Scream

Matt's expression remained unchanged.

"Not your best joke," he said, "but nice try."

"Matt, I'm not joking," I said.

"Courtney, it's impossible."

"No, it's not!"

"Matt, let's go! I wanna play!" Brian yelled.

Matt stood up, unfazed. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"But-" I started but he walked out. I couldn't tell if he was seriously not believing me, or if he just wanted to forget it happened. I stayed in bed with the TV on until we stopped at the next place. I heard Matt and Brian going back and forth before the bus door opened at the same time the room door opened.

"Hey, were you gonna come out and hang tonight?" Brian asked, leaning against the doorframe.

I shrugged, and he sat down next to me.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. I looked at him.

"Do you ever wish I didn't remember times we had sex?" I asked.

His eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know, why?"

"Is it easier to forget?"

Brian picked up the remote and turned the TV off. "Courtney, what is this about? Is this because of yesterday?"

"No," I said, looking down.

"Do you not want us to be like this anymore?"

I didn't say anything until he tilted my chin up to meet his eyes.

"What is going on?" he whispered. "I hate seeing you like this. I'm so sorry about everything that happened yesterday, I was afraid I was going to lose you-"

"Maybe that would be best."

"Don't push me away, Court. I know what you're doing."

"Brian, I did something horrible," I said, tears forming in my eyes. "I really fucked up and I don't know what to do and I can't tell you."

"Why not, baby?"

"You'll hate me and you'll... nothing will be the same," I said, pulling away from his hand.

"I could never hate you. I love you more than anything, we've gotten through so much together, right?" He took my hand and ran his thumb over the ring. "Tell me and we'll figure it out."

I shook my head. "Brian, I can't. You don't understand, this is bigger than me and you-"

"Did you sleep with someone else?"

I looked at him and nodded slowly as more tears just kept coming faster.

He pulled me against him and rubbed my back. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay."

I cried into his shirt for so long until I was out of tears. I pulled back and looked at him, whispering, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he repeated, keeping his arms around me. "Was it after you saw me?"

I nodded, looking down. "Did anything else happen with her?"

"It could have, but then I realized what I was doing. I came back here and I couldn't find you. I was coming out of Zack's bus to check Matt's when I saw our door shut."

Every muscle in my body tensed at Matt's name and I couldn't move.

"Courtney," he whispered, running his hand up and down my arm. He noticed I was still as stone. "Who was it?"

"I can't-"

"Was it the kid from the hospital?"

"No-"

"Who else could it have been?"

I stared at him, feeling my heart pound in my chest. He stared back, trying to read me to figure it out. After an agonizing moment, the lightbulb over his head went off and his expression broke.

"No," he said, almost begging, "not him, Courtney."

I didn't say anything as he stood up, rubbing his face with his hands. When I saw his eyes again, they had tears in them like mine.

"My best fucking friend, seriously? Of all people?!"

"He was drunk," I told him, "and alone. I was so upset with you-"

"So you fucked him?! That's like cheating with an ex, for Christ's sake!"

"He doesn't remember!" I exclaimed. "He thinks it was just a dream!"

"Do you even realize how much Matt has to drink before he can't fucking remember?"

"He drank more when I got to him, I wanted him to."

He began pacing and my eyes followed him. "Do you understand what this means?"

"That I'm disgusting?"

He ignored me. "He could go to jail, but he's gonna wonder why you did it in the first place and if he finds out it's because you got jealous, he'll know about us."

"I told him I still had feelings for him," I murmured.

Brian stopped to glare at me. "And is that true?"

"No," I said, "that's why I had to scrub myself clean afterward, I was so disgusted and the only person I ever wanted to be with that way was you!"

"Well, too late now," Brian muttered.

"Brian, this is hard on me, too!" I yelled. "Don't make me feel worse-"

"Courtney," he said, trying to sound calm. "I have been terrified of this happening. Do you understand? I deserved you being with someone else, I deserve to hurt. But him? I can't handle that. He loves you so much, and you can actually..." He took a deep breath. "It's legal to be with him once you're 18. I will never have that chance and it kills me every fucking day to know I can't be with you like I want."

I stared at him as he sat back down next to me, sighing.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I know," he replied. "How am I going to play with him tonight?"

"He doesn't remember, Brian. It won't feel weird to him."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I tried, he didn't believe me."

"Do you want him to remember?"

I thought about it. "I don't know. Isn't it the right thing to do? To tell him?"

Brian bit his lip. "Not always," he murmured before standing. "I'm gonna go. Come out if you want tonight."

"I love you," I said as he opened the door. He stopped and looked at me. I could see the pain in his eyes when he looked at me. He may not hate me, but I really hurt him. Even if he forgave me eventually, I won't forgive myself.

"Always," he said. He walked out and I heard him leave the bus, shutting the door almost inaudibly.

I took me five seconds to decide what I was going to do.

I ran into the bathroom with my makeup bag and put on eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick. After straightening my hair I went through our closet and found the ripped Avenged Sevenfold shirt Brian got me. I pulled that on with a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and black combat boots. I went through the bracelets Brian had in the nightstand, finding the one he got me for my 14th birthday and slid that over my hand along with a couple others. I checked myself in the mirror before heading out. Escape the Fate had started and I found Lacey and Gena hanging outside the entrance to backstage.

"Damn, look at you!" Gena yelled as Lacey whistled. "Who you trying to impress?"

"Just felt like dressing up a little," I said, seeing Brian with his back toward us. I jogged past them to him just as the tech he was talking to walked away.

"Hey," I said. He turned around, looking tired, but his eyes brightened as soon as he saw me.

He smiled as he looked me over and said, "Wow, hey. You look nice, but why?"

I glanced around before saying, "For you."

He smiled a little wider. "Yeah?"

I nodded with my own grin. "Unless you fuck up, then I dunno."

"Oh, is that so?" he asked, laughing.

Zack walked by, clapping Brian on the shoulder. "Guitar tech needs us, bro."

Brian nodded. "I'll see you later, Court." They walked away and I sighed, walking back over to the girls. As the time got closer for Avenged Sevenfold to go on, we made our way to next to the stage. I watched Brian as he did whatever he had to do but he never looked my way until they were about to go on when he gave me a light smile as their "Nightmare" intro started. The show went great as always.

Matt introduced "Gunslinger" as he usually did dedicating it to the armed forces, but before the bridge, Matt stopped and looked at Brian, who leaned into his mic.

"Can someone give Courtney Haner a microphone?" he said, looking over to me.

I shook my head vigorously, but the girls pushed me up.

"Go! It'll be fun!" I was already halfway out on stage, I couldn't walk off.

It was so bright on stage and I couldn't see anyone in the audience. A tech member handed me a mic as I walked over to Brian as Matt started the bridge.

I whispered into his ear, "Brian, I can't do this!"

"Do it for me," he said. "Sing it to me."

I pretended it was just us in the basement again, singing for each other. Matt looked to me and I sang the few female parts on the song along with the chorus with him. It felt amazing, but as soon as the song was over, I ran off. The girls were freaking out and I slammed into the chair, feeling my adrenaline still going. They played a few more songs until they all came off, but they were rushing to get drinks as the crowd chanted their name and Zacky pulled his red suitjacket on.

Matt ran over me and took my shoulders.

"We're going back out to do 'A Little Piece of Heaven', come with us," he exhaled excitedly.

"Matt-"

"Courtney, it was amazing to have you out there. It'll be great. Please." I looked into his eyes and nodded. He pulled me by my hand over to a tech to get the mic I gave up and the intro started.

"Just sing like we're singing to each other," he yelled. We walked out and everyone took their place. I glanced at Brian but he had a smile on his face. He started playing and Matt danced around and whatever, so I just followed suit like I was one of them. It was liberating.

Matt did exactly what he said. Certain lines he looked right at me and would hold my hand or shoulder. I did the scream and giggle and the crowd ate it up, and we kept Jimmy's tracks in place. I sang along with Brian during the choruses and then it got to the bridge. The best part of the song to many and I didn't want to fuck it up.

"I will suffer," Matt sang as we met on stage.

"What will you do," I sang back.

"For so long," he took my hand.

"Not long enough..."

"To make it up to you..."

"I pray to God that you do..."

"I'll do whatever you want me to do," he sang as he pulled me closer.

"Well then I'll grant you one chance..."

"And if it's..."

"If it's not enough..."

"...not enough?" He made this feel so real as he held my hand to his chest.

"If it's not enough..." I sang again.

"If it's not enough..."

"Not enough..."

"Try again..."

"Try again," I repeated after him.

"And again..."

"And again..." It felt so fucking real.

"Over and over again," we sang together. Before he took a step forward toward the crowd for the next part, still holding my hand.

"We're coming back, coming back.
We'll live forever, live forever
Let's have wedding, have a wedding
Let's start the killing, start the killing!" the entire band sang.

When all the instruments started, Matt twirled me around and acted like we were legitimately dancing at a wedding. It was so fun, I forgot there were even people watching.

He got the crowd to sing the choir part and then Zacky took over as Minister.

"Do you take this man in death for the rest of your unnatural life?" he asked, looking at me.

"Yes, I do," I said with a grin.

"Do you take this woman in death for the rest of your unnatural life?" he asked, looking at Matt.

Matt glanced at me before saying, "Fuck yeah." Zacky chuckled and we sang the ending chorus together, standing in front of each other again.

"But baby, don't cry," he sang alone. The crowd went nuts and he thanked the audience as usual and we all walked off. The girls were freaking out, saying how amazing it was.

"None of us knew you could sing!" Gena shrieked. I looked at Brian and he had a sly smile.

"Maybe I kinda liked it that way!" I said. His smile grew.

"Seriously, that was awesome," Matt said, slinging an arm around my shoulder. We all walked back to the buses and hung out for a bit, knowing we didn't have to start driving until the morning. I went into the bus to get a water but noticed the door didn't shut immediately behind me. I turned around and Matt was standing at the top of the two steps.

"You guys planned that, didn't you?" I asked.

He chuckled. "He told me to stop singing before the bridge, he didn't say why. But that was amazing, I'm serious. You're great."

I felt myself blush. "I'm a good shower singer."

"Courtney, you're fantastic. I wouldn't just say that."

I smiled at him. "Is that what you came in here to say? That you're gonna pull me on stage again at some point?"

"I might, but not why I'm here."

I watched him, waiting. He was biting his lip. He was nervous. My smile faded.

"Matt, what is it?" I asked quietly.

He sighed. "I remember everything from last night."

Notes

Chapter title credit: A7X obvs
Woo! I've been wanting her to get on stage for a while, I'm happy with this.
Thanks for reading!