No one has to know.
Thirty Three: Livin' easy, livin' free.
I spent two more days at my Mom’s house before I decided that I should probably go back to apartment that I shared with Zacky. I knew he was going to be mad and I knew that he would probably shout at me and get angry and pissed off. I thought about what he asked me the other day and the reason I felt terrible about my answer was because the answer was no I didn’t want to marry him it’s not that
I didn’t love him, I did, I adored him so much, but I’ve never seen the need for marriage so why would I suddenly change my mind?
I pushed my thoughts aside and unlocked the front door; the first thing I saw was Zacky, fast asleep on the couch with his thumb in his mouth. He only ever sucked his thumb when he felt bad about something. He had dark circles under his eyes and
I knew he probably hadn’t slept all that much in the past few days. There was also an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor next to him as well as several beer cans.
I sighed, whenever he got that upset he turned straight to the drink, much like I did,
I didn’t want him to go down that route, I’ve seen him do it before and I don’t want to let it happen again.
Upon closer inspection I found four more empty JD bottles in his bedroom, two wine bottle and six more beer cans in the kitchen. I sighed and threw then all out into the trash before loading up the dishwasher; he wasn’t very good at cleaning up after himself. I also changed the sheets on his bed, opened the curtains and opened the windows in his room to get rid of the smell of stale alcohol.
I went back into the living room and kneeled down on the couch next to Zacky who still had his thumb securely in his mouth, his chest rising and falling in slow even breaths. I shook his shoulder gently for a few minutes before his eyes fluttered open. It took them a few seconds to focus in on me and my face before he realised it was me. I think at that point he also realised he’d got his thumb in his mouth, because he looked confused and pulled it out of his mouth, looking at his thumb that was kind of wrinkly because it’d been in his mouth for what I guessed was most of the night.
“Riley” He breathed.
“Hi Zacky” I said “I came home”
“You came home” He said blinking rapidly.
“Come on sit up” I said, he nodded and sat up too quickly, he groaned and jumped up off the couch, bolting for the bathroom. I sighed and followed him in there, kneeling down next to him and rubbing his back as he puked. When he was done he stood up and brushed his teeth. He groaned and leaned against the sink. He wouldn’t look at me. “Zacky I—“
“Don’t” He said cutting me off “Don’t say it Riley” He looked at me in the mirror.
“You don’t know what I’m gonna say” I said
“You’re gonna tell me that you’re sorry and that you don’t want to marry me, you love me but you’ve never seen the point in marriage and why would you change for just one person”
“Not entirely, I wasn’t going to say that I wouldn’t change, Zacky you know I’d do anything for you”
“Except marry me”
“Zacky please don’t do this, I love you, with all my heart, I just don’t want to get married” I looked up at him, he’d turned around now, he wasn’t glaring at me like I thought he would be, he looked sad.
“I know” And then he walked away.
“Zacky I came back to apologise” I said “For everything I said” I sitting down next to him on the couch. He sighed and rubbed his face. “But then I come home and there’s all those empty bottles… what is that?”
“Coping mechanism, you of all people I’d expect to understand” He said looking at me with a soft expression.
“I do” I took his hand in mine “But you said how horrible it was watching me destroy myself like that”
“There’s something else though Riley… I did something really bad” He said his eyes shining.
“What did you do?”
“I slept with Gena”
“When?”
“The night you left, she came here and it just happened”
“Where did you sleep with her?”
“What?”
“Where?”
“In my room” He mumbled looking down at our hands. Mine had gone limp in his and he was holding onto it still as if he was afraid I’d run away. “Don’t leave me again” He looked up at me.
“I don’t know what you want from me anymore Zack” I said flatly “You ask me to marry you, we argue, you get smashed and sleep with your ex-girlfriend, but then you tell me that you still love me”
“ I do still love you Riley! That’s what I’m trying to tell you”
“But you betrayed me… with Gena”
“I know but it was a mistake”
“Wanna know what hurts the most?” I asked. He nodded. “I bet you didn’t give me one second thought while you were doing it”
I didn’t love him, I did, I adored him so much, but I’ve never seen the need for marriage so why would I suddenly change my mind?
I pushed my thoughts aside and unlocked the front door; the first thing I saw was Zacky, fast asleep on the couch with his thumb in his mouth. He only ever sucked his thumb when he felt bad about something. He had dark circles under his eyes and
I knew he probably hadn’t slept all that much in the past few days. There was also an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor next to him as well as several beer cans.
I sighed, whenever he got that upset he turned straight to the drink, much like I did,
I didn’t want him to go down that route, I’ve seen him do it before and I don’t want to let it happen again.
Upon closer inspection I found four more empty JD bottles in his bedroom, two wine bottle and six more beer cans in the kitchen. I sighed and threw then all out into the trash before loading up the dishwasher; he wasn’t very good at cleaning up after himself. I also changed the sheets on his bed, opened the curtains and opened the windows in his room to get rid of the smell of stale alcohol.
I went back into the living room and kneeled down on the couch next to Zacky who still had his thumb securely in his mouth, his chest rising and falling in slow even breaths. I shook his shoulder gently for a few minutes before his eyes fluttered open. It took them a few seconds to focus in on me and my face before he realised it was me. I think at that point he also realised he’d got his thumb in his mouth, because he looked confused and pulled it out of his mouth, looking at his thumb that was kind of wrinkly because it’d been in his mouth for what I guessed was most of the night.
“Riley” He breathed.
“Hi Zacky” I said “I came home”
“You came home” He said blinking rapidly.
“Come on sit up” I said, he nodded and sat up too quickly, he groaned and jumped up off the couch, bolting for the bathroom. I sighed and followed him in there, kneeling down next to him and rubbing his back as he puked. When he was done he stood up and brushed his teeth. He groaned and leaned against the sink. He wouldn’t look at me. “Zacky I—“
“Don’t” He said cutting me off “Don’t say it Riley” He looked at me in the mirror.
“You don’t know what I’m gonna say” I said
“You’re gonna tell me that you’re sorry and that you don’t want to marry me, you love me but you’ve never seen the point in marriage and why would you change for just one person”
“Not entirely, I wasn’t going to say that I wouldn’t change, Zacky you know I’d do anything for you”
“Except marry me”
“Zacky please don’t do this, I love you, with all my heart, I just don’t want to get married” I looked up at him, he’d turned around now, he wasn’t glaring at me like I thought he would be, he looked sad.
“I know” And then he walked away.
“Zacky I came back to apologise” I said “For everything I said” I sitting down next to him on the couch. He sighed and rubbed his face. “But then I come home and there’s all those empty bottles… what is that?”
“Coping mechanism, you of all people I’d expect to understand” He said looking at me with a soft expression.
“I do” I took his hand in mine “But you said how horrible it was watching me destroy myself like that”
“There’s something else though Riley… I did something really bad” He said his eyes shining.
“What did you do?”
“I slept with Gena”
“When?”
“The night you left, she came here and it just happened”
“Where did you sleep with her?”
“What?”
“Where?”
“In my room” He mumbled looking down at our hands. Mine had gone limp in his and he was holding onto it still as if he was afraid I’d run away. “Don’t leave me again” He looked up at me.
“I don’t know what you want from me anymore Zack” I said flatly “You ask me to marry you, we argue, you get smashed and sleep with your ex-girlfriend, but then you tell me that you still love me”
“ I do still love you Riley! That’s what I’m trying to tell you”
“But you betrayed me… with Gena”
“I know but it was a mistake”
“Wanna know what hurts the most?” I asked. He nodded. “I bet you didn’t give me one second thought while you were doing it”
@Tones27tga
Life in technicolour :)
5/27/14