SHANNON’S POV:

I woke the next morning to an empty bed and the house smelled like French toast. I debated on rather or not I actually wanted to make my way out of bed and deal with what I knew was coming. I wanted to stay in bed and hide from everyone; at least it was comfy here. But my stomach got the best of me.

I flung my legs over the bed and stretched a bit, feeling a slight pain in my side. I lifted my shirt a bit to see a slight bruise forming on my side where Johnny had pushed past me to get to Zacky and I hit the wall. I let out a sigh and got up, slipping on my slippers and making my way into the kitchen. Matt was sitting at the table reading the morning paper as Zacky and Brian made breakfast. Jimmy was sitting there, kind of out of it probably from a hangover, sipping on some juice. Johnny must be sleeping still.

“Hey guys.” I said quietly.

They all looked over at me.

“Morning sunshine.” Matt said with a smile.

“How’d you sleep?” Brian asked.

“I barley did.” I told him and took a seat at the table.

“I’m sorry.” Brian told me.

“It’s fine.” I reassured him.

“We’re making French toast, bacon and sausage.” Zacky said, looking back at me.

“Mmmm, my favorite.” I said with a smile. “It smells really good too.”

“It better, we made it.” Brian said and set a plate of sausage and bacon on the table.

“Has Johnny been out here yet? I asked them.

“Nope. Little shits still asleep.” Jimmy told me, leaning back in his chair and putting his head back.

“Should I wake him up?” I asked.

“That’s up to you babe.” Matt said and put the paper down.

“Looks like you don’t have to.” Brian said and pointed to the door.

“Hey guys.” Johnny said, holding his head and squinting at the sunlight in his eyes that was showing through the window.

He came and sat next to me, snaking his arm around his side. I flinched a bit and pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing… I’m, I’m fine Johnny.”

“Ok.” He said and backed away.

“So, Johnny…” Brian began as he came and sat at the table. “What do you remember of last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember anything at all?” Brian asked.

“Just coming home and having a few beers. Why? What’s going on?”

Zacky sent a plate of French toast down and took a seat next to me. Brian looked at Zacky then back to Johnny.

“You don’t remember attacking Zack at all?” Matt asked Johnny.

“No.” Johnny said with a confused look.

“Well you did. You were drunk off your ass, attacked him and that’s why your hand is bandaged up right now. You punched the wall instead of him.” Matt said, pointing to the wall that he punched.

Johnny looked at the wall then at Zacky.

“Fuck…. Fuck man I’m sorry.” Johnny said to Zacky.

All Zacky did was nod his head, never once said he forgives him, or never looked at him.

“I… I can’t do this anymore Johnny! I can’t.” I told him as I turned to him.

“I know, I’m sorry. I fucked up.” He told me.

“No, that’s the thing. It keeps happening. It’s a reoccurring thing that’s happening every day now. And I won’t do it anymore.”

“What are you saying?

“What I’m saying is…” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Taking a moment to gather my words. “What I’m saying is I’m moving back to New York.”

“What? No! I’m sorry. This will be the last time you have my word.”

“I’m sorry Johnny, I can’t do it.” I told him and got up, heading to my room.

“You guys are just going to let her go?” Johnny asked the guys.

“How many chances has she given you Johnny? How many times has she told you she was going to leave you if you didn’t stop with this shit? Brian said to him.

“Fuckin’ shit.” Johnny said, getting up and grabbing his keys.

I heard tires squeal as his car left the driveway. I knew he was mad. That was expected. But I was doing this for me. I was also doing this so Johnny and Zacky’s friendship doesn’t get ruined. I grabbed one of my bags from the closet and started to pack.

There was a knock at my door. Before I could answer for them to come in, the door swung open. Zacky was standing there looking at me.

“You can’t leave! I’m not going to let you walk out that door and go back to New York!” He told me.

“I’m going Zee. I have to.”

“No! No you don’t damn it.” He said grabbing my bag and throwing in back in the closet.

“Don’t make this harder than this is ok.” I told him through tears.

“You are not going to walk out of our lives again. You don’t get to do that anymore. We love you and care about you. When you are here with us then at least we know you’re safe. If you go and something happens then no one is going to be there to protect you.”

“I don’t need anyone to protect me.” I told him.

“Stop ok? Just stop it. If I have to lock you in the damn cellar to make sure you don’t go back there, then damn it I will.”

“I’m sorry Zacky. I need to do this.”

He walked over to me, placing his hands on my cheeks, rubbing them gently with his thumb.

“Please, just stay here. For me.”

I shut my eyes, drawing in a breath. I knew what my heart wanted, and what I should do. Then there was what my mind was telling me. Two separate things. I was being torn in two different directions. I was scared to leave, but yet I was scared to stay.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, standing there still with his hands against my cheeks. Before I could say anything he pressed his lips against mine. Not in a forceful way, but very gently. I felt my heart beat faster and I didn’t know what to do.

He pulled away from me and placed his forehead against mine.

“Please stay with me.”

He pressed his lips to mine again, slowly moving them, willing me to move mine with his. I gave into myself, moving my lips with his. When he realized I wasn’t going to fight it, he deepened the kiss, sliding his hand through my hair, pulling me in closer. I didn’t know what I was doing; I was letting my feelings get the best of me.

“I.. I can’t Zacky.” I said as I backed away from him, leaving my room and heading to the bathroom.

I closed and locked the door behind me once I was in the bathroom. Leaning against the wall, I slid down the wall as I began to cry.

I have to admit, I do have feelings for Zacky. They are fairly new feelings though, but feelings nonetheless. I was digging myself a hole and I didn’t know how to get out. I loved Johnny, I loved how he was when it was only me and him, how he makes me feel like I’m the only girl that exists. And then there’s Zacky, who I also loved. He gives me butterflies when I look at him, his smile and eyes make me melt and he does make me feel good.

I rested my head in my hands, letting the tears flow.

“You in there babe?” I heard Brian say from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, just give me a minute and I’ll be out.” I told him.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I’m alright hun.”

I picked myself up off the floor and ran the water in the sink, splashing it on my face to get rid of any sign of tears. Taking a towel, I dabbed the water off my face and inhaled deep, letting the breath out slowly. I opened the door and Brian was leaning against the wall.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Nothing, nothing’s up.” I told him.

“You are on the verge of tears and I can tell you’ve already been crying.”

“What’s going on?” Matt said and walked up to us.

“Nothing, nothing’s up.” I told the both of them, but there wasn’t any hiding the tears that were forming.

“Ok, come with us.” Matt said, taking ahold of my hand and leading me to him room. Brian followed close behind. “Sit down babe.”

I went over to his bed, sitting on the edge of it and looked down at my hands. Matt and Brian came and sat with me.

“What’s going on?” Brian asked and nudged me in the side.

“Well, besides everything that you guys already know… Zacky kissed me.” I told them.

“He what?” Matt asked.

“Kissed me.” I said again, looking up at him.

“What did you do?” Brian asked.

“That’s the thing… I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even pull away.” I told them. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell Johnny what happened. I can’t stay here anymore. I’m so torn and it hurts like hell. My heart hurts.”

Brian wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug.

“Tell you what, how about we go away for a few days? Me, you Matt and Jimmy. We will leave Johnny and Zacky here to chill the fuck out and we will go to my parent’s beach house.” Brian said.

“Really?” I asked.

”Yeah why not? It will give you the chance to get away from everything, to think things over.”

“Ok.” I said with a slight smile.

“For now… no more kissing anyone! Unless it’s me.” Matt said as he stood up.

“Oh my god, shut up.” I said with a laugh.

Matt pulled me up off the bed and hugged me.

“You need to cheer up small fry.” Matt said.

“I know.”

“And… you need to eat. I saved you a plate from breakfast. I’ll warm it up for you.” Matt said.

“Thanks hun.” I said and reached up, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“And what about me?” Brian asked.

“And thank you too hun.” I told him as I hugged him and kisses his cheek as well.

“Anytime cupcake.” Brian said and gave me a squeeze.

Matt went and heated up my plate from breakfast and brought it back into his room.
I sat on his bed and ate while they made plans for our getaway. We would be leaving tonight without even telling Johnny and Zacky. That way it would be easier and not a lot of hassle involved. I did need this. I needed to get my head cleared and figure out what I’m going to do without having anyone trying to convince me otherwise.