No one has to know.
Seventeen: Dried up and away with discerning little love affairs.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I took a shower, it was the only place that I could truly think. I don’t know how long I was in there for but the water had gone cold well before I got out.
I got into my pyjamas and dried my hair, climbing into bed. I could hear Zacky moving around in the flat, I didn’t know what he was doing. I wanted to go out there, and just talk to him, talk to him about all of this, but I had no idea what I was going to say really, I was so god damn confused. How could he have been in love with me for thirteen years and never said anything? I don’t understand how I couldn’t have noticed .
I’d left my door open a little bit when I’d got into bed, I saw Zacky’s shadow go past the door and pause. I felt so bad, he’d loved me for so long and I’d never realised it until he told me a few hours ago. I threw the sheets off and went to the door, he was standing there. His eyes were red and I knew that he’d been crying, I felt an awful twinge in my chest.
“Zacky I’m sorry”
“Riley I…” I stopped him by kissing him. It seemed like the right thing to do. He was hurt and he needed it, whether or not it would come back to bite me on the ass later I don’t know but right then, if holding his face and kissing him like this meant that it would make things better then so be it.
His arms came round my waist and he walked me backwards into my room, kicking the door shut. I guess I kind of knew what was going to happen I think that some part of me wanted it to happen, as well as the rational part of my brain that was telling me that he was my best friend, he had been ever since I was three years old. But the rational part of my brain was also telling me that I felt the exact same way that I loved him just as much as he loved me.
He hovered over me, kissing me slowly, it was tender and soft, almost like he’d been waiting so long to be able to kiss me properly that when I finally happened he didn’t want to rush, he just wanted it to be slow and caring. Slowly we started to remove each other’s clothes, or in my case pyjama’s, our lips never disconnecting, only when shirts were being removed. His kisses became more frantic as I scratched at his arms, I never really noticed how toned they were before now.
His hands went to his belt buckle and I reached down to help him as he kicked off his shoes and pants off, his boxers and my pyjama bottoms went next and we were both now completely naked. It was the first time we’re both seen each other like this, sure over the years he’d walked in when I’d been changing and vice versa.
But this was real, and we were getting so intimate and I knew exactly what was about to happen. He pulled his lips away from mine and looked down at me;
“Please don’t hate me?”
“Couldn’t ever” I said pulling his lips back to mine, and that was it, he was inside me and we were really doing this. I gasped pulling my lips away, his lips travelled down my neck as our hips moved in time. Other than Zacky I’d only ever slept with two other guys, Craig and a boy called Hank in high school when I lost my virginity to him at a Halloween party. Sad I know.
But it was suffice to say that so far Zacky was the best.
His lips travelled down my shoulder where he stopped, sucking on the skin as his hips picked up the pace, he gripped my hips and I moaned quietly, wrapping my legs around him.
This wasn’t like any of the times that I’d had sex with Craig, which felt routine and normal, sure I had orgasms, but they were nothing like this. Just in the way that he was holding me was different, he was holding me like he loved me, and the way he kissed me, and it felt like my skin was on fire.
I’m pretty sure by now the neighbours could hear me with how loud I was being, Zacky was gripping the headboard and I was a writhing mess underneath him. I was screaming and gripping his arms, he let go of the headboard and held me again, he shuddered and held me close, in the moment I couldn’t process anything. My brain had just completely stopped working.
But after a while of us just lying there, I knew we had to talk about it, I knew that what we’d just done was wrong, we’d cross the boundary between friends and lovers, and it was one that I’d never even have to think about crossing with Zacky, but it was too late. I’d just had sex with my best friend, and we’re ruined everything.
I got into my pyjamas and dried my hair, climbing into bed. I could hear Zacky moving around in the flat, I didn’t know what he was doing. I wanted to go out there, and just talk to him, talk to him about all of this, but I had no idea what I was going to say really, I was so god damn confused. How could he have been in love with me for thirteen years and never said anything? I don’t understand how I couldn’t have noticed .
I’d left my door open a little bit when I’d got into bed, I saw Zacky’s shadow go past the door and pause. I felt so bad, he’d loved me for so long and I’d never realised it until he told me a few hours ago. I threw the sheets off and went to the door, he was standing there. His eyes were red and I knew that he’d been crying, I felt an awful twinge in my chest.
“Zacky I’m sorry”
“Riley I…” I stopped him by kissing him. It seemed like the right thing to do. He was hurt and he needed it, whether or not it would come back to bite me on the ass later I don’t know but right then, if holding his face and kissing him like this meant that it would make things better then so be it.
His arms came round my waist and he walked me backwards into my room, kicking the door shut. I guess I kind of knew what was going to happen I think that some part of me wanted it to happen, as well as the rational part of my brain that was telling me that he was my best friend, he had been ever since I was three years old. But the rational part of my brain was also telling me that I felt the exact same way that I loved him just as much as he loved me.
He hovered over me, kissing me slowly, it was tender and soft, almost like he’d been waiting so long to be able to kiss me properly that when I finally happened he didn’t want to rush, he just wanted it to be slow and caring. Slowly we started to remove each other’s clothes, or in my case pyjama’s, our lips never disconnecting, only when shirts were being removed. His kisses became more frantic as I scratched at his arms, I never really noticed how toned they were before now.
His hands went to his belt buckle and I reached down to help him as he kicked off his shoes and pants off, his boxers and my pyjama bottoms went next and we were both now completely naked. It was the first time we’re both seen each other like this, sure over the years he’d walked in when I’d been changing and vice versa.
But this was real, and we were getting so intimate and I knew exactly what was about to happen. He pulled his lips away from mine and looked down at me;
“Please don’t hate me?”
“Couldn’t ever” I said pulling his lips back to mine, and that was it, he was inside me and we were really doing this. I gasped pulling my lips away, his lips travelled down my neck as our hips moved in time. Other than Zacky I’d only ever slept with two other guys, Craig and a boy called Hank in high school when I lost my virginity to him at a Halloween party. Sad I know.
But it was suffice to say that so far Zacky was the best.
His lips travelled down my shoulder where he stopped, sucking on the skin as his hips picked up the pace, he gripped my hips and I moaned quietly, wrapping my legs around him.
This wasn’t like any of the times that I’d had sex with Craig, which felt routine and normal, sure I had orgasms, but they were nothing like this. Just in the way that he was holding me was different, he was holding me like he loved me, and the way he kissed me, and it felt like my skin was on fire.
I’m pretty sure by now the neighbours could hear me with how loud I was being, Zacky was gripping the headboard and I was a writhing mess underneath him. I was screaming and gripping his arms, he let go of the headboard and held me again, he shuddered and held me close, in the moment I couldn’t process anything. My brain had just completely stopped working.
But after a while of us just lying there, I knew we had to talk about it, I knew that what we’d just done was wrong, we’d cross the boundary between friends and lovers, and it was one that I’d never even have to think about crossing with Zacky, but it was too late. I’d just had sex with my best friend, and we’re ruined everything.
@Tones27tga
Life in technicolour :)
5/27/14