I Watched the deep red hair dye get washed down the bathtub drain as stood underneath the shower head. water pelted my back and shoulders. I sighed trying to let my muscles relax but I couldn't. My mind kept going over the previous night and the fact I hadn't spoke to Brian in 2 day's. I texted him telling him I was sorry. I didn't get a response which didn't really bother me. He was probably busy with Ashley. Dumb bitch.

* I looked at Braydon. A smile plastered on his face as he stood in the door way. His long black hair pulled away from his face.
"Couldn't resist me huh"? He said. I just took a drag off my cigarette unamused at his comment.
"So why are you here"? he asked eyeing me up and down.
"I just kinda need a release". God! I knew I would regret what I was going to do tonight. "Your the only person I could think of who could help me". I looked down at my shoes.
"Ah I see". He turned to walk into his apartment. I followed shutting the door behind me.
"um....also would it be cool if i spent the night"? He smiled and raised an eyebrow.
He shook his head yes before disapeering into his bathroom. I bit my lip looking around his apartment. nothing had really changed. he still had his mismatch furniture spread through out his living room. no kitchen table. Just very plain. I set my bag by his front door.
"Alright I think I got what you need right here". He walked out of the bathroom with an unmarked orange bottle of pills. "how many you want"?
"you gonna tell me what they are"? I asked pulling my skull hoodie off. " I don't need you to roofie me, and have you taking advantage of me". He just chuckled.
"I will just tell you it will make all your problems disapeer for the night". As great as that sounded I never trusted him to give me something and not tell me the name of what he was giving me. even when we were together.
What the hell is it"? I asked looking at him as I sat down on his tattered couch.
"Xanax". He said sitting next to me. "God your defiantly not like you used to be". He spat reaching underneath his couch and pulled out what looked like an old child's aluminum lunch box.
I just sighed pushing my hair behind my ears.
"So since your spending the night how would you feel". I cut him off.
"Fuck no"! I said loudly glaring at him. "Why the hell would you even ask that question? God your fucking stupid". Why the hell did i ever convince my self to come here. He was going to be like this all night.
"Listen do you want the shit or not? I'm not giving it to you for free ya know? I better get something in return".
"I planned on paying you". I snapped. He didn't say anything.
" I'll be right back". I quickly got up and stormed off to the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and pushed the little button next to the door knob to lock the door. his bathroom was rather small. the sink, toilet, and tub were almost touching. I spotted the medicine cabinet that doubled as a mirror. I eyed it for a couple seconds debating on wither I wanted to go out there and deal with him all night or just raid his medicine cabinet and hide away in here.
I'll take option number 2. I opened the medicine cabinet slowly just in case it would make noise. I didn't need him knowing I was raiding his shit.
Pill bottles were lined up along every shelf. Filled with who knows what. I grabbed the bottle with Xanax on it.
"Jesus Christ this fucker has a lot of this shit". I looked at the bottle , chewing on the back of one of my lip rings, debating if I really wanted to do this. I fought so hard for so long to not relapse, and I was able to get clean on my own. One of the hardest things i ever had to do.
"Fuck". I sighed feeling tears build. I just wanted to relax.
"God dammit". I opened up the cabinet door to put up the pills, when a little plastic case of single edged razor blades fell on to the counter top*

I looked down at my right thigh. dark red lines were scattered along my skin, among all the old scars I had accumulated over the years. some old scars were reopened. I guess old habits have a way of re appearing.
I finished my shower, making sure all the red dye was washed out of my hair. the color was supposed to be a deep auburn but since i bleached my hair it turned kind of a bright cherry color at the roots of my hair. the bright color faded into the darker color of the rest of my hair. I guess it didn't look bad. I would probably just end up dyeing it black like I usually do. Today I was going to be spending time with my sister and her little girl Candi.
I got dressed in one of my many pairs of skinny jeans, a grey tank top and my black flip flops. I didn't even bother with any makeup or doing anything to my hair. there wasn't really any need.
I grabbed my things from the bathroom floor and made my way out to the living room to my things. Braydon was out cold on his couch. I rolled my eyes. He was so stupid. I was even dumber for goin over there.

I lite a cigarette as soon as I was out side. God, the burn of the smoke hitting the back of my throat was an amazing feeling. One I always welcomed.
I looked down at the clock on my phone. 11:30 p.m. I figured it was time to call Lilli, Since she regularly forgets to call me.
I dialed her number.
"hello"?
"Hey sis". I said taking another drag off my cigarette.
"Oh hey. Where ya at"? I could hear Candi Laughing in the back ground.
"Uh....leaving a friends house. Am I still picking you up at the hotel"?
"No. Matt picked us up. I figured it would save you gas seeing as you would have to pass the shop to come get us".
"oh...okay. Well I should be there shortly". I opened my trunk and threw my things in.
"Ok. oh hey what happened the other night? Brian vaguely said something about it".
"Uh...I will have to tell you later. I don't really wanna get into that right now".
"oh....is it about mom"? I sighed. Even mentioning anything about her was on the verge of sending me into uncontrollable tears.
"yea".
"ah. well we can talk about it later tonight if you want OK"? No. I just want to keep my mind off it.
"Uh....I'd rather not". i heard nothing but silence at the other end. "But I will be there shortly".
"Alright. I might be in the back room though when you get here". I chuckled.
"What are you getting pierced now"?
"Mah nipples". I started laughing.
"Nipple piercings are hot you know"! She said matter-o-factly.
"What ever you say hun. That just sounds like to much pain for me. Oh wait I do know".
"Wait..what? You have your nipples pierced"? Oh shit. I never told her I had them done.
"I did. I took them out about a year ago. I figured after i got my conch's punched I would take them out".
"That's probably a good idea. You have enough piercing's to set off a metal detector". I rolled my eye's.
"If I remember right at one point you had more piercings than me, so I wouldn't be saying shit missy".
"Oh blah blah blah". She laughed.
"Well I need to get off her if I'm going anywhere sis".
"Alright. Hurry". She hung up. I smiled before opening the driver side door.

Pulling up to the shop, I saw Brian standing out side by his black escalade, a cigarette in his hand.
"Well I guess I could talk to him now". I sighed hoping I wouldn't have to. If you haven't noticed, I have a problem with facing any problems in my life.
I pulled into one of the empty parking spaces closest to the shop, so I wouldn't have to walk far.
Brian didn't look up. He probably thought I was a customer.
"Hey sexy". I called to him catching his attention. He smiled.
"Hey". He said smiling. "Glad to see you have decided to join us. Nice hair by the way".
"well you know me, Always fashionably late and thank you. Decided I needed a change". I said dramatically. I grabbed my purse as I got out of my car.
"Of course". he joked.
I walked over to him, feeling kinda awkward.
"You okay"? He asked looking at the ground. I waited til he looked back up at me before shaking my head no.
"Lilli told me what's been going on". I chewed on my lip. Please don't make me talk about it.
"You don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want".
"I'd rather not you know. I just kinda want to forget about it for now".
"I understand". He opened his arms. I smiled and walked up to him and wrapped my arm's around his torso.
"But if you do I'm here for ya".
"I know. thank you". I said feeling my self tear up. It felt nice to feel his arm's around me. Every hug he gave was so genuine.
"No problem". He kissed the top of my head before letting me go.
"Well". I started. "I better get in there Candi probably is bouncing off the wall's to see me".
"Just a little bit". He laughed.