Lost Without You (Jimmy Sullivan)
Chapter 11 |Learning To Let Go|
Looking into my kitchen seeing Ruby and Abby laughing and giggling while they made home made pizza made me feel happy but then again, telling myself over and over again that Ruby was taken was making me sad. I was sick and tired of being sad and hurt all the time.
I sat down on the couch and pulled out my phone hitting number 2 on speed dial and saw Brian’s name and his cell phone dialing. My shaking hand went and put it up against my ear, the laughing and giggling coming to a close as my heart raced in my chest wondering if Brian would answer his phone. Maybe that my sister and him dying was just a dream, that it actually wasn’t really reality. I just needed to wake up now and realize what was important. That Brian and Katie were alive and well, that Abby was just staying the night and Ruby was just helping out since she saw my sister.
Hey you’ve reached Brian, I can’t come to the phone right now…Brian’s sweet voice came onto the phone and I felt my bottom lip starting to quiver. I held onto the phone tightly as my heart wrenched. There was the long beep and I felt tears streaming down my face. I was trying so hard not to cry but it wasn’t working out, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Brian,” I cried. The phone slowly slipped down out of my hand and onto the coffee table, me putting my head in my hands and began to weep with Brian’s voice playing over and over in my head. Why did he have to die?! Why couldn’t be still be alive with me? Why was he gone? Why did my sister have to leave me?
I gripped onto my head, pulling my hair out of my head. Why?! Why them?! If I was faster, if I would of stopped Brian, he would be here. He would be here alive and well and with his daughter it wasn’t for me. It was all my fault. Brian dying was all fault!
“Jimmy?” A voice jerked me out of my own daze and I looked over to see Ruby sitting down beside her. I didn’t want her here, I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy. I just wanted my sister! That’s all I wanted right now was the comfort of my sister but was I going to get that, no!
“Just go away,” I mumbled to her. I knew that shoving her away wasn’t going to help anything. All Ruby tried to do was to help me but I didn’t want her help. I can’t let Brian or my sister go even though I said good-bye, I just couldn’t.
I felt her hand on my back, this made me stiffen. I don’t want to be like this, I don’t really want her here, I don’t want this to be like this. I was starting to get scared, worry, panic.
“Go away Ruby,” I muttered but she didn’t leave. Instead, my little angel came into the living room asking if I was alright. I shot up to my feet and walked up the stairs hearing Ruby soothing Abby. She was hurt, thinking that I was angered with her. I wasn’t angered at her, or with Ruby. I wanted my own way and that was it. I didn’t want them in my life right now, I just wanted my sister. She would make everything better for me.
I shut and locked the door behind me, coming to my bed and laid down on it, letting my face fall into the pillows and I just cried. I heard Brian’s voice in my head, my head swarming on memories. There was so many hated words that I had said to him and I was heart broken. It was like that’s all my head could wrap around was them words and nothing else.
“I’m sorry!” I cried, coming and hugging the pillow tight, “I am sorry Brian,” I cried. My heart was breaking from them, I just wanted them back. I don’t know how I was ever going to recover from this.
Ruby’s P.O.V.
I sat at the edge of the couch holding onto Abby, rocking her and letting her cry on my chest.
“Can you be my mommy Ruby?” She whispered. Her little hands were clinging onto the back of my shirt as she hugged me. I held her close and rocked her.
“Of course baby,” I whispered kissing the top of her head. Even though I didn’t really know how to be a mother since I really didn’t have one growing up but taking care of Lisa opened my eyes and now, Abby was going to be my little baby girl. Her mother was my best friend and I missed her a lot but, these two needed me and I was going to be there for them.
“I’m here baby girl,” I whispered to her, rubbing her back.
“Is uncle Shimmy mad at me?” She sniffled, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve.
“No baby, he’s just sad,” I said sadly. She nodded and cuddled up to me. I started to sing a little lullaby my mom sang to me when I was sad that I sand to Lisa and now to Robby and it always helped. It was soothing enough that Abby fell asleep.
I took her up to her room and tucked her in, kissing the top of her head. She was such a sweet little girl. I felt kind of sour about Katie not telling me, made me wonder a lot on why she didn’t tell me about her or her husband or her family. Didn’t she trust me?
I sighed, getting up and walking out of her room, shutting the door quietly and walked to Jimmy’s door, putting my ear against it. I was worried about him, I cared a lot about him and seeing him so hurt broke my heart. I wanted to help him but I couldn’t when he was pushing me away like this.
I gently knocked on his door, “Can I come in, Jimmy?” I asked him. I heard him shuffling just a little and him sighing.
“I guess,” He muttered. I opened the door and came inside his dark room seeing him laying on his tummy with his pillow tucked under his head. I felt my heart break again for him, seeing him look so down and out.
I came and sat down beside him and touched his arm gently, caressing it.
“I’m so sorry Jimmy,” I whispered to him. He didn’t saw anything or even move. He just stared ahead of him and just held his pillow tighter. After a while, he finally started to talk.
“He was my best friend,” He said lightly, “I loved him so much. We did everything together. But…b-before he died…we got in a fight,” He whispered, “He’s gone now and…” He didn’t say anything before he buried his head into his pillow and cried. I came and laid beside him, coming and wrapping my arms around him and held him tight and left him cry, just hoping I could find something to help him through this.
I sat down on the couch and pulled out my phone hitting number 2 on speed dial and saw Brian’s name and his cell phone dialing. My shaking hand went and put it up against my ear, the laughing and giggling coming to a close as my heart raced in my chest wondering if Brian would answer his phone. Maybe that my sister and him dying was just a dream, that it actually wasn’t really reality. I just needed to wake up now and realize what was important. That Brian and Katie were alive and well, that Abby was just staying the night and Ruby was just helping out since she saw my sister.
Hey you’ve reached Brian, I can’t come to the phone right now…Brian’s sweet voice came onto the phone and I felt my bottom lip starting to quiver. I held onto the phone tightly as my heart wrenched. There was the long beep and I felt tears streaming down my face. I was trying so hard not to cry but it wasn’t working out, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Brian,” I cried. The phone slowly slipped down out of my hand and onto the coffee table, me putting my head in my hands and began to weep with Brian’s voice playing over and over in my head. Why did he have to die?! Why couldn’t be still be alive with me? Why was he gone? Why did my sister have to leave me?
I gripped onto my head, pulling my hair out of my head. Why?! Why them?! If I was faster, if I would of stopped Brian, he would be here. He would be here alive and well and with his daughter it wasn’t for me. It was all my fault. Brian dying was all fault!
“Jimmy?” A voice jerked me out of my own daze and I looked over to see Ruby sitting down beside her. I didn’t want her here, I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy. I just wanted my sister! That’s all I wanted right now was the comfort of my sister but was I going to get that, no!
“Just go away,” I mumbled to her. I knew that shoving her away wasn’t going to help anything. All Ruby tried to do was to help me but I didn’t want her help. I can’t let Brian or my sister go even though I said good-bye, I just couldn’t.
I felt her hand on my back, this made me stiffen. I don’t want to be like this, I don’t really want her here, I don’t want this to be like this. I was starting to get scared, worry, panic.
“Go away Ruby,” I muttered but she didn’t leave. Instead, my little angel came into the living room asking if I was alright. I shot up to my feet and walked up the stairs hearing Ruby soothing Abby. She was hurt, thinking that I was angered with her. I wasn’t angered at her, or with Ruby. I wanted my own way and that was it. I didn’t want them in my life right now, I just wanted my sister. She would make everything better for me.
I shut and locked the door behind me, coming to my bed and laid down on it, letting my face fall into the pillows and I just cried. I heard Brian’s voice in my head, my head swarming on memories. There was so many hated words that I had said to him and I was heart broken. It was like that’s all my head could wrap around was them words and nothing else.
“I’m sorry!” I cried, coming and hugging the pillow tight, “I am sorry Brian,” I cried. My heart was breaking from them, I just wanted them back. I don’t know how I was ever going to recover from this.
Ruby’s P.O.V.
I sat at the edge of the couch holding onto Abby, rocking her and letting her cry on my chest.
“Can you be my mommy Ruby?” She whispered. Her little hands were clinging onto the back of my shirt as she hugged me. I held her close and rocked her.
“Of course baby,” I whispered kissing the top of her head. Even though I didn’t really know how to be a mother since I really didn’t have one growing up but taking care of Lisa opened my eyes and now, Abby was going to be my little baby girl. Her mother was my best friend and I missed her a lot but, these two needed me and I was going to be there for them.
“I’m here baby girl,” I whispered to her, rubbing her back.
“Is uncle Shimmy mad at me?” She sniffled, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve.
“No baby, he’s just sad,” I said sadly. She nodded and cuddled up to me. I started to sing a little lullaby my mom sang to me when I was sad that I sand to Lisa and now to Robby and it always helped. It was soothing enough that Abby fell asleep.
I took her up to her room and tucked her in, kissing the top of her head. She was such a sweet little girl. I felt kind of sour about Katie not telling me, made me wonder a lot on why she didn’t tell me about her or her husband or her family. Didn’t she trust me?
I sighed, getting up and walking out of her room, shutting the door quietly and walked to Jimmy’s door, putting my ear against it. I was worried about him, I cared a lot about him and seeing him so hurt broke my heart. I wanted to help him but I couldn’t when he was pushing me away like this.
I gently knocked on his door, “Can I come in, Jimmy?” I asked him. I heard him shuffling just a little and him sighing.
“I guess,” He muttered. I opened the door and came inside his dark room seeing him laying on his tummy with his pillow tucked under his head. I felt my heart break again for him, seeing him look so down and out.
I came and sat down beside him and touched his arm gently, caressing it.
“I’m so sorry Jimmy,” I whispered to him. He didn’t saw anything or even move. He just stared ahead of him and just held his pillow tighter. After a while, he finally started to talk.
“He was my best friend,” He said lightly, “I loved him so much. We did everything together. But…b-before he died…we got in a fight,” He whispered, “He’s gone now and…” He didn’t say anything before he buried his head into his pillow and cried. I came and laid beside him, coming and wrapping my arms around him and held him tight and left him cry, just hoping I could find something to help him through this.
@RubySullivan0
No no no, not deleting please. It's not that bad, that it has to be deleted. Really not! Yeah you're right. F.ex. the marriage thing.. this just came out of the blue. One chapter before Jimmy was like mad at her and really disappointed and then bam everything's fine again and he proposes but the two weren't really together before. Just a bit strange. But I loved the beginning, it was amazing with Jimmy and Ruby how they just connected without knowing each other. Very cool :D
12/28/13