I Smiled looking at the Giant hot pink teddy bear Brian had brought with him. "Get well" was sewn across the stomach.
Every time I would see those word's I would chuckle. He also brought a pizza and beer.
He was currently stuffing his face, taking a drink of his beer between bites. I had eaten a small piece and couldn't really stomach anymore.
"This bear is going to take up a lot of space in my room". The bear was huge. It's head was the height of my hips.
"Lots of love". He said flashing my a smile.
"He can be my cuddle buddy". I said looking at him. He did a thumb's up.
"So I guess Lilli told you to come over huh"?
"yes and no. She did ask me to and I just didn't feel like going out. Ashley , knowing my luck would show up at the bar".
"Lilli told me you guy's broke up. sorry about that". I wasn't.
"Don't be. It's a weight of my shoulders for sure. She was nothing but drama and we hadn't really even acted like a couple for the past 7 months".
"Ouch. Damn that sucks". I know how he felt.
"Plus id rather be spending time with you cheering you up". He smiled again.
"So why did you guy's break up if you don't mind me asking". I looked down at the bright blue chipped finger nail polish on my finger nails.
"Well". He said before taking a drink of his beer and crumpling up the can. He relaxed back into the couch."I was just tired of being with her. I never really felt anything for her, I just didn't want to be alone, as bad as that sounds". I chewed on my bottom lip.
"We did nothing but fight, and used each other for sex. But the main reason was.."
"She called me a cunt". I said before he could finish.
"Lilli told you didn't she"?
"Yea. It's what ever I don't really ever take offense to that word. It's just another word for vagina". He laughed.
"she swore up and down We were doing shit behind her back. No matter what I told her she never believed me". I rolled my eye's.
"I never liked her".
"I know. No one did. She was a attention.."
"Whore". He laughed.
"Exactly". I smiled. Suddenly I got the urge to have some of the captain. I stood and started for the kitchen.
"What you doin"? Brian asked.
"Getting the captain". I opened the freezer and pulled out the half full bottle of rummy goodness. I grabbed 2 shot glasses before walking out of the kitchen.
I held up the shot glasses, as a silent way of asking if he wanted any. He shook his head yes.
"Of course I do". I set the shot glasses on the coffee table as I sat down cross legged on the couch.
"So since you asked me about me and Ashley I've been wondering about something".
"OK". I said pouring the golden liquid into the shot glasses before downing mine. The sweet liquid burned my throat but I loved it. I inhaled deeply after downing the liquid.
"Why did you and Braydon break up"?
I chuckled.
"You sure you want to know"? I asked watching Brian down his shot.
"mmhm".
"Alright". I said leaning over and pouring my self another shot and downed it before I started my explanation.
Brian chuckled at the face I made. The warmth that started in my abdomen started to spread through out my body to my limbs.
"I will sum it up for cuz if I don't we will be here for hours". I set my shot glass down.
"He got me addicted to pills, he cheated on me, he treated me like shit, and well...yea he was just a piece of shit".
"Damn. I didn't expect that. What were you addicted to if you don't mind me asking".
"Xanax. He told me they would relax me and help me sleep, cuz at the time I couldn't sleep. I was stressed from work. So I took one and from that night on he would make me take them. If I didn't take them in front of him he would crush it up in my food. So as expected I couldn't function with out taking them".
"You hid it well, because I never once suspected anything". I don't know if the guy's did or not but I never did". I couldn't help but feel horrible for the thing's I had done when I was with Braydon.
Thing's I would never have done if I never met him. The main reason I never wanted to talk about what happened was the simple fact is I hated who I was. I hated everything about my self. Braydon was the reason I started cutting. Every fight we ever had raced through my mind bringing back all the old emotion's and the fact he was the biggest mistake of my life. How could some one so perfect at first turn out to become a part of my life I hated. I hadn't cried when I left him, but it was getting hard to hold back the tear's. Probably a mixture of the death of my mom and the fact I don't deal with my problem's.
"He really hurt you huh"? Brian asked with a sigh. I could hear the sincerity in his voice.
I shook my head yes. Tear's now running down my face.
"I really did love him. he was my first boy friend. My first every thing you know"? Maybe I was crying because I wasted so much time on him.
"I'm sorry". I said wiping my tears away with my hand. "I'm a mess".
"Don't be. I understand". He rubbed his hand up and down my leg.
" I didn't even cry when we broke up that's how shitty thing's were between us. "I gave him a second chance and he still didn't care. Like I was just a piece of trash to him".
"Well think of it this way". Brian said pouring me a shot along with him self. He handed me the glass.
"You'r better off with out him. You deserve a lot better than that piece of shit. You're an amazing person who deserves so much better".
"I know I just......I never told anybody before tonight because I didn't want to deal with it. Just like I just want to get over my mom being gone....but I can't and I hate it so much". I downed the shot. Maybe the alcohol would keep the tears away.
"I just want her back so bad". I was wrong The tears, I couldn't stop them. "God dammit"! I said loudly. I quickly got off the couch and quickly walked to my bed room.
I knew Brian was following me.
I hated crying front of anybody, I hated crying in general. It made me feel so weak.

I sighed looking at my alarm clock barely able to keep my eyes open. Brian was still here. It was kinda nice. I didn't want to be alone. Pulp fiction was on the t.v.
I was exhausted, mentally. all my limbs hurt also. I just felt stiff. My eye's hurt. They were probably all red and puffy.
I'm surprised your still awake". Brian mumbled. I knew he was tired.
"Barely". I whispered back. "Why aren't you a sleep"?
"I can go home and sleep. I just want to make sure your okay before I leave". I tuned my head to the side to face him.
"Oh, okay".
"You sound bummed. Do you want me to stay"? He asked yawning. "I mean we never discussed me staying".
"I was...kinda hoping you would".
"You really want me to stay"?
"Mhmm". I mumbled before I passed out from my lack of sleep. I hoped he would be there in the morning. If he wasn't I would understand, but I really wanted him to be. It had been a long time since I got to spend time with him like this. The last time was probably high school. On top of that finally talking about Braydon kinda let a weight off my chest.