.
"Good. See you later on. Nice talking to you Matt." Corey said and we walked on towards our dressing room to get everything set up. I was so excited to be playing with the bands that inspire me to write songs and I wish my mom could see me. She would be so proud
. I walked with the guys to their sound check after I was ready and I just could stop staring at Matt. His voice was simply amazing and I was actually happy that he adopted me. I didn't think I would be here this long. They finished their sound check and it was time for me to perform with Three Doors Down. I waited for Brad and his other band mates to show up and they did.
"Hey Brad!" I said smiling.
"Hey Ame. You ready to perform?"
"Hell yeah!" I said still smiling.
"Alright. Now here's what's going to happen. I will introduce you and you come out on stage beside me. You will be playing along with my guitarist and both of you will be doing the solos."
"Great! I'm so excited and nervous at the same time." I said shaking.
"Oh it is a little nerve racking the first time you perform but after the first song, you'll be used to it."
"Great, now I'm more nervous." I said shaking my head.
"You'll do fine. Stay here okay we're going out there now." I shook my head yes and watched as they entered the stage. The crowd went wild when they stepped onto the stage. I couldn't help but smile. I was nervous as hell! They performed their first song called It's Not My Time. They crowd was going wild and I was dancing backstage and I think security thought I was crazy because they were laughing. The song ended and the crowd was still so loud.
"How are you doing Vegas!" Brad said to the crowd and they started cheering.
"We have a special young lady here today that's going to help us do some songs and she will be performing with every band here tonight." he said and they were yelling and screaming. I was getting really nervous.
"Please give a warm welcome to Ame Sanders!" he said and looked in my direction and motioned me to come on stage. I walked out onto the stage with my guitar and stood beside Brad.
"Alright. Now this next song we're going to play is called When I'm Gone. Start us out Ame!" he said and nodded and began to play. Brad sang up the the chorus and then I helped him with it. My part was coming up and I was getting really into with the fans with my playing and singing of the chorus.
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends
And roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone, whoa
Love me when I'm gone, when I'm gone
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
The song ended and the crowd went wild. I was smiling when Brad looked over at me.
"Now can this little girl play and sing or what?" he said to the crowd and they cheered loudly and I blushed.
"This next song she is going to help us with is Here Without You. After this song she'll be leaving us for a moment." he said and the crowd booed.
"Hey don't worry Vegas. You'll be seeing me tonight with every band that plays here tonight." I said and they cheered loudly and I thought at one point the roof was going to fly off. I began playing the intro to the song and the crowd cheered as I played.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh
The song ended again and the crowd cheered so loudly. I was smiling from ear to ear again and I gave Brad a hug along with everyone else.
"We'll see Miss Sanders later on." Brad said.
"See you in a few Vegas! Keep on rocking with Three Doors Down!" I yelled into the mic and they cheered even louder as the next song began to play and I made my way off the stage. I was backstage and seen Adam and he came running over to me. He picked me off the ground hugging me.
"Alright Adam. I'm happy to see you too." I said and he set me back down on my feet.
"How was it? I mean performing with Brad and them?"
"It was simply amazing! So you guys are up next?" I said setting my guitar down for a minute.
"Yeah. We want you on stage as we go out."
"I'm good with that. Hope you guys get this shit rocking. What songs are we doing together?" I asked smiling.
"Well we are doing Never Too Late, Pain, I Hate Everything About You, Break, Home, and Just Like You."
"Cool all the songs I can rock too." I said looking down at my phone. I didn't have any messages or calls from Meg. I really miss her but I will get to see her soon. I was happy for that. I watched Brad rock out on his guitar and singing. He did some really awesome songs.
"Thank you Vegas! You've been awesome. Now give it up for Three Days Grace!" Brad said and we all walked on stage and I stood beside Adam at the mic.
"How's it going Vegas!" Adam said into the mic as Brad and his band left the stage. The crowd was ecstatic and I wasn't nervous anymore. Brad was right about the fright of performing. I'm used to it now.
"You all know Miss Sanders here. She is going to be helping us do a few songs tonight and I hope you all are excited to have us and her back on stage." Adam said. He bent down to me.
"We are starting with Never Too Late." he whispered and I nodded. I began playing the intro again and the crowd cheered.
"You all know this song! Never Too Late!" Adam said and he started singing.
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late
The chorus started and I helped him singing it correctly just like him.
Even if I say it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
It was my turn to shine once again and I began to sing my part of the song.
No one will ever see this side reflected
And if there's something wrong who would have guessed it?
And I have left alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late
Even if I say it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
The world we knew won't come back
The time we've lost can't get back
The life we had won't be ours again
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong
Even if I say it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
It's not too late, it's never too late
The song ended and the crowd was cheering the roof off the place. I strummed quietly on my guitar and the crowd went silent.
"This is a song about Pain." Adam said and he started singing.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain
I know, I know that you're wounded
You know, you know that I'm here to save you
You know, you know I'm always here for you
I know, I know that you'll thank me later
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
The song was over and the crowd was alive. That song reflected the Pain I had over the years of dealing with not having my parents anymore. We played the next 3 songs and the crowd was really enjoying my singing along with the bands. I can just imagine what's going to happen when I come out with Slipknot, Seether, and Avenged Sevenfold.
"How we doing so far Vegas?" Adam asked the crowd. The crowd cheered loudly and held up rocker hands.
"I guess great. This last song that Ame is going to help us with is called Just Like You." Adam said and he bent down to me and whispered in my ear.
"You're singing the whole song I'm just helping you do the chorus and parts of the songs. You'll know what I'm doing." I nodded and started to play and sing.
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you
I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
On my own 'cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like you want me to
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
The song ended and I gave Adam a hug before waving to the fans and walking off stage. Scooter was standing backstage talking to his band as I came into view. Scooter turned around when one of his band members looked over at me.
"Hey Ame! You absolutely rocked out there."
"Thanks Scooter. I'm having so much fun." I said smiling. Scooter handed me a bottle of water and I chugged half of it. I watched Adam perform Burn and Now Or Never. I was having the time of my life and I was hoping this was never going to end. The crowd cheered loudly as the song ended.
"Vegas, we've had an amazing time here tonight and we would love to stay and play all night but there are 4 more bands that got to play and entertain you rockers tonight. Let's welcome Cold and welcome back Ame to the stage!" Adam said and we walked on stage and I once again stood at the mic beside Scooter.
"Hello Vegas!" he said. The crowd was really alive now.
"Miss Ame Sanders here is helping us on 3 songs and then she has to rest up for Slipknot." He said and the crowd was definitely energized tonight.
"Alright Ame. What's the first song of the night?" he asked looking at me.
"Well I was thinking about Stupid Girl." I said smiling and the crowd went wild as the song began to play.
Wanna love ya
Wanna bug ya
Wanna squeeze ya
Stupid girl
Wanna touch ya,
Wanna take ya,
Wanna shut ya,
Stupid girl
I can't take this,
Born to break this
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl,
Stupid girl
I'm a loner,
I'm a loser,
I'm a winner,
In my mind.
I'm a bad one,
I'm a good one,
I'm a sick one,
With a smile.
I can't take this,
Born to break this
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl
Stupid girl, Stupid girl
(whoa) She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away, (She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl
We ended the song and the crowd went crazy.
"Hey Scoot." I said in the mic.
"Yes Ame?"
"How about we Suffocate?" I said and the crowd went wild as I picked the tune on my guitar and started singing.
I could take every fucking word she says
Throw it in her face but would she even care
I still remember when she looked at me that frown upon her face
Trying to be sincere I gathered all those little things she said
Kept them close to me
Trying to make this real
This cloud will always hover over me
I'm leaving you today 'cause now I see
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
I could take every fucking game you play
Blow it all away but would you even care
I could take all those lies you said to me
Never go away
Never disappear
This cloud will always hover over me
I'm leaving you today 'Cause now I see
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
Now I'm far away from you (You're always far away)
I'll never bring back yesterday (bring back yesterday)
You're such a fake it's true (you're such a fake)
I can't believe the words you say
I'm far away from you
I'll never bring back yesterday
I always take
What I can
Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not Fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)
I always take
What I can
The song ended and I bowed to the crowd and checked my guitar.
"This next song is called A Different Kind Of Pain." Scooter said. The crowd cheered once again and I began to play.
Before I let you go
Give me just one more night
To show you just how I feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damn life
I'll make this up to you
Kind of like the waves
That roll their whole life towards somewhere
Crashing on the shore
It's blown in by the wind
That carries the clouds to hide
My wish on a fallen star
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
I tried to let you go
I wish I could turn back time
And show you just how I feel
I needed you to know
If it takes my whole damn life
I'll make this up to you
Kind of like the waves
That roll their whole life towards somewhere
Crashing on the shore It's blown in by the wind
That carries the clouds to hide
My wish on a fallen star
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
Before you let me go away
Before you let me go away
Before you let me go away
Before you let me go
I need you to know
A different kind of pain
Is someone there that to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
A different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of pain
It's a different kind of
The crowd cheered and I waved to them as I walked off stage. This is a night I'm never going to forget and nothing on this tour could ever mess this up. Corey was backstage and so was the rest of Slipknot.
"Ame? You alright? You seem down." Corey asked bending down to me.
"Yeah I'm fine. Just getting a little tired."
"You don't have to perform with us if you don't want to." he said rubbing my shoulder.
"I want to. This is one amazing night and me being tired isn't messing me up so I'm good."
"Alright. After we get done playing there is a 30 minute intermission and I'll take you to Matt so you can rest a little while." he said smiling.
"Sounds good." The crowd cheered loudly as we entered the stage.
"How you motherfuckers doing!" Corey yelled into the mic. The crowd was overwhelming and I was syked!
"Good. Get these fucking mosh pits fucking going! This song is called Psychosocial!" Corey said and began to play and sing.
I did my time and I want out, so abusive
Fate, it doesn't cut, the soul is not so vibrant
The reckoning, the sickening
Back at you, subversion, pseudo-sacred, psycho virgin
Go tell your classes, go dig you graves
Then fill your mouth with all the money you will save
Sinking in, getting smaller again
Undone, it has begun, I'm not the only one
And the rain will kill us all If we throw ourselves against the wal
l But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
Oh, there are cracks in the road we lay
From when the devil fell, the secrets have gone mad
This is nothing new but would we kill it all
Fate was all we had
Who needs another mess, we could start over
Just look me in the eyes and say I'm wrong
Now there's only emptiness but I'm missing something
I think we're done, I'm not the only one
And the rain will kill us all
If we throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
Fake and defenseless lie (Psychosocial)
I tried to tell you first (Psychosocial)
Your hurtful lies are giving out (Psychosocial)
Can't stop the killing (Psychosocial)
I can't help if it's hunting season (Psychosocial)
Is this what you want? (Psychosocial)
I'm not the only one
And the rain will kill us all
If we throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
And the rain will kill us all
If we throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see
The preservation of the martyr in me
The limits of the dead!
The limits of the dead!
The song ended and the mosh pit was amazing! People knocking the fuck out of everyone was so fucking cool.
"This song is called Before I Forget." The song started and we began to sing.
Go
Stapled shut inside an outside world
And I'm sealed in tight
Bizarre but right at home
I'm claustrophobic closing in
And I'm catastrophic
Not again
I'm smeared across the page and doused in gasoline
I wear you like a stain
Yet I'm the one who's obscene
Catch me up on all your sordid little insurrections
I've got no time to lose
I'm just caught up in all the cattle
Fray the strings
Through the sheathes
Hold your breath
Listen
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I'm ripped across the ditch and settled in the dirt
And I wear you like a stitch
Yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to win
I'm just caught up in all the battles
Locked in clutch
Pushed in place
Hold your breath
Listen
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
My end, it justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
The end of the road is my end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay I haven't time to evade
The end of the road
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh
The song ended and the crowd was crazy as hell! I have never seen a crowd go so psycho over a band before in my life. We sang a few more songs and it was time for intermission.
"Alright that's all for us. There will be a 30 minute intermission and when it's over Seether will be out here with Miss Ame Sanders." Corey said and the crowd didn't like the intermission idea and I could understand why. Who in the hell would want to have a break after all these cool rocking bands have been playing. We walked off stage and Corey walked me to the dressing room where Matt was. I opened the door and Matt was sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking a beer.
"Hey Ame! Did you have fun!" he asked as I came over and sat down beside him.
"Hell yeah but I need a break. I'm pooped." I said laying my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was asleep. The sleep didn't seem like a long time because I was awaken by Matt poking me in the side to wake up. I opened my eyes and sat up on the couch.
"Seether is waiting for you outside. We are going with you because we're up after them." he said and I nodded getting to my feet and stretching. I was awake now and wanting to get back on stage again. We walked to the back stage area and there was Seether. I joined Seether and the crowd was crazy again.
"Miss Ame here is so awesome with the rest of the band but let's see how she does with us. Ame I don't know about you but I think it's time for a Remedy." Shaun said and the crowd went wild.
Throw your dollar bills
And leave your thrills
All here with me
And speak but don't pretend
I won't defend you anymore you see
It aches in every bone
I'll die alone
But not for you
My eyes don't need to see
That ugly thing
I know it's me you fear
If you want me hold me back
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
I don't need a friend
I need to mend so far away
So come sit by the fire
And play a while
But you can't stay too long
It aches in every bone
I'll die alone
But not for pleasure
I see my heart explode
It's been eroded by the weather here
If you want me hold me back
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Hold your eyes closed
Take me in
Hold your eyes closed
Take me in
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale
The pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high
Just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
The song ended and the crowd was crazy. The songs continued I was rocking it on stage. People were actually chanting my name.
"Thank you Vegas! You've been fucking awesome!" Shaun said and he handed me the mic before he left the stage.
"How you guys feeling tonight!" I said to the crowd and they cheered.
"You better be fucking pumped for this next band. This band is so important to me and you guys all love them. Avenged Sevenfold!" I said and the crowd was absolutely amazing. Matt and the rest of the band came on stage and took there places. Matt hugged me tightly and introduced the first song, Crossroads.
I've been traveling for so long
So lost till I stumbled upon
Two roads in front of me
I've got to take my time
To the right I could see a church
I took a step in that direction first
But to the left there was a watering hole
Where they were whiskey drunk
And now that's where I wanna pray
The fight down here goes on and on
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see
There's gotta be another way to go
A way that's much more feasible
A combination of all these lives
A central path without choosing a side
I make decisions one at a time
And no I never say I'm always right
I'm confident that when I stand on my own
You'll see the truest form of a man
When I'm shining through
The fight down here goes on and on
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see
Oh, I hear them now
All the religious rhymes
(Anger I see, anger I see, anger I see now)
The left isn't better
It's just more of the same
Condemning all these people
For what they believe
I climb to the top of that mountain again
And the closer to the top I get
The more they take aim but I'm not you
I may not be perfect but I've always been true
I may not be worthy in your eyes
Climb up from the bottom for the last time
The last one, the last one, the last time
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see, yeah
The song ended and we did a few more songs until it was the time for one last song of the night.
"Guys we only have one more song and we would like to dedicate it to my daughter Ame Sanders. This song is called Welcome To The Family." Matt said and sat me down to listen to them.
Hey kid, do I have your attention?
I know the way you've been living
Life's so reckless, tragedy endless
Welcome to the family
Hey, there's something missing
Only time will alter your vision
Never in question, lethal injection
Welcome to the family
Not long ago you'd find the answers
Were so crystal clear
Within a day you find yourself
Living in constant fear
Can you look at yourself now?
Can you look at yourself?
You can't win this fight
In a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
Hey, I have to question
What's with the violent aggression?
Details blurry, lost him too early
Welcome to the family
Hey, why won't you listen?
Can't help the people you're missing
It's been done, a casualty rerun
Welcome to the family
I try and help you with the things
That can't be justified
I need to warn you
That there is no way to rationalize
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
You can't win this fight
In a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
We're here for you and all mankind
I've lost my mind
Psychotic, I'm in dementia
I won't be fine
I see your escape has been dethroned
Cast out in a world you'll never know
Stand there, place your weapons by your side
It's our war, in the end we'll surely lose
But that's all right
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
And in a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
Deep inside where nothings fine
I've lost my mind
You're not invited so step aside
I've lost my
Deep inside where nothings fine
I've lost my mind
You're not invited so step aside
I lost my
The song ended and the crowd cheered like hell was on fire.
"Goodnight Vegas! See you all next year!" Matt said and took my hand leading me off the stage. We went to the dressing room and packed everything and went back to the bus. I was exhausted and our next stop is Detroit. I laid in bed with Matt and closed my eyes. I soon was overcome by the power of sleep.
2/18/13