I didn't know what to think at that point. I hated myself for all the things I had done to have maybe caused this. My drinking. The drugs maybe. I wanted to crawl into a fucking hole and die. I felt that there was nothing left for me. I had cancer. What was there to do?

I took a deep breath and looked over at Kaylen, with tears streaming down her face. This hurt me. I couldn't stand the thought of having to leave her behind. I looked back at Dr. Masterson. "So am I gonna die?" I asked him trying to hold back the tears. He looked at me then adjusted his glasses on his face.

"As for right now. No." That was a weight off my shoulders. "There are treatments for this kind for cancer." Treatments. If I get the treatments I'll live, right? "There's Chemo and Radiation. It will shrink the cancer to where we can remove it for good." I looked at him.

"How much does that cost?" I asked. I really didn't care. I wanted it out of me. He shuffled through the chart.

"The drug will run you anywhere from $100-$300 every eight weeks. or if it worsens and you need more extensive treatment then that's gonna knock it up to about $10,000 or more depending on the duration of the treatment." I sighed. That was a lot of money, but it was what I had to do to be there for Kaylen.

"I'll do it. When do we start?" He looked at me, being a little over-eager to start the treatment.

"There's some things that you need to know about the treatment." he grabbed the stool at sat down in front of me. "You will lose your hair, but it will grow back. Once you're in remission." I wasn't sure what that was. All I knew was that I wanted the treatment.

"What is that?" He laid the chart down on the counter then turned back to me.

"It's the time period that we give you so where we can know that the cancer is gone for good." He scratched his head. "That could be anywhere from 6 months to a couple years, depending on the severity of the cancer we're dealing with. Yours doesn't look to be that bad."

Again, it felt like there had been another weight that had been lifted from me. It's not that bad after all. Then the somewhat good news got a little bit worse.

"It can spread and it can spread fast. We need to start the treatment as soon as possible. Maybe even tomorrow."

I sat there and looked at the options, weighing them out. I looked over at Kaylen, still crying. I had to do this. I had to do it for me. I had to do it for us. "Tomorrow it is then."

He looked at me for a moment before speaking. "Alright. I'll get you an appointment set up and we'll get you out of here for a while." he said, as he left the room. I looked over at Kaylen.

"I knew this was bad." she said. "I knew it was. Why can't there be a day in my life that I don't have to deal with disappointment?" I could tell she was irritated, and I knew it was because of me. I dropped my head into my hands.

"I'm sorry, ok?" I snapped at her. It seemed like all she wanted to do was bitch and complain about it. "It's not like I wanted this to happen." She looked at me with a look of hatred. I didn't know what to say. I felt bad for snapping at her the way i did.

"You know what, Zack? I'm going out to the car." She grabbed all her things and headed toward the door. She stopped and looked back at me. "Maybe you will want to treat me like a human being when you get out of here. It's not my fault this happened to you." I snapped at her.

"Well it's not my fault that you can't get pregnant either." I could see the tears filling in her eyes, as she continued out the door, without another word.

I fell back onto the examining table and rubbed my face with my hands, making a mental note to apologize to Kaylen when I made it out to he car. A few minutes later the doctor came back into the room. I sat up.

"Where's the wife?" he asked. looking at the empty chair.

"She needed some fresh air." I lied, hoping that he couldn't read it.

"Yeah. I met her in the lobby on her way out. She looked a bit upset. I guess that's normal for getting the news that you two have, today." He turned to me with a small, business sized card in his hand, and held it out to me. "Here's the time you will need to be here in the morning."

I took the card, with a sigh, then looking at it. '8:30'. Who would have known that I could go from being a normal guy to a treatment patient in a matter of less than 24 hours?

"That's your appointment time. You may want to be here around 8 to get the paperwork done and for us to get you prepped for the treatment." He said, with eyes full of sympathy.

I wish that this wasn't me. So many things were running through my head at that point. I wished that I would have done a lot of stuff differently. Maybe I wouldn't be here then. I wished that Kaylen could get pregnant and maybe she would be happier. It seemed like we had, very few, days where we didn't fight about it. I just wanted her to be happy. It seemed like nothing could do that anymore

"Ok." I said. with a forced smile, before grabbing my jacket and heading toward the door. He stopped me.

"Zack." I turned to look at him. "I wanted to tell you Happy Birthday. I know that it's not the best in the world, but it's something to make you feel better."

That it did. I smiled. "Thanks." I said, as I walked out the door.

I made my way out to the parking lot to the car where she was, and got inside. She didn't say a word to me on the whole ride home. I didn't really expect her to. I knew she was pissed. We made it back to the house and it around lunch time. I decided to take this opportunity to apologize for acting the way that I did. We've had enough stress for one day.

I walked into the kitchen and saw her standing at the sink. I walked up behind her and moved her hair away from her neck, kissing it gently. "I'm sorry." I whispered, as I placed my head on her shoulder. I felt her smile against it. She reached up and ran a hand through my hair.

"I know you are." she said turning to me. "I'm just scared. That's all." She put her hands on each side of my face. I knew that she was really hurt over the news that we had gotten today. I knew how much she wanted a baby and I knew how much I did too. I didn't want to have cancer, but I did.

"I love you." I said as I leaned down and kissed her, as the tears came to her eyes.

"I love you, too." she replied, trying to hold them back.

I hated when she cried. It hurt me so bad. I knew that she loved me and that if she could she would take my place for everything. I'd do the same for her. I didn't want to leave her. I knew I had to fight it. I pulled her away from me and looked at her.

"I'm gonna fight this." I told her. "I'm gonna fight this for us." She smiled. I think she knew what was going through my mind too. I think she knew that I was scared to death too.

After I had made lunch and we ate, we spent the rest of the night lying on the couch talking about how much we loved each other. I loved her more than anything in this world. Hell. She was my world. I don't know what I would have done without her. She had spent out entire relationship saving me. Now, she had to face something that was completely out of her hands.

I watched her as she drifted off to sleep. I leaned over and kissed her on her forehead, causing her eyes to flutter back open. "You want me to take you to bed?" I asked. She smiled, and nodded.

"Mm hm." she said. I reached down and picked her up, cradling her in my arms, then making my way up the stairs, to out bedroom. I stripped her out of her clothes leaving her in her underwear, then did the same to myself.

I climbed into bed, pulling her close to me. I wanted to stay like this forever. This was my safe haven, away from the bad thoughts. Once again, she was saving me. Saving me from reality, so I chose to believe.

I leaned over and kissed her on her cheek and pulled her closer to me. I prayed to myself that maybe tomorrow would be better than today.