The nightmare I had that night was unlike any other.

It wasn't like the normal one I had, about my parents. I was in the mental institution, in a sponge room in a strait jacket. I wouldn't stop thrashing around and screaming my head off. I could feel the panic and fear and anger. It wasn't until Brian woke me up that I felt safe.

"What the hell was that," he asked me, looking scared and another emotion I couldn't quite understand.

"I don't know," I said rubbing my eyes and running my hands through my hair.

"That wasn't the normal nightmare, what was it." He was demanding to know, not asking.

"I was in the nuthouse." I stated crying and he held me, rubbing my back to calm me down. After a couple minutes, I looked at him and he had tears in his own eyes.

"This is all my fault," he said. "I shouldn't have even suggested that." I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him it was okay or he was right, because we both knew it wasn't okay and I didn't think he was right. We sat in silence for I don't even know how long until he stood up. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?" I looked at my clock.

"It's 2 in the morning, Brian."

"So? I'm not going to sleep until you're asleep, and you're not going to sleep for a while. We both need something to do." I bit my lip.

"What would we watch?"

"You can choose." I sighed. I definitely wasn't gonna be going to sleep anytime soon. I nodded and walked out of my room with him into the living room. He went into the kitchen for some snack food of some sort and I turned the Xbox on for Netflix. I went through a bunch of movies until I settled on Saw: The Final Chapter.

"Are you fucking nuts? This is gonna scare you shitless," Brian said, giving up on looking for food.

"I'm in the mood for a scary movie," I said nonchalantly. He sat down next to me and I pressed play.

At the really gory parts (aka the whole last 75% of the movie), if it was too much for me to stomach, I would turn my head and bury it into Brian's chest. He put his arm around me and laughed sometimes because I guess my disgust was funny. When the movie ended, I had my eyes clenched shut and I was huddled against him because of the final death scene. When the credits started, he turned it off and I felt him look down at me.

"Told you it was too scary," he said quietly, drawing shapes on my back.

"It wasn't scary," I said, looking up at him. "It was just too gory for my liking." He nodded with a playful smirk on his face.

"But if you can stomach that, you can stomach pretty much any movie."

"And I barely watched most of it so I guess I'm screwed." He laughed.

"I'm sure if you watch it again you'd be fine and you wouldn't have to use me as a teddy bear." He smiled at me and I returned it. I rested my head against his chest again.

"Brian," I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wonder how things would be if Mom and Dad were still here?" The arm he had around me tensed a little.

"All the time."

"How do you think things would be?" He thought for a second.

"I know what you're trying to get at," he said with an indescribable tone. I didn't say anything so he continued. "I still would've done it. And I don't think we would've gotten caught until Mom noticed something wasn't right with you. Then she would've started questioning us relentlessly. And I probably would've been made to move out and see you only on supervised visits." I tried to imagine Mom's reaction if she'd been alive to find out what Brian had in mind for us. I shuddered.

"What about Dad? What do you think he would've done?" Brian stared off into space for a bit, thinking.

"He's harder to predict. Honestly, I think he would've punched me so hard. And then disowned me."

"But you were still willing to risk that," I whispered. He hooked hair behind my ear.

"Yeah. I didn't care what they said." I squirmed closer against him.

"This is what I'll miss," I murmured, "if I go to Huntington Mental. Never be able to cuddle with you or feel loved in any way."

"Hun, you know I'll still love you, that's never going to change," he said quietly.

"Out of sight, out of mind."

"I'd visit you everyday, Courtney. No matter what."

"What about when you go on tour? I won't see you for, like, 6 months."

"You'd be out by then. I promise." And that was the end of the conversation. It was clear he wanted it to end. He hated talking about it. I couldn't understand why, he's the one that suggested it. Maybe he was changing his mind. Before I could question it further, I'd drifted off into sleep, using him as the pillow.

***

When I woke up, I was still in the same position that I fell asleep in. Brian was sound asleep with his arm still wrapped around me tight. I relaxed and closed my eyes again, but then his pocket vibrated. I opened my eyes back up and and slowly and cautiously reached into his front pocket. I pulled his phone out and turned it on silent just in case. Then I looked at the screen.

Text from Matt. I opened it.

You have to.

What was that supposed to mean? I went into the sentbox and read the most recent message. It was from 4am this morning. Around the time I'd fallen asleep.

I'm not sending her there. I can't.

So he had changed his mind. But Matt is trying to get him to change it back... why?

"Baby, what are you doing?" Shit. I looked up at Brian and he was looking at the phone. He took it out of my hands and read the text I'd been looking at. I felt his heart rate increase under my ear. He set the phone down on the nightstand away from me. "Didn't we talk about you going into my phone?"

"It-it went off and..." I stopped and tried getting up to go somewhere, anywhere else, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. There was something different in his grip than the other times he'd done it.

"Courtney, I'm not mad," he said. "I just wish you didn't, you know? Like if you asked me about it, I would've told you. I was planning on telling you." I looked at him with the most confused look on my face. This was a totally different Brian than I was used to.