Zacky was driving me back to his place. I didn't talk, didn't eat and I couldn't stop crying. My other half was done away from me. I couldn’t have her back. There was no way that I could have my sister back. She was gone for the rest of me life.
"Why me?" I whispered, sniffling and wiping the fallen tears. He came and grabbed my hand and kissed the top of it causing my heart to flip. Even during the worst, Zacky always made me somewhat happy or in less pain. He didn't say anything, just kept his vision up on the road. I looked out the window, thinking about a lot of things. Like me killing my sister. I remembered what I had done, what the voices had told me. What they were telling me now was that I was a screw up, I didn't deserve anyone.
My parents hate me. I know they do and it was quit obvious that my brother hates me as well. Why wouldn’t he though? I killed my sister. I killed her. There was nothing going around this. I could just runaway now and never come back. I have no family left. I let my family fall away from me without even telling them about Zacky. I guess that now that she’s dead, I didn’t have to worry about them knowing about me possibly liking Zacky.
“Where here baby,” He said gently. I blinked and looked and saw that we were at Zacky’s house. I felt happy a little that I was here but I was still dead inside and I always was going to be dead. Nothing was going to make me feel alive again. It was a wonder of how I wasn’t arrested. Zacky told me it was because I was mentally insane that it was ‘fine’ or whatever and they got me out of going into the mental hospital. Maybe if I went there I could just forget about everything and not have anyone else killed.
I sighed though and got out of the car and shoved my hands in my pockets, not waiting for him. I was sick of being around people right now and I would do anything for me to just be alone for a while, then again if I was alone, I would probably kill myself just to get these voices to shut up. And also knowing Zacky, I wasn’t going to be able to do something like that.
Zacky came and unlocked the door, moving aside so that I could come in. I did, seeing the smile that was on his face as he let me in. That smile always letting me feel welcome with him and safe. I went straight the stairs but when I heard him clear his throat, I turned to him as he shut the door.
“I am keeping a close eye on you Wes, not going anywhere without me,” He said sternly. Great, just great.
“Even to the bathroom?” I asked feeling anger raising inside of me. I thought I was going to get away from my parents and be with someone that I was starting to really like but it turned out he was going to boss me around as well. When he nodded, I just scowled at him. He simply shrugged it off and went into the kitchen and asked if I was hungry.
“No,” I said sternly and came into the kitchen as well and came and sat up on the counter, “What I want is these stupid voices to stop and my sister back,” I said feeling the tears build up. I quickly swallowed them down, feeling my throat tighten him. I gripped underneath the counter top not wanting to cry anymore.
“Wesley…” I heard my name being whispered. I didn’t want to look up, I felt weak. Thinking about my sisters dead body was making my heart break all over again. The voices kept telling me over and over again telling me that I killed her. They were calling me a fake, a murderer, everything in the book. I didn’t want this. I wanted this to stop. I felt my cuts on my wrists starting to burn, I wanted so bad to cut again.
“Zacky…please…” I said gripping onto the counter top. The voices wouldn’t stop, they were making everything worse. I wanted my parents here but I knew that they would hate me. They are always going to hate me. I didn’t have my mom anymore, not my dad. I don’t have my baby brother with me. I feel so alone right now but with Zacky, it just feels different.
“I’m here my love,” I heard him whisper to me. My heart was racing, the voices growing louder, “Come on baby, you can do it, look at me,” He said gently. I didn’t want to, my eyes were squeezed shut with my arms shaking. I could feel a dark presence beside me and I knew that it was the disturbed demon that I saw just the other day, “Baby, fight it,” I heard Zacky say. His voice was becoming more like a whisper then anything. The voices were screaming, I was whispering for them to stop, putting my hands on my head and squeezing so that my nails would dig down into my skull. I was crying, screeching and kicking the cupboards.
“Stop it!” I screeched.
I felt strong arms around me and me being pulled closer to him. I jerked away and pushed him away, hard enough so that he stumbled trying to catch his balance on the table that was behind him. I didn’t want his help, I didn’t want anyone’s help. That’s all I wanted was to be alone, that’s all I wanted was to stay away from him. The voices were doing enough as it is and I didn’t want him saying something that I was going to regret. Like him calling me baby, the voices were already making fun of me because he called me that. I don’t want t this anymore!
“Just stay away from me,” I said through fritted teeth. I wanted the comfort of my mom and dad so bad that I could already feel their arms around me which made my heart break even more.
“I want my mom,” I said gently, wrapping my arms around me, “I want my dad…”
“Wes, they’re home, it’s going to be alright baby,” He told me. I know that I was going to be alright and that everything might, maybe, possible turn out alright. But maybe that was the hope that I didn’t have inside of me anymore. All the hope that I had for a normal life someday was gone.
“Why do you like me so much Zacky, I’m a freak,” I whispered not even looking up to him. I felt so ashamed, so scared and just waning to die. I missed my sissy. I wanted her back with me. Why did I kill her, because I was mad? This was the most horrible day that I have had. I felt so alone…so numb.
“Your not a freak Wesley. Your beautiful.” He said calmly to me. He thought that I was beautiful? No…
“No I’m not,” I whispered. Tears came down my face as I said this. I didn’t feel beautiful, never had felt like that. I just knew that these voices were telling me the truth for once. I know that they are. Zacky was the one that was lying. Either that or that is what the voices wanted me to think.
I closed my eyes and looked down, wanting this headache to go away, and the idiot voices of course. I heard Zacky sigh, hearing foot steps come closer to me. I didn’t want him near me, I didn’t want him to talk to me but I just stood there. My body was numb and I wanted so bad to just run but I stood there like a complete idiot.
“Look at me Wesley,” He said gently. I ignored him though, letting the voices telling me what to do. But, they also told me to kill him, that made my body freeze. I couldn’t kill him, not after what happened to my sister, besides that was my fathers best friend, I couldn’t do that to them. Zacky was special to me, even though he lied to me. I wished he told me that he was the stranger on Facebook, then none of this would of happened. I wouldn’t of forced Brook to date me and my sissy would still be alive.
“Wesley, look at me,” I heard him tell me again. This time, his finger and his thumbed pinched my chin gently and he had me look up to him, my glasses fogging up a bit from the tears and his smile frowning on his face.
“No need to cry my love,” He whispered gently. My eyes looked into his beautiful green ones and I felt something tug on my heart. I didn’t know what it was but whatever it was, it felt kind of nice. He came and took off my glasses slowly and set them down onto the coffee table beside us, “Your so beautiful Wesley,” He said with a smile on his lips.
He came and gently kissed the tears away on my cheek, just below my eyes, my stomach growing into knots and my heart flipping inside my chest. His lips were so soft and delicate, making me want to kiss him. But then the voices came up again ,the pressure of slipping across my wrists.
“Where’s my pills?” I asked him gently, totally ruining the mood that was with us, whatever that was. He put his hand into his pants pocket and pulled them out and handed me the bottle. I took them and popped open the came and found three pills and took them. I have only had to take one everyday but me, forgetting, it isn’t helping.
“You alright now?” He asked me. I shrugged and looked down to my feet.
“I just really need to calm down Zacky,” He nodded and turned me to the living room and put his arm around my shoulder and brought me to the couch. We came and sat down and I came and cuddled to his chest, him holding me tight against him, feeling him kiss the top of my head.
“Don’t leave me Zacky,” I whispered to him. I felt him smile as he told me that he was never going to, that he was always going to be with me and with that, I closed my eyes, falling asleep in his embrace feeling safe for once.