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I woke up to him doing the dishes and dancing around in the kitchen making me laugh. He looked at me with a smirk on his face,
“What are you laughing at?” He chuckled. I sat up on the couch and stretched.
“Just a cutie moving his hips,” I said feeling myself blush. Zacky looked at me and I saw his face fall and go white. He turned back to the dishes and started to do the dishes which made the whispers start again. The voices weren’t as strong and it made me happy that they weren’t. I didn’t want them to start up again, I can actually be happy, sort of. Well, less depressed. I sat on the couch, looking down at the papers on the coffee table and thought about my sissy. When we were little and drawing on our parents music sheets. I chuckled at that, remembering everything. My mom was freaking out on us while my dad laughed at the pictures we were attempting to draw. When they showed my mom, she forgot all about our punishment.
I swallowed hard remembering the my sissy. I loved it when we got along, even when we fought. Now she’s gone, my sissy, my twin. Gone away from me. Why? Why did I have to kill her.
“You alright, Wes?” I heard Zacky ask me. I shook my head and pulled my knees up to my chest, remembering so many things that me and Sam did. I buried my face into my knees and cried, rocking myself. This time, for once, It wasn’t the voices. It was just me hurting.
I heard dishes clashing into the sink and someone coming and rushing over to me, me being pulled into strong arms as I buried my face into his chest as he held me. He kissed the top of my head and held me, telling me all these good things about me, telling me so many things. I was calm in his arms and I calmed down.
“I wish I never killed her Zacky, I wish it was me,” I said with my face buried in his chest.
“No you wouldn’t baby,” He said gently, “I don’t want that. N-neither would your parents,” He stuttered. I looked up to him and saw him looking away from me sadly. Why was he so sad? Was it because of me? Because he lost a ‘niece’ because of me? I pulled away from him and stood and quickly went up the stairs before he could say anything. Which he didn’t, he sat there and left me leave. I just wanted to die, either that or escape this reality that I hated.
I didn’t love Zacky, I couldn’t love him. It would make my parents upset and it was making me want to throw up and die. I came up to the guest room and slammed the door shut and took off my shirt and plopped down onto the bed, grabbing a cigarette from under my pillow that I stolen from Zacky yesterday. I sat up to get my liter from my pocket and lit it up taking in a deep breath and let it out, letting my nerves quiet down.
These pass two days were hell and even tomorrow was going to be the worst, it was going to be her funeral day. I only knew this because Zacky called my dad and he told us. Just wanted to get it out of the way so that they could move on. That and they had to work within a month.
“I’m so stupid,’ I said to myself. I said this to myself, no voices just me. It felt good for me to call me this and not to hear the voices. I took another drag of my cigarette and blew it in the air, talking to my sister. I told her how sorry I was about this. I knew that she forgave me though. She would tell me that everything was alright, I knew that she was somewhere were I wasn’t.
“I love you sissy,” I said looking up to the ceiling. Tears were forming my eyes again, I didn’t want her to go. I couldn’t ever let my sissy go. Instead, I turned over and curled in a ball and held a pillow tight against me and cried, wishing that I could go back in time and change everything, that I could be with her again.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
~
The next morning, Zacky woke me up. I wasn’t looking forward to this morning at all. But, waking up to a Facebook message from my ‘girlfriend’ was actually promising. I missed her a lot and I really wanted to see her. I wanted to tell her what happened but, then again, I was so scared she was going to hate me. Even though she was my girlfriend, I knew that she was going to hate me. Her and my sister weren’t friends but she would think I was the sickest person ever.
Me: Hey baby, I really miss you
Brook: I miss you too honey, you alright?
Me: Can you please come to Zacky’s? Baby I need you…
I felt like crying again. But, I sucked it up. It was time for me to be a man about this, soak it up and to just stick it through.
Brook: Of course baby, I am on my way.
Me: Oh and baby, wear black
I click send and ignored the other messages sent from her and got up from bed and got a shower. Letting the hot water hit my skin felt amazing. It was an amazing feeling against my tense body. I thought about Brook though, I didn’t think about my sister. I thought about my baby girl that I missed more then anything. It was true that I didn’t love her like I should of but maybe it was because I was thinking to hard about the guy on Facebook, about Zacky. Maybe that was it.
I sighed, running my fingers through my wet hair and looked into the mirror. My love life was complicating. But now, wearing all black and looking at myself in the mirror, I frowned. I looked good in black I have to admit but knowing that I was going to my sisters funeral made it worse.
“Hey,” I heard someone whisper. I looked in the mirror, feeling arms wrap around my waist and saw my baby girls chin on my shoulder and a bright smile on her face. Her bright smile making me smile. She was beautiful, more beautiful then any girl I had laid eyes on. I didn’t care that she was big, I didn’t care that she was a little chubby, she was my beautiful girl. I turned around and kissed her and this time, I actually meant this kiss and this time, I felt something inside of me. I guess it was because I was pushing her and us being away from each other for a while made let me grow something inside for her.
“Hey baby,” I smiled, lightly touching her cheek.
“I missed you baby,” She said gently, smiling at me. Her bright and beautiful smile making my heart flip. I was feeling something inside of me that I wished that I would of felt a long time again. My head was clear, the voices weren’t telling me anything. I was happy about this but then, reality struck when Zacky called for us.
“Baby,” Brook whispered, “Baby what’s wrong?” She asked gently. I looked to her, feeling my face pale. I shook my head and came and hugged her. She held me close and kissed the top of her head. I was so scared to tell her. I was so scared she was going to leave me. I didn’t want her gone from me, that was the last thing that I wasnted her to do.
“You can tell me anything baby,” She whispered to me.
“I can’t tell you this…I’m scared Brook,” He mumbled in her chest .She pulled away and pulled my chin up, letting the tears fall down my cheeks as she kissed them away.
“You don’t need to be scared my love,” she said gently, letting her chubby fingers run through my hair. I came and cried in her chest again, holding onto her dress.
“My sissy’s dead,” I cried, “I killed my sissy,”