1 week later
Thing's were getting back to normal. I spent almost everyday before I went to work with the guy's at the shop. It was just like old time's again. We laughed at old stories and all the stupid thing's we had done over the year's. Ashley didn't really come around either which I defiantly didn't mind. I got to spend some quality time with my sister and her little girl finally after about 2 years. Candi constantly was putting a smile on my face. Everything seemed to be falling back into place. My mom seemed like she was getting better. It seemed like old times. Until I got a call at 2:30 in the morning. A call I would never forget.

I stood in the elevator, tears slowly running down my face. I was shaking. I looked at the numbers above the elevator doors waiting for the light to reach the number 3. Lilli stood next to me with Candi in her arm's.
We hadn't said a single word to each other since we reached the hospital.
I kept repeating the doctor's word's in my head.
"Your mother Karen had a Major heart attack. She is in critical condition. We don't think she'll make it through the night". Hearing those word's made me feel cold. I felt so helpless now. I knew there was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could do anyways from the beginning, but I always wished there could be. Watching my mom die slowly, in a hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines was painful to watch.

* "Mom"! I yelled, a smile plastered on my face as I stood out side my high school as her car pulled up, holding a card I had made her for mothers day.
"Hey sweetie". She said pulling along side the curb. "How was your day"?
"Not to bad. Same old shit i do everyday". I opened the passenger side door and slid in dropping my band patch covered messenger bag.
"Uh huh". She said. the tone in her voice obviously meant she wasn't happy about my choice of words. "What's in your hands"?
"Oh this is for you. It's an early mother's day present". I handed it to her. "Just kinda figured I'd give you something early".
"oh". She said smiling grabbing the card. "You know it's not for another 2 weeks".
"And"? I asked chuckling.
She just smiled looked at the front of the card.
"Happy mothers day to the best mother I know...My own". She said reading the card. She open the card and gasped at what she saw on the inside.
"your kidding". she said looking at me. I smiled at her reaction. She stared at the acceptance letter i had gotten from a local college.
"You got accepted? Oh my god! I'm so proud of you"! I would be the first of my family to go to college.
"I found out today". i looked at her.
She looked at me smiling. *

The ding from the elevator door's opening caught my attention. Lilli walked out before I did. I followed behind her trying my hardest not to break down. A group of people stood outside her room. I spotted my grandma Vivian and my aunt Becky. a handful of other relatives I hadn't seen in year's. I was surprised they even showed up. Matt sat on the bench with Brian across from her room.
"Lilli". My grandma called out running over to her wrapping her arm's around Lilli and Candi, Ignoring me completely. which was typical. I never really got along with most of my family. They were all ashamed I was a stripper and rubbed it in my face every chance they got. It didn't surprise me my grandma would still be like this even though her daughter, my mother was dieing. I took a deep breath before walking past her. I ignored the look's my relative's shot in my direction. As much as I would love to bitch them out here was defiantly not the place or time.
I looked up, making eye contact with Brian. I tried my best to put a smile on my face but I couldn't.
"Hey". I said my voice barely above a whisper.
"Hey". they both said solomly.
I sighed and sat down in between Brian and Matt.
"So, um..". I started pushing my hair behind my ears. "So what have the doctor's said? Anything different"?
"um.....". Brian looked over at Matt.
"Mattie! Brian!". Candi said loudly a smile on her face as she ran over to us.
"Hi beautiful". Brian said putting a smile on.
"What are you doing here? It's bed time you know". She said pointing her tiny finger at them both.
"But if we were asleep we wouldn't be able to see you". Matt said pulling her up on his lap.
"Hey guy's". Ava said walking up, wiping tear's away.
"Why are you guy's crying"? Candi asked no longer smiling. She clutched onto her favorite teddy bear. I guess she hadn't noticed her mom crying.
I looked up at Ava, confused on why she hadn't said anything to Candi.
Ava just shook her head no and looked down at the floor.
"i'm not telling her". I said my voice cracked.
"I can't either. I'm sorry I just never got around to telling her. I don't know if i can". I didn't know what to say, then came the awkward silence.
"hey". Matt spoke up a few second's later. "Do you 2 want to come to the cafeteria with me"? mentioning to Ava.
She just shook her head yes.
"come on munchkin". Matt said pulling Candi into his arm's. "We will be back in a little bit".

I watched them walk towards the elevator's before turning to Brian.
He was looking at his hand's or the floor. I couldn't tell which one.
"So...what did the doctor's say"? I asked again.
"Well... um....They haven't said anything. Your Relatives wont tell me anything".
"oh". I said and looked at her door. My relative's stood out side the room, chatting about what ever. My Grandma stood off to the side talking to my aunt. all there faces tear stained.
"Is there anyone in her room"?
"No. When I tried to go in a little bit ago Your family kinda went ape shit on me".
I looked over at my grandma, who I figured was the one who went off on him.
I sighed. I honestly didn't know if I could deal with seeing her as much as I wanted to. Seeing her hooked up to all these tubes, and machines, and seeing the pain she was going through defiantly had taken it's toll on me. I looked down at my tattooed hand's trying to muster up the courage to go see her.
"Do you want me to go in with you"? Brian asked , putting his hand on my thigh. It was comforting.
"Please"? I asked looking over at him, trying to hold back the tear's. He shook his head.
We stood after a few second's.

Every foot step i took closer to her hospital bed seemed nearly impossible to do. My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my ears. once we reached the curtain pulled in front of her bed I just knew.I didn't hear any beeps from the machines. Nothing. Just silence. The silence was sicking. I pulled back the curtain to see something I hoped to god i would never see.
"Oh my god". I cried covering my mouth. the tears were instant and I could do nothing to stop them. She had been disconnected from all the machines, no beep from the heart monitor. Just her motionless body. My mom was gone.
"Oh my god"! My legs felt like they no longer had bones in them. My key's slipped from my hand's.
I felt Brian's arms wrap around me. I instantly felt empty. Like a huge piece of me had been ripped out. A part of me I would never get back. After she fought for so long to live, doing it on her own with out any medicine, she lost the battle. One so many thought was an un winnable one, but I hoped she would make it. She was a big part of my life. Who's mother isn't. She was the only parent
I had, because my father wasn't much of one at all. Ava was the only actual family I had left that would still talk to me.

I ran as fast as I could to my car. Everything was a blur.My mind was racing. My heart was beating so hard. My throat was on fire. I could barely see past the tears but I had managed to make it to my car.
"God dammit"! I sobbed trying to unlock my car, as I fumbled with my key's barely able to see which one I needed.
"Harlow"! I heard Brian call after me. "Stop"!
"Leave me alone"! I screamed before dropping my key's.
She was gone. She was never coming back.
"FUCK"! I sobbed . Knowing she was gone was something I couldn't deal with. When thing's were finally getting back to normal. But I should be used to it by now.
I covered my face and fell to my knee's on the hard asphalt. The impact stung my knees but I didn't care.
I could hear Brian's foot steps get closer. My sob's got harder. I was crying uncontrollably. I knew this would hurt, I just didn't know it would be this bad.
I felt Brian's arm's wrap around me as he sat down next to me. He pulled my close holding me against him tightly.
"It's okay". He said softly.
"No it's not Brian. It's not okay. She's gone"! I snapped . "Don't fuckin tell me it will be okay"!
He didn't say anything.
"I....I...just". I said before sobbing loudly. "What am I going to do? My fucking bitch of a grandma won't even let me come to her funeral". I said shakily remembering my grandma's harsh word's as she yelled after me as I ran towards the elevator.
"Ava is all the family I have left. If she leaves I don't have any one". I thought about Ava wondering if she had found out yet, hoping some one had told her instead of her finding out how I did, having to see my mom's lifeless body.
I knew I had the guy's , Lilli and the few other friends I had were there for me, but at that moment I felt like I had no one.
"I'm sorry". He said rubbing his hand up and down my tattooed arm. "I wish I knew what else to say".
"Me to".