Jimmy’s P.O.V.
The next day was the worst ever. I had taken Abby with me to the studio since my mom and dad had to go to town and I thought that it was important that she had to go with me. So, I took her. Besides it would be nice for her to see her uncles and to see Papa. I didn’t want to go at all since Katie was with us so much and of course Brian. The memories were going to be extremely hard and I don’t know how it was going to go finishing this album at all.
“Am I doing the right thing Abby?” I asked her looking the rear view mirror as I pulled up to the studio. She looked at me with sadness in her eyes as she looked at the studio.
“I need you uncle Shimmy,” She whispered as I saw the tears stinging her eyes. I unbuckled and turned around to my little girl and unbuckled her seat belt and put her in my arms as she clung to me and cried.
“I want my mommy,” She cried. I held her rightly and rocked her telling her that it was going to be alright but I knew that it wasn’t going to be.
“Uncle Shimmy…why did mommy have to die?” She cried to me.
“Shhh baby girl,” I whispered rubbing her back, “She can’t live without daddy…she couldn’t handle it,” I told her. She cried against my neck and I came out of the car and held her and started pace.
“Does mommy have something that she gave to you baby?” I asked her.
“It’s at home…” She whispered, “I really want it uncle Shimmy,” She said calmer now. I nodded.
“Alright baby, we can go and get your things after we see your uncles alright?” She nodded and I just held her close. I felt so bad for this little girl. Losing both of her parents. They meant so much to the both of us and losing them was like losing parts of our hearts that wasn’t ever going to come back.
“There you guys are,” It was Papa standing outside of the studio. I turned around and saw Brian’s father standing there wiping his eyes with a tissue and stuffing it back into his pocket. I haven’t seen him so upset before. His eyes were puffy and red and it looked like he hadn’t slept since Brian’s death. I haven’t really either thanks to the nightmares and the dreams. Abby wasn’t helping since she would wake up crying for her parents but she was stuck with me.
“Hey,” I gave him a fake smile and Abby turned around and saw her grandpa but held onto me, which was a first. She always went to her grandpa, they were best friends. I came over to him and gave him a hug while Abby came and kissed his cheek and her hands locked around my neck.
“How are you doing James?” He asked as we made our way into the studio.
“Been better,” I mumbled. We didn’t say anything and my stomach was going into knots. This was the last place I wanted to be. I really didn’t want to be here and the guys knew it. Kind of felt like they were going after me for not stopping my friend from going out driving when he was drunk.
We came into the room seeing everyone there, just our band. They all looked like they were lost, no one has slept, everyone’s been crying and heart broken. I came and sat down at the edge of the couch on the arm by Zacky and Matt spoke.
“Do you guys want to continue?” He asked but looked directly at me. I looked at him and held onto Abby. As much as my sister and my best friend would want me to, I don’t think I could do something like that. I needed to take care of Abby and playing would be really hard.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. All of the guys shrugged and Zacky sat back on the couch.
“He’d want us to.” He said point blank. I nodded in agreement. It was true that he would want us to but then again, I was the one that was taking care of his daughter. She didn’t really have anywhere to go and now I don’t know if Papa would be able to take care of her or not. I didn’t want a two year old to go on tour with us either, that seemed to be to much for her.
After a long while, I just shook my head.
“I can’t,” I whispered. Their heads jerked up and looked at me. Zacky looked upset as well as the band but Matt stood and shook his head.
“We can’t lose you man,” He said. I stood, handing Abby to her grandfather who stepped outside just incase we blew up at one another. I didn’t want that to happen but, a part of me knew that we were going to get into a screaming match about all of this. I didn’t want to be in the band, I can’t do it. I can’t do this without Brian. My heart wasn’t into drumming anymore. If it wasn’t for Abby, I wouldn’t be alive. I was dead without my sister and without my best friend. They didn’t get that and they would never ever get that.
“I’m not drumming anymore, Mathew,” I told him. I haven’t called him Mathew since I had met him and this hurt him.
“Jimmy don’t leave us,” Johnny said coming to his feet.
“I can’t deal with the band anymore ok?” I said looking at them, “I need to raise Abby,” I told them and Zacky stood and shoved me. I looked at him seeing him very upset about all of this.
“So your just going to leave? What happened to family James?” He growled.
“My family is gone! My sister is gone! My best friend is gone!”
“And mine isn’t?” Zacky shouted back, “He was my friend too man!”
“He was closer to me then all of you!” I yelled at him in tears, “You don’t get it! And now I have to take care of Abby!”
Zacky came closer to me, his face close to mine, “We can help you Jimmy! She’s our niece too!”
“Not by blood! Your sister didn’t come to you with her dying breath telling you to take care of their kid! I can’t do this! I quit!” I screamed. They looked at me with hurt and Zacky just shook his head and walked over to the table and grabbed a beer. They didn’t say anything so I left. I didn’t need this from Zacky and I didn’t need this from the guys. If they didn’t respect me on leaving then they weren’t my friends.
Granted, it did hurt a lot about my friends not caring about what I had to do and such, about what I lost. That was my baby sister, the one that I spent my whole life with and then my best friend who was my brother, he married my sister and we were inseparable. I have known him since the guys. It hurt and I didn’t like what they are doing to me.
“Papa, I need to take Abigail home now,” I said as I came out. Abby looked at me and reached up for me as I came to her and hugged her tight. Papa stood from the lawn chair and hugged me.
“What’d they have to say?” He asked me. I looked at him with sadness, I couldn’t tell him that I quit, it would break his heart. He was the one that helped us come together but then again, he would know that I needed this break so that I could get over their deaths.
“I quit,” I said quietly. My voice broke. Being the drummer with my friends was the dream that I always wanted to live and now that I couldn’t live that anymore, it hurt. I lost my two best friends that I could ever ask for and now my dream. What next?
Papa nodded and hugged me, telling me that I should. Which shocked me but he knew that I needed this break. I just didn’t know how long it would last.
Abby and I drove to her home to pick up her things and being here made me shake. Going in there was going to be a nightmare and for Abby. I took in a deep breath and got Abby out of her car seat and we slowly walked up the driveway.
“It ok uncle Shimmy,” She said gently as I stood in front of the door. I looked to her and gave a small smile only to see someone inside.