Two weeks, two whole weeks of nothing, not a single hit, touch, or disrespectful slew, not a single thing, it felt good. I wasn’t in constant fear, I wasn’t in constant pain. Of course, there were still the presumptuous remarks and offers made by Zacky, and the sly looks from Brian, but none of them were ever followed through with, I was even told what Shadows’ real name was, and I was allowed to call him that. I had been inducted into the circle, whether I liked it or not, but how could I complain? I would rather be in their circle, than be out of it and abused. Even though it almost pained me to say it, I was starting to get comfortable here, like Flora said, it wasn’t so bad.

Over the course of the last two weeks, all of my bruises and cuts had healed; there was not a scratch on my body that I didn’t put there myself, though I hadn’t put any there lately. I could still feel the pull of darkness tugging at the corners of my mind at every waking moment, I no longer felt the need to bleed away the darkness until my head was light and fuzzy, I hadn’t felt this way in nearly 4 years, and it was incredible.

In the days after my reawakening, I had fallen into a steady rhythm, each day almost exactly like the next. Wake up; breakfast (which consisted mainly of coffee); go to the library until “lunch”; “lunch” where I pretend to eat, shuffling my food around my plate, taking a few small bites; go back to the library; outside and read or just to relax; nap; dinner, which was a lot like lunch; watch a movie with the guys, or sometimes just one of them; then head to “bed” where I would wait until I was sure all the guys were asleep, then I would head downstairs and work out in the home gym that I had recently discovered. With a routine like that, it was hard to get bored; there was always something to do around the house, especially now that I wasn’t under constant supervision. The first week after I had woken up, I had always been accompanied by one of the guys, though they had a strict rule of no touching, though this proved to be more of a hassle than anything else. Then, they had decided that I would be given a tiny anklet, something that I couldn’t take off, something that prohibited me from stepping out of the boundaries. They never told me what would happen if I did, but I didn’t want to find out. Now, I could go anywhere in the house, well everywhere except the basement, but I didn’t want to revisit that part of the house. When I got lonely, there was always a girl that I could go talk to, many of them were just like me, though they had gotten over their past. I’ve met all of the girls, and they all felt the same way that Flora did, and I got along with each of them, well except Crimsin, she never liked me, not after that night.

Though what shocked me the most was how close I had gotten with Matt. He was changed, he definitely was. That in itself shocked me, I couldn’t believe that someone that cruel could be nice to someone. He always ate my meals with me, no matter how busy he seemed, he watched movies with me at night, the ones I chose out, he would hold my hand, and he would let me crawl into bed with him every time I had a nightmare about Brian, always whispering sweet nothings into my ear, telling me that I would be okay, that nothing was going to hurt me now. Every time he said my name, I got butterflies, I couldn’t help it, I knew that this was wrong, and I wish I could send those feelings away, forget I ever had them, but I knew that that would never happen.

Currently, I was wrapped up in a book with my head phones plugged in to the iPod that Matt had let me borrow, drowning out the real world. I let myself be transported into this book, I was there with the main character as he explored the abandoned orphanage, flinched as the trunk broke the floor and fell into the basement, and I stared, wide- eyed, at the photographs that he was looking at. I didn’t hear anything that was going on around me, not that I really cared. At this moment in the book, it got really intense, really creepy and I couldn’t help but scream out from shock as a headphone was yanked out of my ear.

“What are you reading?” A husky voice asked me, his breath hot on me year. His voice brought a smile to my face; it was a voice that I no longer feared, one that I had begun to love.

“Nothing,” I whispered, tilting my head back to his face smiling down at me, his dimples ever present. I found that I whispered everything now, as if I was afraid to say anything louder for fear of punishment. I knew it was irrational, but I couldn’t help it anymore, it was a habit. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, the conversation had come to a standstill, but as he lowered his head down to mine, I felt as if I was going to throw up, nerves over took me. I closed my eyes and felt his soft lips press against mine lightly, my first real kiss, one that I didn’t feel pressured into. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone, I didn’t even hear the door close. The fact that he had run away from me brought tears to my eyes, though I refused to cry about something so absurd, why should I even care?

I tried very hard, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t focus on my book anymore, no matter how good it was. Finally, after I decided it was useless to even try, I got up and left, determined to find the girls to see if they wanted to do anything. I made my way through the now familiar halls and found myself in front of Nova’s room, where there seemed to be a lot of noise coming from. I tentatively knocked on the door, waiting to be let in.

“Get the fuck in here! This is a fucking party, no need to knock!” Shouted Nova, followed by here boisterous laugh. When I walked in, I saw nearly all twenty of the girls, crowded into this one room, they were sitting on the floor, beds and been bag chairs. When I walked in, I almost immediately felt someone’s eyes on me, and upon closer inspection, I found Crimsin glaring at me from the corner, mumbling to herself. “Oh Holly, thank god! We needed some fresh nails in here! You must let me paint your nails!” Nova shouted at me, getting up from her bed and bounding over to me, all the girls moving over to make room for me. As soon as I sat down, she immediately went to work on my nails, filing, buffing and finally painting them a nice pastel mint green, and the mindless chatter started up around the room once more, unfazed by the extra body in the room. “So, I hear you and Matt are getting pretty cozy,” Flora nudged me, smiling at me as if to tell me I told you so.

“Yeah, things have definitely changed since I woke up,” I said, a huge smile plastered on my face.

“Oooh, Nova, would you look at that smile? If I didn’t know any better, I would say our little munchkin is falling in love!” She squealed, each of them giggling like little school girls.

“Oh please,” Crimsin scoffed from across the room, all heads turning in her direction.

“What?” I asked her, scrunching my eyebrows together.

“Nothing,” she said, smirking at me.

“Look, if you have something to say, just say it.” I told her truthfully.

“I just think it’s absolutely absurd, that’s all.”

“What, exactly, to you think is absurd?” I questioned her, my voice rising.

“This thing you call, it’s ridiculous. You’re practically a child; you don’t know what real love is!” She screamed at me, already losing her temper.

“You don’t know anything about me, you don’t fucking know what I’ve been through, I know a hell of a lot more than you think I do.”

“Oh please, I can read you like a book. Daddy issues, that much is a given. You have two parents that stay together, but fight constantly; you had a ruined childhood because of them. Now, in your teenage years, you’re damaged, no friends? Maybe a few mental issues? Unwanted both in school and out of school, trust me, I know your lot, I’ve been here long enough to know. But let me tell you one thing, you never last, eventually, in a few months probably, he’ll get tired of you and he’ll sell you off to someone else, I’ve seen it enough times to know,” she said smugly, standing and crossing her arms.

“You’re wrong, he loves me! He told me he does.” I said meekly, knowing that this was no argument for her to battle.

“Yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before. Poor little girl, so damaged, so fucking naive, it makes me sick,” she sneered. I didn’t know when this happened, but suddenly, I was standing right in front of her and my right fist was barreling towards her face, hitting her square in the jaw, sending her tumbling down to the floor. I didn’t know what had come over me; I’ve never hit anyone before in my life. “You dirty, fucking cunt,” she spat, literally spitting out blood onto the carpet. Next thing I knew, I was splayed across the floor, her on top of me, beating the shit out of me.

One minute she was there, and the next she wasn’t. Someone had run out of the room, in search of help, and someone else had come barreling into the room, pulling her off of me and helping me to my feet. Crimson struggled and screamed against her captor, trying to get at me once more, but they were much stronger than she was. They picked her up, and carried her out of the room, everyone staring where she used to stand, mouths hanging open. I was led out of the room immediately, and I wound up in Matt’s bathroom, him kneeling in front of me, wiping away the blood from my lip, applying alcohol to it.

Needless to say, when I woke up the next day, she was gone and all evidence of her was gone too. Her name was taken off of the door, all of her clothes had been thrown away, and all of her personal belongings vanished, leaving a barren half room, ready for another girl to show up and fill it. It all happened so cleanly and quickly, it made me wonder how many times this had happened before. I knew that the guys fought, but was fighting amongst the girls forbidden? But if it were, why wasn’t I the one that was sent away? I had started it after all.
When I got out of bed, I dreaded looking in the mirror; I didn’t know how bad I looked. I feared the worst, but was pleasantly surprised when I looked in the mirror. My right eye was framed with blues and purples, as if I had forgotten to take off my eye shadow, but it hurt much more than left over make- up; I could still taste the blood in my lip from my split lip, so the fact that my bottom lip was slightly swollen didn’t surprise me at all. All in all I had been expecting much worse, she had let loose on me pretty thick so I thought I would have a broken nose or something, but that was the case at all.

I turned around and saw Matt still lying in bed, I very rarely got out of bed before him, so I didn’t know what I should do. He had always been the one to wake me up, but I didn’t know what the protocol was when it was reversed. I stood there, awkwardly in the middle of the room, before deciding to go downstairs to the library. I barely even had to look at my surroundings anymore; my feet knew exactly where to go and where not to go. For instance, I knew how to go to the kitchen without even looking up, but my feet also learned the one turn that I should never take, the one that took my down into the very very basement, where Zacky hid his dirty little secrets. Was that where Crimsin was? I sure hope not, not even she deserves to be tortured like that, not even in a million years would I condemn even my worst enemy to that fate.

I was in the midst of my general wonderment when I bumped into someone, I hadn’t expected anyone else to be awake, and it was after all before 6:30 in the morning. I was about to tumble to the floor when the person wrapped their long fingers around my upper arms to keep my steady. When I was firmly and steadily planted back on my feet, I brushed the bangs out of my eyes and looked up to see who it was. I was quite happy to see that it was Jimmy that was peering down at me in question. When his eyes settled on my lips, then moved directly to my colourful eyes, his eyes widened.

“What happened? Did Matt, did he do that to you? I swear to God! He fucking promised me that he wouldn’t do that anymore! I’m gonna fucking kick his ass!” Before I knew it, he had started shouting and his hands were curled tightly into fists. I tried to speak up, but my small voice was drowned out by his rather large one, instead, I calmly put a hand up and covered his mouth.

“If you had let me talk before jumping to conclusions, I would have told you what happened.” I smiled, telling him reassuringly.

“Well? What happened?” He asked, very intrigued to hear my story.

“First of all, to answer your question, no, Matt did not do this to me. He has been wonderful and he has not laid a single hand on me.”

“Good, the fucker gets to live another day,” he mumbled under his breath, thinking I couldn’t hear him.

“It was Crimsin, she and I got into a slight disagreement,” I said, and though this seemed to have calmed him down, it did seem to make in chuckle.

“Oh yeah, I heard about that! I didn’t know it was you! She beat the shit out of you!” He exclaimed, he seemed thrilled at the possibility of there being fist fights within the house.

“Well, in my defense, I did punch her first,” I informed him, I didn’t really know what to think about the fight actually, I had never gotten physical, with another female before, and I was shocked that I could even throw a punch to begin with.

“Whoa! Look at you go, kiddo! Who knew you had it in ya?” Jimmy laughed.

“I know right!” I laughed back. I found I always felt comfortable around Jimmy, more so than with any of the guys, even Matt, because there was nothing between us, no tension, he had never tried to get with me, it made this so much easier.

“Come on kid, I’m gonna teach you something every girl should know how to do, play Call of Duty.” Jimmy laughed, slinging an arm over my shoulders and steering me towards his
room.

Two hours later, everyone was still asleep, and I was sitting, cross legged on Jimmy’s bed as he sat there, laughing his ass off at how horribly I was doing.

“Mother fucker!” I screamed, throwing down my controller after I had died for like the billionth time.

“It’s okay, darling, everyone sucks when they first start, some more than others... But everyone starts off bad,” he said, between fits of laughter.

“Shut up!” I yelled, slapping him playfully.

“Okay, I’ll make this easy for you, I won’t play anymore,” he said, placing his controller in his lap and leaning back. Even though he wasn’t moving around, I still couldn’t find him, making him laugh even harder.

“Are you fucking hiding? Where are you? Why can’t I find you? Okay, this is bullshit, must be rigged, I’m done.” I huffed out, throwing my controlled down, even more frustrated than I was before. I threw myself down on the bed, rolling over so I was lying face down on his bed, pouting.

“Oh now, don’t be like that!” Jimmy said, scooching down so he was lying next to me. “Come on, get up!” He said, poking me in t ribs.

“Stop that!” I said, smacking his hand away, though that didn’t stop him. “Has anyone told you how annoying you are?” I laughed, turning my head to the side to look at him.

“Yeah, you know, I think I’ve heard that before,” he said, nodding his head. Only then did I notice how close we were to each other. Our noses were practically touching and I could feel his hot breath blowing against my face and my heart was beating hard and fast. Before anything could happen, Jimmy sat up, ad got off his bed. “I, uh, I think I heard people milling about downstairs. Wanna go check it out?” He asked me, scratching his head and looking down at his feet.

“Um, sure, let’s go,” I hesitated before getting off of his bed, not really sure what just happened between us. When we walked out into the hallway, there seemed to be about a foot and a half between us, though by the time we reached the kitchen, things had gotten back to normal and Jimmy had his arm slung over my shoulder again, laughing once more at my horrible skills at CoD. When we walked into the kitchen, all eyes were on us and Matt’s eyebrows were raised, looking at me questioningly.

“Hey man, your girl sucks at CoD,” Jimmy laughed, letting go of me so I can go into Matt’s open arms, to which I walked straight into, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Oh, is that right?” Matt asked, raising his eyebrows. “She can’t be that bad,” he said, kissing me on the cheek as I sat on his lap.

“Oh trust me, she’s bad,” Jimmy laughed once more before turning around to look in the fridge.

“Hey, Jimmy?” I asked him, getting him to turn around again so I can give him the finger, which only made him shake his head and laugh harder.

“Why didn’t you wake me up this morning? I would have gotten up with you,” Matt asked me.

“I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know what to do...” I trailed off, looking down to play with my hands in my lap, not wanting to look into his eyes. He always made me really nervous when he asked me things, I just didn’t want to answer any question because I was afraid I was going to say the wrong him, scared that he may turn back into Shadows.

“Hey, look at me,” he whispered in my ear, not wanting anyone else to listen to our conversation. Even though he was using a gentle tone, I still didn’t want to look into his eyes, because they would make me weak. “Come on, look at me Holly.” Even though I still didn’t want to, I hesitantly raised my eyes to look into his briefly before lowering them again. “What’s wrong? Why won’t you look at me when I ask you something?” He asked me again, putting a hand under my chin and making me look at him.

“I don’t know...” I mumbled, trailing off again.

“Holly...” He said, trailing off, coaxing an explanation out of me, one that I didn’t want to give.

“I guess I just don’t want to say the wrong thing,” I said, shrugging my shoulders as if it was no big thing, before lowering my eyes again.

“What do you think is going to happen?”

“I just, um, don’t want you to get mad, I guess,” I mumbled quietly.

“Hey, you don’t have to worry about that anymore, I’m not gonna get mad at you,” he reassured me, tightening his arms around my waist. I don’t really know why, but this intimate setting made a silent tear slip from my eye. I don’t know what made me cry, maybe it was the fact that he was being so sincere, or that it meant that I really didn’t have to be afraid anymore. “You don’t have to be scared anymore, I promise,” he told me, wiping the tear away with his thumb and pressing a gentle kiss to my lips.