Scream

Neither Matt nor I said anything until we heard the bathroom door open. Brian appeared at the top of the stairs and looked at us suspiciously. I clenched my teeth at the sight of him in nothing but a towel.

"Watching something?" he asked.

"Actually," Matt said, glancing at me, "I was asking her about the hospital." Brian's face lost all color.

"Oh. All right." He walked back down the hall and I stared at the spot he was standing in with a glare.

"He did that on purpose," I muttered.

"I know," Matt groaned. "But any time you being in the hospital came up since you left, he either walked away or changed the topic. I knew that would get rid of him."

"Why would he do that?"

"Honestly, I'm pretty sure brothers do that because it's not supposed to be seen in any kind of... way. You know what I mean?"

I did know, but at the same time I didn't. I'd never had a regular relationship with my brother. I did maybe when I was younger, but I don't trust any of how he acted back then because god only knows what was going through his head at the time.

"Am I looking into it too much?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I really don't know. It could be either reason. I wish I knew what he was thinking, but he's impossible to read."

I knew that more than anyone.

The day went by quietly. We didn't see much more of Brian while we watched TV. A couple hours later Brian walked down the stairs with his phone to his ear.

"Thank you so much, man. I'll see you in a bit." He hung up and looked at us with a smile. "You guys wanna come?"

"Um, where?" Matt asked.

"Tyler said he could do my Jimmy tattoo today."

"What Jimmy tattoo?" I asked, finally meeting Brian's gaze. He was waiting for my reaction, he couldn't have cared less if Matt even answered.

"'Forever' across his chest," Matt said, squinting his eyes at Brian.

"That's actually really sweet," I said with a pang of hurt. I missed him.

"Yeah, so let's go!" Brian grabbed his keys and ran out of the house before either of us could answer. I looked at Matt.

"What harm could it do?" I asked as I got up and went out to meet Brian. Matt followed without hesitation.

We got there and the lot was empty even though the neon "open" light was on in the window. We walked in to see a heavily tattooed and pierced man sitting at the desk. It smelled like a hospital, same as when I used to come with Brian.

"Hey Brian," Tyler, I presumed, said. "You ready?"

"Hell yeah, dude," he said, walking past the desk to the back room. Tyler followed and Matt walked in front of me before I could go.

"Are you sure you want to go in there?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

"Matt, it's fine," I whispered, looking past him. "What could go wrong?" He watched me before he stepped to the side.

"I'm gonna go take a walk then." I nodded and he walked out, pulling his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. I walked in to where Brian went. The alcohol smell was even stronger in here, probably because Tyler was wiping everything down. Brian was lying on the bench and looked at me with a smile.

"This will be fun," he said as Tyler placed the stencil gently onto his chest. He ran his hand over it and slowly peeled it off.

"Sit up, tell me what you think," he said. Brian looked in the mirror with a huge grin.

"Looks good." He laid back down and Tyler dipped the needle in black ink. I sat in the stool next to Brian and watched as Tyler stood over him.

"Ready?" Brian nodded.

"Born ready." His arm closest to me dangled off the side while his other one rested on his stomach. Tyler fired up the gun and pressed it to Brian's chest to start the F. His jaw tensed and his fists clenched.

"You okay, Bri?" I asked. He looked at me and managed to give the smallest smile.

"Great," he said through his teeth.

"You'd think you'd be used to it."

"So did I." Things stayed like that until Tyler got to the E in the middle, where it was directly on Brian's sternum.

"Shit, stop," Brian said. Tyler chuckled.

"Do you need a smoke break?" he asked.

"No, just a needle break." I looked down and saw Brian's hand slowly relaxing. "All right, go." Tyler dipped the needle again when I took Brian's hand and squeezed. He looked at me and squeezed back when Tyler went back to the E. Our hands stay connected through the rest of the tattoo while the two men made small talk. Once it was done, Tyler wiped it clean and helped Brian sit up. He let go of my hand to walk over to the mirror.

"It's perfect, dude. Thank you so much." After Tyler covered it with plastic, we went out to the waiting area and while he paid, I looked at some of the pictures. They were all beautiful, but one in particular caught my attention. It was plain but that's what made it so great. It was a silver anchor inside of a brown ship wheel. When I was in the hospital I'd met someone with a naval tattoo.

"Ships tend to mean strength or stability, but the wheel represents change. So put the two together, and you have the ability to remain stable in constant change," he said.

"I need stability," I had joked.

"You're much more stable than most people would be in your situation," he said. "Especially once you're back out there, I know you'll do better than any of us."

"Do you want that?" Brian asked, bringing me back to the tattoo shop.

"Oh, no," I said, turning to him. "It just... I liked it, that's all."

"Where would you get it?"

"My leg probably," I said instantly. He smiled.

"Court, if you want it then get it."

"No, I don't have money."

"I'll pay."

"Brian, it's too much--"

"Courtney," he stopped me. "Let me do this for you." I stared at him for a few seconds before I nodded. Tyler smiled and came over to take the picture out of the frame. He went to his work room off to the side to do the stencil and we sat in the chairs while we waited.

"It doesn't hurt too much," Brian finally said.

"Says the guy who almost broke my hand," I said.

"Chest hurts, okay?" We both laughed as Matt walked in.

"What the hell is taking so long? Jesus," he said, landing in the chair next to me.

"Court's getting one," Brian told him. Matt looked at him then me with wide eyes.

"Are you serious?" I nodded and Matt slowly grinned.

"Welcome to the club, kid," he said, nudging me wit his elbow.

"Not yet," Tyler said, walking out with the stencil. "She needs to actually get it first."

"Let's go," Brian said, pulling me up with him. We walked back over to where he got his and Tyler looked at me.

"So where is this going?"

"Here," I said, placing my hand over the side of my thigh. Luckily I wore shorts today.

He placed it where I put my hand and rubbed his hand over it to make sure it got on. He removed the paper and gestured to the mirror. I looked and my jaw dropped.

"It's gonna be great," I said, smiling ear to ear.

"Good," Tyler said. "Now lie on your side." I did as he said and faced Brian with my head on my arm. Matt was watching from the doorway. "Ready?"

"As ready as I can be," I said. The buzz of the needle started and Brian took my hand that was resting on the leather by my stomach.

"Breathe," he said quietly. I felt the needle hit my skin but it didn't hurt, it was more of an irritating annoyance than anything else. It stayed like that until Tyler started on the back of my leg, which was a bit more painful. I squeezed Brian's hand and he squeezed back. "You're fine," he whispered. I nodded and smiled.

"I was hoping she'd yell or something by now," Matt said.

"Yeah, I thought so, too," Brian said, keeping his eyes on mine. His thumb caressed the back of my hand once Tyler started the shading. That hurt significantly more, probably because it's five needles at once instead of just one. The guys carried on conversations while I laid there with my eyes shut, feeling nothing but the vibration of the gun and Brian's hand.

"All done," said a voice right next to my ear and I jumped. I opened my eyes and Brian still held my hand. "Did you doze off?"

"I think so," I said tiredly. "How does it look?"

"See for yourself," he said, pushing me up. I saw in the mirror and clasped my hands over my mouth.

"Oh my god," I said, looking to Tyler. "Thank you so much, it's perfect."

"No prob," he said. He covered it up and we walked out front for Brian to pay. Matt was outside smoking again when we left.

"Damn, look at you," he said, throwing the butt to the ground and stomping on it.

"Feels weird to walk, though," I said as I got in the car.

"Yeah, imagine how it feels for me to breathe," Brian joked.

After sitting in the shop with him like that, I could've said the same thing.

Notes