I was laying on my bed, happy to have my phone back and logged onto my Facebook.
I was happy to finally talk to Z. Bat the way that I wanted to, I loved it when he called me beautiful and such. It made me feel good and it made butterflies erupt in my stomach and my heart to race.
When I thought about him, I would bit my lower lip and smile like an idiot. My Facebook loaded and I saw that there was two messages. One was from the amazing Z. Bat who told me that he loved to play baseball, that he would like to take me to the batting cage sometime, as a date. I as more then happy to reply a yes, and I told him that my dads friend loved baseball too. He only sent a winking face. After a while I was able to look at the message from Brook and dropped my phone on my stomach blinking.
“Dad!” I shouted quickly falling off of my bed. I heard foot stomps coming up the stairs I grabbed my phone and looked at the message again feeling tears in my eyes. My girlfriend, my best friend just tried to kill herself.
My father came inside my room and I ran and started to panic, telling him what happened and he came and held me close until I calmed down but that didn’t stop the flowing tears down my face. We came downstairs and he told everyone what happened. So, my sister came with us and my mom stayed home to pray and watch Alex. I couldn’t stop thinking that it was my fault. That it was all my fault. I shouldn’t of done this to her. I left her alone, I let her think that I didn’t care for her.
My sister held me as I started to shake. I can’t believe that I just did this to her. I couldn’t stop crying, I felt so empty right now and it didn’t seem like anything was going to help me.
“What did she say, son?” My dad asked lightly. I looked away from my sisters shoulder to look up front towards my dad.
“She said she hated me, that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore, that she took a blade and made sure that she wouldn’t see me again, she blamed me daddy, I ignored her…I…” I could only cry again. She was going to die because of me. I broke her heart, she knew about me lying somehow, she had to have known. Why was she doing this though? Why didn’t she believe me? Maybe if I actually started to be a better boyfriend to her, I could forget about liking Zacky or the guy on Facebook. Maybe I could actually prove to everything that I wasn’t gay.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I grew fond of that word a lot. I always said it and the voices would always tell me that they are really annoyed with me saying it so much but I knew that they weren’t since they never said or did anything but comfort me when I said it.
“Shh, it’s ok Wesley, she’s going to be ok. She didn’t mean it,” Sam whispered to me rocking me gently. I calmed down after a while and just stayed into her embrace. When we came to the hospital, I couldn’t find myself to get out of the car. As much as I wanted to, to go and see Brook, I couldn’t move. There was so many lies and such running through my head it was making me want to scream.
My dad came and opened the door for me and gently grabbed my hand. I came out and squeezed it before letting go, letting him know that I was fine and we came in to go and see her. I was scared, my dad and sister giving me space so that I could see Brook and help mend her broken heart.
I came inside, seeing her laying there on the bed, I.V.’s stuck in her arms making me want to tear up a little bit inside. It scared me to know that she was in this bed right now because of me. As I came closer, I saw that it actually wasn’t suicide. She was beaten. My best friend, my girlfriend, she was beaten. I felt anger rise inside my chest looking at he. She had a black and blue eye, her lip swollen with dried blood on it, her hands hurt and bloodied.
“Brook?” I pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. She blinked opened her eyes and saw me sitting there and all she could do was grin. I smiled and took her hand gently, feeling her body tense.
“It’s alright baby, I’m here,” I said soothingly to her. She relaxed and gripped onto my hand. She was scared and I didn’t want that because of whomever did this to her.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean….those words…” She whispered. I saw tears forming in her eyes as she told me and I came and put my arm under her so that I could lay beside her and hold her.
“It’s ok baby, I understand why you did it,” I told her, running my fingers through her hair.
“You do?” She asked lightly.
“Your talking to a schizophrenic,” I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. For some reason, I didn’t feel them butterflies or had the goofy smile when I did these things, not even when I thought about her. It was scaring me to no end. I can’t lost my best friend because I wanted to lie to her to keep a secret from everyone. To prove that I was something that I wasn’t.
“He hurt me really bad, Wesley,” She cried, “My chest hurts a lot…they said he fractured a few ribs and broke one,” She cried. I held her close to me whispering that it was going to be alright. She nodded and put her head on my chest and I held her close, I just wanted my best friend to be OK.
“Do you ever think you can love me?” She asked me lightly after ten minuets of pure silence. I looked at her, my stomach going into knots. I do love her, she was my girlfriend wasn’t I supposed to love her?
“I do Brook,’ I whispered. She looked up at me, this look of hope in her eyes and gave me a small smile.
“Really?” She whispered. I nodded, coming and cupping her cheek and kissed her gently on the lips. With my mom and dad telling me how their first kiss was like, it felt nothing like that. It actually felt like I was kissing my sister. I couldn’t tell her this though, I can’t have Brook know this it would hurt her really bad. God I am such an idiot!
“Really,” I smiled at her. I was feeling so guilty about leading her on about all of this. Why was I doing this to Brook? It was bad enough that he father was hurting her and now, now I was hurting my best friend and I was messing with her heart which was really starting to get fragile. I held her close, closing my eyes to avoid another panic attack with all these thoughts racing in my head, the voices whispering to me.
“I love you Brook,” I whispered to her. I did love her but not the way she should be loved by her boyfriend.
“I love you too,” She whispered back. Right then I knew that I was in for it deep come Friday. Maybe.